boydwalters Reviews

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023)

No Humour ... No Excitement ... No Excuse for this rubbish

[2/10 · 10 July 2023]

This shouldn't even be compared to the first two Guardians of the Galaxy films ... The first was genius the second very good ... This thing is just a total mess ... The writing is dreadful, there's no flow, there NO LAUGHS, even the colours and characters are muted ... If you had set out to kill a "franchise", this is certainly how you would go about it ... Its grim folks ... It seems all the characters are suffering from depression ... And its just a load of scenes ( none of them memorable ) shoved together to kill time ... NO JOY ... NO EXCITMENT ... NO MISCHIEF ... CLUELESS WRITERS ... BADLY DIRECTED ... NO REDEMING QUALITIES WHATSOEVER ... AN INSULT TO THE WORK OF ALL THE PEOPLE INVOLVED IN THE FIRST TWO FILMS ... FLUSH IT ... ITS POO.

Avatar: The Way of Water (2022)

Seriously ... This is just a very long boring cartoon

[2/10 · 29 March 2023]

I'm sorry but this is just dreadful... There's nothing in this dreadfully overlong thing that you didn't see in the original ... The CGI is the same ( no its not any better ) than in most big hollywood films these days ... And is like DUH from the onset ... Bad mankind ( we are ... But with all those millions couldn't have all the people involved in this come up with a new story ... Suggestion, start with an alien race other than man and technology we have no understanding of ) flops down on poor Pandora again with its usual subtlety .... Fire .... Explosions ... Crying Smurfs ... And then it goes on ,,, And on .... And on ... The only way this could be really exciting is if a young child who hadn't seen the first one saw this in the cinema ... I certainly won't be going anywhere near any more of this nonsense.

Crimes of the Future (2022)

A stupid idea for stupid people

[2/10 · 16 February 2023]

The only reason this movie exists is to keep Cronenberg's career alive ... Who could have thought anyone would give a damn about any of the characters involved this farce ... Mortensen does what he can with a role of an idiot ... It wants to be William Boroughs for the 21st century and ends up being a carry on film with no humour ... The rest of the cast may have been planks of wood ... Its all just dark and gloomy and VACUOUS ... Its "points" ( if indeed it had any ) do not get communicated in any way ... Like all these older directors of cult films ( don't misunderstand me, I am nearly as old ) they are living on past glory and this is an ideal example, even though I would never have rated Cronenberg as a particularly good director, just challenging ... And this isn't even that.

Babylon (I) (2022)

First hour is almost the new " Beyond the Valley of the Dolls"

[5/10 · 7 February 2023]

If Russ Meyer had made this It could have been great ... But they thought they were making a serious film most of the time ... With wittier writing, a tighter story arc and an hour shorter running time this could have been great ... Its camp, but tries desperately not to be and looses it ... Its last three quarters of an hour are pointless and just plain bad, aiming for deep sentiment and failing badly, whilst trying to fit in a badly thought out decline into hell from either a horror film of an art film and failing at both ... Its a shame cos there's some great scenes and some "decent" acting ... Certainly nothing award worthy ... The whole Toby Maguire part should have been cut and the end needed rewriting/shooting so so badly ... Once again hollywood makes a huge mess by taking itself far too seriously ... Lets be honest, the best films do not come out of america any more and all the decent writers have migrated to online filmaking \ television ... Some crazy fan will probably recut and redub a fun 80 minute version of this and it will become a cult.

Venus (I) (2022)

Totally different but better rendition of the end of Argento's 3 mother trilogy

[9/10 · 4 February 2023]

In an old rundown apartment building we find a much more satisfying conclusion to Argento's Three Mothers Trilogy ... Forget +The Third Mother" ... This has none of the silly ideas, but obviously none of the cast of earlier characters from Argento's cannon ... Instead we get a surreal much more gritty, but just as far out there conclusion that I'm sure Argento will himself admire ... Don't misunderstand me ... There is no mention of Argento's world ... But its all there ... And is miles ahead of that dreadful and unforgivable reimagining of Suspiria that flopped out of somebodies misguided and over privileged imagination a couple of years ago ... See this ... Its good.

Black Adam (2022)

Absolutely unwatchable garbage ... Seriously

[2/10 · 18 January 2023]

From the outset of this complete failure you can log where each scene has been copied from film that did it so much better years ago ... I usually think Dwayne Johnson can liven any old mediocre hollywood hokum up, but not here ... Whatever he says about really wanting to make this for years, he looks like he is really hating every minute of it and can tell its a total train wreck of a film ... Nothing new ... Not entertaining in any way ... Just pointless as its all been done before years ago and much better ... Why bother to keep on making these things and think you can cover up the failings in a script that sounds it was written by some kid that's been thrown out of English class for a complete lack any understanding of structure, narrative or basic language or story arcs, with CGI ... This film is one of the worst I have seen in a long time ... There really are fewer less interesting ways to spend your time ... And most of them won't hurt as much as watching this waste of everybody's life ... It needs a minus score for idiocy and pointlessness.

