I Love Lucy (TV Series)

The Charm School (1954)

Vivian Vance: Ethel Mertz

Quotes 

• Lucy Ricardo : [Lucy, dressed in a stunning, skin-tight evening gown prances into the room, showing off her new glamorous look]  May I have a light, please? Thanks awfully, darling.

  Ricky Ricardo : Who is that?

  Fred Mertz : It looks like Lucy.

  Ricky Ricardo : Lucy?

  Lucy Ricardo : Yes, dah-ling?

  Ricky Ricardo : It is Lucy.

  Fred Mertz : Well, what do you know.

  Lucy Ricardo : [Door buzzer sounds]  That must be my dear friend, Ethel. Please Fred, I'll open the door.

  Fred Mertz : Open it? I was going to LOCK it!

  Lucy Ricardo : Oh my dear fellow. You have such a refreshing wit.

  [Opens door] 

  Ethel Mertz : [Ethel strolls in, dressed in a tight leopard skin evening gown]  I hope I didn't hold up the party.

  Lucy Ricardo : Not at all, darling. Do come in.

  Ricky Ricardo : [Can't believe his eyes regarding Ethel's transformation]  Who's that?

  Fred Mertz : Who's that? WHAT'S that?

• Lucy Ricardo : [at Lucy's dinner party]  See what I mean? Women in one room, men in the other.

  Ethel Mertz : Well?

  Lucy Ricardo : What do you mean, 'Well'. Why does it have to be that way? Why aren't we all in here, talking together? Give me one good reason.

  Ethel Mertz : We're married.

  Lucy Ricardo : Does that mean that we have to go to parties and separate, like the sheep from the goats?

  Louann Hall : Well, we like talking about babies and clothes and recipes, and they like to talk about sports and politics. We're interested in different things.

  Ethel Mertz : Sure. Just 'cause we're married to men doesn't mean we've got anything in common.

• Lucy Ricardo : [reading from the newspaper]  'Phoebe Emerson Charm School. What is your C.Q?' That means Charm Quotient. 'Come in and let us give you a free analysis.' You and I are going down there, Ethel.

  Ethel Mertz : We are? Oh, I don't think we...

  Lucy Ricardo : Well, honey, we can't go wrong with a free analysis.

  Ethel Mertz : That's right. Do you think they could make a glamor girl out of me?

  Lucy Ricardo : Sure, it says right here, 'We work miracles.'

• Phoebe Emerson : [Miss Emerson evaluates Ethel during the initial interview at the charm school]  Your skin's not bad. Not bad at all.

  Ethel Mertz : Thank you.

  Phoebe Emerson : You're very well preserved. And your makeup is adequate.

  Phoebe Emerson : [she then gives Lucy the once-over]  Do you always use that color powder? Oh, I don't mean it the way it sounds, of course, it's just that here we strive for a fresh, natural look, and that powder gives you a weird, very unnatural look. You know what I mean, of course.

  Lucy Ricardo : I'm not wearing powder.