ACME_Horses Reviews

Maid to Order (1987)

The Other Maid was More Worthy

[5/10 · 27 April 2017]

Really wanted to love this movie. The era is one of my favorites, as are many of the actors. Just couldn't get into this one. In my opinion, Ally Sheedy's performance was weak; not believable. And what was up with her hair?! A rich girl with a short mullet? I don't think so. She looked like a homely boy in this film. The other young maid, "Maria", was very beautiful -- and had good character, good work ethic. I found it difficult to believe the young chauffeur, "Nick", would not be more attracted to the more beautiful and stronger woman, Maria. Anyway, this movie is still an OK way to kill a couple hours, but it's not up to par with other 80's greats. Thanks

Petty Romance (2010)

Romantically Challenged Dudes

[5/10 · 31 May 2015]

What's up with the male characters in this movie? They behave like 12-year-olds. The male lead belittles the woman. He tells her she's "ignorant", at least twice. When the subject of her virginity comes up, he laughs at her. He yanks her around by the arm more than once. If he wanted to go to Pakistan, he could have told her why. You know, communication? Instead he waits until she's devastated. Then he tells her...only because she's getting ready to walk away for good. Ditto regarding her brother. He physically forces her into a car against her will on two different occasions. The story itself it pretty funny. But I tired of the male characters inability to act like men.

The Spy Who Came in from the Cold (1965)

A Bit Dull and Hard to Follow

[6/10 · 27 January 2006]

6/10. I felt the movie was much too hard to follow. You almost need to watch it twice...but I wouldn't recommend that because it's a bit of a bore. Burton's character is a disaffected, melancholy spie. That's a bit hard to watch for two hours. There's not much action to speak of so the dialogue needs to carry the movie and a moping spie just didn't do it in this case.

The movie is not all that suspenseful. The courtroom scene has some but it's at the end of the movie. I didn't care for the ending either. I don't mind movies ending on an unhappy not but I didn't think it was believable that Burton's character would basically commit suicide.

Sweet November (2001)

It could happen to you...not!

[3/10 · 23 October 2004]

The whole premise is too far fetched. And Reeves and Theron have no chemistry together. Beautiful girl meets beautiful guy and goes out of her way to "help" him. Like she would have nothing better to do. We're supposed to believe she's really insightful and giving. And he's this awesome who guy is super successful and talented. Yes he's able to put together a ridiculous ad campaign...as opposed to just quiting his job and doing something he likes better.

There's no real story here. It's just not very interesting. The guy is rich and good looking and he's a work-a-holic so his personal life sucks. Gee, there's an original plot. If you're a fan of the characters...or if you're bored on a Sunday afternoon, then maybe check this out. If not, skip it, read a book.

Love Actually (2003)

Stupid Actually

[2/10 · 20 June 2004]

I'm a huge fan of romantic comedies. But this one was a mess. The writers tried to cram way too many stories into one movie. And so much of it was phoney. Phoney in a bad way, not like a good parody or anything. Yuck. They could have easily dumped the story about the cheating boss and the stand-ins and the guy who loves his his best friend's wifre...seeing as how those stories were only about 10 minutes of the movie anyway--and not very interesting. Then they could have focused more on the one about the prime minister and also on the writer who falls for his house keeper. Those could have been movies in their own right. Wait and watch it on TV...or not at all.

Nine Months (1995)

Made-for-TV Quality

[3/10 · 8 May 2004]

Nothing special about 9 1/2 months. I saw it on the Lifetime Channel and I'm not sure how it ever made it to the big screen. There's very little chemistry between Grant and Moore. Grant's character seems quite inept at working through his emotions about being a dad. A good child psychologist would probably have some idea about his feelings for fatherhood. And he'd have collegues he could turn to.

Oh and did I mention the jokes are forced and not all that that funny? Well, the movie isn't hillarious. I like Hugh Grant in many movies...but this isn't one them. If you like romantic comedies or moives about pregnancy you might enjoy this. Otherwise skip it.

Cold Mountain (2003)

Way Overrated

[3/10 · 23 January 2004]

I was very disappointed. This movie *could* have been on par with western epics such as "Dances With Wolves" or "Legends of the Fall". Instead, they blew it with unbelievable and poorly acted humor scenes. The funny scenes just were not executed well. It's hard to believe that someone could go through the horrors of the Civil War, seeing family members brutally murdered before their eyes... I don't know how to describe it. "Disney-esqe", maybe.

Renee Zelweger was OK, not great. There were just too many cliches. A story similar to Cold Mountain was done much much better many years ago, maybe you've seen it..."The Outlaw Josey Wales".

Two Weeks Notice (2002)

Entertaining

[6/10 · 8 January 2004]

Two weeks notice is an average romantic comedy. Yes, the plot is not very believable. And the end could have been filmed a bit less like a chick flick. Still, I liked the movie overall because I enjoy Sandra Bullock's deadpan style of humor and I could relate to her character's personality and the message delivered by Grant's character.

