One Foot in the Grave (TV Series)

The Return of the Speckled Band (1990)

Richard Wilson: Victor Meldrew

Photos 

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Margaret Meldrew : So, how's the food poisoning now?

  Margaret Meldrew : Oh, comes and goes when it thinks it will, you know. One minute I'm fine and the next minute... unh.

  Margaret Meldrew : Violently sick.

  Mrs. Warboys : Umh. This is nice; what is it?

  Margaret Meldrew : Well, I got the recipe from my- Oh, how was it?

  Victor Meldrew : Yes, very nice, very nice with my grey coat.

  Margaret Meldrew : Try it more at an angle. You've got it jammed on there like an aerosol cap. You need it more to one side.

  [she adjusts his hat] 

  Margaret Meldrew : There. Makes you look more distinguished.

  Mrs. Warboys : Very smart. He looks like President Gorbachev.

• [last lines] 

  Victor Meldrew : I suppose I am worrying about all this unduly, as usual. When you actually get to it, things often aren't as bad as you expect, are they? No, you're quite right, Margaret. I think I'm going to be all right on this plane trip after all.

• Victor Meldrew : OH MY GOD, NO!

  Margaret Meldrew : Whatever is it? What's happened?

  Victor Meldrew : Gloria Hunniford is on breakfast television.

• [after the dustman spots a python slithering up Victor's stairs] 

  Dustman : [in a strong Geordie accent]  You sly old bugga you! You're not tellin' me you're keeping snakes like that in 'ea!

  Victor Meldrew : Y-y yes... well, thank you very much for the...

  Dustman : When I saw that goin' up the stairs I told the sly old bugga! I keep them meself ya kna! Oh yeah I got seven ya kna, I've fouwa tanks, fouwa tanks. I've got two upstairs and two doonstairs. I've got three wattlesnakes, two whipsnakes, a boomslang-a, a rear fang, an un, an un, listen to this! A rhombic night adder.

  Victor Meldrew : [not taking in a word he's saying]  I see.

  Dustman : And by the luck of it, mate, it's a canny little sample an all, I'll tell ya. But if I was yu, I'd-a put it back in the tank ya kna, shoulda put it back in the tank. Cause they like to get in the hoos, ya kna! They wander aboot! They gaw all over the place if you let them! Ya kna what I mean?