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filmsbythefire
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A.I. Artificial Intelligence (2001)
A new favourite - astoundingly underrated
Having seen this for the first time nearly a decade after its release, I was happily surprised by this wonderful piece of work from Mr Spielberg. I have yet to see a film by this skillful director that I dislike, and A.I. is certainly not going to be the first.
Set in a futuristic world, with a perhaps familiar theme of robots integrated with people, the story focuses on one small android named David (Haley Joel Osment) who is taken into a family as an experiment to see if a robot can be made to love a human, and is then forced out of his new family to fend for himself in a frightening new world.
With exceptional performances from the whole cast, the real stand-outs are Frances O'Connor, playing the reluctant mother who eventually warms up to the loving robot, Jude Law, as the entertaining Gigolo Joe who aids David on his quest, and young Haley himself, who delivers a truly outstanding performance as the lovable David. Haley gets the balance between boy and robot just right; his stiff movements and unblinking eyes are the clues, the things which create that contrast between David and his 'real live' brother, Martin.
It is evident just how much care went into each shot; the cinematography is superb, with haunting shots such as that of David peering through the eyes of another android like himself, or the iconic opening of the large, blue eyes. The various 'halo' shots of David with rings of light above his head are clever and subtle, and the camera work in the closing scenes is extremely well done, creating the gentle, breathless atmosphere as David joyously reunites with his Mommy.
Flicking through the film channels, I only decided to watch this because I'd seen Haley in Pay it forward and, having greatly enjoyed that, decided to give A.I. a go. It was an expertly crafted piece of entertainment, artistic and thoughtful, and with a sentimental tone you would not expect to find in a movie about robots. All the emotions are delivered in a seamless blend of comedy, drama and adventure. The comedic moments (such as the hilarious outburst of laughter at the dinner table) were just as engaging as the creepier ones (the packaged 'David' android twitching as David looks on), and the ending! Very few films have had me so choked up; when David goes to sleep for the last time beside his mother, you don't care that he is just a robot - it's still an unforgettable scene well worth the two and a half hour wait.
A highly recommended and sadly underrated film, we can only hope that someday this flawed masterpiece gains the respect it deserves. In the meantime, why not go and rent a copy? Trust me - you will not be disappointed.
The Land Before Time (1988)
Beautiful. Just beautiful.
Ah, the nostalgia! Even now, many years after I was the right age to enjoy this beloved classic, I still DO love this beloved classic! It really is so incredible, I could go on for pages. Littlefoot, Cera, Ducky, Petrie and Spike have got to be the most lovable children's characters ever created - they beat Winnie the Pooh and all the others by miles for me. I think it truly is a masterpiece, told through use of excellent characters and wonderful animation, and it has so much to teach children. The beauty of life, the pain of loss, the bravery, the loyalty - and of course, the value of friendship. I will definitely be showing this to my kids one day, it's just timeless. If I were younger, I would probably call it my favourite film. The endless sequels didn't even spoil it, because you can forget about them and just enjoy the first five, the ones with the 'magic', the wonder that makes them an important part of many people's childhood.
Titanic (1997)
Deserves a higher rating
I have to say, when it comes to romantic flicks, people seem to go to extremes (and I admit, I've done it too, giving Titanic a ten). It seems you either love it with a vengeance and woe betide anyone who doesn't agree, or you hate it so passionately you would happily murder the poor actors and actresses simply for appearing in it.
This is ridiculous. While I do enjoy the film, I have no problems with people who didn't, and if they dislike the romance then that's their opinion, which they're entitled to. Seriously, why turn it into something? Personally speaking, this is still one of my favourite films, and I saw it years after it came out (as always) so the success had ebbed away. But unlike so many, I didn't go with expectations. All those people who went for a documentary on the disaster, or endless shots of old Leo... I saw it without expecting anything. I didn't give a monkeys about DiCaprio, I knew next to nothing about the actual disaster, and I was simply hoping it deserved its record-breaking 11 Academy Awards. And I thought it did, frankly.
