Illyngophobia Reviews

Extreme Life & Death: The Blair Witches of Shockumentaries, Part One (2000 Video)

An Alternate, Rare Glimpse into the Eye Of Death

[3/10 · 5 February 2020]

When the topic of shockumentaries arises, you'll always hear about the classics like Faces of Death and Traces of Death as the general alphas that lead the pack for others like Executions, Inhumanities, Faces of Gore, and Death Scenes. These generally have a running theme with notable scores and soundtracks; as well as narrations to provide exposition, backstory, or in the case of TOD and FOG, snark, deadpan humor, and macabre jokes at the expense of those caught in the crosshairs. However, Extreme Life & Death is a bit different from the others to come out towards the end of the shockumentary popularity hype with Banned! From Television and Banned!In America soon proving to overstay its welcome.

Extreme Life & Death: The Blair Witches of Shockumentaries is a three-part series released by DMP Entertainment, a now presumably defunct company, showcasing reels of accidents and atrocities caught on film; such as boating and aviation accidents, natural disasters, car accidents, terrorism, and much more. Like with other titles, much of the footage appears to be that of home video or unused news footage left on the cutting room floor, in addition to seeing reoccurring material that isn't a stranger to other films - including that of a firing squad execution smuggled out of Iraq. There's also a fair deal amount of footage that has likely never been used in other similar films, which does give it a leg up in comparison to some films whose footage consists of a compilation of other, oftentimes better, films. However, one of the most glaring differences is that there's no narrator supplied to help provide exposition like that of Dr. Francis B. Gross or Brain Damage. Instead, we just get what was supplied and sourced with the archived footage which takes the form in incidental music, news narration, or nothing at all beyond the raw background audio. It can make for a tough watch if you aren't paying attention since the clips are shown randomly with no major context tied with them. On one hand, this isn't bad since it can immerse you into the scenes more, but on the other, it slows it down some without much explanation for what's taking place if it's not directly stated from a previous source in the form of captions or narration.

Is it a great shockumentary film? No. Is it the worst of them all? Also no. It's definitely a more unique take on things with thrusting the viewer into what they came here for, rather than pad it out with nonsense that doesn't add much to it. If you choose to skip past this one, then you really aren't missing much at all nor will you lose sleep over it. But, if you choose to embark on this one, then be prepared for some mild confusion, a touch of whiplash, and the knowledge that maybe you really haven't seen everything yet from this oftentimes depraved subgenre that doesn't hold back on the punches.

3.8/10

Fine Housekeep (2015)

An Incomprehensible Fever Dream

[9 March 2019]

The premise of the film, as stated on the IMDb page, centers on a married couple who are daydreaming on a normal day.

Now, what they mean by "normal", I have no idea. The daydream sequences don't so much feel like such, but more like bizarre acid trips or fantasies. The sequences with the husband involve war, death, and religious obsession - including possibly sacrilegious moments involving a crucifix or where he believes he's Jesus...maybe. The wife is more focused on, with hers involving glamorous Hollywood actresses, being pined over by a football player, and their subsequent affair. We also eventually follow him and his daydreams/fantasies as well down the line.

There's no dialogue at any point, and the music adds to the surreal nature of the film - which soon feels like an unhinged fever dream. It ends up reminding me of other SOV horror movies with similar elements or sequences, like Andreas Schnaas' Violent Sh_t and Ron Atkins' Schizophreniac trilogy.

I've only ever seen one other review about the film, and the user says that with these traits (the lack of dialogue, the droning electronic soundtrack, and the shaky camera movements and edits) it could be considered Transgressive Cinema, which starts to make sense. However, much like the reviewer, I don't know if this is a work of true genius that I can't wrap my head around, or it's awful with no real underlying message or symbolism at all - just being chaos for the sake of being, well, chaos. I want to say that there is something hidden within the intention of a lot of the scenes, but I'm not sure if I'm digging for gold in a dumpster and there genuinely is nothing to be had, and I'm just another critic blindly throwing symbolism at the screen until I see if something sticks.

