The Extra In The Background Reviews

Bad Dog (1998–2000)

Just plain bad

[23 December 2001]

Before the review, a brief plot summary: No plot. A dog named Berkley lives with a disfunctional family and screws everyone up. That's it.

Dull, dull, dull. Each episode follows this formula: The family gets into a situation, there is a disgruntled character they meet, Berkley will mess around with everything until near the story's end, the character will call him a bad dog, he'll collapse, they'll find Berkley's actually a hero, the character will apologize, and he'll be back. The animation is so-so but slightly below average, 4 out of 10 about. That's not important. What's important is that it's cluttered, loud, and annoying. The characters are annoying and unappealing, and they yell enough to make "All in the Family" look like a period of meditation. There's just nothing to critique. It's inane children's "entertainment" which probably can't even amuse children. The whistle theme song is just poor and sounds familiar, the voices are horrible, and it's just boring.

So don't watch it. A pointless dud.

0/10

PS That was about the worst review I've ever written but it's just so bad you can't even critizise it. It's just unbelievably poor.

Hulk (1966)

Very poor

[22 December 2001]

Before the review, a brief plot summary: Dr. Bruce Banner, possibly America's most renowned scientist and leading expert on gamma rays, is about to test a bomb on a supposedly abandoned site when neglected teenager Rick Jones wanders out into it. Banner runs out to get Jones to safety, but his Russian assistant, Igor, sets it off anyway hoping to kill Banner and steal his formula for his superiors. Somehow, Banner survives, and Jones becomes his apprentice. He soon learns that at a certain point of day (and later when he gets angry) he will transform into a huge, brainless green giant who strikes fear into the heart's of the army. General Ross is desperate to destroy this incredible hulk, but his daughter Betty secretly knows he's really her lover, Bruce.

BAD, BAD, BAD. Unlike most Marvel cartoons at that period, it wasn't even in the "so-bad-it's-good" category. It's just boring. Let's start with the theme song. Most people know "Spider-Man"s theme, and it's wasn't a fraction as good. Anyone whose seen "Captain America" will also be accquainted with a cheezy but catchy little tune. The Hulk's theme was UNBELIEVABLY poor, and had this little squeak who sounded like Bat-Mite spouting inane lines like "so he ain't glamorous" in an attempt to make rhyme with "stricken by gamma rays". Usually the best animation on the show would be in the theme, but this is WORSE.

On to the stories. Before "Spider-Man", as most know, cartoons were mostly just comic-book cut-outs were mouths and sometimes a limb would move, sometimes not even that, the fastest animation (besides the theme) being in scenes were the hero would pull down a mask or something to that extent. Somehow, with the flow of the plots, you could still tell what's going on. Here, the poor drawings (they look like rough drafts with colour) pop up, showing scenes from all different, often irrelevent, angles that make it impossible to tell what's going on, and the narration is a drab equivalent of a Power Ranger overstating the obvious, only not nearly as addictively corny. The dialouge sounds like it was aimed at particularly dumb children, and the voices always sound SOOO bored, so unconvincing. Of what little you could make out of the plot, you could tell it stunk like Baldrick's family heirlooms. I simply never cared about Bruce Banner, he was so poorly characterised, and what characteriztion he got was cliched and sterotypical.

Stan Lee and everyone down at Marvel must cringe when they look back at this. Watch just about any other Marvel cartoon from the era, but pass this one over.

Kung Fu Kenobi's Big Adventure (1999)

Mather triumphs again

[25 November 2001]

Before the review, a brief plot summary: What if Luke had been defeated by Bib Fortuna when he visited Jabba's palace to rescue Han Solo, and used as the gold bikini love slave? This film shows that Ben "Obi Wan" Kenobi, kung fu master, would set off to rescue him, all though he must leave his lover, Lobot. Along the way, he meets flatuent green Jedi master Yoda, finds himself sneaking into Jabba's palace by tunnelling underground, and using Bantha Beans to destroy the giant slug.

Evan Mather first expirimented with using Kenner Action Figures for Internet movies with "Kung Fu Kenobi" in 1997. Since then, he has made full-length films like "Quentin Tarintino's Star Wars" and "Godzilla Versus Disco Lando", but decided to pay homage to his original work by making another story about Obi Wan, potrayed as a martial artist. This time, however, he made it much more insane and warped then his previous films. Fortunatley, Mather's crazy comedy actually works, with a Monty Python feel to it. You can imagine Terry Gilliam doing something like this.

Mather uses clips from the SW films for the character's voices. However, this time he cleverly pays homage to "Pulp Fiction" by using Jules' voice for Mace Windu, in the film-within-a-film "Gettin' Medevial". Lines like "I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger..." "Anger leads to hate!" provide laughs throughout, and it's just fun to watch, all though it may be confusing on first viewing. It should also be noted the soundtrack is good and really suits the scenes it's applied to: for example, "Momma Miss America" as Luke heads up to Jabba's palace, "Mission: Impossible" as Kenobi battles his way through his tunnel, "Across 10th Street" for a kung fu fighting scene, and "Heartlight" when Obi Wan and Lobot re-unite (complete with a shot of them flying across the moon!)

Absolutely bizzare but fun to watch.

Kung Fu Kenobi (1997)

Short and sweet

[20 November 2001]

Contrary to popular belief, "Quentin Tarantino's Star Wars" was not Evan Mather's first film. This brief film with Kenner Action Figures was the inspiration for "Kung Fu Kenobi's Big Adventure", and doesn't have much of a plot at all. Mather was expirimenting at this point, and karate moves seem like a perfect idea to master this unique style of animation. There's not much to critique; the animation is good and it's fun for the soundtrack, which includes the "Kung Fu Fighting" song. Recommended for fans.

The Red Green Show (1991–2006)

Like so many other once-greats, it has lost it's spark

[10 November 2001]

I gotta give it credit: it was funny for a long time. Shows like "Friends" and "Third Rock from the Sun" were funny for about a year. "The Red Green Show" started off witty, original and clever. The Quotes section displays the show's wit. It often got slightly adult at times, with references to condoms and sly innuendo crudity. It was great fun, and Red Green's throaty voice (suprisingly) never got annoying. However, with "The New Red Green Show", it has gotten unbelievably childish. Harold has been more emphasised on to enlighten children, yet the sex jokes (which have grown far more apparent and thus much less funny, a sex joke is only funny when it's sly [someone should tell the SNL writers that]) should keep parents from letting kids watch. Red Green's voice hasn't got annoying yet, and it is still slighlty fun to watch, and I still look forward to "Duct Tape Forever", but the spark has been smothered. Watch reruns or read the quotes section.