The acting was top-notch, the music was wonderful, the visuals were stunning. While the romance was indeed stereotypical and contrived (and I gave this a ten), it was still pulled off excellently, and I really did feel for the character, which is a mark of a good film. I don't think that the ending spoilt the film, which many people think it did. I am not saying that they are wrong, or that I am right, because that's not true. It's about opinions. I just thought it was a nice touch - a sort of backhanded happy ending to round off an otherwise rather depressing Now-they'll-never-see-each-other-again scenario. I thought the film had many, many memorable moments, and the disaster itself was not downplayed - it fitted smoothly around the romance, which incidentally helped to give a sense of perspective to the whole thing. Many couples really will have been torn apart that night, albeit probably not from different classes. The sheer drama unfolding on-screen cannot really be questioned. It can be disliked, of course. But it is good acting nevertheless.
The Suite Life of Zack & Cody (2005)
Series one had spark, the rest just went downhill
I am basically reviewing the first series, when the characters were decent, the story lines more varied and the whole show was just less clichéd. Over time, the show has deteriorated, but the best example in the change of quality is to look at the characters. I ask you to just now, think of them as they were in series one, and then compare them to how they are in the latest spin off, The Suite Life on Deck. Let's take a look:
London - Series 1: A realistically snobby, naive, and carefully handled comic character, who is portrayed as selfish, but has a good heart underneath all the spoilt, pampered princess-ness. Basically, she is much more human and believable as a character, and though she is rich, she is not totally immune to financial crisis's (see Poor Little Rich Girl). Suite Life on Deck: London has now become a bird-brained, unrealistically rich and naive girl, who basically insults all and sundry and scurries around like a girlish mouse, clapping and singing and being stupid.
Maddie - series 1: Exactly what she was intended to be - a down to earth, hardworking average Jane, who looked and acted normally, and also bent the stereotype of dumb blonde's by being very intellectually gifted, yet still considered 'hot stuff' at the same time. Her friendship with the spoilt London and her attempts to make her more selfless are a nice touch. Suite Life on Deck/later suite life series: She gradually became a bleach-blonde babe who obsessed over boys and often lost them to the richer, supposedly more popular London. Wasted.
The twins - series 1: lovable, mischievous little tykes who run rings around the hotel manager. Not much can be said about them, but they were sweet back then. Sutie Life on Deck: Your typical Disney boys; girl-crazy, with surfer-dude hair and a new outfit every episode. Cody's intellect is shown to be extremely bad for him, while Zack's layabout attitude is criticised by the other characters but ultimately shown in a better light. They also look far less identical, though I appreciate they can't help changing.
Moseby and Ms. Martin alone are unchanged; Phil Lewis is still a hilarious comedic actor. The whole show went down the tubes, as is often the case with Disney shows. The first series is good, but they progress over about four or five more until they actors are 20-something, still trying to act like teenagers. The sad part is that unlike many other Disney shows, this one had some real talent in its cast, and it has been squashed by the horrible stereotypical nature of it all.
Jurassic Park (1993)
Definitely one of my favourites, possibly my number one
I adore this movie. Considering it came out only a year after I was born, I never had the privilege of seeing it in the cinema, but even when your first viewing is several years late and on TV, it's still such an incredible film you can't fail to be impressed with it. Even now, about sixteen years after the film's release, the CGI and animatronics look good. Although dinosaurs are only on screen for a relatively small portion of the film, they make up for this with amazing presence and spectacular entrances (think the T.Rex breakout, raptor kitchen scene and the first brachiosaur). I think Spielberg followed his effective formula from 'Jaws'; he knows that build-up and off-screen drama can create a much more impressive persona for a creature than full-on violent attacks left, right and centre. Not seeing the dinosaurs much makes us appreciate them more when they're on screen. One thing I really love about this movie is the sense of mystery it creates; it is so strong, so well executed, that it really does leave that question of 'what if?' hanging there. It is easy for a child to enjoy fantasies of cloning dinosaurs after seeing this, and I must confess that I rather hoped it was possible myself at first. The science behind the dino's creation is complex enough to be believable, but presented in a cute little cartoon that children will be able to follow and enjoy. The characters are also excellently portrayed by some extremely talented actors; for some, like young Joseph Mazzello, Jurassic Park was the breakout role, and one for which they will be remembered for generations. John Hammond is easily my favourite; his lovable, quirky behaviour and almost child-like dreams brought to life by ambition, imagination (and money) make him an endearing and well-liked character that will have both kids and adults in stitches at times. Alan Grant's hard, brusque exterior hides a good heart, and the audience will be pleased with the way he gradually warms to the children over time. Speaking of the children, they deliver some really knock-out performances, most notably in the car and kitchen scenes - they let you experience the whole thing through a child's eyes. Their trust in their grandpa, and their terror when the dream becomes a nightmare - all of it is just so real, so intense. The action is never overdone, and delivered sparingly, with good doses of calmer, soft-paced moments to even things out. This movie truly is a classic; from the director of so many great movies, it's hardly surprising. If you haven't seen this, I highly recommend you do so, and invite anybody else you know who has yet to enjoy this masterpiece of a film. You will not be disappointed.