Going into this, I wasn't sure what to expect. I was close to turning it off to go see what else I could find in one of Youtube's many lengthy SOV playlists - and now I'm kind of glad I stuck around to finish it. If you have an hour to kill and you enjoy weird, bizarre filmmaking, then take a look at it and judge for yourself. I'd like to think we can eventually start a discussion about this and what it all means.

Rating: ?/10

Dream Bunny in Dream Land (1996 Video)

Treads into So Bad It's Good Territory

[6/10 · 8 April 2018]

I was first tipped off to this by the Youtuber Brutalmoose (Ian), and I was immediately drawn in by the clumsy acting, amateurish sets, and corny songs that were straight out of a generic knockoff of Wee Sings or Barney the Dinosaur. Something about it told me I was in for something special if I ever found a copy, and I was right.

Right off the bat, if you've seen Ian's review, the first thing you'll notice is the lack of incidental music that isn't the song numbers. There's absolutely nothing going on in the background at any point - not even minor sound effects you'd expect to hear. It can feel awkward and outright uncomfortable at times with how silent it is. Also, there seems to be quite a bit of reverb at some points - adding to the cheapness of the obvious sound stage they're filming on, which isn't helped by the very daycare-esque set designs.

The most glaring issue with DBiDL, if I had to pick one, is the lack of continuity; but whether this is a problem with the writing, the editing, or both is hard to tell - as they could have shot numerous alternate scenes or the writers just forgot. For example, there are moments where characters talk about how "bright and colorful" Dream Land is or how they told their friends they were right about Dream Bunny being real, despite them already knowing or finding out about this earlier on.

The acting on behalf of both the adult and child actors is awkward, but whether it's due to the writing, direction, or it being all natural is hard to pinpoint as well. While the song numbers aren't horribly done because some of the actors aren't that bad, it's just weird to watch and it feels like watching a cheesy school play in some of the worst ways. The choreography for the musical numbers is fairly clumsy, and the delivery is just terrible at times; especially on behalf of the child actors and Dream Bunny, whom many people joked about being dead inside with the latter.

This was the only thing to date that we know of that Childhood Memories Inc have produced, and it's clear they were trying to follow in the footsteps of Barney and Friends to become a full on series; which is further implied that all kids could have their very own Dream Bunny, much akin to the Barney Fan Club in the 90s. Since it's been over twenty years since this came out, we can say it's safe to assume that there's little to no chance of CMI making a comeback and not many people have memories of this.

If you're a fan of weird or obscure media, chances are you might get a kick out of this. It treads the lines of being so bad it's good, and I suspect that in a few years, it will reach a cult classic status in the vain of other VHS oddities like Bicycle Safety Camp (1989), You on Kazoo (1989) and Mr. T's Be Somebody or Be Somebody's Fool (1984).

A Certain Kind of Death (2003)

A Gripping and Haunting Behind the Scenes Look into Death

[8/10 · 17 November 2017]

On the surface, the documentary feels like it's going to follow in the footsteps of other documentaries and shockumentaries before it that give you an inside look into the lives of the dead and the coroners that work with them; setting us up for an unflinching, graphic face-to-face encounter with the many faces of death that spells like a gruesome car crash - you want to look away, but you can't.

However, unlike shockumentaries such as Traces of Death, Faces of Gore, or shorter documentaries like The Act of Seeing With Ones Own Eyes, this doesn't explicitly focus on the medical aspect of working with the dead; specifically that of autopsy examinations. Instead, it focuses on the inner workings of what goes on behind the scenes - from how they work to find people connected to the deceased to what happens to the deceased and their personal effects if nobody comes forward to claim them or be of next of kin. The documentary isn't overly graphic either, unlike the aforementioned titles. So, if scenes like that make you uncomfortable, they're very few and far between.