Acceptable Risk (2001 TV Movie)

A risk TBS shouldn't have taken

[1 November 2001]

This supposed "thriller" is just plain awful. Is mildly amusing at best because of it's stupidity, and clearly shows it's place on a TV screen. Uninspired performances and lackluster action make this one a real turn-off, despite the appearance of Sean Patrick Flannery (why, Sean, why?). The plot is unoriginal, and as if we haven't got enough of those. The characters are so flat you don't feel a hint of emotion for most of them, and I never cared what the main character did during his rounds of insanity. The only character that even slightly moved me was Lois, and her death was so rushed I barely had any time to feel anything. She was also almost completely ignored and deserved a better role (not to mention a better actress). The dialouge was horrible and stiff as a board.

The plot involves an old house that a woman named Elizabeth lived in during the Salem witch hunts. Because of her wild claims and ferocious behaviour, she was hung outside the building. During present day, a descendant of hers is living in the house with her husband, a scientist trying to find a cure for brain disease. After finding a strange moss in the basement, he turns it into a medecine that heal the brain injuries of rodent test subjects dramatically. Intruiged, he tests it on himself, and finds a 30 point boost in his IQ. However, his personality is also altered. He becomes easily angered, goes out for runs at awkward hours, and suspects his wife of cheating on him with a friend of her's from campus. Despite the overload on cliches, it could have been better if done rightly.

One subplot involves a fire on the front porch, which burns the symbol of Satan into the porch. Another involves a stain on the roof which keeps growing, about which the scientist has a dream where it drips blood on him and his wife in bed. Yet another has some members of his team testing the medecine on themselves and running Lois off the road to her death. And yet ANOTHER involves a corpse in an upside down coffin found in the basement. Each of these are competely ignored and forgotten. Perhaps if they hadn't intensified the finding of the corpse so much, it wouldn't have been such a big deal. The same goes for the stain. And perhaps because the ancestor was supposedly a witch, the symbol appeared. Each of these explinations have to be thought through for an arrival at them, and I'm being generous by mentioning them because they leave even bigger holes in the plot (which I won't explain because they'd be serious spoilers). There are countless others.

Add this with a sterotypical ending and, as the previous reviewer commentd on, a tad too many over-the-phone fights so close together that seem so much like each other, and you have a worthless piece of mediocre that should probably be skipped. 1/10.

Mission: Impossible (1998 Video Game)

Gives "Goldeneye" a run for it's money

[20 October 2001]

This video game captures the spirit of the original series and mixes it with thrills of the movie. The levels will satisfy both those looking for some brain candy and a shoot-em-up. They really make you think, and are cleverly executed like in the actual show. Jim Phelps has grown too old to handle th IMF, so he recieves the missions (in intros before each level) plans out how they will be solved and sends Ethan Hunt to carry them out. They don't turn him into a villian, they respect him, but keep Hunt so as to satisfy adults and children. It evenly divides brainwork with action, whereas Goldeneye, while still giving you something to think about, excessed a bit on violence and often abandoned all plot (and allowed players to kill colleagues after they helped).

Let me give you an example. In one level, Agent Candice Smith is captured in Russia with half of a list of covert agents. Hunt, who is using the identidy of "Smith" is attending a party in Russia thrown by the ambassador who kidnapped her. The ambassador's aide is there, but upstairs. He must do this while eluding a female killer named Scofield. Hunt plants smoke generators in the ventilators, so that when he has completed his mission, the smoke will make everyone think there is a fire and he can make his getaway. Using his two contacts, he recieves a facemaker and a glass of wine with nausea powder. He then finds the score for a national anthem, which a piano player plays to lure down the aide. Hunt offers the aide the drugged wine for a toast, and soon the villian is hurrying to the bathroom. Hunt follows him, knocks him out with a blowgun, and uses the facemaker to assume his identidy and trick Scofield when he meets her. Hunt then heads for a restricted area and fools all the guards with his disguise.

It's great fun. Recomended to all fans.

Angela Anaconda (1999–2002)

Utter crap

[29 September 2001]

The voices are annoying. All the characters are REALLY annoying. The animation, a wannabe-Terry Gilliam style, really sucks. The jokes can make you chuckle but the rehashes wear off quickly. It also meanly stereotypes. Catholics, Germans, Italians and smart people are all mocked. The plots are always ridiculous. The voices are VERY annoying. The characters REALLY make we want to cringe. The music is really dumb, and the way Angela giggles and acts cocky really REALLY tills me off. The way everything always works out just makes me want to burst a stress bag. If kids ever meet Catholics, foreigners or "nerds" they may not befriend them because of this load of crap. As Angela herself might have said, "I will not watch this sucky show on account of it sucks".

Dilbert (1999–2000)

If only Scott Adams had chose Comedy Central...

[8 September 2001]

Before the review, a brief plot summary: Dilbert is a skilled and somewhat slow-witted enguineer living in an insane world. Everyone is either a genious or a moron. He lives with Dilmom, who is more advanced in technology then he is, Ratbert, an optomist rodent who longs to be loved, and Dogbert, a cynical, arrogant canine with a dream of ruling the world. Every day is garbage day, and the garbage man is the world's smartest. At work, where the name constantly changes from Path-Way to E-Tech to Path-E-Tech (pathetic), he toils away in his cubicle under a clueless pointy-haired boss, accompanied by the rude and sarcastic Wally and quick-tempered and powerful Alice. Others include Catbert, the Evil Director of Human Resources, Asok, the mild-mannered Indian intern, and Loud Howard, the big mouth. With clever humour, the show tells zany stories about how Dilbert tackles stock market problems, corporate insanity, junkie dwarfs, and realligned satellites.

Scott Adams has been writing the "Dilbert" comic strip since 1989. He has since then added several colorful characters, and finally, with the help of Larry Miller, he brought it to the small screen. Unfortunatley, somehow it landed on one of the worst networks on TV: UPN. Not Comedy Central, not Fox Network, UPN. Adams and Miller provided it with it's only good series ever.

The animation is clever and looks exactly like it was lifted from the comic books, except now Dilbert has a mouth. Oh, but when any of the characters' mouths are closed, they vanish. ;-) It combined the humour of "The Simpsons" and "Futurama" with the hilarious insanity of "Monty Python". To me, this is better then either of Matt Groening's overrated series. Dilbert is not a beer-swilling overweight idiot. He is an ordinary person in a twisted world- something we can all relate to. Plus the jokes are funny. Throughout the entire episode the plot is strung with wit and charm.