Avatar (2009)
Look up overrated in the dictionary, and you're bound to find Avatar
With close to 3,000 reviews, we hardly need another one (and nobody will read the negative ones for Avatar anyway) so I'll keep this brief. The bottom line is, I don't think this film really deserved quite as much praise as it got. There, I said it. It's not that it wasn't good - it certainly was. I went to see it with my best friend (who I don't see often enough as it is, so I was really looking forward to it), and neither of us thought it lived up to expectations. My friend described it as 'depressing', and I can explain my feelings in one point: At least twice during the movie, my mind wandered. I actually found myself thinking of other things, then thinking, "I should be riveted to this Oscar-award winning masterpiece. But I'm not." Not to sound selfish here, but if a film can't hold my interest indefinitely, surely there were others in the cinema who agreed. And a movie as good as this one is said to be shouldn't fail to keep us all on the edges of our seats. The thing is, I think it was because I'd seen the same sort of plot devices in other movies. Much less glorified, of course, but the same thing. Other people have said they see similarities to Pocahontas, and I agree - but what it reminded me most of was Ferngully, an old animated movie about fairies protecting a rainforest. So no, I do not think this is as good as they say. That's just my opinion, but I really am curious to know why everybody else seems to worship it. If it's for the CGI, then I'm sorry - but that's pathetic. A good movie has developed characters, a substantial plot and a satisfying ending. This didn't completely fulfil any of those requirements.
WALL·E (2008)
Thank you! Proof that good kids films are still possible
Amidst the Disney takeover, it's so refreshing to know that companies like Pixar are still ploughing valiantly on to make good children's films, which can also be enjoyed by the rest of the family. I am at least a few years above the target age range, yet I'd still class this movie in my top twenty, perhaps top ten. It really is a wonderful movie that children of all ages will adore. It shows that not everything has to be about sex, money and violence, and even the slightly stereotypical 'male character gets the female character' scenario is so much sweeter when applied to two beings which shouldn't have emotions at all. The concept of the film - about robots ultimately teaching humans how to be human again, is pulled off spectacularly, with surprisingly endearing robotic stars. The humans, fat and lazy after 700 years on a luxury space-liner, have their eyes opened to their pathetic existence by the innocent little Wall-e. The humans are not one-dimensional, helpless creatures - they evolve over the course of the film, particularly the captain, as they are slowly re-awoken to their old way of life back home. This is one thing a good film must do; develop its characters, in order to let the audience relate to them, and feel for them. Many live-action 'adult' movies no longer achieve this, so Wall-e truly is remarkable for doing it so well. The conclusion is good too - a happy ending, but one which has to be worked for, and there are tense moments when we wonder if everything really is going to work out. Again, this is an example of how a happy ending should be done - it should never be obvious from the start that everything will be fine, because it will be much sweeter if it feels like the characters have earned it. I had almost no problems with this film - the scenery is beautifully rendered; some scenes look so real that it's very easy to forget this is animation (until the humans appear at least). The use of live-action footage for the earlier humans was clever; I was less-impressed with the more cartoon-ish appearance of the new generation of blubbery humans, though I appreciate this was done deliberately to emphasise their soft, colourful lifestyle in contrast to Wall-e's harsh, derelict world back on Earth. Overall, an absolutely amazing film, which will certainly give the kids something to talk about, and will hopefully restore all you elder's faith in the children's film industry, as it did for mine. It can still be done, people. And Wall-e shows us that.
