Chimale1025 Reviews

The Truth About Charlie (2002)

Why Remake Charade Badly?

[1/10 · 12 September 2004]

It is a very sad statement to the state of film when someone of Demme's reputation insists on remaking a classic of simple perfection like Charade so poorly. From his gimmicky camera moves to his pathetic attempt at casting, He seems to miss the point at every turn of the plot. The original is so pure, so charming, so classy, so severely elegant, that it is absurd to try and muck up the plot by adding unnecessary McGuffins and stupid backstories that are at best infuriating. The new version is more confusing than mysterious. Just because you can does not mean you should. Marky Mark,a pathetic replacement for Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn's replacement who should remain nameless forever, seem to point to Hollywood's inability to find any adult actors with character and a mature sensibility. Do we have any adults left or all our current actors cursed with a permanent adolescent mindset. All I can say to this movie is "Why Bother?" I bought this movie DVD used with Charade on the "B" side thinking it was a studio remaster by Universal. It stuck me as weird that the video store put the Charade side up until I saw this "Bomb". Also I find it hilarious that a Director would put the very movie that makes his own version of it look stupid on the other side of the disc.

The Truth About Charlie (2002)

Why Remake Charade Badly?

[1/10 · 12 September 2004]

It is a very sad statement to the state of film when someone of Demme's reputation insists on remaking a classic of simple perfection like Charade so poorly. From his gimmicky camera moves to his pathetic attempt at casting, He seems to miss the point at every turn of the plot. The original is so pure, so charming, so classy, so severely elegant, that it is absurd to try and muck up the plot by adding unnecessary McGuffins and stupid backstories that are at best infuriating. The new version is more confusing than mysterious. Just because you can does not mean you should. Marky Mark,a pathetic replacement for Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn's replacement who should remain nameless forever, seem to point to Hollywood's inability to find any adult actors with character and a muture sensibility. Do we have any adults left or all our current actors cursed with a permanent adolescent mindset. All I can say to this movie is "Why Bother?" I bought this movie DVD used with Charade on the "B" side thinking it was a studio remaster by Universal. It stuck me as weird that the video store put the Charade side up until I saw this "Bomb". Also I find it hilarious that a Director would put the very movie that makes his own version of it look stupid on the other side of the disc.

Down with Love (2003)

A Good Idea, Not So Wonderful Fluff

[4/10 · 30 May 2004]

I wanted to like this film. Its sort of like the bad seasons of Frasier, well written, but not so good. First of all is the hideous miscasting of Ewan McGregor. Second is the fact that Rene Zellwegger is outrageously and sickeningly thin. Third is the lousy hairdressing(does anybody still know how to fluff hair properly or all the good hairdressers dead?). Fourth is the sloppy, reinterpretations of Fifties to Sixties Fashion (they can't seem to get the fit right, these new "designers" and I use the term nearly as loosely as the pathetic fit of the dresses). Fifth the sets, though imaginatively conceived are too over the top (believe it or not). Sixth is the camera work (just a hair sharper please and a little less soft pastel). I did think David Hyde Pearce was good as was his female counterpart. The idea was amusing but it needed to be taken a little more seriously. The trend started by Far From Heaven of modernizing an old Genre needs to be done with more Elan. The miscasting of Ewan McGregor makes me wonder if the casting agents in Hollywood really have their heads as far up their posteriors as I think they do or is there really a lack of better looking males over six foot two and older than thirty who can sing?

Hulk (2003)

Good Director with big budget goes stupid

[2/10 · 8 May 2004]

How can I say the thousand of things gone wrong with this movie? I could maybe go with the scenery chewing performance of Nick Nolte. I could talk about the unnecessary use of split screen shots. I could talk about the new-agey smarmy poo that passes for a film score. I could go on and on about the heavy handed use of Psychobabble that tries to add depth and only drags this goofy mess into nothingness. I could see how the Budget probably tempted Ang Lee to try everything, like a freak show fat teenager at an all you can eat restaurant. On the same night I watched this yuck, Jackass the Movie, and The In Laws and I can truthfully say that Jackass is much better film. Ang Lee forgot one major factor when he did this, FUN. It was never for a nanosecond, FUN. This was a comic book, not War and Peace. There needs to be at least a fifteen year moratorium on making any more over-budgeted comic book movies, but as long as Hoolyweird has its way with teenage boys we will have more of this stuff until the loss of enough money stems the flow of garbage.

