..And I know that's not a reason for a 1 start rating, but there be plenty afoot.
Imagine Conan The Barbarian, written and directed by the team being Hercules the Legendary Journeys, only without the "tongue in cheek" brilliantness, and the captivating charisma of the marvellous Kevin Sorbo. Cast a talentless, long haired nobody who's been working far too much on his chest, and not enough on not being a terrible actor....and not looking like a slighted juiced Brendan Fraser.
Throw in a stunningly made up, beautifully mascaraed "monk" girl, who just happens to be able to cut down professional warriors at the drop of a hat, with a broadsword that must have weighed twice as much as her perfect little frame. A sword that I presume was made of out helium, as it was menacingly waved about by a ten year old Conan earlier.
Queue some thoroughly uninspiring sidekicks, plenty of bouncy foam rocks, balsa wood walls/floors/furniture. "Epic" battles, that involve a lot of needless splatter, some incredible jumping deaths, and at least one blatantly lame "sword in the armpit" overact.
Toss in a bit of terrible and completely unnecessary CGI, and you have yourself a movie that would have every film fan ashamed to have every given anyone involved in the making of this monstrosity an ounce of your precious lives.
If Arnie were dead, he'd be turning in his grave....as it is, he should find them one by one, dressed as a T1000, and stamp on their movie making equipment.
Imagine Conan The Barbarian, written and directed by the team being Hercules the Legendary Journeys, only without the "tongue in cheek" brilliantness, and the captivating charisma of the marvellous Kevin Sorbo. Cast a talentless, long haired nobody who's been working far too much on his chest, and not enough on not being a terrible actor....and not looking like a slighted juiced Brendan Fraser.
Throw in a stunningly made up, beautifully mascaraed "monk" girl, who just happens to be able to cut down professional warriors at the drop of a hat, with a broadsword that must have weighed twice as much as her perfect little frame. A sword that I presume was made of out helium, as it was menacingly waved about by a ten year old Conan earlier.
Queue some thoroughly uninspiring sidekicks, plenty of bouncy foam rocks, balsa wood walls/floors/furniture. "Epic" battles, that involve a lot of needless splatter, some incredible jumping deaths, and at least one blatantly lame "sword in the armpit" overact.
Toss in a bit of terrible and completely unnecessary CGI, and you have yourself a movie that would have every film fan ashamed to have every given anyone involved in the making of this monstrosity an ounce of your precious lives.
If Arnie were dead, he'd be turning in his grave....as it is, he should find them one by one, dressed as a T1000, and stamp on their movie making equipment.
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