Some of the jokes, in fact, aren't even funny. But it's just the way the characters say them that splits your sides. Daniel Stern (Marv in the first two "Home Alone" films) gives the title character a slightly nasal and questioning voice. Gordon Hunt (father of popular actress Helen Hunt) provides Wally with a thick nasal and sarcastic voice. Kathy Griffin ("Suddenly Susan") lends her voice to Alice, an angry, teeth-gritted voice. Chris Elliot ("Osmosis Jones") was originally to be thrown off the cast because his voice was so similair to Stern's, yet he does an awesome job at giving Dogbert an arrogant and calm demonaur. Maurice LaMarche (voice of another supersmart character, the Brain) and Jackie Hoffman (huh?) are also excellent at The Garbage Man and Dilmom. Tom Kenny (the mayor from "Powerpuff Girls") lends his voice to Ratbert and Asok, and Tress MacNeille is several supporting characters.

The guest appearances are great. Billy West, like Tress MacNeille, guests throughout, only as the same character, a marketing guy. Stephen Hawking plays himself in "The Informercial", in which the Gruntmaster 6000 (a product named, designed and manufactured throughout the first season) is tested in Texas and creates a black hole. Jason Alexander ("Bob Patterson") appears throughout as Catbert. Buck Henry suprises Dilbert fans as Dadbert, who has been at the "all-you-can-eat" cafe in a mall resteraunt since 1979, and Jeri Ryan cameos in that episode as a Seven of Nine Alarm Clock. Wayne Knight is a security guard. Gilbert Gottfried is a troll. Steve Austin, Jay Leno, Jerry Seinfeld all guest, as well as several others.

Unfortunatley, UPN made yet another mistake. Instead of keeping their only good show, they moved it to a horrible time slot which soon got it cancelled. Some of the episode descriptions are hilarious. Dilbert fans will recognize the small, muddy country of Elbonia in "Elbonian Trip" and "Hunger". In another, the company is overrun by downsized (literally) employees hooked on dry erase markers. When he drinks from the boss' cup, Dilbert loses "the knack" and throws all the satellites out of orbit, throwing the world back into medevil times. And when Dilbert must prevent Y2K, he learns the company's fate is in Wally's hands (and Loud Howard cries, "THAT'S IT! WE'RE ALL FARMERS!")

Quotable, hilarious, and recommended. Adams, don't let it get to you. Just take the show to Comedy or Fox. Then it'll soar.

House of Horrors (1946)

Ummmmm.....ok.

[8 September 2001]

Before the review, a brief plot summary: The majority of New York's artists loathe F. Holmes Harmon, a cynical, cruel art critic who has prevented several of them from making sales. No-one, however, despises him more then Marcel DeLange, a genious sculptor who no-one really understands. He has no money, is starving, and when Harmon prevents him from selling his finest work, he goes to the bridge to commit suicide. He is suprised to find a massive, ugly character floating in the river, half-drowned. His feautures inspire DeLange to carve a bust of the man which someone's bound to buy. He takes the man home and nurses him back to health. What DeLange does not know is that his model is The Creeper, a ruthless murderer known to snap women's spines, which he continues to do at night. And when he learns Harmon's address, he's off to take care of him. Just when he was writing a scalding review about paint-brush wielder Steve Morrow, who gets framed when Harmon is found dead, and his girlfriend, critic Joan Medford, goes off to prove his innocence.

This B-movie was a spin-off from "The Pearl of Death", a 1944 Universal Sherlock Holmes picture with Basil Rathbone. The Hoxton Creeper was a supporting character, a sort of sidekick to the true villian. Near the end of the film, Holmes murdered the rogue. Two years later, The Creeper was ressurected, plopped in a river in New York, had the Hoxton part stripped away, and made the star "monster" in a horror flick. He is not even a monster at all: He is a disfigured murderer. And not quite as frightening as the studio had intended. He isn't quite "the perfect neandrethal man", as DeLange called him, and his dim-wittedness makes him difficult to be intimidating. Played by Rondo Hatton, who needed no makeup thanks to a condition that enlarged the head and hands. The producers assumed that meant he didn't need makeup to be frightening. Poor, deluded men. Hatton cameod in a series of movies as a typical "ugly guy", like a contender in the ugly contest in "The Hunchback of Notre Dame".

Martin Kosleck plays Marcel DeLange, owner of the "House of Horrors", his studio full of strange statues. As amusing as Martin is (more from his overracting then his charming little accent), he fails to potray insanity well. Alan Napier (most famous for playing Alfred Pennyworth in the 60s series of "Batman") potrays the acid-blooded Harmon, and I must admit he is an easy character to hate, and as small as his role is he has some good lines. Robert Lowery plays a somewhat under-developed character in Steven Morrow (ironically he actually played Batman once, in the 1949 serial), who is currently working on a painting of a blonde tennis player. The beautiful model (played by Joan Shawlee, credited as Fulton for some reason, and another flat character) catches the eye of yet another uncolourful character, Larry Brooks, the policeman investigating the murder of Harmon and several street women (played by Bill Goodwin). Finally, independant art critic Joan Medford is played by Virgina Grey. Although Kosleck is fun watching and some of the chemistry and dialouge between Joan and Harmon is crisp, most of them are wooden acting and show no chemistry. Sometimes it's painful watching.

The plot is slightly intriguing and moves quickly, but the script gets quite ridiculous and often unoriginal. The soundtrack is unfrightening, the scenes where the Creeper leaves at night leave you yawning, and some of the sets are pitiful. Not to mention the whole darn thing is anti-feminist. Yes, Joan is an independant woman but she is portrayed in a negative way- plus a copy boy calls her "my dear young woman"- err, that made me cringe. The ending is both predictable and ridiculous, I was irritated by the stupidity of DeLange's err, and there are a couple plot holes you could march an army through.

Not a particularly great film. But if you have to decide over this and it's sequel, "The Brute Man", pick this. At least it's mildy amusing. "The Brute Man" is a plain pile of dung.

Spy Kids (2001)

Average annoying kids' stuff but with a more wholehearted message.

[6 September 2001]

Before the review, a brief plot summary: Gregorio and Ingrid Cortez seem to be an average couple, with a pair of children named Carmen and Juni, living in an average neighbourhood. One of Carmen's favourite stories involves two spies sent from different countries to kill the other who met and fell in love. What the kids don't know is that the story is true, and the characters are them. We learn later on that Carmen wears diapers at night and Juni is easily frightened and sweats enough to make warts on his hands. One of his favourite shows is "Fegan Floop", in which the children's television host lives in a castle with several strange creatures. And recently, several of Gregorio's old colleagues have vanished, and every time they go missing, a new character pops up on the show. In reality, Floop is a villain accompanied by mad scientist Alexander Minion, who has built several world leader's children-lookalike robots to help him take over the world. Floop is secretly more interested in finding the missing ingredient for his show. And when the Cortez couple get kidnapped, their children must save them and the world, with the help of gadgets made by their uncle, Machete, who hates his little brother, their father.