Jurassic World Dominion (2022)

Just totally unwatchable nonsense

[2/10 · 15 July 2022]

I don't know how its possible to spend all that time money and effort on a film and come out with this pile of garbage ... From the offset it so so overwhelmingly uninvolving it is staggering ... Its just really badly made ... It looks like half the actors weren't in the same place at the same time and most of the inter personal scenes were done individually with green screen then shoved together as best as the assistant could do ... If you make it through this it says something about your intellect, or maybe your ability to sleep sitting up ...And that was a better line than anything in this "film" ... Get a life instead of a sore butt watching this for 2 and a half BOOOOOOOOORING hours.

Resident Evil (2022)

Don't give whoever produced this a job again

[1/10 · 15 July 2022]

Made it half way through the first episode ... Had to turn it off ... Its pathetic ... And no I am not a game fanboy ... Never played Resident Evil ... And never watching anymore of this amateur hour at the have money thrown at them factory of movie making ... Badly written ... Badly acted ( even the zombies ) ... There was no directing as far as I could see ... Just plain awful and not something worth wasting any of your life on ... Very Very Bad Indeed.

The Cellar (2022)

A millennial remake of Fulci's "The Beyond" with no gore !!!

[5/10 · 29 June 2022]

OK ... Its not awful ... But it is literally a remake, in so many ways' of Fulci's " The Beyond " ... Totally bloodless ... But with so many similarities that you wonder how they didn't get sued ... Acting is fine ... Visuals look like they had a decent budget but go for the usual muted palette of all these so called, more intellectual millennial horror films ... Mmmm ... Bit too muddy for my liking ... Good locations ... And much more entertaining than a lot of the horror dross coming out these days ... There were some nice ideas being thrown around here, but I would have cut all ties to " The Beyond " and done something totally new ... I was waiting for Arthur and Martha to turn up : ))

Dark Glasses (2022)

A different Argento

[7/10 · 20 May 2022]

We all know that Argento's later films have been a let down in comparison to his earlier work, apart from Non Ho Sonno which I think is a great film on par with his work in the 70s and 80s and certainly a wonderful riff on some of his greater hits ... You need to go into this without comparing its style and structure to his early days ... Its a totally different beast ... I think Asia was very good in it and so is Ilenia Pastorelli ... The film is definitely WtF at times ... But that what we love about Argento ... Were those snakes ? ... Or eels ? ... Bloody weird anyway : )) ... I enjoyed it and will watch it again as I'm bound to have missed stuff ... This is a lot better than some of the dismal failures that have flopped out over the last couple of plague ridden years and cost the income of a small country to produce and still been so bad you can't even sit through them ... So thank you Dario.

Morbius (2022)

A chore to sit through

[3/10 · 16 May 2022]

Gord knows which producers relative of friend wrote this but they have no talent ... Same goes for the director who managed to summon up zero excitement ... Lets be honest, this is a stupid idea from the outset and to make a film so devoid of any humour ( the one or 2 attempts fall embarrassingly flat ) is a glaring mistake and should have been obvious from the inception ... I had to force myself to sit through this flat piece of cinema ... Its not awful, just another pinicle of mediocrity churned out by holly wood money men ... The Eternals lay they like a dead salmon, this lays there like a dead piranha ... It needed blood and violence with humour ... Its like Blade being castrated ... These people need to learn to make films for grown ups instead of the kindergarten that they don't seem to have progressed from.

Moonfall (2022)

More Disaster than Disaster Movie

[3/10 · 30 March 2022]

OK ... Someone tell me how they managed to raise 150 million dollars to make what was obviously a stupid idea with an abysmal script into this ... Yes most people will sit through it once with their chins on their chests in shock that this nonsense could be seen by producers as enough to spend the income of a small country on ... But you won't watch it again ... There is nothing new visually ... I was going to say there was no new ideas, but that would be overpraising something completely lacking in any ideas at all ... Its basically the directors earlier film 2012 made badly with a sci fi angle and worse effects ... I mean yes its startling, but only in the sense that it got made ... Oh and there's some of the worse green screen work I've seen in decades and a lot of it is visually, just plain bad in that ugly digitally shot way ... I won't say I didn't laugh or was ( slightly ) entertained, but would I sit through it agin? ... NO WAY.