If you like comedies of this genre, check it out. If not, skip it.

Drop Dead Fred (1991)

Uplifting and Empowering

[7/10 · 12 October 2003]

You probably already know the synopsis. Woman in her 20's, Elizabeth, who has always been dominated by her mother. When she wa a little girl, Elizabeth used fantasy as a way to cope with her mother. She invents an imaginary friend, "Drop Dead Fred". Together they rebel against the mother. Fast forward then to her 20's and Fred returns to help her figure out an unhealthy relationship with her boyfriend...and finally get some closure with her mother.

It cannot be said that Elizabeth's character is mentally ill. The reviewer who said this is being as silly as Fred...unless of course he/she is a doctor and has counseled with Elizabeth :) This was a movie about a woman healing.

This was also a wholesome movie that the entire family can watch together. Some of the humor may be over the heads of children, but there are no swear words or violence for the sake of violence. Great fun--and funny!

Winged Migration (2001)

Should Be Required Viewing

[10/10 · 5 August 2003]

This movie should be required viewing for everyone...espescially those in goverment employ. Sometimes we get so caught up in our lives that we forget about the amazing natural world around us. The next time you find yourself whinning about your life--stop, and remind yourself about the migratory birds and the real drama they fly through. This movie should make you think and inspire you to be a better human.

The images of the birds huddled in the artic storms...being shot in mid flight...watching one of their babies killed and eaten right in front of them...and the rest of them pick themselves up and fly on. Sad scenes, beautiful scenes, all shot wonderfully and a great soundrack. This movie should be required viewing.

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)

Entertaining

[6/10 · 31 July 2003]

I agree with the ohter reviewers who said Johnny Depp made the movie. The rest of the cast put forth mmemorable performances. I give it a 7/10 but without Depp I can see it possibly garnering a 5 or 6. I liked Keira Knightley in "Bend It Like Beckham" but she didn't do anything for me in this one--though she "looked" stunning :) Orlando Bloom need something. Maybe more engergy or a enthusiasm, I'm not sure.

Some of the fight scenes got a little silly but for the most part they were concise and not too drawn out. However, one idea did strike me as odd. If the bad pirates could not be killed because they were undead...then why didn't the good characters help them lift curse, thereby taking away their "powers" and making them mortal? Anyway, if you like the big screen see it now. If not, wait for it to be on cable.

The Italian Job (2003)

Unbelievable. Should have waited for satellite

[7/10 · 11 July 2003]

I went expecting an intelligent action movie. There are a few twists (that I won't spoil). But for the most part Italian Job should have been a cartoon. For all the time in Los Angeles you never saw any of LA's Finest. The script could have used less "Fast n Furious" and more "Heat". And I dig Seth Green but, his acting sucked in this one. To his credit they did give him some pretty cheesy lines to read. But he wasn't a believable hacker. I give it a 4/10 and with I would have waited for it to come out on satellite.

Saving Silverman (2001)

Great feel good comedy

[9/10 · 10 May 2002]

Saving Silverman is a light-hearted and predictable "buddies and chicks" movie. But it stands out for it's ability to keep the laughs coming. It also has some unique flavor, Neil Diamond's cameo, the coach (full metal jacket) and the great comedic duo of Jack Black and Steve Zahn. I've seen it 6 times and it still makes me smile when I watch it.

French Twist (1995)

Homophobe jerk gets the girl

[6/10 · 11 September 2001]

Simple plot: Guy cheats on wife repeatedly and is an all around homophobe jerk. So what does the wife do? She stays with him. Wife meets lesbian and falls for her. Husband hates lesbian but ends up fathering her child. They all live in the same house happily ever after. Nice fairy tale. I think the plot could have been much more realistic and much more funny. This is a great movie for women with low self-esteem and the men who exploit them.

The Long Kiss Goodnight (1996)

Should have been a cartoon

[3/10 · 25 August 2001]

With all of the implausible, unbelievable, hilarious stunts this movie should have been a cartoon. If movies and video games are indistinguishable to to you, then you'll love Long Kiss Goodnight.

Good action doesn't have to be fake. Unfortunately in Hollywood right now, as this movie proves, the recipe doesn't have too many ingredients.

BTW, what about just shooting Geena Davis's character? The way the bad guys let her live so many times it reminded me of a James Bond flick...or the parody in Austin Powers 1. Just take her outside and shoot her in the head already. Would have been a great cartoon.

Edtv (1999)

Dumb, boring and dumb

[3/10 · 3 June 2001]

I was looking forward to seeing this cause it has some actors I really dig. It only took a few mintues though to realize this movie was going to be pretty stupid. The script is lame. I hope the writer are all back to flipping burgers now. McConaughey is laid back and cool as ever...not as believable. Elfman is sweet, and at least she gets a little stressed. Overall it's just dumb. Rent something else.