In this film, Antonio Banderas ("The Mask of Zorro"), Danny Trejo ("Con Air"), and Cheech Marin (of the "Cheech and Chong" films) appear together in a film once again (they were all previously in "Desperado" and will later appear in "Once Upon a Time In Mexico"). Trejo cameos as Machete, Gregorio's hateful older brother, and Cheech Marin CAMEOS (strong emphasis) as Felix Gumm, a spy posing as their uncle who has been protecting them for years. He only appears in about three scenes, I believe. Carla Gugino plays Ingrid, who is a refreshing change from the tyoical "idiot" mom. She and Banderas do well together.

Robert Rodriguez tries his hand at making a children's action-adventure flick (and does better then he did in "From Dusk til Dawn", ironically every film in which Banderas, Tujo and Marin appear in is done by him), and as unchallenging as writing a script for that audience is, he doesn't do bad entertaining adults. The opening sequence depicting Gregorio and Ingrid's meeting is well done and exciting. The special effects are fairly poor, and unfortunatley exagurated on. The characters are generally rather flat, but Floop is interestingly expirimented with as a Willy-Wonka type villian with a soft spot for kids.

The subplot about transforming spies into Teletubbie-like creatures is ridiculous, to be sure, but hey, IT'S FOR KIDS. And the Virtual Room isn't too original, nor is the "Third Brain". Alan Cumming (Boris in "Goldeneye")'s potrayl of Floops raised a smile, in obvious reference to today's entertainers. Tony Shalhoub's character of Minion was a little too cliched. And of course the brilliant children are played as superior to the adults.

I did like the clever spoofs of the James Bond gadgetry. And Trejo did do a good job at Machete, if his character was a bit inconsistent and underused. His lines were good ("We're just brothers. Cain and Abel were brothers, and look what happened to them.") and the subplot about his relationship with Gregorio will help kids realize why they should love their younger siblings. The acting from the kids was either wood (Carmen) or overracted (Juni) but I think I was wise not to take the film seriously. The mimicing thing was over the top, but hey, it's for kids.

Unfortunately, I'm afraid it's time to be mean. The thumb-ninjas made NO sense, are they robots or spies or what? Some of the parodies are witty, but some of it was just plain annoying (ie the kids leaving the store in tuxedos and shades), the kids sitting behind me yelling "Whoa, holy!" when Carmen found the international cash, and Carmen saying "Oh, shitake mushrooms!" That annoyed me a LOT.

Your kids will love it. Leave your brain at the door. Don't take it seriously. It isn't bad, just short and a nice, if somewhat irritating distraction.

A Knight's Tale (2001)

"The Pope may be French, but Jesus is English!"

[25 August 2001]

Before the review, a brief plot summary: William Thatcher was given to Sir Ector as a boy to be his squire. John Thatcher, the boy's father, told William that if he ever needs to come home, he should merely follow his feet. Several years later, Sir Ector takes a nasty hit in a joust, and dies resting against a tree before the next joust. When he is discovered by Roland and Wat, two of Thatcher's zany friends, find the body, Thatcher puts on the armour and assumes his master's part for the joust. After surviving, he decides he should go to the championships- he is an expert swordsman, and practices jousting in the woods for one month. On the way there, they meet Geoffrey Chaucer, an unsuccessful but gifted author who has gambled away all his clothes. He explains that, to get into the championships, a knight must have four generations of knighthood on both sides of his family. If they clothe him and take him with them, he will forge a history and identidy for Thatcher. In their travels, they meet the lovely Lady Jocelyn, talented blacksmith Kate, cruel Count Adhemar, and the prince himself.

Based on Chaucer's novel "The Canterbury Tales", it is a somewhat different knight movie. Done in the style of "The Three Musketeers", the dialouge is modern and easier to understand. Heath Ledger (of "Ten Things I Hate About You") appears in his first starring role, and pulls off the role with boyish charm. Mark Addy (of "The Fully Monty" and the horrible "The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas") plays Roland, and nerdy Alan Tudyk portrays Wat.

The acting is not bad, the actors do not over-act or under-act- although unfortunatley they are not good at emotional scenes. And Jocelyn is portrayed in an anti-feminist and stereotype (not to mention unoriginal) way. Kate (Laura Fraser of "Virtual Sexuality") was a much more interesting and better character, although unfortunatley underdeveloped. In fact, the main characters are very undeveloped, as Thatcher is APPARENTLY the cliched "noble hearted man", yet it is never really exposed, he has little personality other than an adventurous spirit. And Rufus Sewell's villian character is somewhat flat as well, with no real care for anything, just the classic villian, who loves the heroine, creating "sexual tension" which is totally dropped.

This film can't decide whether or not to take itself seriously. Yes, it tries not to, and tries to prove it to the audience by having peasents chant "We Will Rock You", as well as other humour in references to today (Kate's armour and Nike symbol come to mind, as well as the quality of the armour, obviously an advertisement). Usually it works and provides a laugh ("It's called a lance, hello?"). Yet, when one looks past this, they realise the film is really trying to be very serious, which clashes with itself. Plus, the jousting scenes, while interesting at first, get boring to watch, as it's just the same thing over- and over-- and over--- and over... and over..... and over again.

All the squires to Thatcher are way more interesting than anything else. Roland's personality, Wat's jokes, Chaucer's (Paul Bettany) loarge vocabulary and fights with Wat, and Kate's spunkiness. They make the show watchable, and boost the rating from 6 stars to seven. The dialogue is also great, one of my favourite lines being the title for this review. The poem letter they help Thatcher construct to Jocelyn is nice to listen to. The plot moves fast (when it's not being slowed down by jousting scenes and that stupid party), and overall it's a nice try but no cigar and let's hope the next one can do better.

Lizzie McGuire (2001–2004)

Oh... my..... godess.....

[20 August 2001]

Before the review, a brief plot sumary: Lizzie McGuire is an annoying Ally McBeal wannabe in middle school who envies the cheerleaders and befriends Miranda (another ugly girl but with nice hairstyles) and Gordo (a strange disturbed kid). She lives an average cliched life with her family and gets into all the cliched situations you'd expect.

I'm afraid the only "cool" people here besides myself are Tammy Tillinghast, Kyjowa, Willow192, MSC13Blue, and Nodoubtgirl316. This show sucks, arguably Disney's worse. Yes, Lizzie is a snob, who takes life for granted and is being punished from above by being given only two friends, both annoying and badly acted, and the cool people in her school cheerleaders.

