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sallyomalleyxxx
Reviews
Two Moon Junction (1988)
Unintentionally hilarious
This is, without question, the most hilariously bad movie I have ever seen in my life. I'd give it one star, but its very badness makes it entertaining! Bad script, bad acting, bad music, bad hair: hysterical from beginning to end. I'm serious, by the end I was exhausted from laughing so hard! Even the scene where the dog dies is funny, and I'm the type who cries buckets over Old Yeller.
I'm not even going to bother discussing the so-called plot, except to say: rich gal, engaged to successful guy, meets buff carnie worker and falls in love with him. Many shirt removals ensue.
As for the "soft porn" some critics have touted, it's disappointing. I keep hearing that women like this movie. All that tells me is how pathetically under-served women are by the film industry, that they would be grateful for such paltry crumbs as these. Yes, Richard Tyson is attractive (except for the hair) but you hardly get to see any of him. He occasionally takes his shirt off, whoop de doo. Is his lower body covered with horrible burns, or something? It must be, because nudity in this movie is confined to the female characters. Time and again the camera focuses lovingly on Sherrilyn Fenn, who, by the way, makes having an orgasm seem like an unpleasant chore. One wonders if she's ever actually had one.
Even the makeup is incompetent. There's this one scene, after Tyson's character gets beaten up, where he has what looks like a perfectly round hole in his forehead, and he and Fenn are having sex, and it's supposed to be hot, but you keep seeing this weird hole in his head and laughing...OMG, it's sooooooooooo bad. I'm shocked to see so many positive reviews of this ridiculous clunker. 2 out of 10 stars.
On the Waterfront (1954)
Best. Movie. Ever.
Dear God, what a great, great movie! I just watched it again for the first time in years, and am too excited to think straight, so this is going to be a terrible, useless, babbling gush of a review. Forgive me!
So many memorable scenes! Such great acting! The little guy who's been pushed around all his life, standing up to be counted, sticking it to The Man! Hallelujah! Brando is so awesome in this movie, he's just perfect as Terry Malloy, the tough guy who's got more guts than brains. In fact, his character's lack of sophistication makes you love him that much more, as you watch him struggle with his moral dilemma. In the beginning, he's one of the bad guys - his older brother is one of the mobsters who have taken over the local union - and he has every reason to stick with them, not just for the perks but for his own survival. But little by little he begins to question the things they do.
Karl Malden is excellent as Father Barry, the priest who encourages Terry and the other longshoremen to stand up to the mobsters. The speech he gives on the dock after Doogan is killed for testifying is brilliant. Priests like that are few and far between, but real life examples do exist; Archbishop Oscar Romero springs to mind.
And Eva Marie Saint is great as Edie. Remarkably, she manages to be convincingly sweet and innocent without being sickening. Most white-gloved girl characters in 1950's movies make me want to vomit, but Saint stays away from the usual icky, mannered gloppiness and gives Edie some backbone. Edie is an idealist who's never been tested. She urges Terry to speak out, but when things start to go sour she falters. Ironically it's Terry who, once he gets started, refuses to back down.
The scene where Terry tells off Johnny, the corrupt union boss, is exhilarating, cathartic, life-affirming. If you can sit through it without cheering, you have no soul, pure and simple. 10 out of 10 stars.
* * *
p.s. After reading some of the other reviews, I have to add that a movie review is not an assessment of the moviemaker's personal morality. What Elia Kazan did in real life is irrelevant!
Gefangen (2004)
Not for everyone
I found this movie appealing despite its flaws. Whether you can forgive the flaws depends greatly on what you find hot. Some people find the whole men-behind-bars, dominance/submission, "young pup manhandled by older, bigger dudes" scenario highly erotic. Others will be bored during the long stretches between the explicit sex scenes, and probably shouldn't bother watching. These are the critics who complain about porn with pretensions. What they don't understand is that for some viewers, the pretensions -- the attempts at character development -- are part of the porn.
The flaws are many and serious, lol. This is a low-budget movie rife with silly stereotypes, bad acting and unintentional humor. Oh, and the music is terrible. But the two stars, Marcel Schlutt and Mike Sale, are a pleasure to look at, there are some very hot scenes, and there are also some surprisingly good non-sexual moments. And Schlutt, considering his inexperience and lack of training, is not a bad actor! He's at least twice as good as Keanu Reeves, though admittedly that's not saying much, and is absolutely adorable in the role of the shy, blushing ingénue. (Watch the cast interview afterwards and you can see he was definitely acting.) Also, in the rape scene, he's disturbingly convincing.
Unfortunately, Schlutt's co-star, Mike Sale, can't act to save his life, God bless him. It doesn't help that he's supposed to be American and has a British accent, but in a low-budget movie you can overlook things like that. What you can't overlook is a lead actor who reads his lines woodenly, occasionally glancing at the camera, and who's supposed to be the toughest thug in a maximum-security prison but comes across as cuddly and effete. It's kind of cute in a way, lol. I guess there aren't many black actors to choose from in Germany. To be fair, though, he is attractive, and pleasing to watch during the sex scenes.
I won't catalog all the things about the movie that are silly, as other critics have covered that in excruciating detail. I will say I couldn't help noticing that the sole African-American character is portrayed as the toughest, most dominant guy in the whole prison, he's the best basketball player, etc., and uses the word m-----f----- once or twice (with a British accent). Personally, I found this rather cute and quaint. It's like a little slice of sociology, seeing how African-American men appear (exotic! feared! revered!) through German eyes.
I'll just mention two scenes that surprised me. One is the scene in which Schlutt's character, Dennis, returns to his cell after being outed as having an affair with a black man. The other prisoners chant "N----- Whore" over and over again as he's marched down the cell block. It's actually a little scary. And the scene in which the Letarsky character comforts Schlutt's character after the rape is rather touching. Some critics seem to have found that scene funny, so maybe I'm just under-critical or something, but it moved me.
So, to summarize: It's undeniably bad in a lot of ways, but I watched it three times, so am giving it 7 out of 10 stars. (I would so never admit to that if I were posting under my real name!)