Filmed in real time, you feel like you're part of the production team and investigation crew as they race the clock to bring some closure to the dead. By the time the credits roll, it may leave you feeling heavy and dreary, or, perhaps, with a new appreciation for life itself. While it may not be life changing or cause existential dread, it may give you something to think about as you go about your day to day life.

Last Year's Halloween Candy (2014)

Never Has Old Candy Tasted So Sweet

[7/10 · 17 February 2017]

From the mind of independent filmmaker Danny Villanueva Jr, this is based on a time when he had after moving Kenosha, Wisconsin from Chicago. There, he found it strange that all trick or treating is done in the day, and wondered what the reason behind that was.

The short paints the child predator character perfectly without out-right saying what kind of a person he is to the audience. From the start, we already get to see what kind of slimy and gross person he is, which makes it makes his attempts to interact with the kid in the part uncomfortable at best.

For being only eight minutes, it hammers in a great story with an interesting ending.

Little Marcy: Learning to Do God's Work (1988 Video)

Strange, and Unintentionally Creepy

[3/10 · 23 January 2017]

As the summary goes, this centers on a puppet named Marcy and a club house she made with her friends to discuss the gospel and how to share God's love.

In a way, this is the Barney and the Backyard Gang of children's Christian kid shows, which also was direct to video around the same time this was distributed by Tyndale House Publishing; which is interesting because Patty Wirtz, who provides the voice for Ashley, went on to do voice work for Barney and Friends as BJ in the 1990s.

As far as the show itself goes, it's put together a little bit better than other puppet themed shows like the Oogene segments of The Gospel Bill Show, but not not as good as The Donut Hole. However, it does manages to be more unsettling than Circle Square and the Christian version of Jay Jay the Jet Plane; but doesn't hold a candle to The Junior Christian Science Bible Lesson Show or Ms.Velma's Most Incredibly Magnificent Christmas Week.

What makes this stand out compared to other content aimed at Christian kids, are how the characters look. Little Marcy is more detailed than the others; having uncanny human facial features, compared to her friends which look like standard felt puppets. Something that others have commented on that also makes the show unintentionally creepy and unsettling, is how Marcy's friends flock to her in an almost cult like manner--adding to the idea that the design of the puppets was intentional.

The content isn't really that entertaining, nor does it have a lot of major substance to it. If obscure kid shows or public access content is your thing, maybe this might be interesting to you. It's not necessarily something that's a blast to watch with your friends, but maybe it can provide a laugh or two with how off and surreal things can get.

Chainsaw Scumfuck (1988 Video)

Chainsaw Cheesefuck

[5/10 · 10 December 2016]

This little oddity from the bowels of the UK tells the story of a chainsaw welding maniac as he breaks into the house of some teenagers just screwing around and ruins their good time; a fairly simple and generic concept that claims to have been influenced by The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

Given how brief it is, there isn't a lot to critique in terms of face value.

Plot: The premise is simple, and again, fairly generic for the decade and sub-genre of SOV. I have a feeling if this ended up being a 60 minute movie (at the very least) it could have had the potential to make a stronger impression.

Visual/Sound: In terms of technical aspects, they're not the best and sink to the bottom with others of the time like "The Bloody Video Horror That Made Me Puke on My Aunt Gertrude", "Nekro", and "Blood Lake"--especially the former. Visually, it can be a little hard to see how good the special effects could have been, and the sound is hard to make out.

Special Effects: This ties into the technical aspects of things. Because the lighting and quality of the film is gritty and tough, it's a little tough to make out the violence. You can see things as they happen, but the true "money shot" isn't clear. So if you want to get in on some true blood and guts action, you might not find it here.

Overall: If you want to watch a solid SOV with great acting, good sound quality, and "goregous" special effects, then this isn't the movie for you. However, if you're looking for something over the top ridiculous that doesn't take itself seriously, then check this one out. I know I had fun with it.

5/10

A Christmas Treat (1985)

I Told You Not to Peek!

