bass-player-blues Reviews

1883 (2021–2022)

Can't stand Taylor Sheridan

[1/10 · 7 August 2023]

He has the audacity to think he has some grand vision of the wild west society needs to see and passes it off smugly as some sort of masterpiece but all he really does is sell out to morally bankrupt modern audiences Breaking Bad/Game of Thrones style (literally copying all the themes, music, and feel of those sort of shows). Don't get me wrong even though I'm not the biggest fan of either those shows are much better than this and not contradictory or hypocritical in their presentation like this is. They're just unashamedly despicable unlike shows such as 1883 that try to uphold a fake sense of moral high ground which is never actually present. Sheridan thinks it's so intelligent and "edgy" to constantly have all the characters dropping F-bombs left and right. Wow, how cheap. I bet if you actually lived in the late 1800's you could go an entire year without even hearing an angry drunk swearing like that. Sheridan also cheaply casts country music stars Tim McGraw and Faith Hill to win over all the rednecks in America despite the fact they're both subpar actors at best. Nobody really likes Kevin Costner's country band or singing so why should I want to watch them act in the same vein? You also get plenty of barely audible grumbling by Sam Elliot in another cardboard portrayal because Sheridan is so smart and knows what America wants!

Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)

Tarantino getting too cute

[5/10 · 27 December 2022]

I feel like when Tarantino was pitching Kill Bill after the studio gave him way too much creative control and $$$ they were probably thinking "that sounds awful". Tarantino probably followed up with "Every single boy up to the age of 14 will think it's awesome because like Samurai swords n' stuff and every adult nerd who works at Gamestop or hobby stores will consider it the best movie of all time until the next fad happens 4 months later... The nerd who works at Gamestop will have his mom bring him AND his brother to the theater so think about how much $$$ that is if they all do that!"

Tarantino seems to be well known for his "retro 60's and 70's based artistic approach" but interesting how he's willing to throw all of that out the window and have the iconic theme of the movie be "current fad" 2000's techno music instead of hiring a composer to create something retro-based. Tarantino knows he doesn't have to bother with that as long as he picks all his favorite old songs to be featured and the studio is willing to fork out the royalties.

The Ice Road (2021)

Needs more style

[4/10 · 6 December 2022]

I really love the main premise of this movie because it reminds me of 90's action movies I grew up with like Black Dog (also about truckers). Problem is that paint by numbers affairs like Ice Road try to be both ultra serious and a lighthearted popcorn flick but they fail at both.

When the main premise is crossing the ice road and that's the title you need to make the ice road the villain and really build it up for the viewer... You gotta start the movie with a flashback of Liam Neeson's dad dying trying to cross it 25yrs ago. You gotta have menacing aerial shots showing it's scale and even give it its own villain music. When they're trying to cross it it needs to fight back in a more climactic fashion, not just crossing it and having half of the action scenes on an actual road. There should be no need for the silly coorperate greed subplot and sabotaging bad guy taging along.

Iron Eagle on the Attack (1995)

Nice set of wheels!

[6/10 · 7 November 2022]

Highjacking an F-16 by threatening the pilot with a double barreled shotgun and the quip "nice set of wheels"? That one part alone earns a lot of points! This movie is just pure fun and always manages to point me in a good mood. Is it realistic they'd fund a flying school for juvenile delinquents? Probably not. Is it fun and enjoyable in a lighthearted 90's guilty pleasure sorta way? Absolutely! The aerial scenes are mostly very well done and graceful to watch. The dogfight between the old piston powered T-6 trainers and modern F-16 jet fighters was quite exciting and amusing as well. Is it kinda cheesy and loaded with cliche's? Yes but who cares just turn your brain off and enjoy the ride!

Jurassic World Dominion (2022)

Things I learned from Jurassic World: Dominion...