Buffalo '66 (1998)

Dumbest Kidnap Victim Ever.

[5/10 · 26 February 2001]

I was actually enjoying the movie until the part where and incredibly stupid ex-con, Billy, kidnaps Layla. It's completely implausible unless you believe that she is just plain stupid. Sure you'd be scared for the first few seconds but then in 99% our survival instinct takes over and you look for a way out...and she had a bunch of em. So her character is either a few cards short of a full deck herself or she likes greasy, visibly unstable, ugly guys.

In either case, I was turned off by the rest of the movie. If the screenwriter can't take few minutes to work up a believable kidnap sub-plot then it's not much of an art film.

Air Force One (1997)

Very Unbelievable

[4/10 · 21 May 2000]

I persevered through the first hour and a half of Air Force One. But eventually all of the implausible, impossible and downright unbelievable scenes took their toll. I know it's "Hollywood" and it's "entertainment" but the movie takes way to much liberty with the plot and becomes cartoonish. The other thing I really didn't like about this movie is it's heavy reliance on computer generated graphics for everything that takes place in the sky outside of the aircraft. It only serves to reinforce the phony vibe of this movie. I didn't watch the last 20 minutes--and I finish almost all of the movies that I rent.

The Wild Life (1984)

Worth a rent

[8/10 · 21 July 1999]

Fast Times it ain't. But check this movie out, it has a heart. Pour yourself a drink and enjoy. It's loaded with a slew of just-beginning stars. Sherilyn Fenn has her first on-screen credited cameo. Chris Penn, Lea Thompson, Eric Stotz, Jenny Wright, Rick Moranis, etc.--they all look so young. Oh and if you look closely the cop's wife is Nancy Wilson from the rock band Heart.

Freeway (1996)

Not a great movie.

[28 June 1999]

And I am surprised by the large number of laudatory reviews I have seen for this flick. How can viewers take this movie or Reese Witherspoon's performance seriously when the screenplay did not? Did Ms. Witherspoon pull off a performance that her peers would have botched? She did give a nice performance but who cares? If the movie cared, maybe I would. Someone who eats a lot of fast food probably thinks Doritos are a nice snack. Someone who watches a lot of TV would probably "love" this movie.

The movie is about an illiterate girl in a poor LA neighborhood. She's been abused by her parents, by society and by the system charged with rehabilitating her. After wacko Bob tries to get kinky, she has her day in court...so to speak (you have to see the scene, it's quite funny). And that's one of problems. Are we watching a cartoon action flick like Desperado? If so, why do we care about Ms. Witherspoon's performance? A dozen other Hollywood indie chicks would have turned in the same work. Not to mention Christina Ricci, Alicia Siverstone, etc. etc.

She goes from stupid (but with a heart of gold), halting killer to hardcore jail bitch who almost beats another inmate to death...who watches a murder

of another woman and who fashions a knife in solitary to use it to slash a guard. And then 5 minutes later the screenplay is trying to get cute again? Please. The only excuse for this type of plot dyslexia is a) A poor screenplay or b) A parody. I hope it's the former. Well, it is obviously the former because murder, minor incest, drug abuse and violence--all portrayed in graphic detail--are not subjects that can be parodied to the extent they appear in Freeway.

If Freeway is a parody then we ought not to mind when the movie goes cute--that'd be amusing. But that's what happens when we as a society become desensitized to the scary bogus s**t that were seeing in our world--lest we might be offended. I challenge the viewer who thought this movie was "great" to tell me on what grounds. Tell me how did they feel the last time they were molested? Or the last time they took someone's life? Oh, that's never happened?! Why doesn't that surprise me.

If you want funny murders, watch a dark comedy. If you want a serious molestation flick, rent it. If you want a gang violence piece, get it. But save this parody crap for a more appropriate time...and clean up the screenplay.

The Decline of Western Civilization Part II: The Metal Years (1988)

Hard rock, Hollywood, the mid 1980's...

[10/10 · 25 October 1998]

During the opening credits, there is a great pan shot across a line of fans waiting for a rock show. It sets the stage, so to speak, for a very entertaining--and informative--look at the heavy metal scene in the late 1980's. The movie concentrates on Hollywood, which was aruguably the epicenter of hard rock throughout that decade.

The decadence, flamboyance and unabashed immaturity in some the movie's scenes appears cheesy and fake when compared to other music eras...particularly the proceeding grunge period in Seattle. That said, it contains fantastic interviews and footage of some of the 80's biggest rock stars--and rock locations.

Every period and genre in music should have its story documented. And this movie is like a time capsule of hard rock in the 80's.