[7/10 · 10 December 2016]

The first film by director Tim Sullivan; this short tells the story of Jason, a young boy who, after hearing something in his house on Christmas Eve decides to go investigate.

There isn't a lot to say about this, especially because it's only five minutes long. However, I will say that it was a very ambitious first attempt for Sullivan (who was 21 at the time) and that the award he received from Fangoria his efforts were well deserved.

If you want to see an interesting short film centered around the holidays, consider checking this out. It's a fun good time to bring your friends together and make it into a marathon.

6.5/10

Nekro (1998)

Completely Blasé

[2/10 · 3 December 2016]

Much like other low budget movies of the extreme genre, there's no real plot and the title gives you a general idea as to what you're in for. However, unlike some "extreme horror" features (like the August Underground trilogy and American Mary) where there is some sort of substance and some sort of message (be it political or social) somewhere in there. With Nekro, not so much; which comes off as something that was made simply to get a rise out of the viewer and nothing else.

The quality is very low and amateurish, and it's clear that a lot of things were done in post (such as the audio) and it's sometimes hard to tell what's going on in some shots because it's really dark at times. Nevertheless, I will say that if the quality was improved, chances are it could be up there with other movies about necrophilia and truly live up to being as disturbing as it has been made out to be--and I'll give the makers credit it where it's due for giving the effort to trying to make something truly haunting and revolting.

If you're looking to watch a good movie about the subject, then I'd say skip this and go check out Nacho Cerdà's "Aftermath". There's no dialogue, but the effects are impressive and fairly realistic for being done on a small budget.

2.5/10

Maskhead (2009)

A True Oddity From Toe Tag

[5/10 · 30 November 2016]

The movie centers on Syl and Maddie, a young lesbian couple and their friend (only known as the Cowboy) that own and run a porn company that caters to the weird and quirky fetishes of their customers. However, unbeknownst to their actors, the company is secretly a front for a violent snuff film ring, where the real star of the show is a horrific disfigured and sadistic man known as Maskhead who tortures the actors in ways more cruel than the last.

The main characters are despicable and depraved in their own ways; from the Cowboy's crude and dirty sense of humor when seducing the victims, and Syl and Maddie gleefully discussing how they imagine the murders--clearly aroused by what they have in store for their unlucky "actors". As for their actors, they're alright even if some are a bit forgettable.

The acting is alright, but as someone else said in their own reviews, some scenes (such as the interviews) are pretty slow and the actual scenes with the actors are a very slow burn building to the more entertaining sequences, which are the violence. With the SFX, they're once again done wonderfully by Jerami Cruise and fairly impressive--especially with one of the final scenes with doesn't hold back any punches and is pretty disturbing.

I can see what people mean when it stays true to the mean-spirited attitude of the AU trilogy, which it definitely does if you also added a warped dark humor attitude to it, which can be a nice break from the violence if you're that kind of person who needs a cool down from more intense moments.

5/10

Ax 'Em (1992)

Notoriously Bad and Painful to Watch

[1/10 · 16 September 2016]

When people talk about the worst movies ever made, they often mention movies lie Gigli, Plan 9 From Outer Space, and more recent titles like Foodfight! and Kirk Cameron Saving Christimas. However, if you ask horror fans, they might give you a different answer--with this being one of them.

Ax'Em tells the story of a group of friends to go off to a house for a getaway where a series of murders took place years before. While the plot sounds generic, the movie had the potential to change things up and make it stand out--which it did, but for all the wrong reasons.

The acting is really poor; where certain moments and gags are dragged out for far too long and the actors just seeming like they don't know what they're doing. There are some instances of things becoming ridiculously hammy and over-the-top, but whether or not it's intentional is hard to tell.

The visuals and audio are among some of the worst I've ever come across as far as shot on video movies go. For much of the time, it's hard to tell what's going on because the lighting is terrible and it can be a challenge to figure out what's being said sometimes.