Hotel for Dogs (2009)
Hotel for Stereotypes
Kids movies these days vary incredibly, don't they? Currently, I think one of the best producers of good kids movies is Pixar - recent works such as Wall.E and Up (though I haven't seen the latter, it is greatly praised) are true masterpieces which can be enjoyed by children and adults alike. They embody what good kids films should be. While Hotel for Dogs does attempt to do this, it's clear the only real appeal is the dogs. The storyline is thin and very, very predictable. It's got all the typical clichés of dog movies - the pound are the enemy (the real-life pound are actually a valuable and caring service), the dogs are all adorable and in pet-show-winning condition, and the humans pretty much take a back seat when the canines are on the screen. Aside from the impossibility of the whole thing, what really got me was how perfect all these 'strays' were? I understand that they could hardly use untrained, ill or injured dogs, but they could have perhaps picked less pristine ones - even kids will have a hard time believing these purebred mastiffs, poodles and Chinese crested pooches are actually strays. Any half-decent dog breeder would kill to get their hands on some of these beauties! Still, the lead dog, Friday, really stole the show, and the main reason I watched this right through, as I cared about what happened to him in particular. The human roles are, by contrast, quite poor - two children with no moral values, another two who are necessary to the plot in order for the first two to be able to afford the pet food, and one other one who is there purely to ensure the other girl has a boyfriend at the end (everyone hooks up with each other, of course. Can boys and girls never be just friends in Hollywood?) And you'll know who the foster kids will end up with from the start. If you have children between about 4 and 10, this film should prove an enjoyable treat. But the adults - well, here's hoping you have a lot on your minds to think about while it's on. Otherwise, you'll be pretty bored.
Pay It Forward (2000)
Powerful, inspiring, beautiful - an underrated masterpiece
Although this film came out nine years ago, I wish I'd seen it sooner. I'm terrible for that; discovering wonderful classics years after their original success. It was truly the best film I've seen in ages, because of so many factors - the superb acting, the excellent storyline and the flawless directing by Mimi Leder (who also did Deep Impact, another favourite of mine). First of all, I thought the concept of the film was really interesting - and after a little research, I discovered that it's based on a real idea. Paying good deeds forward is a simple idea, but a brilliant one, and it seemed so much more inspiring when carried out by a little boy in the film. This is just about the only HJ Osment film I've ever seen, but I can see why he's praised so much, and sixth sense must be amazing with a star as talented as this actor. The audience really felt everything he did, and he could express this feeling without a word, just a sad, pained expression. His mother, Helen Hunt (who I know only from Twister, being inexperienced) was also fantastic, and I really felt for her when she lost her temper in one scene - the sorrow and regret in her eyes was just amazing. Kevin Spacey, who I'd only really heard of before this, did a great job too, and I was so glad when he finally got together with Hunt's character - they really deserved each other. I was crushed about them losing Trevor though, what a way to tear the family apart... though the ending with the mourners was sweet. A touching film, and one which really got me thinking about the problems in our world - and what one person could do to change things if only luck was on their side. The cast, both main and supporting, were believable and emotionally connected with the audience the whole time. I highly recommend this (if you've been able to read this past all my spoilers)!
High School Musical 3: Senior Year (2008)
Gleaming, perfect, and so, so typical
Well, I have got to say that this beat the second instalment of the series, in which the cast all attend an upper-crust country club. It delivered exactly what it promised, and plenty of it; lots of Zac, including a sweaty close-up at the beginning (which, incidentally, is as close to imperfection as he ever seems to get), lots of Vanessa's sugary sweetness and flowery (but rather skimpy) skirts, and lots of the Evans twins glamming it up and making everyone else feel inferior.
I think it certainly catered to it's appropriate audience, kids from around 13-ish and below, and isn't that what a good movie should do? After all, kids of that age aren't going to see high drama, complex plots, deep conflict and common issues portrayed in realistic settings. They're going to see their favourite idols on the big screen, enjoying their lives in the well-scrubbed halls of East High. While certain characters are under-used (Tisdale's talent is somewhat wasted in this, and Monqie Coleman's character could easily be replaced with a large rock for all the impact she made), the show-stopping 'Zanessa' duo provide a friendly, and never too intimate relationship, complete with a bit of rainy rooftop waltzing and carefully controlled smooching. And of course, a lot of credit must go to the choreographer and director, Kenny Ortega, whose dances are powerful, energetic and inventive, and make the scenes worth watching - I particularly enjoyed the glitzy 'I want it All' number.
