Mother's Day (I) (2016)
Jennifer Aniston: Sandy
Photos
Quotes
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Miranda Collins : Tell me more about this tween and your ex-husband.
Sandy : Oh, yeah. Oh, I'm sure I exaggerated about that a little bit. I'm sure she's older, but I'll have a better idea once all the acne clears up.
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Sandy : You don't know until you give it a shot is the truth, right?
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Sandy : You don't go into a marriage thinking you're going to get a divorce.
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Sandy : Hey, if you're going to come, will you just text me? And I'll save you a seat?
Jesse : Yes.
Sandy : Okay, or tweet at me.
Jesse : Yeah, I'll text... I'll tweet... What? Tweet you?
Sandy : Yeah, see, right? That didn't sound right.
Jesse : Mmm-mmm.
Sandy : What is that? I was just trying it out.
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Tina : Okay, is something wrong?
Sandy : Yes, something is wrong. I got here an hour early, so I could get a front row seat, and have a perfect camera angle and watch my children. And now you're sitting right here next to me.
Tina : Because the seat was open.
Sandy : It was for my purse, my purse's seat, okay? My purse's seat is right here. God, you cannot just show up here late and then sit there. You just can't do that. We need... We need boundaries. We need some rules, Tina.
Tina : Rules? Like, sitting in an open seat?
Sandy : I don't know what the rules are yet, Tina. I don't know what they are, but I just know we have them, and you're breaking all of them.
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Sandy : Oh, you've got to be kidding me! Paris? Paris, Paris, Paris! That's... We could not get our shit together for 13 years to get to Paris. Now he's taking Tina. Tina. Now he's taking Tina. It's the only place I've wanted to go since I was a kid and I read Madeline! I don't even think she knows who the hell Madeline is! Oh, my God, this is not happening! This is not happening! Oh, man, you know, you couldn't have taken her to London or to fuckin' Disneyland maybe? I don't know, how about take her to the prom? That's somewhere I bet she hasn't been yet. Jesus... Freaking Tina!
Bradley : I'd hate to see her in traffic.
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Sandy : So, you have not heard from Russell?
Jesse : Not a peep, radio silence.
Sandy : Oh, God. I'm so sorry. Well, at least you have Tanner, you know? Of course, until the day that you get a divorce and then you have to have that 50/50 shared custody and then it's just, like, hell. That's my life. Wait a second. That's not your life, that's my life.
Jesse : Indians don't really get divorced.
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Sandy : That was a historic disaster. Oh... I mean, this is all so stupid. This is so stupid. Look at all this. What am I doing? I mean, you know... Ugh, I feel like such an idiot. So, what I'm basically doing is I'm trying to compete with my ex-husband and a 20-year-old. That just makes a lot of sense, right, Jess? It's stupid. You know what it is? I just... I just hate feeling so replaceable.
Randy the Clown : Well, sadly we all are.
Sandy : Oh, geez, you scared the crap out of me.
Randy the Clown : I mean, we're all replaceable. For every professional clown, there's 100 hacks with a red nose and a wig waiting to do the job.
Sandy : Yeah, I understand. Thanks, clown. Jesse?
Randy the Clown : There's no way that the bond you have with your kids can ever be broken. I mean, there's no contest, right? You're their mom.
Sandy : Mmm-hmm.
Randy the Clown : Oh, let me help.
Sandy : Oh... Thank... Okay.
Randy the Clown : Yeah? See?
Sandy : It's this, I get it, never-ending scarf bit. Yeah, it's the first time you got to use this one today, huh?
Randy the Clown : Ah... Got a smile from you.
Sandy : That's great. Do you mind if I rub...
Randy the Clown : Please.
Sandy : Thank you very much.
Randy the Clown : It's always the traditional things that work, the bottomless sleeve hanky, the bottomless cup of coffee, the bottomless love from a mother to her kids. They know it's there. Sometimes they just take it for granted.
Sandy : Yeah.
Randy the Clown : So what if the other girl is 20, has great skin and probably looks insane in a bikini?
Sandy : Okay, that's good, I get it. Nice pep talk there, clown. Thank you, clown. Never thought I'd ever hear myself say that, but thank you, clown.
Randy the Clown : My pleasure.
Sandy : Mmm. A heart-to-heart with a clown. There was not a soul to see that. He could have murdered me.
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Sandy : By the way, your child is eating sand, if you...
Jesse : Tanner, don't eat that. There's cat poop in it.
Kristin : That's so gross. What if there is cat poop...
Kristin : No, he's fine. They survive...
Kristin : Cat poop...
Jesse : And then they grow up to be just like us.
Sandy : Yeah, and they have a very healthy immune system.