If you're looking for a good popcorn flick, turn to something else. If you're into so bad they're good movies, I'd even advise skipping this as well. It's just not worth the time of day.

Peppermint Park (1987– )

Sesame Street It Is Not

[2/10 · 16 August 2016]

This fever dream tries its absolute hardest to be Sesame Street; all while maintaining the low budget grittiness of a low budget public access kid show or something you'd find pushed in the back of your local library's VHS tape section.

According to the Lost Media Wiki, the series is partially lost, with no known VHS copies being found online--aside from some clips and random episodes. So if you're looking to add these weirdo gems to your collection, have fun trying.

However, whatever you do find is fun to make into a marathon with your friends, especially if you're a fan of Everything is Terrible. This will surely become your newest favorite "so bad it's good" thing.

The Footage 4 (2016)

A New Low for "The Footage" series.

[1/10 · 31 July 2016]

This is the fourth entry in Marco Romano's "The Footage" series, which is a collection of shorts that are believed to come from a collection of DVDs he found. And for the sake of avoiding trouble, I'll include the spoiler warning, despite there nothing really being here to ruin.

Much like with the others before it; there is nothing to behold or of significant interest. The footage is still very grainy, out of focus, and hard to watch. Along with this, the same stock music from the previous shorts is also present. However, the only thing that makes this stand out is that it's the start of something different, which, instead of a series of shots, we're focused on a still image.

Truly a new low for Romano.

1/10

The Greek Embrassy in Bratislava (2016)

A Ridiculous Attempt At Being A Short Film

[1/10 · 31 July 2016]

Once again, I'll be using a spoiler warning for this, although it's not needed. Initially, the only thing that got me to look at this was the Alan Smithee credit, which is clearly a joke at this point, since Alan Smithee was formally retired in 2000.

However, much like with Romano's other shorts, this has nothing to behold and is a waste of time to check out. Also, it's very hard to even attempt to refer to this as a short film when the "embassy" shot is shorter than the credits--only clocking in at about ten seconds or less in length; again, for something that's two minutes long.

Once again, another 1/10 for Romano. Although I'm suspicious that he's an anti-filmmaker at this point, it's still not a very great attempt at satire.

The Footage (2016)

Unwatchable

[1/10 · 31 July 2016]

It's very hard to describe what this is or what's going on without going under the site's guidelines for how long a review has to be.

A basic synopsis of "The Footage" is that someone finds bizarre footage on some DVDs, and what we see is what's on them. It's a really simple idea that has a lot of potential, but fails dramatically in execution. The "footage" is horribly out of focus and it's almost impossible to determine what's going on. Completely unwatchable and very amateurish.

Seeing how active Marco Romano is with pushing out work, and that there's over ten entries in the "Footage" series, one can only assume we can expect more or less the same as this part of the installment.

1/10

Gospel Bill (1981–2022)

A Cringeworthy Trip Back in Time

[2/10 · 25 July 2016]

This low budget obscurity centers on the adventures of the citizens of a fictional Old Western style town called Dry Gulch. Being that the show was produced by Willie George Ministries, you can already take a guess that this is a show aimed for Christian kids.

The quality of the show is fairly low, but fits in with other Christian kid shows of the time; such as Joy Junction and Circle Square. Much like other shows aimed to the same demographic, the show also includes musical numbers and puppet show based segments--all of which are equally as cringey and terrifying.

The show is available on DVD and is still showcased regularly on the channel SMILE. If crappy low budget shows are your weakness or are a guilty pleasure for you, then this might be right up your alley. If this is the case, then this could be something fun to stream with your friends if you want a good laugh.

Dalmatians 3 (2003 Video Game)

All The Budget Went Into The Logo

[1/10 · 24 July 2016]

In the world of horrible video games, especially knock-offs, this is truly a work of art and it's a surprise that most people don't know about it.

