Episode III naturally begins where II left us dangling with suspense. And in true Flash Gordon serial tradition, the perilous predicament our heroes were is resolved in seconds, without any bloodshed. Sonnen Lightside (Antonio Ross) manages to escape from the Jodi temple bearing the unconscious Traley Sommersaid (Tera Bond) when a group of Jodi apprentices burst into the council chamber. The evil Seth don't seem to mind too much (though Cloneel Hays waves a ridiculous toy gun with an orange tip around for a moment). Glice Kant (Chokey Ice), leader of the rescue party, sheds his 'Padawan braid' disguise and explains himself to be a secret Jodi agent once they board their getaway-ship. Sonnen is reunited with Cronnly Sertsome (Liz Honey) from Episode I, who has brought along a blond friend (Tiffany Rousso). Both girls then decide to 'thank' Glice extensively for his successful rescue mission.
Another returning character from the first installment is the Captain (an uncredited Richard Rifkin who never gets into the action, sort of the Sio Bibble of the piece). Other than him being a subordinate of the Seth, his exact function remains a mystery. He has the best English accent of all, though, and is used only in scenes requiring exposition (of the Basil kind). As such, he informs the Seth about the Jodi landing in the district C-4-2. Dark Lady of the Seth Dart Forsennt (Victoria Swinger) actually seems pleased the Jodi have escaped, as they will no doubt lead her to their new secret base. Gracery Knightly (still played by Barbara Summer) is the only one of Dart's minions who dares question Darts insight. Unfortunately Barbara is one of the least skilled actresses in this trilogy. She just barks out her lines left and right. Of course most of those were pretty bad to begin with, although some occasionally rhyme like Shakespearian verse. It soon turns out Knightly is smart to distrust Forsennt, who is planning to sacrifice her fellow Dart, Klanz (Horst Baron) by sending him to meet the Jodi in a booby-trapped (no, not that kind of booby) spaceship. Forsennt travels down to some unidentified planet to confide in co-conspirator Hather Ventorya (Vanessa Hill) and the pair of them seal the deal with a passionate kiss (to start with). You can always tell when Dart is going to fornicate, for she has to slip out of her 'throne room attire' and into something a bit more comfortable each time. Bit of a shame, really.
Meanwhile Master Traley Sommersaid has been recuperating in a room full of distracting whirling cloud holograms projected on the wall. No wonder when she wakes up, she still finds herself feeling 'a little messy' (kudos to Tera Bond for keeping a straight face during that line). Sensing the imminent arrival of her old enemy Klanz, she heads down to the planet to face him in the biblical way. As noticed before, the Porn Wars trilogy is a lot like those amateur Star Wars fan-films that boomed between the release of The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones. Most of them can easily be found on the web, some of them are even listed on IMDb, and nearly all of them feature a light saber fight in a forest. In Porn Wars III, we finally get one of those as well. After their carnal encounter, Klanz threatens Traley into telling him the location of the secret Jodi base. Sonnen arrives to challenge the Sith to a duel. It isn't the most exciting saber duel ever put on film, but both Ross and Baron have clearly made an effort practicing their saber skills (one handed at that) and for once, the sound effects manage to disguise the sound of wooden sticks making contact (clearly audible in every other saber fight in this trilogy). Gracery arrives just in time to see Klanz defeated, and knowing her mentor was betrayed by Forsennt, spills the beans about the bomb on the ship to the Jodi.
Now seeking revenge on Dart Forsennt, Gracery strikes a deal with the Jodi and comes up with a two fold plan to defeat her former allies. Of course the Jodi don't trust the traitorous ex-Padawan, so Glice has sex with her in her cell. After that, the Jodi simply follow her plan to the letter (!). Apparently they couldn't come up with anything of their own. First Forsennt and Hather have to be separated, so Glide and Debrier (Sabrina Rose) confront Hather during one of her pensive strolls through the woods. Hather explains she never uses a weapon other than her body and you guessed it, a threesome ensues. Gracery takes Sonnen and Traley, cleverly disguised as soldiers, back to the throne room to face Dart and Cloneel. The old Captain is there as well, but as soon as he realizes there is going to be an orgy, he simply says 'I have things to do outside' and leaves. After forcing each others brains out again, Gracery kills Dart, thereby inheriting the title of Seth Lord, and escapes with Cloneel. Disappointingly, the trilogy ends with another cliffhanger instead of a satisfying finale. Still, I suppose Kovi could come up with some more sequels in the same vein. But please, let some native English speakers look over the script, or better yet, have the film dubbed by a British or American cast. That would serve to make the film a lot more comprehensible.
