The Jeff Dunham Show (TV Series)

A Funeral for Achmed (2009)

Jeff Dunham: Self, Walter, Achmed the Dead Terrorist, Bubba J, Peanut

Quotes 

• Jeff Dunham : So Achmed, how are you liking Los Angeles?

  Achmed the Dead Terrorist : Oh, I do not like living in the city.

  Jeff Dunham : Why?

  Achmed the Dead Terrorist : There are no morals in this city!

  Jeff Dunham : Really?

  Achmed the Dead Terrorist : The only virgins left here are the Jonas Brothers.

• Jeff Dunham : So Achmed, do you have anything to say?

  Achmed the Dead Terrorist : [sadly]  Uh, silence. Don't forget it.

  Jeff Dunham : What's wrong tonight, Achmed?

  Achmed the Dead Terrorist : Everyone looks at Achmed and sees an angry, happy-go-lucky, dead terrorist. But really, I'm more of a crying-on-the-inside kind of a guy.

  Audience : Aww.

  Achmed the Dead Terrorist : Thanks.

  Jeff Dunham : Why? What's wrong?

  Achmed the Dead Terrorist : Nobody, not even you, remembered my death day.

  Jeff Dunham : Your... Your... Your what?

  Achmed the Dead Terrorist : My death day. I turned seven years dead yesterday. And I didn't get anything!

  Jeff Dunham : Really?

  Achmed the Dead Terrorist : No, not even a letter bomb. And nothing on my Facebook wall.