There are some things that weren't so easy to overlook, however. My personal opinion is that introducing three totally new characters, simply for the possibility of a fourth film, is milking the cash cow way too much. I mean the income generated from the last two films probably paid for half of the stuff in this one - when Sharpay strutted into East High with her tasselled boots and bleached extensions swishing about, I just kept thinking "I bet some unsuspecting family with a ten year old Efron-loving daughter paid for those". It really has become far too much of a money-maker, which is emphasised by the obviously recycled plot lines and suppressed 'bad' emotions (Troy's 'anger' was more like mild frustration, and Gabriella's 'despair' seemed a bit false).
So yeah - all in all, the film worked well for it's appropriate audience, and certain musical numbers (though only a handful) were catchy with memorable dances. But despite being more enjoyable than it's predecessors, I grew bored with the shallow plot lines, and the plastic, doll-like stars, not a hair out of a place or a pimple to be seen (no doubt making regular children feel ugly as sin). Anyway, it only matters what the teen girls of the world think, really, because it's their money (well, their parents' money) which this incredibly popular musical continues to gobble down.
The Boy in the Striped Pajamas (2008)
Very powerful - but not quite how I pictured it
I saw this film at home shortly after completing the book, so obviously the plot and minor details were all still fresh in my mind. And I have to say that while I did find the film very moving, there were a few glaring things I noticed that didn't seem to match with the book. I'll just get those out of the way first; 1) The characters look quite different to how I pictured them. Bruno in particular looks like a mini-Hitler, with the perfect haircut and big blue eyes which he doesn't seem to blink. I expected his father to have a big curly moustache, not that that matters! ;) 2) The friendship between Bruno and Shmuel didn't interest me in the film as it had done in the book. Bruno actually regards Shmuel with disdain at first, and doesn't seem to like his name much. 3) Smhuel actually looks about the same size as Bruno, and a lot of the people in the camp at the end look rather well-fed. I found I was able to watch them without feeling too distressed, as they didn't look particularly unhealthy - just dirty and forlorn. 4) The meeting point for the two boys was set in a forest, and not too far away from Bruno's house. It is a walk of a couple of miles in the book, and I expected it to be more open, barren. Shmuel is actually within sight of the soldiers and fellow camp mates, and yet they happily play Chess and throw balls to one another over the fence. 5) Bruno not only already has a pair of striped pyjamas, but he also doesn't shave his hair! And he takes his cap off before entering the gas chamber, yet no-one notices him!
However, these points aside, there were some excellent parts which I - well, not enjoyed, but was deeply moved by. 1) When Kotler lost his temper with Pavel, the looks on the faces of the children really broke my heart. I couldn't believe the father was sitting there eating calmly, while his family were almost in tears! 2) The mother gave an outstanding performance - I could really feel her distress when searching for Bruno, and when Kotler accidentally revealed the source of the 'awful smell', I joined her in horrified shock, she conveyed her emotion so well. 3) Aside from his Nazi-ish looks (and the rather shaky start to the friendship), I thought Bruno did a wonderful job too. At the end, as he was comforting Smhuel in the 'shower', I was willing them to escape, to survive - and of course his childish innocence was well delivered. 4) Gretel did a good job of playing the bratty but there-when-you-need-her sister, and the scene with her sitting in bed with Bruno as their parents argued was very moving. 5) Of course, the final, dramatic scene with the gas chamber - all the banging and panic, and then just silence. Words can't describe how incredible that scene was. It was just so awful... All in all, if I hadn't read the book previously, I would've given this about a 9, but there were just a few parts here and there that I was uncomfortable with. The cast delivered excellent performances however, and I would definitely watch this again.
The Wild Thornberrys (1998)
My favourite show when I was younger - why did they have to cancel it?
Oh, I absolutely loved this show! Every character, every animal, every episode - it was just fantastic! Eliza and Darwin made me laugh so much, and as I got older I began to laugh at Debbie too, as I understood her teenage troubles. Nigel and Mariannae are the perfect team, I'd watch their show any day! I was so crushed when they removed it, and anytime they had it on TV after that I was over the moon! They put it on On Demand one summer (only the first eight episodes or so) and I'd spend whole afternoons watching them one after the other... but the worst part? It is now back on a channel called NickToonsters - and IT'S ON SKY! And I can't watch it :( Long live the thornberries :D (Okay, a little over the top I admit)
Trespasser (1998)
My favourite JP game ever!
