dusticle Reviews

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (2006)

Sad...

[2/10 · 11 July 2006]

There was much to be expected from the sequel to one of my favorite movies. Unfortunately it did not meet any of my expectations and I spent the entire time in the theater asking myself 'Is it over yet?' Boring battle scenes, cheap jokes, cheesy acting, sub-par story, stupid new characters, and a horrible ending. A complete disappointment and embarrassment. I do give a nod, however, to the visual effects which were stunning, but a film with such a big budget tends to drift away from direction and screenplay and focus only on visual effects which in turn does not make a good movie. The effects are what give this movie 2 stars out of 10. POTC: Dead Man's Chest was a waste of money and an embarrassment to Black Pearl AND Disney studios. I only hope the third installment is better.

Starcade (1982–1984)

bleep bloop bleep bloop

[8 January 2005]

humanoid your moves are so fresh. your presence is requested for the ultimate quest. hop on board and turn my key. we're gonna flash back to eighty-three. rock my controller, don't get played. you are the new master of starcade.

i love this show. it was on every morning at 8:00 on G4 (now G4techtv). i could only watch up until the name-the-game board, since i had to go to school. the games they play, the questions they answer, the prizes they win. frickin sweet! to be on the game show, playing video games and winning money, is any kids fantasy. i know it was mine! i would like to see an updated version of this show with modern arcade games or even console games like halo, hydro thunder, silent scope, dance dance revolution, super smash bros. melee, etc.

Meet the Fockers (2004)

funny, but that's it

[7/10 · 26 December 2004]

directed by: jay roach my vote: 6.5 (rounded to 7) i saw the movie opening day (december 22). 3rd showing of the day at the theater. i at first was surprised to see no sold out show times. then i was surprised to find the theater i was in wasn't half full. i then saw the movie. i laughed a lot. i cracked up a lot. i chocked on my cookie dough bites and squirted coke out my nose. yes, it was very funny. much funnier than meet the parents.

that's it recycled story, recycled jokes, classic clichés, not to mention the return of Kevin. all included in meet the fockers. i love Dustin Hoffman has the head focker, the once-was lawyer, and Barbra Streisand as the mother focker, the sex therapist. sadly it's the only other thing i love about meet the fockers.

i won't see it at the theater again. i'll buy it used at Hollywood video in a couple of years.

The Grudge (2004)

Go see this if you are looking for a good time!

[24 October 2004]

if i were to rate, out of 10, the grudge on the scariness, i would give it a 3. there were a few parts that make you jump, but that's it. i was expecting this to be the scariest movie i've ever seen, but i was throughly disappointed on how silly it was. there is more humor than horror. i found myself, my friends, and the whole theater in uproarious laughter for most of the parts that were supposed to be scary. it's that pathetic. but all in all, the crappiness of the movie was evened out by the hilarity and as i said before go see this if you are looking for a good time! it's the funniest mistake you'll ever see

-jesse n chester

Police Academy 6: City Under Siege (1989)

the best of the worst*

[30 June 2004]

i laughed at many of the stuff in this movie. it wasn't police academy 1 or 2, but it was a police academy and it was the best of the worst* of them. there were some points when i thought to myself "why did they do that?" and "how come they didn't do this?" but sometimes it was pretty funny. michael winslow was awesome when he played robocop and freaked out the guy he was fighting and when he made the squeaky shoe sound for that one guy who walked by. he never fails to make me laugh in any movie.

acting: 6/10

humor: 6.5/10

overall: 6.25/10

definately the best of the worst* of the police academies

*worst: police academy 4-7

The 76th Annual Academy Awards (2004 TV Special)

i hate it when it's all about one movie

[29 June 2004]

boy was this not cool to watch.

it seemed every other award was won by LOTR:ROTK

i was sick of it

i wanted to see other winners

instead it was all LOTR

take it easy jackson. stop showing off

thank god the lord of the rings is over

it better not happen again with the hobbit

other people want to win awards jackson

3/10

the 49,000,000,000th time billy crystal has hosted

Ernest Goes to Jail (1990)

best of the many earnest'ses alot

[14 May 2004]

Earnest goes to jail has to be the best, and funniest, of the earnests. the humor is pretty good, and the story is suprisingly good. it's funny how earnest always gets himself into these things. john cherry is a good director and a funny guy, even though his other earnests weren't so good.