Played by that guy on Malcolm in the Middle's girlfriend, Lizzie shows no expression, "Lalaine" is worse and all the boys sound like they're on drugs. Lizzie is hot. Is she really. I feel like puking. Kate espesially is wooden. Not even the laughs are convincing. Seriously. If you think the acting's good, you're a half wit who thinks that Kate just has to say, "Which one of you did it?" implying something they don't have to speak is great acting.

My word- I need some sleep.

GoldenEye 007 (1997 Video Game)

Interestingly done...

[20 August 2001]

Before the review, a brief plot summary: James Bond, agent OO7 of M16, battled Colonel Arkady Ourumov, who had been selling gas tanks to terrorists. Bond's best friend, Alec Trevalyan, agent OO6, helped him blow up the tanks, but Bond watched helplessly as Ourumov apparently killed him with a shot to the head. Several years later, the Janus syndicate, a small but dangerous and growing circle of terrorists, are trying to steal the Pirate helicopter from M16, and after Bond places a tracking device on it, he is captured in Siberia and meets Natalya Fyodorovna Simonova in prison. She has been framed for stealing the GoldenEye satellite, but she knows it was really (the now General) Ourumov. Bond and Natalya escape, and when she is captured by Janus, Bond tracks them down in St. Petersburg with the help of ex-KGB agent Valentin Zukovsky, and finally unmasks the leader of Janus himself: the supposedly dead Trevalyan. From here, Bond gets launched on a series of riveting adventures involving settings like the streets of St. Petersburg, Trevalyan's train, the Cuban jungle, and the Janus base, with illustrious characters like Xenia Onatopp, Boris Grishenko, and Defense Minister Mishkin.

Hmmm. This has spawned sequels like Nintendo versions of "Tommorow Never Dies" and "The World is Not Enough", neither of which have topped this one. The plot, while interesting, will probably be skipped by kids and is difficult to understand for people who have not seen the movie. I liked how they skipped the development of Bond, he is simply treated like we all know who he is- which we do. It's too bad we never see M, Q or Moneypenny, only the "For Your Eyes Only" files they give you. It would have been interesting to see the animated Judi Dench and Desmond Llewelyn, as well as Moneypenny- who, ever so ironically, was played in the movie by Samantha BOND. Is this an omen of their future together, OO7 and the secretary?

The reason I say it would be interesting is because of the way Bond was brilliantly animated, modelled somewhat after all the Bonds. Look at him closely, espesially when you win the "Frigate" level. He has the stature and hair of Pierce Brosnan, but look- there's Sean Connery in there too. His dignity and arrogant look, you can see it. And his jawline and chin- why, if it isn't the saint himself, Roger Moore. and the roughness of Timothy Dalton. And Sean Bean's translation to the 3-D world is interesting, too, too, although he looks a bit like a monkey. Natalya is ok, though not as attractive as Izabella Scorupco. And just check out Xenia- and Ourumov, the modern Blofeld, is done well too.

However, unlike most people here, I only like one-player, with the interesting plot and developed characters. Multiplayer dulls me. A bunch of enemies (and a few friends) planted all over a level sometimes from the one-player game which you've won (like "Facility" and "Archives") and some are completely new weird places ("Complex" and "Caves" for example) where they wander around, collecting various weapons (or maybe just slapping) so that when they find each other theu can duel until one of them gets killed, only to be ressurected to keep on fighting (a la Kenny from the horrible "South Park") until time or points run out. Weird and boring.

The most brilliant thing about this game is how the creators have cleverly allowed the player to be James Bond, to do what he wants, but still follow the film's plot. That's clever. At the beginning of each level, you are given a background on what's going on, then M briefs you, Q explains the gadgets you've got, and Moneypenny is generally a friend. You are shown a scene from the level you will encounter (like guards patrolling) and then the "camera" moves up on an image of Bond, which you assume. You usually start off with a PP7, sometimes silenced, but as you shoot guards you collect their guns and when you kill a guard with the same type of gun, you get his ammo. The guards are all moronic and die quickly, although some security guards are a bit tougher and you can't kill some characters like Trevalyan and Ourumov can't be killed until the level they are allowed to be killed in. Every time you complete one of your objectives, a small line appears saying "Objective A" (or whatever) "Completed", unless it's the objective that completes the game. There are no vocals (except when guards scream and groan as you kill them, and there's that gruesome noise in "Streets" when you run them over with tanks...), the dialouge appears in a sort of closed captioning. When you complete some levels, you may go to a completely new scenario (example: when you win "Train", the next level brings you to the Cuban "Jungle"), or you may go to a direct sequel (example: as soon as you blow up the tanks and escape from "Facility", in the next level, "Runway", you must escape the premises of the place in a plane).

Highly recommended and interesting.

Who Wants to Be a Millionaire (I) (1999–2020)

Has lost it's flavour, has lost it's intruige, and will probably be cancelled soon.

[3 August 2001]

It was once great. I admit, it was once great. The questions were interesting and got you thinking, the contestants had humour which made the show appealing, and at that time Regis Philbin was, dare I say, entertaining us with his one-liners. We all got excited watching the gaps between the questions get longer and longer and holding our breath as we waited to see if he/she had the right answer for the million dollar question. We all got worked up when John Carpenter won the million and we finally got to see what it looked like. I couldn't help thinking to myself, if something like this had happened on one of the first episode, the show would be a lot less good.

Now, everyone is a rehash. Some of the same questions are being reused. The conestants seemed downright flat and uninteresting, and now we are all sick of "Is that your final answer?" and for some reason we no longer care how high the contestants get. You know why? Because it's all been done and won before, and this will be nothing new. If you disagree, just look at some of the ratings recently. ABC knows it. And, watching the show, you can't deny it, they are visibly trying to boost the ratings and make the show more interesting. They've boosted the scores, had dozens of "weeks", and Regis has even been trying a few new jokes. But the ratings haven't budged, and I personally nowadays OCCASIONALLY watch the celebrity editions, but only if they have someone I like on 'em. It'll soon be cancelled, and even from it's start, like in the case of "Whose Line is it Anyway?", the British version was better. :-)

Star (I) (2001)

The funniest installment in "The Hire"

[20 July 2001]

Before the review, a brief plot summary: Star is a famous rock star visiting a small town who is sick of poor service and bodyguards swarming around her. In addition to this, she is spoiled and cocky. In an attempt to loose her protectors, she jumps into The Driver's BMW and orders him around, critizing his driving and demanding he hurry up so that they outrun the guards. Finally, The Driver decides to listen.

As you probably know, BMW has made a series of short films called "The Hire" about a mysterious driver played by Clive Owen as it's driver and a chaueffeur for hire. Each of these films have suprisingly big directors, like John Frankenheimer (of "Reindeer Games") and Ang Lee (of "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon"). They are really just commercials with an action-film plot. Most are just fun car chases, but this and "The Follow" are the ones with true stories. So, they are both sort of expiriments, in different ways. "The Follow" directed by Kar-wai Wong (of "In The Mood for Love") shows, as it involves drama and emotion. This film is an expiriment with comedy.