I know this game is full of (really hilarious) bugs, but I really don't care! There's something about it that I just love; something that makes you wanna pop it in the disk drive again and again.
The game is set on Site B, the island where all of the amazing work seen in the films really took place. You play Anne, a shipwrecked girl with massive jugs and a broken arm, who has to get off the island. It's really that simple; and it makes for a really interesting game! The graphics are breathtaking, and every turn offers new and exciting sights to enjoy. Sweeping beaches, plunging valleys, lush jungles and dark, craggy mountains, it's all in there. Because of this, I find it quite relaxing to play, and sometimes you just want to stand and look at everything... which you can't often do what with the raptors everywhere! The dinosaurs themselves are really well designed too, especially the T-Rex's and Brachiosaurs, they look just like the ones in the films! Even though I love this game to bits, I just can't resist pointing out a few of its funnier flaws for anyone who might expect it to be perfect.
1. It's not just the predators that can kill you. Sicne I started playing it I've been killed by doors, walls, rocks, bits of rubble, dead dinosaurs, baseball bats, and my own arm.
2. Some areas are definitely haunted. A snack bar in the abandoned town brought a raptor back to life just after I shot it, and one of the bathroom doors killed me. At the docks, those giant shipping crates bring back raptors too. Weird.
3. The dinosaurs are all acting, and their cue to begin moving is when you get within about 100 feet of them. Before that, they stand absolutely still, and many of them start their lives out many feet up in the air, before dropping on you from above! 4. When dinosaurs die, they all die in the standard position; legs fold away beneath it, it drops to the ground and its head bobs madly. Push a raptor, and it'll fall on its side with a sickening splash as it hits the blood.
5. Anne can do almost anything with her one working arm - including monstrous feats the likes of which the world has never known. She can twist it right round her head and strangle herself. And pick up steel girders that theoretically weight about a tonne, tossing them one-handed with ease. It is very hard to work the arm too; requiring around five buttons and your mouse just to manipulate her wrist.
6. Their are strict boundaries in the game - at the very start, if you try and make Anne swim to freedom, she tells us she doesn't feel like swimming, and can't swim to America. If a dinosaur tries to enter a building, it gets absorbed into the wall and never gets out... cool.
7. Anne running is slower than most people walk. Walk therefore is worse than a dying crawl. Jumping lifts you a few inches up. All her functions are severely hindered.
8. Christ, how many bloody boxes can one game have? CRATES!! AAGH! 9. At random times in the game, a full, lush orchestra will blast out unexpectedly from nowhere, as will Hammond's disembodied voice from time to time. Fair warning - it may make you jump.
Still, I love the game, glitches and all, and I'm sure that unless you are an obsessive perfectionist, you will too!
Jurassic Park: Operation Genesis (2003)
A really excellent game - but it takes a hell of a long time to get to five stars!
This is a really great game for JP fans, because it gives them the chance to build their very own park like in the movies! And when you've done it, by God - what a park! There are vast multitudes of dinosaurs available to breed, and all it takes is a little DNA in your labs. Assisted by Wu, Sattler, Grant and Hammond, among others, it's really quite fulfilling to design and then run your very own Jurassic Park! There are lots of perks in the game too. You get to watch your tiny little guests walking about on the paths and can check their moods at the press of a button. You can track your dinosaurs and watch them doing what they do close-up, and even get in one of the Land Cruisers and drive right up to them.
The only real problem with it (and the only reason I didn't give it ten) is that everything about it is very, very slow. From the amount of time it takes to extract your DNA, to the time it takes to breed each individual dinosaur, to the pace that they walk around at when they finally amble out of the hatchery. And of course, it can take a week or so of working at it to make five stars. And as soon as you do, a twister hits and tears it to pieces, and you get blamed by the board of directors.
Still, if things get too monotonous, you can just release your T-Rex's and Spinosauruses (is that a word?) and watch them gobble up your little, screaming, faceless guests. Trust me, its very gratifying.
Definitely worth buying!