[1/10 · 16 June 2022]

-Dinousaurs that only survived in warm climates can apparently thrive in cold winter climates

-Between the time-span of the last movie several dinousaurs have quickly evolved into partial birds

-You can effectively lasso an 8000lb Parasaurolophous on horseback

-Velociraptors can get perfect traction running uphill in the snow

-Velociraptors will chase you on a motorcycle at 50mph for several miles without tiring or considering going after the many pedestrians on foot along the way

-Baryonyx; a dinosaur most paleontologists conclude hunted fish with it's long arms will devour a grown man

-The "Bird Raptor" dinosaur can swim 50mph underwater and has perfect vision for hunting underwater even though it probably couldn't swim at all

-A system put in place specifically to extinguish all of your contained giant locusts only serves to make them escape and continue to live on fire as long as it looks cool for the audience and is convenient to the "plot"

-Mosasaurus a giant predatory aquatic reptile is affectionate towards whales instead of eating them when it serves the "feel good" ending

-Instead of doing proper fan service to the series, completely abandon the Jurassic Park universe and instead copy Star Wars, The Bourne Identity, Mission Impossible and X-Files then throw dinosaurs in there for good measure!

The Real Housewives of Dubai (2022– )

They can't even get superficial escapism right!

[1/10 · 13 June 2022]

The point of a show like this should be to show how the other half lives and transport us into that fantasy because we don't have it. A lot of the most filthy rich people in the world live in Dubai so as someone in middle America I want to be disgusted by all their excess and simultaneously jealous about it. Where's the private jets, the exotic cars, beautiful locations, and above all beautiful people? I want to see gorgeous models in Dubai eating meals that cost more than what I make in a year not just people doing ordinary things like anyone can do! These shows literally aren't written with any male influence once so ever. These are the most beautiful women in the wealthiest area? Not one is even remotely hot! At least Real Housewives of Miami, Beverly Hills, and Orange County had some eye candy at the bare minimum!

Ambulance (2022)

Nothing's fun anymore

[1/10 · 13 April 2022]

As much as everyone loves to rag on Michael Bay he definitely had a knack for grandiose, stylish escapism usually in the "guilty pleasure" category. Just compare Bad Boys to this to see how far things have sunk... It's atmospheric, moody, cool, has a killer score, funny lines, great scenery, stylish sets, impressive action sequences, etc. It's a perfect fun turn your brain off popcorn flick.

This movie on the other hand is just putrid, uninspired, soulless dreck with tons of unnecessary violence which is seizure inducing. We walked out after 20 min, literally hard to watch!

Free Guy (2021)

Insulting incoherent mess

[1/10 · 18 August 2021]

This movie displays everything I hate about modern Hollywood... From the moment it begins absolutely everything you see or hear on screen is 100% determined by focus groups trying to please everyone paint by numbers style versus actual artistic ingenuity or originality. There's zero attempt to establish any sort of backstory for the characters, instead just shove a bunch of loud CGI down your throat right off the bat and familiar popular music as a cheap way to win over the general audience. Nothing surprises you at all. They got Reynold's copying Jim Carey's blissful cheerfulness from The Truman Show, the actor who plays his best friend just copies Kevin Hart verbatim because "Everyone likes Kevin Hart and he's in all the movies!" Even the main actress' performance sounds exactly like Ellen Page (now Elliot Page) from Inception. The video game world they created doesn't feel fun and surreal like it should, just seems like real life with a bunch of glowing "power-up" items and the occasional tank lurking about ala GTA. It can be pretty at times but mostly comes across hollow and heartless.

I have nothing against a good popcorn guilty pleasure flick but this sort of movie is the worst of both worlds; dumbed down plastic garbage with the appalling audacity to pass itself off as something ground-breaking . It does this with zero continuity as well. After 15 straight minutes of mind numbing CGI action scenes they have the audacity to preach some flat side plot about business integrity and innovation. On top of that way too much of the run time is dedicated to a generic rom-com style side plot which feels forced and distracts from the main premise which was completely non-existent to begin with.

The Punisher (2004)

Travolta was badly miscast

[6/10 · 13 July 2021]

I really pains me to write a somewhat negative review of this film because it was a favorite as a teen and one of the coolest movies at the time it came out. Now with over 15 years of hindsight I don't enjoy it nearly as much. Casting Travolta as the main villain is the film's biggest fault. He's just too 'likeable' as a villain in a movie with such dark subject matter where the audience needs to completely despise the main villain. That's why he works so well as a "likeable villain" in a movie like Pulp Fiction. It's also a bit hard to take Travolta seriously as the head of a giant criminal empire in Florida lol. The actress that plays his wife Lydia however was perfectly cast but because of her motives you really despise her more than Howard Saint which is problematic to the buildup to the climax. Travolta does his best in the role and there are some notable strong scenes with him such as the "Bowie knife" at Quinton's house. Overall he was badly miscast though.

