Home Improvement (TV Series)

Look Who's Not Talking (1991)

Tim Allen: Tim Taylor

Photos 

Quotes 

• Tim Taylor : Don't think of the audience as a group. When I first did "Tool Time", I was petrified, so I tried to visualize it as just one person.

  Jill Taylor : The first time you did "Tool Time", there *was* just one person.

• Mark Taylor : I have a woman - Mommy.

  Randy Taylor : Your mommy can't be your woman, doofus.

  Tim Taylor : A lot of men pay a psychiatrist a lot of money to figure *that* one out.

• Jill Taylor : Do you really think I can do this thing?

  Tim Taylor : Yes, of course; you can do anything you want, Jill. Nobody thought you could land me as a husband, and...

  [he grins widely] 

  Jill Taylor : Well, that's certainly inspirational.

• Tim Taylor : There's nothing wrong with a man doing housework; I mean, Al does a lot of the cleaning around here.

  Al Borland : I do *all* the cleaning, Tim.

  Tim Taylor : Yeah, right, Al.

  Al Borland : I could use some help.

  Tim Taylor : We all could, Al.

• Jill Taylor : I just feel self-conscious getting up in front of a group of people.

  Tim Taylor : You don't like the way you look?

  Jill Taylor : What's wrong with the way I look?

  Tim Taylor : Nothing - it was just a question.

  Jill Taylor : Why was that the *first* question you asked?

  Tim Taylor : All right, here's another first question: Are you so attractive and thin you're afraid to go up in front of people?

  Jill Taylor : So what are you saying? I'm fat and ugly?

  [at a loss, Tim tries to ignore her] 

• Tim Taylor : What're you doin'?

  Wilson : Just carving out a canoe, Tim.

  Tim Taylor : ...Sounds hard.

  Wilson : Not really, Tim - you just take a big block of wood, and chip away everything that's not a canoe.

• Tim Taylor : [Tim and Mark are wearing women's hats and earrings, pretending to be Jill's audience]  We are supporting our woman, by being women... Mark, you don't do this outside the house, OK?

• Tim Taylor : [in falsetto, pretending to be a woman in Jill's audience]  Ever get some phlegm caught in your throat you can't get out? You just don't see old women goin' like this, do ya?

  [he pretends to aggressively spit out a wad of phlegm] 

• Al Borland : Do anything fun this weekend?

  Mark Taylor : Daddy and I dressed up like women.

  Al Borland : ...Oh, really?

  Tim Taylor : It's not like it sounds, Al.

  Mark Taylor : Daddy had Mommy's hat on, and we both wore earrings.

  Al Borland : Well, of course; earrings would complete the ensemble.

  Tim Taylor : It's not like I had a bra on or anything, Al.

  Al Borland : Well, maybe next time, Tim.

• Jill Taylor : I'm going to be standing in front of 250 people. That's 500 eyes watching me, 500 ears listening to me.

  Tim Taylor : Ugh, that's a thousand organs. No wonder you're nervous.