To put it shortly, it works.

Guy Ritchie (of "Snatch") writes and directs this comic action short. All "The Hire" films have fairly popular actors, but this one has the biggest by far: Guy casts his wife Madonna in a role similar to that of her real life. The chemistry between her and Clive is fun, and it's entertaining to watch The Driver slowly respond to Star in a witty way. Then the hilarity begins, as he finally listens and "steps on it".... totally suprising her. You can't help laughing as Madonna gets tossed around in the BMW, and the whole film belongs in the "memorable quotes" section (although viewers should note this has stronger language than the other films as Clive uses the word "c**t" once). It even has the "whoo hoo" song in it!

The previous films are good action flicks, but if you want a bit of humour, check this out. The closing scene is hilarious as Star is humiliated in front of all her fans.

Ambush (2001)

A brilliant short.

[20 July 2001]

Before the review, a brief plot summary: The Driver, a chauffeur-for-hire, now has a new customer in his BMW: a mysterious old man from Cuba. As they drive, however, a van pulls up next to them, a gun sticks out, and it's drivers contact The Driver. His passenger is carrying a suitcase full of two million dollars in uncut diamonds, and they want The Driver to pull up and let the man out so they can have his suitcase. When the pleading man explains that he swallowed the diamonds, and that they will cut him open to get it, The Driver realises he can't let these criminals get a hold of his cargo, and a car chase ensues.

This short, which is really a commercial for BMW and the first in the "The Hire" series, is one of the most brilliant shorts ever. Directed by John Frankenheimer (of "Reindeer Games" and "Ronin") this ad has some of the best car stunts you can find on film. The acting is great, Clive Owen is a pleasure. "Gone in Sixty Seconds" can barely match this one. The climax is great, the suspense and tension build up quickly, and The Driver remains as mysterious as ever.

It even promotes safety! The BMW is powerful, and can outrun a van full of crooks, but always buckle your seat belt. Your kids will like it, there's no langauage or such, it's mostly just a lot of fun watching The Driver show the true power of the BMW.

Watch this film, as well as it's sequels, "The Hire" series. It's worth downloading, although I am blessed with a modem that downlands FAST. I pity those of you who must wait, but believe me, it's worth it!

The Batman Superman Movie: World's Finest (1997 TV Movie)

One of the greatest animated films ever.

[19 July 2001]

Before the review, a brief plot summary: The Joker and Harley Quinn, who have recently been down on their cash, steal a strange "green jade" statue from an antique shop called the Laughing Dragon. The dragon is famous because all of it's previous owners have died unexplained deaths. Batman is put on the case, and when he expiriments on a sample from the statue, he learns it is giving off low-level radiation. Bruce Wayne, his billionaire alter-ego, is working on a buisness project in Metropolis with another famous billionaire, Lex Luthor. Clark Kent and Lois Lane are among the first reporters to greet Wayne as he arrives, and immediatly Lane and Wayne become attracted to each other. Meanwhile, Joker has met up with Luthor and shown him the statue which is made of kryptonite, and seals a deal- a billion dollars and he'll kill Superman.

Well, here is an interesting crossover! Of two Warner Brothers cartoons, based on DC comics, Marvel's top competition. This feautures all the original voices from the cartoons, like Tim Daly (currently seen on "The Fugitive") as Superman, Kevin Conroy (currently playing... Batman, as you can see if you'll click on his bio) as Batman, Clancy Brown as Lex Luthor, Dana Delany as Lois Lane, and Mark Hamill (explination needed?) as the Joker.

Let me start this paragraph off by saying that both heroes have suffered a lot of crap recently (ie "Batman Forever" and "Batman and Robin"; "Superman III" and "Superman IV: The Quest for Peace"). Batman has been getting quite some publicity, what with the films "Mask of the Phantsm" and "Sub Zero". Obviously, Kevin Conroy is THE animated caped crusader, and it's nice to see him again.

But, enough with such ramblings. The plot is EXCELLENT and interesting to see how it could work out. As I have just said, it's great to hear all the original voices, together and interacting. The chemistry is great! The conflict between Bat and Super is brilliantly done, and as the plot progresses it gets more and more interesting. Also, the chemistry between the villians is appealing, and with Bruce and Lois... well it's lots of fun.

The scenes are fast-paced and exciting, and the climax is amazing. The Joker's "death" is a great company to his other demise in the film "Batman" with Jack Nicholson. The suspense glues you to it, and the technology is fun. Batman fans will applaud the film, sticking to the original idea and character (a nod goes to Bruce telling Lex "I don't like guns"). It's too bad we don't see Bruce getting emotional about falling in love like in "Mask of the Phantsm".

The special effects and all probably won't break any grounds, and the film will probably be remembered only as a noticeable TV movie from 1998, but I still strongly recommend it. My, we can only imagine what it would be like live action, with Christopher Reeve, Michael Keaton, Gene Hackman, Jack Nicholson, Margot Kidder etc. Ah well, we can still dream... (smile).

Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles (2001)

Don't take it seriously, it just makes it worse. - contains spoiler

[7 July 2001]

Before the review, a brief plot summary: Mick "Crocodile" Dundee is living in Australia with his girlfriend, Sue Charlton, and son Mikey. When Sue's father, who owns a newspaper company in L.A., contacts her and asks her for some help as editor for a while. Mick, who has recently been embarassed when he and an assosiate named Jacko fail to capture an enormous crocodile, agrees to come with Sue to America. While Sue works on a story about the third in a series of bad movies, Mick is appearing as an extra, and discovers that this film may be part of a smuggling plot.

This film involves "Lethal Agent III", a third (and worst) in a series of unsuccessful "Lethal Agent" films. "Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles" is the third (and worst) in a successful series of films about "Crocodile Dundee". It seems rather a silly big time span from "CDLA" is from "CDII". Thirteen years, while the time span from "CDI" and "CDII" is two years- in the late eighties.

Before I saw the preview for this film, I was beginning to wonder how many ideas Hollywood where going to rip off or remake or sequel, as the boys up there seem to just be running out of ideas. My question was answered when I saw this. "CDII" was satisfying and was a well end to the series, but if they would make such a sequel, it would have to be around 1990.

The plot is silly, as well. The plot of a foreigner coming to America raises a smile and still helps us realise how messed up we are, but it is a bit unoriginal by now. It gets slightly predictable near the end, and just when the plot starts getting somewhere interesting, the film ends. And I never heard any children laughing throughout the film, only a few adults chuckling.