From poor gameplay that makes it difficult or almost impossible to run it on your console to the dreadful graphics, this is easily one of the worst video games out there. However, this isn't what has gotten this the notoriety it has. That would be because of a feature on the main menu, which comes in the form of a 45 minute cartoon that is probably a bigger insult than the gameplay itself.

It's hard to even say what the plot of this is, and I'm not sure what's the worst part about this; the animation being worse than anything released on the Phillips CD-I or Sega CD, the ridiculously bad ADR, or that something this bad was released in 2003 on the PS2.

This is a nightmare that you have to see to believe to understand how truly bad it is--and it's not even "so bad it's good bad" either. It's just...wow.

Doctor Bloodbath (1987 Video)

The Madness (Unfortunately) Never Stops!

[1/10 · 23 July 2016]

Another zero budget from the master of disaster himself, Nick Millard brings us this 1987 eyesore of a 'gem' in the form of 'Butcher Knife' aka 'Doctor Bloodbath'. One thing that should be noted is that it's hard to determine is if this came before or after the Death Nurse movies because of the short amount of time between them being made--so it's anyone's guess. It's also unclear if the lead character is in fact Gordon from Death Nurse or is someone entirely different.

The movie follows the same basic formula of Millard's other movies involving "murderous orderlies", in which a doctor who works at an abortion clinic begins to kill off his patients. Much like with Millard's other works; we see the return of a lot of re-occurring actors regularly uses (such as Albert Eskinazi, Irmgard Millard, and Frances Millard), and the reuse of stock footage from his older works.

The movie is 60 minutes in length, but if you remove the padding (which there is a lot of in the form of stock footage (including from unrelated movies like Criminally Insane) and scenes being looped), the runtime might be about 40-45 minutes at best. Just like with Millard's previous works, there's nothing of significant interest or value; with the acting being abysmal (with the exception of the Gordon's patients who are honesty the best in the movie overall), and a terrifically bad display of special effects--which becomes apparent within the first 20 minutes of the movie with a particular scene.

1/10

Faces of Gore 2 (2000)

Old Dog, Dead Tricks

[2/10 · 16 July 2016]

There isn't too much to say about this that hasn't been said or commented on in the past. This is much akin to other shockumentaries before it; such as Faces of Death and Traces of Death. In my eyes, the only thing that separates it from its more graphic forefathers is the authenticity and the acting.

In terms of validity, it seems to hold up to its claims of being 100% real. Despite some of the scenes being very low-res, it can be pretty hard to watch at times.

As far as acting goes, our host (Dr. Vincent Van Gore) feels like to love child of Dr. Francis B. Gross and Dr. Louis Flellis from the Faces of Death series; which doesn't say too much about the poor acting. Our narrator (Todd Tjersland) is less entertaining as those before him, and is more lowbrow and cold when it comes to talking about the dead--so if you're a person who believes in the importance of respecting the dead, you probably won't enjoy his shade of humor all that much.

If you're that shockumentary thrill seeker who wants to claim to have seen it all, then by all means, check it out. If you're hoping to find the "next most disturbing thing" from this, then you more than likely won't find it here--from the aforementioned bad acting, the narrator, and the general editing style.

2/10

Strange Life: The Breech (1998)

As Weird As It Is Rare and Forgotten

[6/10 · 9 July 2016]

It's hard to really describe this forgotten obscurity beyond a simple description that has been posted online.

"Strange Life: The Breech is a 1998 documentary centered on four unusual individuals and delves into things like body modification and other acts."

In my experience with this, it's as rare as it is weird and bizarre--which it can be if this is unfamiliar territory for you. If needles and body modification makes your skin crawl, than this probably isn't for you. However, if you're a fan of Joey Strange or you're fascinated by the aforementioned subjects and themes, then maybe this might be of interest to you--that is if you can find it.

It's just a bit over 60 minutes, so it doesn't feel like an unnecessary chore to sit through and isn't absurdly long.

Bloodstream (1985)

A Forgotten Relic of the 80s...And For Good Reasons.