Project 'Gemini' (2022)

Scunthorpe Amateur Dramatics production of "Alien"

[2/10 · 8 February 2022]

Writing - Bad - Acting - Bad - Design - Cliche'd - Photography - TV Quality - What can you say about something like this - So many people are making this sort of rubbish and calling it a film these days - There is nothing here that is in any way unique - It has all been done MUCH better so many times before by people who know what. They are doing - I would suggest Scunthorpe's Amateur Dramatics Society injects some humour into the proceedings next time to give their work at least an amusement factor at how bad it is, cos this just limps from beginning to end - And gord I was glad when it ended.

Eternals (2021)

Can I help you get under the desk? !!!

[2/10 · 12 January 2022]

Yep ... When that line ( and its not much worse than the others ) comes out of a teacher / superheroes mouth, you know a writer wasn't involved in this flop ... Its just a sprawling mess that jumps around through time and narrative with no rhyme or reason ... The cast look about as engaged as if they were at a wedding they had to be at, so as to not upset their parents ... There's monsters and explosions but nothing new or interesting ... And what a waste of Ma Dong-seok who has been one of my favourite actors in the last few years Who on earth thought Chloe Zhao would be a good idea to direct a superhero film should be fired immediately ... Of course she also has her name top of the writers credits so she is very much responsible for this rubbish ... "Nomadland" was nice little film ... Its BIG ( slightly over sized ) heart was in the right place, which is rare in american films ... But it was not a "good" film ... It was rather flat ... The only reason it won prizes was due to another great performance from Frances McDormand ... The directing lacked flair and style, which was what the film needed admittedly, but showed no great flair ... To put the director of that on to a film like this was supposed to be is insane ... But that's hollywood... If you manage to sit through this garbage, I can guarantee you won't bother a second time ... Bottom of the barrel money and time waster.

The Matrix Resurrections (I) (2021)

Pointless waste of time

[3/10 · 4 January 2022]

Its great to see Carrie Anne Moss get some decent Hollywood bucks for appearing in this waste of time, but apart from that, this isn't something that anybody will bother watching again ... There isn't one new idea, either plot wise or visual in a follow up to a major iconic piece of cinematic history ... The last two were drivel as well, so they should have caught on that it wasn't going anywhere and like most of hollywood sequels were just another cash grab due to being determined not to do anything new ... hollywood is STAGNANT ...And this this piece of tired filler has already gone.

Venom: Let There Be Carnage (2021)

First one was entertaining, but this is unwatchable rubbish

[2/10 · 4 January 2022]

Liked the first one, not great but fun ... And Tom Hardy is always grood to watch ... But he is lost in this fiasco ... It seems to be aimed more at being funny !!! But isn't in the slightest ... Venom has become an annoying bad cg children monster ... Woody Harrelson has become really unbearable on screen and has become a caricature of himself ... To be honest I made it 30 minutes in before walking out of it ... Its rubbish ... Just plain RUBBISH.

Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021)

Actually pretty damn good

[7/10 · 22 December 2021]

I quite enjoyed the first 2 Resident Evil films in a fun trashy movie way ... But the ones after that just got worse and worse ... The last two were just plain unwatchable rubbish, as much as I love Milla Jonovich... But this is actually quite a good and interesting film ... Its more like an early John Carpenter than anything Paul Anderson ... And has a bit more of an intelligent narrative than the slam bang wallop in your face of the earlier films ... But this has a good few showy set pieces of its own to satisfy those that need the occasional brain bashing of modern cinema, and it works better than a barrage of endless "throw everything but the kitchen sink" at the audience and hope that the shell shock stops them realising that the story doesn't hang together and make sense and the editing is so awful that the editor themselves might have been having an epileptic fit : ))

Moby Doc (2021)

Lost so much admiration after watching this

[3/10 · 20 December 2021]

What can I say ... Love some of the mans music ... But I wouldn't want to meet the person ... Then or now ... He puts himself down for being arrogant and out of control in the past ... Then appears as a complete a-hole now too ... Bad strategy mr Moby ... I've lost all respect for the person, but still love some of his older music How he can think he has processed as a person into his later stage is beyond me ... And this sort of arrogantly seems to praise him up in his new alter ego ( emphasis on ego !!!! ) Don't watch it if you don't want to spoil the music ... The guys a pain.

Antlers (2021)

Great Actors ... Great atmosphere ... But still dull as ferk

[3/10 · 15 December 2021]

It can only be the fault of the director that a film where the acting is so on track, even from the children ( a rarity ) ... It looks great visually ... It has the visual and audio possibility to have great atmosphere ... The story has a everything there to make it a real treat ... But it fails dismally ... I found myself loosing interest before half way through ... All I felt was sorry for the actors who could see the technicians were on the ball around them, but couldn't see that the director didn't have the skills to put together the work going on around them into something with heart and soul on screen ... A very very sorry lost opportunity ... Much respect to the cast and crew ... Despair at the production and direction and editing side.