Thomas Jane seems like an ideal Punisher on the surface but ultimately he is just too cardboard in his portrayal. As the audience we don't feel his pain enough despite a hilarious giant fan in his apartment which apparently only runs at night in slow motion during his "drinking sorrow scenes". For car lovers like me Castle's GTO and the hit man's Roadrunner (which eventually becomes his) are fun to see on screen. I was disappointed however to hear they initially planned a longer chase between these 2 muscle cars. The guitar playing hitman scene is definitely one of the biggest strong points of the film, well acted and well done on most every level. If you haven't seen the film look up just that scene on Youtube!

The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It (2021)

Atrocious cinema

[1/10 · 9 June 2021]

Watching movies like this makes me truly realize how much effort goes into making decent films and how lazy film makers have become. Take just an above average/good horror movie from 20 years ago like The Ring... At the time it was a well received popcorn horror film but nobody considered it a masterpiece by any means. Comparing The Ring to this movie makes it seem like Citizen Kane and that's not even an exaggeration with how far things have sunk.

Together Together (2021)

Literally painful...

[2/10 · 28 April 2021]

Easily one of the worst movies I've ever seen; embarrassing on every conceivable level and an awkward experience to watch... I've liked Ed Helms in other movies such as The Hangover but his character Matt in this is one of the most pathetic shells I've ever seen passed of as a protagonist. They overplay the "I'm an effeminate male" thing so constantly that it just gets irritating. As a viewer it's almost impossible to care about anything that's going on. Neither Matt or Anna are particularly likable and the writers don't even attempt to establish any sort of effective character transformations. They're banking on the fact the surrogate mother thing will be interesting enough on its own but it isn't, it's already been used more entertainingly in about 100 Lifetime movies since the 90's! Sure their relationship is cute but it's not cute, quirky, or heartwarming enough for the viewer to get that invested in it. Very lazily done. The movie's attempts at humor are literally cringe worthy. Every time the "comic relief" barista character opened his mouth I could hear a pin drop in the theater. All the scenes with that character were just off putting and awkward.

The Living Daylights (1987)

A tedious affair...

[6/10 · 21 April 2021]

When you subtract a great theme song by A-ha, an exciting score by John Barry, and some impressive action sequences; The Living Daylights doesn't leave much left to be desired... It's attempting to be a dark espionage thriller, a campy Bond movie, and a romance novel all in one yet it fails at all three. The political aspects of the plot are convoluted, dull, and never really develop into anything engaging. Who cares about some plot involving Russian treason, arms dealing and drugs? Yawn. Since this came out at the tail end of The Cold War it's just implied that The Russians are always the bad guys but in this day and age it seems dated. The love story between Bond and Kara takes up over half of the screen time but there isn't enough tension or chemistry between them to keep you engaged for that long. It's cute but ultimately gets boring. Joe Don Baker gives an amusing performance as Brad Whitaker and while Jeroen Krabbe effectively portrays Koskov as a slimy character; neither of them are interesting or developed enough as villains for you to really care what's going on.

Batman Forever (1995)

Unfairly criticized but becoming a classic

[7/10 · 13 January 2021]