7 out of 10
Another returning character from the first installment is the Captain (an uncredited Richard Rifkin who never gets into the action, sort of the Sio Bibble of the piece). Other than him being a subordinate of the Seth, his exact function remains a mystery. He has the best English accent of all, though, and is used only in scenes requiring exposition (of the Basil kind). As such, he informs the Seth about the Jodi landing in the district C-4-2. Dark Lady of the Seth Dart Forsennt (Victoria Swinger) actually seems pleased the Jodi have escaped, as they will no doubt lead her to their new secret base. Gracery Knightly (still played by Barbara Summer) is the only one of Dart's minions who dares question Darts insight. Unfortunately Barbara is one of the least skilled actresses in this trilogy. She just barks out her lines left and right. Of course most of those were pretty bad to begin with, although some occasionally rhyme like Shakespearian verse. It soon turns out Knightly is smart to distrust Forsennt, who is planning to sacrifice her fellow Dart, Klanz (Horst Baron) by sending him to meet the Jodi in a booby-trapped (no, not that kind of booby) spaceship. Forsennt travels down to some unidentified planet to confide in co-conspirator Hather Ventorya (Vanessa Hill) and the pair of them seal the deal with a passionate kiss (to start with). You can always tell when Dart is going to fornicate, for she has to slip out of her 'throne room attire' and into something a bit more comfortable each time. Bit of a shame, really.
Meanwhile Master Traley Sommersaid has been recuperating in a room full of distracting whirling cloud holograms projected on the wall. No wonder when she wakes up, she still finds herself feeling 'a little messy' (kudos to Tera Bond for keeping a straight face during that line). Sensing the imminent arrival of her old enemy Klanz, she heads down to the planet to face him in the biblical way. As noticed before, the Porn Wars trilogy is a lot like those amateur Star Wars fan-films that boomed between the release of The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones. Most of them can easily be found on the web, some of them are even listed on IMDb, and nearly all of them feature a light saber fight in a forest. In Porn Wars III, we finally get one of those as well. After their carnal encounter, Klanz threatens Traley into telling him the location of the secret Jodi base. Sonnen arrives to challenge the Sith to a duel. It isn't the most exciting saber duel ever put on film, but both Ross and Baron have clearly made an effort practicing their saber skills (one handed at that) and for once, the sound effects manage to disguise the sound of wooden sticks making contact (clearly audible in every other saber fight in this trilogy). Gracery arrives just in time to see Klanz defeated, and knowing her mentor was betrayed by Forsennt, spills the beans about the bomb on the ship to the Jodi.
Now seeking revenge on Dart Forsennt, Gracery strikes a deal with the Jodi and comes up with a two fold plan to defeat her former allies. Of course the Jodi don't trust the traitorous ex-Padawan, so Glice has sex with her in her cell. After that, the Jodi simply follow her plan to the letter (!). Apparently they couldn't come up with anything of their own. First Forsennt and Hather have to be separated, so Glide and Debrier (Sabrina Rose) confront Hather during one of her pensive strolls through the woods. Hather explains she never uses a weapon other than her body and you guessed it, a threesome ensues. Gracery takes Sonnen and Traley, cleverly disguised as soldiers, back to the throne room to face Dart and Cloneel. The old Captain is there as well, but as soon as he realizes there is going to be an orgy, he simply says 'I have things to do outside' and leaves. After forcing each others brains out again, Gracery kills Dart, thereby inheriting the title of Seth Lord, and escapes with Cloneel. Disappointingly, the trilogy ends with another cliffhanger instead of a satisfying finale. Still, I suppose Kovi could come up with some more sequels in the same vein. But please, let some native English speakers look over the script, or better yet, have the film dubbed by a British or American cast. That would serve to make the film a lot more comprehensible.
7 out of 10