King Kong (2005)
Excellent story - but too long, and several flaws
Let me first get the obvious out of the way - three hours is a ridiculous amount of time to spend on a gorilla. The movie, whilst good, is just too long, and even its biggest fans have to admit this. (Note: the review might not sound good, but I confess I do like the movie a lot, despite its flaws - I just love to make jokes!)
Basically, Carl Denham (J Black) meets an out of work Vaudeville actress, Anne Darrow (N Watts) and he decides to take her to an island he happens to know of, where a gigantic monkey is waiting to molest her. After they arrive, they get attacked by some freaky natives, on drugs, who REALLY need skin cream, Anne screams very theatrically, Kong shakes the hell out of her and saves her from three rippling CGI monsters that should have instantly killed her and Kong, and the writer dude then gets her back and lures Kong to a trap (set by Carl) to take him home in a boat about the same size as Kong. Once there, Kong goes looking for his pretty little blonde friend so he can skate with her, and enjoy the sunset (throwing away several perfectly good blonde's in the search). Then he takes her up the ESB, gets shot and falls off again, leaving her sobbing, realistically but strangely, for her poor monkey pal.
There are a few problems (apart from running time) that stop this film from being the masterpiece it almost was.
1. Where did Carl get his map of Skull Island? Did Kong perhaps mail it to him internationally, because he wanted to meet a pretty 1930's blonde? Or perhaps Carl won it on Ebay... a true mystery
2. Anne's clothes seem very inappropriate. She's just wearing a little Babydoll thing in the jungle (with bare feet - ouch) and it doesn't get too badly torn or dirtied, and then back home in bitter-cold snow, she wears a skimpy white silk dress, without so much as shivering. She teams this with heels - then decides to go sprinting through the snow and climbing access ladders thousands of feet above the city. Yeah. And throughout it all, her huge blonde curls stay prettily in place the whole time. Of course.
3. How had Kong not busted through that old driftwood gate before then? He obviously could... were none of the natives pretty enough for you to bother, Kong?
4. Those sauropods in the chase were so CGI that they looked like they were made of jam. Their skin looked really fatty and chewy. Disgusting!
5. Anne is bionic-woman. It's obvious she has no skeleton (because Kong is shaking her with the force to kill a rhinoceros), she has skin like a whale's (atop the Empire State in white silk) and she even repels bullets! (when she runs round the observation deck of the ESB with glass shards flying through the air around her).
6. Anne performs a vaudeville act to stop Kong killing her... and it works. Oh, please. Bet it wouldn't have worked if Kong had been a twenty-five foot (female) tiger...
7. What was with those worm things in that bug pit? I nearly threw up, they were the most nightmarish things imaginable! And they looked like a certain part of the human anatomy if you think about it...
8. How did Jack Driscoll survive that 360 degree flip in the taxi? His spine must be made of titanium...
9. Lots of unfinished back-stories, like the whole kleptomaniac cabin boy and his best friend, the first mate. Who dies.
10. Time wasting in long, slow-mo close-ups, Ann peering into Kong's eyes entranced, and Kong himself roaring and acting like a total cock-of-the-rock.
Still, overlooking the details, this is a really good storyline, and I'm sure if several minutes of certain scenes were cut, it would be a whole lot better. I thought Black and Watts did excellently (my favourite part was Anne's shrill screaming), and Brody did make Kong's expressions and actions very realistic. I also loved the way depression-era New York was portrayed - very interesting. All we need is a little more attention on those details - and none of those carnivorous intestines writhing in the muddy pool, please.
Godzilla (1998)
Not as bad as they say!
First off, I just want to say that I know this film is nothing like the original Godzilla (although I actually haven't seen any of those), and I respect that some people won't like it for that. But I feel myself that even if it's failed as a remake, it's certainly a thrilling movie in its own right. The opening was really haunting; the music and the nuclear montage really reeled me in, and the attacks on the boats were amazing (especially the state the big fishing boat ended up in). When Godzilla gets to New York, things just get better from there - the effects are good, and the cast play their characters well (yes, even Maria Pitillo). I only have a few small criticisms;
1. Even without knowing the true Godzilla very well, this one is clearly a total Hollywood farce - an iguana on steroids, that has a massive chin and looks completely different than it did before the nuclear thing (it was supposed to simply grow, but its like its been to the gym too)
2. That taxi in the chase must've been indestructible. I swear, it wasn't a regular vehicle... the suspension was incredible, surviving being almost swallowed and trodden on and thrown about,and then the high-beams... and the JUMP off the collapsing bridge onto the road!