I'll give it credit for a few things. It keeps the original cast (as old as he may be, Paul Hogan is the only Crocodile Dundee), and the acting is not bad. The plot isn't great, but if you relax and don't take it seriously, it won't be as bad and maybe even mildly entertaining. It also preaches to children a moral you usually don't see: No sex before marriage, and (mild spoiler) at the end of the film, Mick finally weds Sue. As well, the climax on the movie set is fun and enjoyable to watch.

However, no matter how seriously you do or don't take it, there is one plot hole you can't overlook. In one scene of "Lethal Agent III", where Mick is posing as an extra, a monkey refuses to do his job, so Mick whispers a few things in his ear and he astounds everyone by pouring a mobster a drink. Well, there are no monkeys in Australia. And that scene looks like a reject scene from "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective". And Australians have never seen a drive-through before?

The plot etc. is a throaway for critical adults, but don't think about showing it to your kids yet. The language is quite strong, and young Mikey even looks after a rollerblading woman telling his father that she has a nice a**. In fact, she earlier tried flirting with Mick and called him gay (which of course he responded saying "I'm usually quite happy"). Mick and Jacko visit 'The Cowboy Bar' which turns out to be a gay bar. As they leave the bar, junkies on an acid trip drive past with guns and try to rob them, but of course they beat 'em up with ease. The word a** is used as is some television profanities. And parents will object to Mike Tyson's cameo meditating in the park in a Buddha position.

Since it is really not for kids, adults can view it if they don't take it seriously. My rating would probably be a 5.4 out of ten for those people.

Jack Van Impe Presents (1994– )

The best TV series on TBN

[7 July 2001]

This show proves that the general public is wrong, Christians are not stupid. Jack Van Impe is an intellectual, which has been proved many wrong. His quiet attitude and convincing way of speech- well it's hard to put it down in words. But it's a convincing voice that seems to say "trust me". You can also tell he has had a strong relationship with God, and the inspiring videos he releases show his understanding of the Bible. But, with all this, Jack couldn't hold the show up himself. There are two things which make this show superior to the rest on TBN: Jack's knowledge and Rexella's reassuring, light-hearted attitude which reminds you how great Heaven is, whereas Jack's grim attitude which continually reminds us how close the end times are is slightly disturbing.

Better than all the others on TBN.

Up, Up, and Away! (2000 TV Movie)

An interesting little film

[24 June 2001]

Before the review, a brief plot summary: The Marshalls are an average family in an ordinary American town with it's own superheroes, Bronze Eagle, Warrior Woman, and Silver Charge. What most people don't know is that Jim Marshall, his wife Judy, and their eldest son Adam are the town's heroes. Their young daughter Molly also has super-powers, mainly laser vision, but thirteen-year old Scott is nearing his fourteenth birthday, after which one cannot recieve superpowers. However, so as to not disapoint Dad (and their visitng grandpa, Steel Condor), he tricks the family into thinking he can fly and has superstrength. Meanwhile, the seemingly innocent "Earth Protectors" which are giving out CDs about the enviroment to the kids in Scott's class, may not have all the world's best intentions in mind.

This film does sound silly and childish. Granted, it's not supposed to entertain adults or recieve an Oscar nomination. But it's really fairly original, showing us all superheroes' weakness: alluminum foil, which alters their structure. The special effects aren't that bad, but the filmmakers respect that and don't exagurate on them.

The cast, while slightly forgettable (except for Sherman Hemsley of "All in the Family" and "The Jeffersons") aren't that bad at acting. It's not exactly a riveting potrayl, but it's satisfying. Derek Lee is irritating, but his part is small and not enough to ruin it. Michael J. Pagan does a nice job as Scott Marshall, who is dubbed Warrior Eagle by his parents and does a dorky job at rescuing a woman from a fire. Kevin Conolly was also interesting as the young criminal genious who uses "Earth Protectors" to control minds, against the will of Amy (Jamie Renee Smith), who wants to use the mind control to prevent waste and preserve the enviroment.

Superhero fans might want to watch it for the fun references, i.e. Sherman Hemsley's character Steel Condor's grudge against Superman, Man of Steel, The Green Hornet visiting the Marshalls, etc. In fact, Mr. Fantastic and The Invisible Woman cameo at Scott's birthday party!

Your kids will like it. Don't expect "Batman" or "Robocop", but if you're in the mood for some nice, doesn't-take-itself-seriously entertainment, you might wanna give it a shot, too.

Tribulation (2000)

A Spooky Potrayl of the End Times

[16 June 2001]

Before the review, a brief plot summary: Tom Canboro is a police detective with a prankish younger brother named Calvin and a Christian older sister, Eileen. He is happily married to Suzie Quincy, sister to a strongly eccentric man named Jason Quincy, who has read Franco Macalousso's book "Babel Becomes One" and believes that, if the world is united, whatever we believe we can achieve. However, one night when Tom answers a domestic violence call, Jason and Professor Tim Tucker both attack a Christian calling them a "Hater" then both dive out the window, possesed by demons. When Tom learns of this, a mysterious force takes control of his car, smashes it into a truck, and sends him into a coma. When he awakens years later, he finds that 95% of the world wears the mark of 666 on their right hand, Macalousso now rules the earth, millions of people (including Eileen) have simply vanished without a trace and everyone with the mark can't remember theu ever existed, and his wife is a member of Christians know now as Haters being hunted down by the police force called ONE.

Well, as you can see the plot is rather complex. Sequel to "Apocalypse" and "Revelation", it again features Leigh Lewis as Hater Leader Helen Hannah, Patrick Gallangher as Jake Goss, and Marium Carvell as Selma Davis. Sherry Miller plays Suzie Canboro, and Howie Mandel appears as Jason Quincy. Margot Kidder, famous for playing Lois Lane in the Superman movies, plays Eileen Canboro, while Joseph Ziegler stars as Calvin Canboro. Rothaford Gray has a cameo, again playing Ronny Spalding, the Hater spy who infiltrated One Nation Earth in "Revelation". Nick Mancuso again acts as Franco Macalousso. And the sinister Lawrence Bayne, who has appeared on "La Femme Nikita", "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids" and "The Famous Jett Jackson", plays the evil false prophet Zack Probert, who hunts Tom down throughout the movie.

This film may be a sequel, but all the films made by Peter and Paul Lalonde really aren't connected. Yes, they have the same characters and each film takes place some months after the last one, but they are really a collection of theories of what the rise of AntiChrist may be like. In this, Franco Macalousso shows to the world that he is Lucifer, who discovered that everyone has the power of God, which is why he was thrown out of Heaven. So, a night is upcoming where the world will join together mentally to battle God.