[3/10 · 30 December 2015]

While doing work for a horror forum I'm apart of, I came across this by Michael J Murphy (who ASlashAbove dubbed the "Ted V Mikels of the UK"). Curious, I tried looking for any information I could on this, and constantly came up short; only being able to find stills or very short clips of the various death scenes.

To sum up the plot briefly; "Horror director Alistair Bailey is fired by VHS distributor William King. He believes that his film has been trashed but soon discovers that King tricked him and is planning to globally sell the movie. Bailey decides to don the same disguise as the one used by the antagonist in his film and make a new feature. Only this time the effects will be real!" On paper, the idea isn't too bad. It's the execution that killed it. The characters are fairly bland, and I forgot more than half their names up until the last twenty or so minutes of the movie--though how much of this is due to the writing or the already cheap-ish acting is anyone's guess.

As the protagonist; Alister never really won me over emotionally, or got me to take pity or sympathy on him. His situation was cruddy, sure. But he never got me to root for him when he sought revenge on those who wronged him. The same is also true for the antagonist, William. He was somewhat sleazy, but didn't do anything to make me truly dislike him--since I never got enough from Alister to really care. And in the middle we have Nikki, one of William's employees who takes pity on Alister and one of the main focus points in the movie. She's by far the more...suspect of the characters, and is sketchy at best with her intentions and may or may not be full of plot holes which will make things more difficult later.

The technical aspects are just okay at best. It's not terrible by any means, but not too great either. I would say it's similar to "555" if I had to be honest. The visuals are far more pleasant than the audio, which can kick in and out; going from being alright to sounding muffled or that they're far away (however, this could be due to the quality of the version of the movie that I found online).

The effects, including the murders, are rather mediocre at best. And for a budget that was estimated to be around £400 (assuming inflation went up 2% a year, we're talking just a bit above £910 today in 2015), it shows. While the kills were creative and ambitious, which I'll give the movie credit for, quite a few of them felt really cheap and were badly fake to where it was slightly cringe-worthy.

The most damning thing about the movie is the runtime, which is 76 minutes. This wouldn't be too bad if it wasn't for one thing, which is that a good portion of the movie is nothing but clips of what I believe are Alister's other movies or his dream sequences which don't move the plot or story further; making it feel like something out of "Sledgehammer", "Death Nurse", or even "Las Vegas Bloodbath" with how much pointless filler there is to push the story along.

How would I rate this on a scale from 1-10? I have to give it a 3. It's not an awful movie, but it's certainly really dry and flat. It's one of those movies where you see it once and sure you don't watch it again after that, barely being fitting enough to be considered a "popcorn flick". Murphy sought to make a commentary about the film industry, and it blew up in his face, as no distributor wanted anything to do with it. Irony much?

3//10

Super Size Me (2004)

What a Joke!

[1/10 · 26 January 2014]

It's been quite a few years since I've seen this. My freshman health class consisted of us seeing this for most of the year and the end of the year project for us was to write an essay on this. I didn't write one praising this like I'm sure most of my peers did, but the straight up truth about this self-declared "accurate documentary".

Morgan Spurlock did what the description said. He would eat nothing but McDonalds for 30 days to see what would happen to him, highlighting the health consequences of over indulging in fast food--trying to explain the "obesity epidemic" that is taking place in the United States.

But, what goes down has been proved to be incorrect and wrong. In a documentary responding to it, it shows that Spurlock couldn't have gained the amount of weight he did in that amount of time. And with his nutrition logs for that times never being disclosed, there's no way to prove anything.

The documentary, by Spurlock, implies that people who eat fast food are lazy people who won't lift a finger if it doesn't mean picking up a hamburger. Spurlock's documentary also suggests that people who eat fast food are stupid and the fast food industry is holding a gun to our heads to get that value meal or "super size"; which isn't true. While having poor nutrition can lead to health problems, SSM undermines the intelligence of not only fast food eaters, but the viewer in general.