Humor 7/10

Story 8.5/10

Acting 6.5/10

Overall 7.333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 etc./10

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)

congrats, carrey. you might finally get yourself an oscar

[26 April 2004]

when i first saw the preview for this movie, i did not get it. i did not get what was going on and why. all i knew was jim carrey was in it and it was not a comedy. at first i was thinking to myself "the majestic, the majestic" because i did not expect what i would soon see. there is a lot of weird sh!t going on in this movie, let me tell you. joel braish, carrey, has just gotten out of a bad relationship with clementine, winslet, and he does not want any memory of it, so he goes to a clinic where they take previous memories and erase them completely. this movie takes you into the mind of joel as this operation is taking place and his dreams and memories of clementine dissapearing forever.

i was blown away by carreys performance, his best yet. he really gets the character out. better than most i've seen. oscar worthy.

the movie itself is a revolution in filmmaking. the special effects of everything vanishing is amazing and the characters joel and clementine are very well described. also oscar worthy.

10/10 see you in l.a.

The Cat in the Hat (2003)

fun movie to watch whatever your age

[15 February 2004]

It's time for another Chesterfied review!

THE CAT IN THE HAT

RATING: *** (out of 4)

PROS: Mike Myers, pretty funny with child and adult humor (dirty hoe), great art design, Mr. Hubberfloob, an actually fun movie to watch

CONS: the ending wasn't too good

COMMENTS: maybe if they computer animated the cat, the movie could've been better. also, the ending could've been better than what it was.

an underrated movie

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001)

thank god it's over

[4 February 2004]

Hey! It's time for another Chester review

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

--

i saw clerks. one of the best movies of all time, and a pretty funny one

i saw mallrats. a good, funny movie

i saw chasing amy. sucked

i saw dogma. sucked

i saw this. sucked donkies

Overall Rating: 6.5 (out of 10)

PROS: It's a Kevin Smith Movie

CONS: Felt no connection with this and Clerks, Horrendus story, not very funny, Silent Bob talks too much, There is a limit of how much of the film should have Jay and Silent Bob in it and this movie exceeds it.

Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003)

good prequel, but has major flaws. read below

[10 January 2004]

to start things off, I am not jesse or chester right now...

Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003)

Director: Troy Miller

Written By: Robert Brener and Troy Miller

Starring: Eric Christain Olsen, Derek Richardson, Mimi Rogers, Cheri Oteri, Rachel Nichols, and Eugene Levy

First, I just want to say that the idea of this movie is one of the greatest I have ever come across. We were going to finally see how Harry met Lloyd, and it was pretty funny how they did. I was very anxious to see this movie, and a good thing was its opening day was the last day of school for me so a few friends of mine and I went to go see it.

--

First Flaw: Characters.

What I saw was Eric and Derek (ha ha) doing an amazing job of recreating Harry and Lloyd, but everyone else did a $hitty job being their characters, like Mrs. Heller and Principal Collins for example. Also, I thought Brener and Miller didn't know what they were doing because they kind of overexaggerated Harry a bit, like with the hair and the dumbererness.

Second Flaw: Script.

Too many of the jokes in the movie were give-away jokes, meaning they were given away before they happened so they weren't as funny. And also this line: Harry "I can't believe she's wewaring that outfit!" Lloyd "Yeah. Last time I wore those shorts I got beat up" and he was saying it like it was a bad thing, when earlier in the movie, he said Turk beats him up because he is cool.

Third Flaw: Editing.

There are many parts in the movie when you can see the black paint on Lloyds chipped tooth. Also, there were a few scenes that could've been done better or cut from the movie like the first convenience store scene when Lloyd introduces Harry to slushies.

Fourth Flaw: Troy Miller.

He did well in Mr. Show and is currently doing well in Viva La Bam, but he isn't as good as the Farrellys when it comes to movies.

--

Overall, this was a funny movie and was well written and directed at times. It would've been better if the Farrellys did it. 7.5 out of 10.

-djt

School of Rock (2003)

i expected more...

[21 November 2003]

...and didn't get it. i was really expecting much more out of white, especially after orange county. unfortunately, this movie has little to no funny parts and was a stupid idea to begin with. it seemed to me that this movie was a joke. i mean school kids in a rock band with jack black?! what kind of mind thinks up $hit like that?! and furthermore, the ending!!!!!!!! this has got to be THE worst ending to a movie ever! white must've been drunk while writing those scenes!

hey, if you liked orange county, this sucked

2 out of 10

Scary Movie 3 (2003)

zucker's at it again. scary movie 3 is a must-see

[10/10 · 24 October 2003]

uh oh! someone has gotten a hold of the mysterious video tape (not the one where they do it in the car, boat, bathtub, etc.) that kills them seven days after they watch it. sound familiar? of course! it's scary movie 3!

this third installment follows a familiar cindy campbell who's fresh out of college and who's working as a tv news anchor.

thats pretty much all you need to know

this movie was done without the wayans' (thank you god). instead, david zucker. you might know him as the co-writer/director of airplane, top secret, and the 3 naked guns. if you liked those, than this is no exception. only david can make a spoof, no one else's stuff even compares to his.

if you haven't seen it, go see it now. i think there's a showing of it at 6:45.

SCARY MOVIE 3 *********1/2 (out of 10)

-jesse