Unhappily Ever After (TV Series)

Jack's First Date (1995)

Kevin Connolly: Ryan Malloy

Quotes 

• Tiffany Malloy : [cellphone in hand]  Hey, Ryan, one of my friends wants to know if you are doing anything Friday or Saturday night?

  Ryan Malloy : [expectantly]  No.

  Tiffany Malloy : [on cellphone]  I told you. He never goes out.

  [laughs at the loser] 

  Ryan Malloy : [defensively]  I date plenty.

  Tiffany Malloy : Taking a Victoria's Secret catalogue to the bathroom is not a date.

• Jack Malloy : Whoa. I believe I'm looking at my Saturday night date.

  Ryan Malloy : You don't stand a chance. That's Miss Taylor, my Civics teacher. Everybody's trying to date her, every guy in this school, every teacher, including half the women teachers, no luck.

  Jack Malloy : [exuding confidence]  Have some faith, oh ye of little boogie...

  [walks over] 

  Jack Malloy : Hi, you come here often?

  Miss Taylor : [short dress, long loose hair, bosomy]  Yeah. Every day. I'm a teacher.

  Jack Malloy : You're beautiful. You could make a fortune dancing naked for a bunch of drunks.

  Miss Taylor : Yeah, but instead I choose to earn peanuts teaching a bunch of idiots.

  Jack Malloy : [laughs]  Look, we can stand here and chit-chat all night, but there are a lot of other women I could be hitting on, so do I have a shot with you or not?

  Miss Taylor : I don't know. You have that pinched, horny look of a married man.

  Jack Malloy : Actually, we just separated.

  Miss Taylor : Really? So you probably haven't had enough time to catch a sexually transmitted disease.

• Jack Malloy : Yup, tomorrow night I'm taking your teacher out, and come Monday, every kid in the school will know how your old Dad did in the sack.

  Ryan Malloy : It's okay, Dad, I was gonna drop out anyway.

• Ryan Malloy : Hey, Dad, what do you think about a guy who sits home night after night watching television, never has a date with a woman?

  Jack Malloy : Don't worry, son, you're still young, you're probably not a homo.