Batman Forever may be the most unfairly criticzed super-hero film ever made. It's sandwiched between the fandom of the Burton and Nolan films while simultaneously blamed for leading to Batman and Robin. If you compare it to the darker and more gothic Burton films and are disappointed Keaton isn't still playing Batman, of course you're not gonna enjoy it. If you compare it to the more serious neo-realism of the Nolan films, again you're not gonna enjoy it. What is it you ask? Batman Forever essentially plays out like a live action cartoon and it does this very well. If you watch it through that lens instead of judging it for what it's not you'll find that Batman Forever actually has superior continuity and pacing than any other Batman film except maybe the 1966 version. This is coming from someone who's favorite film is Batman 1989 and a big Tim Burton fan. It honestly baffles me to hear people rave about how great Batman Returns is and then go on to bash Batman Forever. While Returns has a ton going for it, it really suffers from the same core problem as Batman and Robin; the director getting too cute with creative control. All Joel Schumacher did was set out to make a fun super-hero film with something for everyone to enjoy and I honestly think he succeeded with Forever. With Batman and Robin he went too flamboyant just like Burton went too zany and weird with Returns. The first time around both directors got it right testing the waters with their own respective styles. Everything in the film is very cartoonish and if you appreciate it from that perspective it's really quite masterful in a lot of subtle and not so subtle ways. Although Batman The Animated Series was largely influenced by the Burton movies Forever really seems like it's bringing that onto the big screen with real actors and real sets which is quite a feat. Schumacher just added more color and neon which honestly is a welcome change from the stark art deco gothic flavor present in Returns. Nothing wrong with that flavor in Returns, it's just that Burton went all in and we didn't necessarily need more of the same. Batman Returns actually has considerably different art direction from Batman 1989 yet you rarely hear fans complain about that difference or even acknowledge it.

Nicole Kidman is perfectly cast as Chase Meridian and I like Chris O'Donnell as Robin even though he was probably a tad old. Everyone criticizes Val Kilmer for being too bland compared to Keaton but honestly the latter wouldn't have worked at all in the film the way it was done. Since Tommy Lee Jones and Jim Carrey are both such strong personalities a more stoic Kilmer contrasts that well. Batman Forever really is Jim Carrey's vehicle though. You watch Batman Forever for Jim Carrey the same way you watch Batman 1989 for Jack Nicholson.

The Matrix (1999)

Overachieving as a blockbuster, subpar as a great film...

[7/10 · 20 May 2020]

The Matrix really captured the hearts of the Gen X and later millennial masses when it came out in 1999. It not only tapped into the nihilistic feelings of an entire generation of bored of life office workers but also added awesome groundbreaking special effects and sweet supernatural ninja style action! So taking that into account it's a perfect movie, right and up there with all the classic masterpieces? Not quite. The Matrix is a classic example of a movie that has so much going for it everyone would rather praise it as a perfect film than point out any of its flaws. The main thing it suffers from is the high budget action blockbuster element. It just doesn't blend well at all with the science fiction and 20 years later seems very dated and silly. Everything about the special effects, the costumes, and the action choreography just screams 1999. So instead of coming across as a timeless classic it's more like "oh man, doesn't this bring us back to playing Playstation 1 in middle school?!" If you think about every masterpiece level sci-fi film they all have one thing in common; limited or no action. The only exceptions I can think of are Terminator, Alien, and Blade Runner but those movies blend the action well within the story. In The Matrix it's very forced and pretentious. They wanted to make it marketable to the widest demographic possible by adding "sweet video game style action". The base sci-fi reality concept would have worked much better in a half an hour Twilight Zone episode. In The Matrix it's drowned out by seemingly endless gunfire and slow-motion leaping jumps. The entire last segment basically turns into Mission Impossible 2 or any overdone John Woo action movie.

Laurence Fishbourne is very strong as Morpheus but I think Hugo Weaving gives the best performance of the film as Agent Smith. The whole love story between Neo and Trinity is flat and ultimately doesn't make any sense. Why does she instantly fall in love with him, just because he's "The One"? It's unconvincing throughout. As a whole The Matrix is a giant mess with poor continuity but it has a lot of strong individual scenes and elements. The "red pill, blue pill" has been used endlessly as a pop culture reference. That entire scene is wonderfully timeless set in the old slum apartment with just a couple leather chairs and rain pouring. But the simplicity is what makes it good and memorable not junk spectacle like the action sequences. All and all I give The Matrix a 7 for everything going for it and lasting cultural impact but 2001: A Space Odyssey it is not...

Waterworld (1995)

What were they thinking?

[2/10 · 21 November 2019]

Costner must've gotten the studio executives high when they green lighted this. How else could it have possibly come to fruition? Costner - "So we're gonna rip off Mad Max 10 years after it's popular." Studio execs - "Hmmm....OK" Costner - "But here's the kicker; it's gonna be set on the water and we're gonna call it Waterworld." Studio execs - "OMG, here's 200 million dollars!"

