How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)

Ring Up! (2013)

Josh Radnor: Ted Mosby

Photos 

Quotes 

• Barney Stinson : [Barney is angry that Ted slept with his half-sister]  That's my sister, Ted!

  Ted Mosby : I didn't know! None of us even knew you had a sister until two years ago, including you. It's all a crazy coincidence.

  Barney Stinson : There are four million women in the city of New York and you had to sleep with my sister. Why would the universe do that to me?

  Ted Mosby : [Sarcastic]  I don't know. It's not like you've treated women in such a way that wouldn't invite karmic retribution.

  Barney Stinson : You banged my sister, my sweet, little, innocent...

  Ted Mosby : Pierced.

  Barney Stinson : Really, where?

  [gets on] 

  Barney Stinson : Don't answer that! Now I know why I felt what you did to her last night. It wasn't a Bro-nection - it was a Sis-nection. Oh my God, Ted did you...

  [whispers in Ted's ear] 

  Ted Mosby : Big-time.

  Barney Stinson : Nice, high-five

  [high-fives Ted, but...] 

  Barney Stinson : No, NO! Retraction Five!

  [high-fives Ted again and reverses words] 

  Ted Mosby : Hey, hey you're the one who begged for a proxy bang - and while we're on the subject of family, I'm pretty sure you banged my mom! Mom beats sister.

  Barney Stinson : I never banged your mom!

  [winks] 

  Ted Mosby : You just did that winking again!

  Barney Stinson : No I didn't.

  [winks again] 

  Ted Mosby : Okay fine. Barney were you a little sore this morning, especially...

  [whispers in Barney's ear] 

  Barney Stinson : [Aghast]  Friendship OVER!

  [marches out of bar] 

• Barney Stinson : Ted, I'm desperate. Earlier today, I saw that wrist cuff, and I got a partial for Marshall. Did you bang that girl yet?

  Ted Mosby : Don't get your hopes, or anything else up. I tried to connect with her, but everything just comes back to her weird fetish about how old I am.

  Barney Stinson : Well, just go simple. Does she like TV?

  Carly : [Flashback]  No... but I'll watch 60 Minutes with you as loud and as long as you want.

  Barney Stinson : Sports?

  Carly : [Flashback]  No... But I bet you look super hot playing Shuffleboard just slathered in Bengay.

  Barney Stinson : Does she like books?

  Carly : [Flashback]  No... But I bet you do. I bet you have a big... thick... pair of bifocals.

  Ted Mosby : She doesn't have daddy issues. She has grandaddy issues. I'm ending it.

  Barney Stinson : Ted, I beg of you, don't quit on a body that won't quit. Ooh, ooh, that'll go sweet on a bumper sticker. That's going in the journal.

  Ted Mosby : Did you steal my dream journal?

  Barney Stinson : No, now get back in there before all your teeth fall out and you're naked in front of Shaker Heights High School in a play you never rehearsed for!

  Ted Mosby : Bastard! We don't connect on a single thing! I'm ending it!

• Lily Aldrin : Oh, my God, Ted! Your wrist.

  Ted Mosby : [looking at his wrist without the leather cuff]  Oh, yeah, I guess it's a little swollen, I must've strained it by lifting.

  Barney Stinson : I believe our dear friend Lily was referring to your other wrist. The one wearing the male birth control.

  Robin Scherbatsky : I was gonna go with chastity bracelet.

  Barney Stinson : God, is it possible to love you more?

  [Barney and Robin kiss] 

  Ted Mosby : Really? I just saved someone's life, and you guys are focusing on this?

  Marshall Eriksen : Yeah, you know what, guys, leave him alone. He is a hero.

  Ted Mosby : Thank you!

  Marshall Eriksen : [pauses]  You think your super strength came from wearing Wonder Woman's magic wrist cuff?