Portlandia (TV Series)
Farm (2011)
Fred Armisen: Various
Photos
Quotes
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Old Lady : So, where are you live?
Stuart : [hiding under the table] I'm with some room mates up on the north side. It's kind of a house, but it's kind of falling apart.
Old Lady : "It's kind of a house, but it's kind of falling apart."
Stuart : Yes, ma'am.
Old Lady : I think that describes your life right now, honey.
-
[Cult leader Aliki is on his deathbed saying goodbye to his followers]
Aliki : My beautiful Peter.
[Peter gazes sorrowfully at Aliki]
Aliki : I'm gonna miss touching my Peter... washing my Peter...
Peter : I'm gonna miss you.
Aliki : [turning to Nance] Nance.
[Nance sniffles sadly]
Aliki : You can be a real bitch.
Nance : [weepily] Please don't go.
Aliki : Nance, you're being a bitch.
[Nance nods, still sniffling]
Aliki : Okay? It's so bitchy of you to ask me to stay. I gotta go.
[Nance shakes her head no]
Aliki : Tell me to go.
[Nance more intensely shakes her head no]
Aliki : Don't be a bitch, Nance.
Nance : [weepily] Go. Go.
Aliki : Thank you, Nance.
[Nance nods]
Aliki : For dialing your bitch down a little bit.
[Nance nods]
Aliki : It means a lot to me.
[turning to followers he doesn't know by name]
Aliki : You three? You're nice people, I'm sure.
[closes his eyes and commences death rattle]
Nance : [shaking her head no, whispering through tears] Do not go.
Aliki : [snaps out of it and looks at Nance] You're being a dumb bitch.
[resumes death rattle]
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Jason : Portland's a city where young people go to retire.
-
[last lines]
Peter : [hurrying back in] Hey, Dana, do you still work here?
Waitress : Hi.
Peter : Hi, how are you. Ya, we actually decided against the chicken. We're gonna do the salmon. Thanks.
Waitress : Okay...
[starts to walk away]
Nance : Hey, you know what. Can you tell us a little about the salmon.
Peter : Yeah, we have like a million questions about it.
Waitress : Okay.
Peter : When you come back.
[Peter and Nance kiss]