Waterworld would've been cool as a B-rate Mad Max ripoff from the 80's with more of a cult feel, but the premise just can't be taken seriously as a mid-90's blockbuster. As to the faults of the movie, where to begin? I'm a big fan of Kevin Costner but Mariner is a terribly conceived main character. He's wooden, boring, unlikeable, has a dumb accent, and generally draws zero interest from the audience once so ever. On top of that, Enola the little girl who's importance to the story has religious significance is an annoying brat. Mariner would've done the audience a huge favor if he threw her over the side of the boat like he threatened! Jeanne Tripplehorn is the love interest but not once in the movie is there even a hint of chemistry between her and Mariner. The plots' attempt at romance is so weak along with building friendship among the 3 main characters. Most of the actors just phone in their performances and it's hard to blame them considering the material they're given (Dennis Hopper being the main exception). Hopper is fun as the villain Deacon but all in all you can't take him or any of the bad guys seriously in the context of a movie that takes the story seriously. The bad guys (Smokers) serve almost completely as comic relief and are really the only likable characters in the film. So it's hard to root for Mariner to kick at the end and rescue Enola as a result. That ending sequence is one of the most cringe worthy things I've ever seen in a movie (Enola telling the main henchman how tough Mariner is with barf inducing corny dialogue while he effortlessly kills about 100 guys). When Deacon asks why he bothered coming to rescue her he replies "she's my friend." *Barf

Also, what better way to preach to the masses about climate change than with a record budget blockbuster that used up all the steel in Hawaii to build a temporary set?

Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)

Hasn't aged well

[6/10 · 16 October 2019]

It really pains me to say this because when I was younger Terminator 2 was always a personal favorite. Unfortunately watching it now with fresh eyes and comparing it conceptually to the original, it's really a colossal mess... Everyone praises T2 for being one of the rare sequels to outdo the original. Actually it just tries way too hard to outdo the first and completely loses the effective simplicity which made the original great. T2 strives to be a 'perfect Hollywood Blockbuster' by blending thought provoking sci-fi concepts and strong character drama with high budget special effects, shoot 'em up action, and lots of comic relief. Unfortunately the end result is nothing more than a McDonalds Big Mac... It looks nice and indulges your craving but ultimately is filled with lots of artificial ingredients and cheese that doesn't sit well long term. It's trying to walk a tightrope with mass appeal blockbuster on one side and sci-fi mastery on the other. Instead of effectively walking this tightrope it more often than not jumps from one side to the other.

The main problem I have with T2 is The Terminator itself. Going back to the original, the T-800 was designed to pass just as human enough that it can infiltrate resistance hideouts and assassinate everyone. Simply reprogramming one to go back in time and be a protector wouldn't result in the night and day character transformation the cyborg has from the original. Arnold does a good job staying stoic and cold for the most part but still this cyborg is way too human, and the biggest flaw of all is that it's 'more human than human'. Bladerunner reference aside, what I mean is The T-800 is actually the most likeable character in the entire movie which ultimately is problematic to the concept of the entire franchise. While almost all the human characters in the movie are flawed and unlikeable, The Terminator is perfect. It even points out that humans are destined to destroy themselves (granted if Skynet didn't start the war). When you really take all of that into account why are we rooting for the humans at all, why not root for the machines to win? The Terminator showing a sense of superior humanity is a thought provoking idea but it ultimately ruins the entire motivation of the story which should be that humans while flawed are capable of love and hope which conquers evil. That's the message the first movie conveyed which is completely lost here.

Creed (II) (2015)

Don't know where to start...

[1/10 · 16 May 2019]

As a big Rocky fan this movie is just a travesty. The fact this gets a 7.6 rating on IMDB while Rocky II gets a 7.2 just makes me want to dig my own grave. I guess I can't blame Hollywood for cashing in on lazy uninspired garbage like this if the masses are this easily pleased. This movie neither captures the enduring heart and motivation of the first 3, the guilty pleasure elements of IV and V, or the fan service rehash of Rocky Balboa. It has no appeal once so ever.

Creed's son is completely un-likeable and has zero charisma at all on screen. I would expect the son of Apollo Creed to have a lot more fire in his persona. They don't properly stage his transformation at all, in fact it couldn't have been done any worse. So the movie starts, he walks into the local tough guy gym and beats the 6th best boxer in his weight class with one punch? As an audience member I got so much satisfaction having him start at that high level! He quits his cozy office job and we aren't given any reason why except "gotta be like my dad." They don't show him struggling in the corporate world or anything.