This documentary contains very false information and paints Americans as moronic, lazy fools who have weak wills. If you want a documentary on fast food, go watch Fathead, which is what Super Size Me should have been. No lies. No filler. No bologna.

Don't waste your time on this.

Mini-Golf Massacre (2013 Video)

"Cheesy Camp" Movies Aren't Dead!

[8/10 · 2 November 2013]

I was excited to hear this was in the making, being a resident of the filming location--especially with it being shot at a place I spent a chunk of my childhood. Plus, with my weakness for SOV projects, I knew I had to see this before the year was out.

Plot: The movie follows a group of employees who work at an arcade/mini golf complex type center. One of the employees, Leroy, who has been a dedicated worker for years is let off by his boss Mr. Puttz. Later, the employees begin to drop like flies one by one by someone wearing a golf ball mask.

The movie is relatively PG, so they didn't have a problem showing it to kids at the screenings. The violence is shown off screen for the most part and what we do see is hokey and pretty laughable such as a particular scene in a batting cage. The acting is rather hammy, especially on the end of characters like Leroy and Rex--but of course, this is a near zero budget camp movie, so what do you expect? The movie as it stands right now is up on Youtube and there was a supposed limited DVD release for people who contributed to the indiegogo page, though sites like shopenvy may have it as well as Deatherman.

It's an interesting experience. Give it a watch if you can! 8/10

The Bloody Video Horror That Made Me Puke on My Aunt Gertrude (1989 Video)

Highly Disappointed

[2/10 · 21 June 2013]

Plot: A gangster shoots a snuff movie with a rented camera, but accidentally returns it with the tape still inside.

---- Y'know, for a movie that calls itself "Bloody Video Horror", there was very little blood and very little horror. We don't even get to see the "blood video horror" itself which is sad. It's not like with Snuff where we see the violence, we just get a reaction shot.

I don't think we even hear the name of the lead either. I think his name is Jim, but I could be wrong since the audio is so janky at times that it's almost impossible to make out full sentences. That's a problem with a lot of SOVs. They normally don't have the budget for a good boom mic, even though it's visible in at least two shots. During the police interrogation scenes, it's like they have a spotlight above the camera because there's this annoying white light that's just fixated. It's so abnormal and on top of the audio being very weird, it makes the scenes difficult to watch.

The acting....it could be better, but I've seen much worse. It's not 555 good, but it's not on the level of Criminally Insane or Death Nurse. It's lacking quite a bit, I'll say that much. But of course, what can you genuinely expect from an SOV anymore? One other thing I noticed when I was watching this is that there's no ending credits. We just get "The End" title card and then it just shows previews for other low budget movies or SOVs. So with that said, I have no idea who the characters are and I had to go to IMDb only to find the actors and a void next to their name. So if you come across this, you better have your listening ears on or you'll miss names easily.

I'm very disappointed with this. But of course, what else did I expect from a movie with a title like this? If you're a fan of SOVs, don't waste your time. Despite the plot being interesting, it's not worth your time. The other movies it tried to promote after it ended don't look that great either to be perfectly honest (Ghoul School, Savage Harvest & Kingdom of the Vampire).

S&man (2006)

Interesting Look At Snuff and Horrors

[6/10 · 17 September 2012]

I first saw this a year or so ago while browsing the Movie/Free Movie section of Comcast's On Demand. Scrolling through the pages of films, I saw Fred Vogel's name appear in the cast listing and became fascinated quickly. I took a look at the trailer of the strangely titled feature and was engulfed with curiosity. The film had a look of a documentary with directors and actors in films from horror's "underground scene".

While we meet different celebs talking about movies like "Peeping Tom", "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" and "Henry" to name a few, we meet with a fellow behind a line of videos called S&Man, a voyeur and stalker who films people.

I enjoyed this as a filmmaker who would casually look for grand terrors in said "underground scene". I would recommend for anyone who has an interest in film, horror movies and the weird.