The film potrays intense suspense, as Tom narrowly avoids being arrested by Probert and his agents while struggling to find the truth. The scene with Macalousso and Helen in the Day of Wonders is spine chilling and so good, it deserves to be ripped off (because good films are always ripped off by lesser films).

However, there is one thing not to be taken seriously, because if it is, it could give a wrong impression. The Tower of Babel is used by AntiChrist as an example of how mankind can come together, Genisis 11:6, mainly. While he could, it is not what the Tribulation period will revolve around. Athiests may believe this as being the truth.

With that in mind, this film is highly recomended.

Honey, I Shrunk the Kids: The TV Show (1997–2000)

Better Than The Movie (or it's silly sequels)!

[8 June 2001]

Before the review, a brief plot summary: Wayne Szalinski is a brilliant and eccentric inventor working for Mr. Jennings at GENTEK. Happily married with a lawyer named Diane for a wife, he has a son, Nick (who follows in the tradition of his father) and a daughter Amy (witty but a bit spoiled). Neighbour to Police Chief Jake McKenna and his family, Wayne is the inventor of the shrink ray, the time hopper, the fully equipped van, and several other wacky creations which, whie functioning almost exactly as they were supposed to, always somehow backfire, sending the family into situations involving crime, aliens and the supernatural.

For one thing, the cast is far better than the movie. Peter Scholari is amazing at Wayne and far better than Rick Moranis, and these actors potray the characters and their relationships far more easily and with more wit. Now potraying Wayne's job and the people at work, this is like a sitcom... only much better.

The titles are always amusing, with examples like "Honey, The House Is Trying To Kill Us", "Honey, We're Past Tense" and "Honey, I'm The Wrong Arm Of The Law", and the one-liners make James Bond blush. "Deader than a Charlie Sheen flick", "When you have a brainstorm, it's a drizzle", and "The mayor will be back in six months, his term was shortened on good behaviour" are some of my favourites. Like Stephen King, When the plots are explained, they sound silly and corny, ie the van is shrunk and falls into Grampa's drink ("Honey, We've Been Swallowed By Grandpa"), a machine sucks them into the Tv ("Honey, We're On TV), and that Wayne inherits a billionaire's brain to re-animate ("Honey, It's A Billion Dollar Brain"). However, also like Stephen King, they are executed well. Unlike "Honey, We Shrunk Ourselves", "Honey, I Blew Up The Kid" and those other cheap sequels, of course.

The spoofs are also very amusing. For example, in "From Honey, With Love" Wayne is showing some foreign buyers some metal at GENTEK, which they try to steal, when Dalton Pierce shows up. He's a Canadian secret agent, and impressed by Wayne's gadgets. He joins Dalton's organization taking the code letter P ("Oh, I can just hear: 'Let's get P on this one'."). When the superspy is accidently blinded by one of Wayne's inventions, P takes his place, trying to trap a villian on the Canadian submarine Scotia. He finds it has been abandoned and the villian has left explination of his death (the way villians would tell Bond) on the computer, where Wayne can listen like on voice mail, "If you were suprised, press one. If you saw it coming, press two." Wayne then finds a bomb left to destroy the ship, and, when failing to disarm it, uses his hand-held shrink ray to turn it into a tiny explosion. Better than Austin Powers, Get Smart or Spy Hard.

Theres so much more about this show I cant list it all, see it for urself!

Praise (1973– )

Recipe for a bad Christian series:

[20 May 2001]

Get a bunch of preachers, all with different theolgy, stick them all on a TV series where they interview other preachers with different theology. Some pastors have interesting theories (espesially the ones that agree with me) and some- don't. For example, to get people to watch his (utterly horrible piece of trash) movie, "The Omega Code", Paul Crouch stated on the air that it was a box office hit. What kind of desperate Christian is that? Also, T. D. Jakes, while supposedly Pentecostal, believes Jesus was not the Messiah. I, being Pentecostal, smell a fake. Finally, Hal Lindsey has had silly theories on the end times for decades now, always too suspisious, with several accusations of the AntiChrist. Jack van Impe (and NOT his irritating wife, Rexella) and John Hagee are the best of the bunch. Watch it for the chemistry between the witnesses, but if you want some serious stuff, watch each minister's own TBN series.

Murder on the Orient Express (2001 TV Movie)

Interesting, but could have improved

[28 April 2001]

Before the review, a brief plot summary: Hercule Poirot, the most famous detective, solves the murder of a showgirl in Istanbul. Along the way, he meets a beautiful jewel thief, and they interest each other. However, Poirot declines her proposal and leaves to fly for London, when he chances over his old friend, Bouc, who has rebuilt the Orient Express. Poirot, of course, takes it back to England, but along the way a Mr. Ratchett asks Poirot to discover who is threatening him. He doesn't take the case, and soon Ratchett is found dead........

Well, looks like the writers were afraid no one cares about the good old days, and just had to make Poirot use a labtop. Oh, yeah, and he had to have a love interest. (sigh) It won't sell without sex, will it? And, in the upcoming film "Baker Street", Sherlock Holmes will find romance in Catherine Zeta-Jones. HONESTLY!! People can accept Poirot working without modern technology! He even mentioned, "How could I have forgotten." He wouldn't have! (breathe) OK sorry about that.

As I said, it was an interesting concept. Poirot's mystery updated from 1934 to 2001. It was actually rather faithful to the book, with the slight reduction of characters. Then, of course, we all know it doesn't do to have too many characters in a movie.

The references to "The Murder of Roger Ackroyd" and "The Mysterious Affair At Styles" raised a smile. Also, Alfred Molina's potrayl of the brilliant Belgian is a modern reincarnation of Albert Finney. Some have complained he can't hold a candle to Finney, or Ustinov or Suchet. Well, of course they aren't! But the makers are trying their hardest, and we should be thankful they even tried to make him resemble the sleuth (ditto for the recent TV movies "The Hound of the Baskervilles" and "The Sign of Four" with Matt Frewer).

Ratchett was the irritating, name confusing character of the book and movie. Pierre was just as I imagined him. Mrs. Hubbard, however, could have been done better. When I first read Agatha Christie's book, I imagined her as a busybody, talking of her daughter like Columbo speaks of his wife. Here, she made one passing reference to her offspring, less than satisfactory.

The watch thing was changed to a wrist watch (if you know the story you know what I mean). There was also the absense of the dragon dress. Too bad. Oh well. The acting was good, the accents were convincing, and the ending was as suprising as the book. If it's on again, you should see it.

One thing, if anyone involved in this project reads this: I was intruiged by the fact that Poirot had his own TV show, "Sleuth Supreme". Maybe we could make a real show out of it- Hugh Grant as Hastings?