They don't establish the villain at all. In every Rocky movie you gotta hate the villain, so much so that when Rocky starts training you feel like you're the one training cause you want to beat them so bad! In Creed I couldn't care less, they start the training before the opposing fighters have any sort of trash talking or confrontation. That's like Rocky movie 101. There's a forced romance between Creed and a poor man's Rhianna which is just cringe worthy and takes up about half the screen time.

S1m0ne (2002)

Could have been a cult-classic

[5/10 · 28 March 2019]

S1mOne has a strong satirical sci-fi concept, but largely suffers from its large budget and the period in which it was produced... While watching it I couldn't stop pondering how great this concept could've worked in a classic Twilight Zone episode. While I wouldn't call it a bad movie, it ultimately misses the mark. Watching it now in 2019, the CGI for Simone looks silly and easily dates it. As a satire and for standing the test of time better, they should've ditched the computer graphics entirely and just featured the real actress all the time even on the computer screen. It's supposed to be lifelike groundbreaking technology right? This also would've made the interacting scenes much more heartfelt and not like he's talking to a paused Playstation screen. The actress who plays Simone did such a great job not acting real so the CGI is just a massive unnecessary negative.

The whole story of Viktor's ex wife running the studio is so bad and unnecessary. The rekindled 'romance' between them is even worse, would've been much better without all of this. I like Al Pacino in this but I think they could've utilized him much better. He comes across a bit clownish and bum-like for much of it. Stylistically the movie shows glimpses of good direction like the use of vintage automobiles but mostly falls short. It would've been really cool if they went in a 50's sci-fi camp throwback direction possibly with classic noir mixed in for drama. I'm a big stickler for style and there's a lot of fun things they could've done with this particular vehicle. Making Simone a Jessica Simpson-esque pop-star was dumb and doesn't add anything to the movie.

Overall, movies iike S1mOne ultimately leave me frustrated because it could've been a real classic.

A View to a Kill (1985)

Excels in many overlooked areas...

[8/10 · 5 March 2019]

As an avid Bond fan "A View to a Kill" is actually one of my favorites to re-watch despite generally being considered the worst Roger Moore flick. I think it's a superior film to both "Moonraker" and "Octopussy" with levels of viewer satisfaction often on par with the more highly regarded films. I think the biggest factor with the overall disapproval is that it's a new look for Bond. Everyone was fond of the classic campy outlandishness present in the other films while "A View to a Kill" blends that with a darker, fresh 80's feel. It's a precursor to the Timothy Dalton films while "Octopussy" before it was more of a parody of itself than any other Bond film. So in that regard it's highly enjoyable as a hybrid between the Moore Bonds and Dalton's, largely giving you the best of both worlds.

One new element in "A View to a Kill" is the feel of the villain. This, like other new elements likely represents further reason for the lower reception... Zorin is quite possibly the first Bond villain that isn't likable at all and really gets under your skin. While most other Bond villains want to destroy the world, you actually find likeness to them and scenes where they elaborately kill people are laughable. Zorin doesn't send people to the shark tank to meet their demise, he mows them down with a machine gun in a scene that is rather hard to watch. Nonetheless, I think Christopher Walkin did a great job in this role as a new more menacing bad guy. His backstory involving his high IQ and psychotic behavior being the result of Nazi experiments on pregnant mothers is also extremely creative and eerie.

Tanya Roberts always gets bashed for her acting in this. Honestly I actually like her as the Bond Girl. She sorta comes across like a real California 80's blonde which I like. Duran Duran's title track is an 80's classic and the rest of the score especially during action scenes like the bridge fight is very powerful.

