The Vicar of Dibley (TV Series)

Autumn (1999)

James Fleet: Hugo Horton

Quotes 

• [showing photos from their honeymoon to Geraldine] 

  Alice : This is a nice woman we met on the plane. She was a bit tired when we got to Turkey so Hugo was ever so nice and carried her case through customs.

  Geraldine : Right, I think I can anticipate the next picture.

  Alice : That's customs opening the suitcase.

  Geraldine : Wow! How much cocaine is that, Hugo?

  Hugo : I'm told a street value of £82 million.

  Alice : Still, they let him go the minute they realized he was innocent.

  Geraldine : Which was?

  Alice : Er... 14 months later.

• Owen Newitt : She's already missed one set of Sunday services and it's important she doesn't miss another.

  Alice : Can I just say, um, that I thought Mr. Pickle gave a lovely sermon as lay preacher.

  Hugo : Yes, bravo. How you kept going for two and a half hours was amazing.

  Owen Newitt : As I say, it's absolutely *vital* that she doesn't miss another Sunday. I need hardly remind you that we actually lost a couple of the older members of our congregation during last week's service.

  Jim : Don't worry Frank, they were going to die anyway. And that fellow who stood up and said "if this moron doesn't shut up soon I'm going to kill myself," and then five minutes later shot himself in the head... well, he'd been gloomy for quite some time...

• Owen Newitt : On principle, I'm a great believer in sex before marriage. Otherwise I wouldn't have had any sex at all.

  David Horton : Well, unfortunately my memory is that Jesus was against it, which I think is a problem when we're talking about our vicar.

  Owen Newitt : But things were very different in His day. Women weren't emancipated, and they hadn't yet launched Minx Magazine.

  [Hugo nods in agreement] 

  Owen Newitt : I mean Hugo, I bet you and Alice were at it like rabbits before you were married!

  Hugo : [Nods enthusiastically]  Well, right! Yes!

  Owen Newitt : What did I tell you?

  David Horton : [Sternly]  Hugo?

  Hugo : Yes, well... we... certainly ate a lot of carrots together.