Horrible Bosses (2011)
Charlie Day: Dale Arbus
Photos
Quotes
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Dale Arbus : [walks into Julia's office, notices she is wearing nothing but heels, panties, and her white jacket covering her breasts] Oh, shit!
Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S. : [pushes a lock button on her desk to prevent Dale from leaving]
Dale Arbus : Uh-oh.
Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S. : [motions to the chair] Will you have a seat, Dale?
Dale Arbus : Do I have to?
Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S. : Please.
Dale Arbus : Sure.
[slowly and awkwardly takes his seat]
Dale Arbus : This is a little ridiculous, but...
Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S. : Look, Dale, you know... I know I like to fool around at work, right? And I might even, you know, I might even cross the line a bit. But the last thing I wanna do is-is make you uncomfortable. I mean, it's just not professional, you know? And I pride myself on being a professional. So from now on, what I would like you to do is just tell me, you know... when and if, uh, I cross the line. Okay?
Dale Arbus : Okay. Now.
Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S. : What?
Dale Arbus : Well, now, you're kinda crossing a line... because you're naked.
Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S. : Uh... I'm not naked, Dale. Can you *see* my pussy?
Dale Arbus : [nervously] Hmm... true. Um... but I think, uh, even really saying the word..."pussy", that's...
Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S. : That's crossing the line?
Dale Arbus : Little bit.
Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S. : You're starting to sound like a little faggot there, Dale.
Dale Arbus : There we go! That one's another one. Probably illegal thing to say, too.
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Kurt Buckman : Are you a businessman?
Dean 'MF' Jones : Yeah. Motherfucker Jones.
Kurt Buckman , Dean 'MF' Jones : [they shake hands] What's that?
Dean 'MF' Jones : Motherfucker Jones.
Dale Arbus : Your first name is... Motherfucker?
Dean 'MF' Jones : Not "motherfucker". "Motherfuckah". White people say "-er", Negroes say "fuck-ah". You say "er", I say "ah".
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Dale Arbus : Shut the fuck up for a second.
Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S. : Don't you tell me to shut...
Dale Arbus : Julia, shut the fuck up for a second, all right? Now, here's what's gonna happen, okay? I'm going to take a very nice, very expensive two-week vacation with my fiancee. Let's call it a honeymoon, all right? And you are gonna pay for it. Then I'm going to return to a rape-free workplace, all right? Because if you so much as look at my sexy little ass, Julia, I will have yours locked the fuck up, you crazy bitch whore!
[Dale pauses]
Dale Arbus : Ah, that felt good.
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Dale Arbus : [about Bobby Pellit] Why would you put his whole bathroom in your ass?
Kurt Buckman : I didn't know I had DNA in my butt!
Dale Arbus : You're lying! You *know* there's DNA in your butt! You just like shoving shit in your ass, you fucking pervert!
Nick Hendricks : We are lawyering up, man. That's it.
Dale Arbus : I don't have money for a lawyer, okay! I bought a very expensive ring that I can't afford, then I gave the rest of my motherfucking money to Motherfucker Jones!
Kurt Buckman : That's who we should talk to.
Nick Hendricks : Sure. Why not? He's covered us this far, right? Five grand?
Dale Arbus : Five thousand... forty, with the briefcase.
Kurt Buckman , Nick Hendricks : Shut the fuck up about that case!
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Dale Arbus : You don't put a playground next to a bar. That's entrapment.
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Dale Arbus : [Talking to man on NavGuide] Hey, I always wondered these kinds of things, but is your real name Gregory?
Atmanand : [in Indian accent] Um, no, sir. Standard NavGuide protocol is to use names American people find easy to pronounce. My real name is Atmanand.
Kurt Buckman : You know what, buddy, I'm not gonna play by the rules. I'm gonna call you Akmantad.
Nick Hendricks : Atmonent.
Atmanand : [slowly pronouncing] At-man-and.
Kurt Buckman : I'm just gonna call you Gregory cuz that name is a fuckin' nightmare, buddy, let me tell you.
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Dean 'MF' Jones : First thing first: we gotta handle business.
Kurt Buckman : Mm-hmm.
Dean 'MF' Jones : I need $5000.
Kurt Buckman : No!
Dale Arbus : No!
Nick Hendricks : There's gonna be no more money.
Dale Arbus : No!
Dean 'MF' Jones : $2000?
Dale Arbus : No.
Nick Hendricks : Absolutely not.
Kurt Buckman : No way, Motherfucker. No.
Dean 'MF' Jones : [sighs in defeat] All right, look... pay for my drinks.
Dale Arbus : Pay for his drinks? Yeah.
[to Nick]
Dale Arbus : Pay for his drinks.
Nick Hendricks : I'll do that.
Dale Arbus : Not a very good negotiator.
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Nick Hendricks : I'm such a sucker! Harken was never gonna promote me...
Kurt Buckman : That coked-up prick is gonna ruin Pellit Chemicals. He's just gonna fire everybody!
Dale Arbus : She stood there with her breasts, right in my face!
Kurt Buckman : ...Y'know, yours doesn't sound that bad.
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Kurt Buckman : You don't fucking punch the driver!
Nick Hendricks : Yeah, you don't punch the driver, man.
Dale Arbus : I'm coked out of my fucking head, I can punch whoever I want to!
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Dale Arbus : What is "deliberately" undressed? You accidentally get undressed?
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Dale Arbus : So you took the penis foods as an invitation to fuck her?
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Dale Arbus : No one's going to pay you to be a husband, unless you marry Oprah.
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Dale Arbus : Your ad said you do wetwork.
Wetwork Man : That is correct. I urinate on other men for money. Why else do you think my ad was in the "Men seeking Men" section?
Kurt Buckman : [to Dale] You fucking idiot!
Dale Arbus : We are MEN looking for another man!
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Dale Arbus : [Julia shows him pictures of her cavorting with him while he was unconscious] Rape. Rape, rape, this is what raping is. You're a raper, you've raped me. That's a rape! RAPE!
Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S. : Oh, just relax there, Jodie Foster. Your dick wasn't even hard.
Dale Arbus : That does not give me any relief.
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Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S. : You're gonna give me that dong, Dale.
Dale Arbus : My dong?
Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S. : You are going to fuck my slutty little mouth.
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Dale Arbus : At least you boss isn't sexually harassing you.
Kurt Buckman : Oh my god, here we go again.
Dale Arbus : Don't give me that.
Nick Hendricks : You'll never get any sympathy out of us for this.
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Dale Arbus : [after forced and badly improvised phone sex with Julia] Nice job fucking the crazy out of her, Kurt!
Kurt Buckman : Oh I'm sorry, maybe I should've tried dancing on her boobies!
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Nick Hendricks : Where are you two gonna find a hit man?
Dale Arbus : Why don't you guys leave that up to me, okay? I got this whole thing figured out. I'm gonna give you a call tomorrow and tell you where to meet me.
Kurt Buckman : Why don't you just tell us now?
Dale Arbus : 'Cause... I don't have it figured out.
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Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S. : You're engaged now,
Dale Arbus : Right.
Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S. : And I respect the institution of marriage way too much to violate it. So that's why you're gonna have to do me well before the wedding.