Ready Player One (2018)

Endless flaws

[4/10 · 5 April 2018]

I can't believe that Spielberg would direct something like this... Another example of an iconic director selling out for an easy paycheck. The starting premise of the movie is very strong. In 2045 the world has become an ugly wasteland which is so depressing humanity must turn to the virtual world to cope. Not only is this a wonderful starting point for a sci-fi epic, it also relates to our society today. Unfortunately, that's where the promise ends. They try to sell you the premise that people of all ages cope with their depressing real lives by going into a video game world. The makeup of this virtual world is highly flawed for multiple reasons as it pertains to the movie. The most obvious flaw is the visual graphics. The movie is set nearly 30 years in the future but the graphics are obviously limited to our current technology. That simply doesn't work and makes the movie so easily dated in the real future. Also, the visual effects aren't even impressive by today's standards! What were they thinking????!!!

The movie is littered with endless 80's and 90's pop culture references. Every young character in the movie is also an expert on all of this. In 2045, are you kidding me?! How many teenagers and young adults are big into 50's pop culture today? You'd be hard pressed to find one. They also felt the need to play 80's songs for long periods multiple times in the movie yet they don't go with their respective scenes at all. At the start of the movie you're bombarded with endless explanation about the details of the virtual world. It will likely give you a headache and puts Inception to shame! If that's not bad enough they felt the need to play an upbeat 80's song I won't name during almost the entire intro of explanation, so there's that pointless distraction to deal with.

Another big flaw arrives if you consider what the masses would really want from a virtual world versus what's given to them... Living in a sad dystopian world, the obvious choice for escapism is a world filled with happiness and beauty. Instead they get stressful and often violent competitions in video games. What about the elderly, is that all they get too? There's only one person older than 50 in the entire movie and this individual seemingly doesn't participate in the virtual world.

The pacing of the film is atrociously bad, extremely rushed. The movie rarely gives you a chance to just sit back and take it in without spitting out tons of head spinning new information. The action sequences drag on and on and on like nothing I've ever seen before. If I wasn't with my family I would've walked out on the final fight scene it was so dragged out. I give it a 4/10 for having some fun escapism and redeeming qualities, but ultimately it's disposable and doesn't work.

The Other Guys (2010)

First half funny, second terrible!!!

[4/10 · 8 August 2010]

If you go to see The Other Guys, only watch the first half then leave...seriously not joking. This movie starts with a bang. Samuel L. Jackson and The Rock are two cocky cool guy cops that are driving a muscle car and caught up in a ridiculous over the top chase that's hilarious! There's lots of great one-liners and tension between Ferrell and Wahlberg in the first half.

But in the second half the movie takes a nose dive into the earth's core. I honestly felt like a 10 year old was editing and directing then! There are occasional hints in the first half that it will fail like excessive goofiness and dragged sequences. But I had faith in it.

I'll give the first half a 7 and the second a 0 = 3.5...rounded up to a 4.

Batman (1989)

Breathtaking anomaly of production and vision

[10/10 · 7 June 2010]

Let me start off by saying as a huge movie buff, this is my favorite movie of all time. Usually making a choice like that isn't easy, but it wins my #1 spot in spades. The true beauty behind Batman 1989 is Burton's flavor. Letting a non-traditionalist visionary like Burton direct Batman was a big risk for Warner Bros considering all the expectations that inevitably would be riding on it. Burton was allowed to reinvent the substance of everything Batman by twisting it into a dark, evil paradox. He didn't just make a movie about Batman, he changed the public's idea of what Batman should be forever. No other comic book movie can make a claim that touches that.

Another beautiful element of this movie is its mix of Gothic fantasy and shoot 'em up action. Even though Burton was given most creative control, he knew he had to give this film all the explosive action that's typical for a late 80's high budget action thriller. So it comes across as Tim Burton in overdrive, in which he pushed his own limits of potential. Batman thrives from its late 80's production. This is when action movie production was at an all time high, and before unnatural computer generated effects most new action films suffer from. So despite its over the top sequences, it still has a sense of truth about it. One action sequence I consider one of the coolest ever is when The Batmobile drives into the Joker's chemical factory, henchmen start shooting at it with machine guns, it stops, drops some mines, then drives out while the entire complex is blowing up (awesome!) There is another aspect of this film that is excellent but often unnoticed compared to the strength and drive of the storytelling. That's how this film completely manipulates the viewer's sense of time. Burton is a master at this. It routinely changes from a dark, saddened 1940's big city feel to a glossed over, gritty, material late 80's. Burton transformed much of The Joker's character to model a 1940's gangster boss, which I think is a neat creative throwback and fitting addition. Many of the Joker's men resemble Al Capone style cronies and carry classic weapons like Tommy Guns, .45 pistols, and revolvers.