Spencer (2021)

There was nothing wrong with Diana Spencers mental health

[2/10 · 23 November 2021]

What a stupid concept and totally historically incorrect ...And there was nothing wrong with Dianas mental health ... She was driven to her wits end by the draconian controlling authoritarianism of the royal family and its administrators ... An institution that needs to go ... This is why Harry has left ... The rest are just there for the pay check and a total waste of time ... I have no interest or belief in the royal family, but I always felt sorry for Diana as you could see what the determined outmoded ideas of that institution did to her.

The Deep House (2021)

I mean ... Talk about steal an idea

[3/10 · 19 November 2021]

This is basically just one scene from Argento's "Inferno" stretched out into a full ( almost ) length movie ... Specific incidents from that scene are copied directly ... There is a new introduction to new characters in an effort to make this more than a direct ripoff ... But this is basically just a total copy of the first sequence in Inferno, draaaaaaaged out in millennial fashion, just cos millennials are incapable of imagination by themselves ... If I was Argento I'd sue ... Maybe he okay'd it ... I don't care It works for the first 50 minutes and then you realise the director/s have not even got anything new to add to the original vision and you see the hopelessness of having people like this in a position of writer or director ... All they have is the arrogance to blag their way through, but no talent and not so much as a glimmer of an original idea or vision This will work for you if you are completely ignorant of film history, otherwise give it a miss and go and sit in a dark room with a big screen and watch Dario Argento's Inferno ... Play it loud ... And loose yourself a fever dream.

Beats (II) (2019)

Its just a copy of The Young Offenders !!!

[7 November 2021]

Could only watch first quarter of an hour of this because it is more or less just a copy of The Young Offenders, only set in Scotland and not so well written ... I'm sure the rave aspects of it were unique to this, but quite frankly when the characters and situations are exact copies of another great film and series, you have to ask why this got lottery money and the backing of the BFI ( BFI not so surprising as they back some real corking rubbish ) ... Watch this if you want, but frankly you'd do much better with Connor and Jock.

Titane (2021)

Foul child causes car crash ... And annoyingly survives

[2/10 · 26 October 2021]

Well we watched this fiasco round my mates last night ... Said child grows up to be just as foul and psycho as well ... She dances badly... She has sex with cars ... Badly ( think Showgirls but less funny ) ... She drips oil .... She is of course fashionably gender dysmorphic ... Firemen seem to spend most of the time having bad raves in the fire station ... In fact the only thing that could have saved this vapid mess was humour ... Unfortunately the director is obviously incapable of seeing how ludicrous this thing is ... I laughed a few times, but at the director, for thinking anyone would take this arrogant over confidence in their abilities and seriously stupid ideas seriously ... Or was it supposed to be a comedy and the direction is so bad that it failed abysmally ... It obviously Crash for the stupid generation, but really who cares ... This is the worst film of the year due to the sheer over confidence of the talentless director .

Dune (2021)

See it on a big screen and its awesome ... Otherwise you may be bored

[7/10 · 19 October 2021]

Its the sort of film that existed on its spectacle ... The story is quite simple ... You need to immerse yourself in the sound and vision ... Its not a great film, but it works well for what it is ... I never read the books, even though I was around when they were fashionable, the narrative just didn't seem that interesting to me... And to be honest I'm beginning to wonder if they aren't that good after this and the farcical David Lynch mess, I think its more about internal battles and influences on the politics of the narrative ... Themes that are impossible to capture on film in any entertaining manner ... But in Hollywood, anything that sells well is up for sacrifice, and if this was to be made I dare say this is as good as it could get ... But of course its only half the story ... I've seen several shots that aren't even in this film, that are obviously further ahead in the story ... So I'm guessing its all shot, but the producers are not providing the VFX budget for the second half till they see an astronomical profit ... It is obvious that they'll get a decent profit after the figures already once this goes to blu ray so they should just get on with it, cos the masses aren't going to appreciate such an open ended film, without knowing there will be a finale to the story Like I said ... See it on a big screen ... Its epic cinema and worth supporting as most of the muck that flops out of Hollywood now is best left to fester unwatched and unwatchable... 7 out of 10.

The Blazing World (2021)

Absolutely Dreadful

[2/10 · 19 October 2021]

Who is this Carlson Young person ... She directed (?), wrote (?) and starred (?) in this, all of which she did embarrassingly badly ... Talk about vanity project ... She obviously has loads of money cos the technical crew were obviously trying their hardest to turn this trite little thing into a decent looking visual experience, but honestly, it thinks its deep while it is purely admiring itself in a reflection ... This gives shallow a new peak to look up to ... This may gain a following amongst the simpletons that thought "The Room" was so bad it had something to offer, rather than just being best thrown in the bin and forgotten about ... If you fancy loosing even more faith in humanity, watch this fiasco. As for the Young woman, I would suggest she sticks to acting ... In daytime soaps or teen programming.