I Love Lucy (TV Series)

The Black Wig (1954)

Lucille Ball: Lucy Ricardo

Photos 

Quotes 

• Lucy Ricardo : [after seeing an Italian movie, Lucy wants to change her look]  You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get an Italian haircut.

  Ricky Ricardo : Oh, no you're not.

  Lucy Ricardo : Why not?

  Ricky Ricardo : Because I like your hair the way it is.

  Lucy Ricardo : Yeah, but it would look so good short. Please?

  Ricky Ricardo : Look, for my son's sake, No.

  Lucy Ricardo : What do you mean, for your son's sake?

  Ricky Ricardo : I'll 'splain.

  Lucy Ricardo : OK, 'splain.

  Ricky Ricardo : All people in the world are divided into two groups: men and women.

  Lucy Ricardo : I know, it's a wonderful arrangement.

  Ricky Ricardo : Now, men have short hair, and women have long hair. That's the difference between 'em.

  Lucy Ricardo : Oh?

  Ricky Ricardo : I don't want my son to be confused. He should know whether he should call you 'mother' or 'father'.

• Ethel Mertz : [Lucy is furious that Ricky flirted with her in a black Italian-cut wig, pretending not to know her]  It's a terrible thing to say about anybody, but I guess Ricky's just a man.

  Lucy Ricardo : Yeah, well, I'll get even with him.

  Ethel Mertz : What are you gonna do?

  Lucy Ricardo : I'll leave him. No, that's probably what he wants.

  Ethel Mertz : Yeah, stay married to him. That'll teach him!

• Lucy Ricardo : [Lucy and Ethel, in disguises, arrive at Tony's restaurant to settle a score with Ricky and Fred]  Oh, waiter. pardon me, please... We, uh, have an appointment with a couple of gentlemen. Have you seen them?

  Waiter : What do they look like?

  Lucy Ricardo : Well, uh, one is tall, dark and handsome and speaks with an accent, and the other is, um, uh, the other is, uh...

  Ethel Mertz : There's only one way to say it: short, fat and bald.

  Waiter : Oh, yeah, they were here.

  Lucy Ricardo : *Were* here?

  Waiter : [he points to his left]  There were two young ladies sitting at that table. Beautiful! A blonde and a redhead. They got talking, then they all got up and, uh, left together.

  Lucy Ricardo : [starts to cry]  Oh, Ethel.

  Ethel Mertz : [also crying]  Oh, Lucy.

  Lucy Ricardo : It's all our fault. If we hadn't made a date to meet 'em here, they wouldn't have met those other girls... You know what? I wish I was dead.

  Ethel Mertz : You know what? I wish you was dead, too.