Another great element of this film is its occasional sense of lighthearted fun, despite all the darkness. This is present during the Joker party scenes with Prince music (the one in the art gallery is the best). I love how The Joker was transformed into a more dynamic character. He's insane, but also has an appreciation for art, and is a genius chemical expert. Nicholson's performance as The Joker was superb and unmatchable by any standards. He made The Joker fun, evil, crazy, but also added a sense of gentlemen class to the character. His wicked Joker laugh is incredible to say the least. His creative one liners are also fun and unexpected, such as "there's another rooster in the hen house" and "ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?" Danny Elfman's brilliant, gracefully haunting score is an undeniable driving force behind this movie. The intro with this score takes the viewer through dark tunnel-like grooves that eventually end up being the Batman symbol. This is a superb sequence and very innovative for the time, influencing many similar scenes in future films. Another thing we cannot forget is the Batmobile! It's too bad there's no academy award for vehicle design because that was deserved! It's sleek, curvaceous, all black, menacing, and powered by a jet thruster. It looks like a fighter jet on wheels with tail fins.

This is my best attempt to describe in words what makes this film great, although it's impossible to note everything. Batman 1989 is a masterfully entertaining super film in every sense. Hopefully someday we will see something like it again in Hollywood.

Slagskämpen (1984)

Dennis Hopper does a good job

[5/10 · 6 December 2009]

I just watched this movie recently, and I really didn't think it was that bad. Some aspects of it are actually quite appealing. Interesting plot - Swedes develop a submarine tracking laser that could completely change the cold war. Then practically immediately after it is tested successfully, it is stolen.

Good premise, but it sort of leaves you unsatisfied. The main character is kind of a dopey young guy and his role in the movie isn't very strong from a character standpoint. So you aren't really routing for him that much throughout the film.

Some of the other characters are better, specifically Dennis Hopper's. Almost every scene with him was good, as he's easily the best actor in the movie and his character is pushy and arrogant in a enjoyable sort of way.

The Suburbans (1999)

Some moments, but poorly structured

[3/10 · 21 October 2009]

When watching this film, it seems to have a big identity crisis throughout. It has all the right components to be a hilarious comedy, but doesn't deliver when it should; often merging into boring drama and romance side plots for long periods of time. After seeing the powerful cast consisting of Ferrell, Hewitt, and Stiller, it's easy to build up high expectations. Here's my analysis of that: Will Ferrell's presence in this film is so insignificant that he shouldn't even have been in the movie at all. He was already pretty big, so I don't get why he was in such a menial role and literally has about 3 light chuckle lines in the whole film.

Stiller has a menial role as well, but his character is funny and one of the higher points of the movie. Jennifer Love Hewitt does a good job with the decent-bad material presented to her, and she gets a lot of screen time. Her character is cute and one of the better aspects of the film.

There are some notably funny elements here and there, but nothing that grabs you as a whole.

Burglar (1987)

A genre-less film with very few good moments

[2/10 · 13 March 2009]

I recently saw this movie in a bargain bin at a store and became excited when I read the back cover. It appeared to have everything that I love in a film - comedy, action, Bob Goldthwait, and was made in my favorite era (the late 80's). I eagerly popped it in the DVD player when I got home and it starting off fairly promising with a suspenseful burglar scene and cool 80's soundtrack music. But then the plot just droops off into a depressingly boring cesspool of garbage. About 20 min into it you're left thinking "this isn't going to get any better is it?" The movie is hardly funny at all despite tricking you into thinking that with a large array of comedic actors in the cast. The film has more of a gritty cop drama type feel with a dark club-like nature. I like that, but this movie shouldn't be played out that way. So basically it's stuck in the middle without a genre. The main highlights of the film are its cool 80's pop/rock soundtrack, slight Miami Vice-like feel, and Bob Goldthwait in some scenes. Although, I'm a big fan of Goldthwait and this film doesn't showcase his hilariousness nearly as well as others. Whoopi Goldberg has a strange character that leaves you thinking "Huh?" in almost every scene. Her character isn't likable at all much less funny or anything else.