3. Speaking of that bridge, it must've been made of reinforced diamond - it sort of half-heartedly collapsed even after a dirty great anthropomorphic lizard jumped on it.
4. In real life, I doubt four people would escape a hell-hole like that with just a gun and some chandeliers...
Despite these flaws (which I think added a bit of comedy) I think it is a much underrated film that deserves a bit of slack. Maybe just give it a second chance, hm?
Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey (1993)
A truly beautiful classic, and a favourite for eternity...
This movie is a true masterpiece, it really is. It's rare you come across such a heartwarming flick, full of fun, laughter, heartbreak, and with a little drama to keep you on your toes.
A true family film, Homeward Bound tells the story of three brave pets, who set out to cross the Rocky Mountains in an attempt to find their owners, following the changes they go through and the obstacles they encounter along the way. One of the truly stunning things about this movie is its ability to give animals human personalities - the voice acting is that good. Shadow is a wonderful character, old, wise and brave, and watching him trying to save Sassy in the river was a very powerfully moving moment. Chance - who wouldn't love a dog like Chance? He's got to be the most mischievous and lovable pup ever shown on the big screen. And Sassy is very witty for a cat - she had me in stitches when she was mocking the keeper; 'Here kitty kitty kitty... not on your life, chubby.'
There were also lots of well made emotional scenes, such as Sassy going over the waterfall (I was truly scared for her), Shadow falling in the ditch (almost in tears) and then the fantastic ending, when all three pets return home... including good old Shadow!
A favourite for all time - anyone who doesn't like this film must just not like animals. Rent it or buy it now, and it'll leave you with happy memories that'll last a lifetime.
Camp Rock (2008)
The Disney Curse...
Okay, this is my very first review, and I couldn't have picked an easier film to start with! All in all, this isn't really awful. The songs aren't bad for a DCOM, and the finale is ever so slightly moving (if a little over-hyped beforehand). Mitchie is a lovable character when she stops lying, and I have to admit that there are worse movies out there. It's a cute film for younger audiences, and I appreciate that - but it's also supposed to appeal to tweens a bit, and it just... doesn't.
There are just too many problems with it; many people have spotted these already. Most of the songs are pre-recorded, and the lip-syncing in places is ludicrously off - like in Tess's 'Too Cool'. I think we all know that the characters are as stereotypical as you can get; it's like Disney prevents other producers ripping off it's films, by doing it for them! There are also a few other minor points to make, aside from those two major ones;
1. Nick and Kevin J are majorly under-used. Nick is simply there to give pep talks to Joe (or Shane) and Kevin... why on Earth doesn't he just buy his goddamn birdhouse? There always has to be a really ditzy character - and this one happens to have two! (Kevin and Ella, the sidekick)
2. When teaching a hip-hop class, don't wear blazing white skinny jeans - especially not with a mic and a cloth tucked in the back pocket. And I don't know anyone who goes about in spangled dresses and metallic leggings. The costumes just scream 'DISNEY!'.
3. When Mitchie realises that her and Caitlyn can still make Final Jam, her sudden, toothy smile really scared me. I thought she was gonna bite poor Caitlyn in the neck.
4. Disney characters ALWAYS have to wake up perky and beaming, not a hair out of place - and then they jump up to try on vast arrays of colourful outfits and grin foolishly into their mirrors. And in this case, even play a quick song on the keyboard.
5. Mitchie never needed to lie in the first place, because she'd just made friends with Caitlyn seconds before! Not exactly lonely...
6. Peggy isn't really playing her guitar. Even I know this, and I used to think clarinet was a Spanish girls' name.
7. Anna Maria blah's character was almost exactly the same as her Hannah Montanna one - a mindless lemming following a total airhead. Wasted, honestly.
To summarise - has anyone ever seen the 'suite life' episode where London's Sweet Sixteen isn't as good as she'd hoped, and Carey gives her some advice? 'Sometimes you build something up so much, that the real thing can't possibly live up to expectations.' That's got this movie written all over it. Please, Disney - get a new theme, a new vibe, a new storyline. Please.