Movie 43 (2013)

Jason Sudeikis: Fake Batman (segment "Super Hero Speed Dating")

Photos 

Quotes 

• Fake Robin : [segment "Superhero Speed Dating"]  Wait, let me get this straight. So you knew all the way back then? You knew that she was a dude?

  Fake Batman : Whole time.

  Fake Robin : Why did you make me kiss her? Him. It. This.

  Fake Batman : I don't know. I guess I woke up this morning with a little case of the fuckarounds.

• Fake Batman : [segment "Superhero Speed Dating"]  Excuse me, I'm gonna go do some Batman-ing.

• Fake Supergirl : [segment "Superhero Speed Dating"]  Hi! Sorry, sorry I'm late. There was a line in the bathroom. Hi, I'm Supergirl.

  Fake Robin : My name...

  Fake Batman : [under the table speaking on an earpiece feeding to Robin's ear]  I'm Robin.

  Fake Robin : [to Supergirl]  ... Hi, I'm Robin.

  Fake Batman : [to Robin]  Um, so where are you from?

  Fake Robin : So where are you from?

  Fake Supergirl : I, um, Krypton.

  Fake Robin : Oh, Krypton. Where? That's, that's, uh...

  Fake Batman : Oh shit.

  Fake Robin : Oh shit.

  Fake Batman : Dude, I can see her snatch.

  Fake Robin : Dude I can s... uh...

  Fake Batman : Oh my god, I can't believe the size of this thing. It's like a giant fucking cornfield, it's enormous down here. It's crazy, look at that, I feel like at any moment Shoeless Joe Jackson can walk out of that and I can play catch with him.

  Fake Robin : Krypton, like the... I hear it's really nice. I have never been...

  Fake Supergirl : You didn't hear that the sun supernova'd and destroyed our entire race?

  Fake Batman : I'd wash dishes with it...

  Fake Robin : Did it? I did not...

  Fake Batman : It's a huge, bushy catastrophe down here. I feel like Sean Penn should do a benefit for this thing.

  [Supergirl's expression changes] 

  Fake Robin : What? Oh, no. You can hear him, can't you...

  Fake Supergirl : Yeah, I can hear him! I can also see Batman underneath the table.

  Fake Robin : 'Cause of the X-ray vision, of course.

  Fake Supergirl : No, I can just see him. It's a café table. I mean, it's really obvious.

  Fake Batman : [pops head from under the table, to Supergirl]  Hi.

  Fake Supergirl : Hi.

  [storms off] 

  Fake Robin : I'm so sorry about your family dying.

  Fake Batman : Oh, man, that took me back to the 70s, huh?

• Fake Robin : [segment "Superhero Speed Dating"]  What the hell are you doing here, Batman? You're gonna ruin this!

  Fake Batman : Calm down! Hey, look, I read on Twitter this super-villain's gonna bomb this loser meet-and-greet so I'm here to save the day - like I do - all the time. I mean, you know, it's my thing. I'm the Batman!

  Fake Robin : Yeah, bologna. You're here to ruin my chances with women. Like you do all the time.

  Fake Batman : No way, brother, no way. I'm in support of this. One more speed date, okay, then we got to find that bomb.

• Fake Batman : [segment "Superhero Speed Dating"]  You're not going to do it on your own. Pop that in your ear.

  Fake Robin : What's that?

  Fake Batman : What I'm gonna do is get underneath the table, hide down there, and feed you lines to help bag this next gal.

  Fake Robin : Like Cyrano d'Bergerac.

  Fake Batman : I don't know what that is. It's more like "Roxanne".

• Fake Wonder Woman (segment "Super Hero Speed Dating") : [segment "Superhero Speed Dating"]  Why didn't you call me? You said that you were gonna call me.

  Fake Batman : What a minute, did I not? I know I - I dialed the number. Did I not hit send?

  Fake Wonder Woman (segment "Super Hero Speed Dating") : You said that you were going to stick by me no matter what happened. And then, you're little Bat condom breaks and then you just disappear. Do you know what it's like going to Planned Parenthood, by yourself, when you're Wonder Woman?

• Fake Batman : [segment "Superhero Speed Dating"]  Kiss her. Kiss her. Open her mouth and touch tongues. Put your tongue inside her mouth and that will coax her tongue to go into your mouth. Yeah, you got it. Squeeze her boobies. Yeah, and touch her butt!

• Fake Robin : [segment "Superhero Speed Dating"]  How'd you know that she was a fake?

  Fake Batman : A bush that size only good for one thing and that one thang is hidin' a wang. You know what I'm sayin'?