Jump Tomorrow (2001)

A small film, very very small, but cute

[6/10 · 5 May 2004]

This is a very "indie" looking "independent film. Hollywood should be making more films with themes like this. It's sweet, cute and nice, but I was expecting a little more from it after having seen the more evocative short subject on which it was based. It suffers from "indieitis". Like a lot of small films it isn't developed enough to fill its length. One complaint I have about "independent" film is that the films have a very low "viewability" factor. Whether it's lousy acting, poor storytelling, pathetically trendy or arty camera work (like Waydowntown) or just the "director's" self important view of the world, I just wish film schools would just disappear from the face of the planet. This film suffers from the poorly chosen overused pop music score. Most of the music has been overplayed in commercials and other disasters like "Van Wilder". Its odd to say that despite a lot of huge faults I liked this film. I just wish more thought had been put into its conception. Its a charming premise, lighter than air, but as anyone who truly appreciates a good romantic comedy knows, they are harder to make well than almost any other Genre.

Pulp Fiction (1994)

A Big Stinky Mess of (place epithet here)

[1/10 · 5 May 2004]

This film typifies what is wrong with the whole film world today. When a morally bankrupt,intellectually challenged creep like the "director" of this piece can get a deal with a major studio it says a lot about the sad and pathetic state of movie making. The level of hype surrounding this and the other (place epithet here) made by this twerp is disgusting. What drugs are being passed around in Hollywood board rooms? I'd really like to know what kind of hallucinogenic it was. I saw this (place epithet here) and I was disturbed in the way it manipulates the stupider members of the audience. Getting high on violence is a good thing? Tarantino is a cancerous festering oozing lesion on the anus of the film world. Good film making technique aside, are we really prepared for the level of nihilism this kind of (place epithet here) represents? This is just (place epithet here) elevated to Olympian "ART FILM" status. The presence of some reasonably good actors just proves that actors generally have very poor judgement and like the misquote of Hitchcock "are cattle". This, and the previously mentioned disease's other films are the absolute ultimate in pandering to the lowest common denominator of the hormonally challenged adolescent male mindset that Hollywood seems to be pervertedly in love with (film school critic retards included). This is only my opinion, but I know other cinema literate people who share it. The fact that this was nominated for Oscars is too abhorrent to bear. Add style and you can serve overrated (place epithet here) to the most pretentious.

Radio Days (1987)

One of the Best

[9/10 · 5 May 2004]

I was born and raised in Suburban Texas but this is one of my favorites.It is by no means a New York story that Non-New Yoikers can't understand and a lot of us Provincials resent the very provincial thinking of a few classless fools in the Big Apple. This is a delightful piece of fun. It is a joy to watch. The cast is put to superb use in this heartfelt tribute to the simple glorious joys of an ordinary childhood. Like most autobiographical works this film has a resonance that isn't present in other works. As Crooklyn is one of Spike Lee's best works so is this one of Woody Allen's best. The color is lushly aged and beautifully underscored with the delightfully nostalgic music of the forties airwaves. Even though I am only in my early fifties this film reminds me of that simpler time that perhaps never was. It shows a healthy family going though the most fascinating of all things, namely ordinary living. This is the kind of "reality" that should be on T.V. instead of the dreck the major networks are commiting financial suicide with. I watch this every time its on. Its one of those films that helps you understand how different and yet the same families are. If a person doesn't understand this film it's definitely a case of "something missing". The radio stories are the only fantastic aspect of the piece and they perfectly underscore the basic reality of the story. Movies like this, Meet Me in St. Louis, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, I Remember Mama, Life with Father, and Crooklyn are essentials.

Interiors (1978)

As Dark as it Gets

[8/10 · 5 May 2004]

This is one of those films that when you recommend, you should also warn.It is a very mature work about a very sick and warped family. It is also a very beautifully realized piece of filmmaking. The only real complaint I have about it is that it wasn't recorded in stereo or surround. Since Woody Allen is deaf in one ear, I guess he doesn't care. Thank God, he isn't color blind. Geraldine Page is absolutely devastating as the suffocating wife as she creates the woman of limited imagination and total self importance who strangles the joy of living out of her immediate family. She is a pathetic villain whose sick arrogance is the bane of every one she touches with her sterile iciness. This is a cautionary tale about what mental illness can do if left unchecked and untreated. It is also Woody Allen doing Bergman like Stanley Donen doing Hitchcock in Charade, not a lesser film than Bergman, just an American take on the same kind of situation. Bergman is not as good as Bergman. Every Good filmmaker gets elevated to such outrageous levels of hype in this disturbingly stupid era of 100 best lists that a lot of very good movies get ignored and filmmakers of previous eras are treated like trash, so that a self promoting cretin like Tarantino whose films are all style and absolutely zero substance can be lionized by a bunch of film school educated idiotic critics. This is not a must see, but it is an important film for the film scholar. As much as Enchanted April is life affirming, this one is life threatening. Talked to death has never been done better.

Enchanted April (1991)

Only One Flaw

[9/10 · 22 April 2004]

This is an exquisite film about the search for some bliss in everyday life. The pacing, the camera work, the emotion, the haunting musical score and the pure charm of this picture make it a must see. It isn't easily appreciated by the immature or emotionally stunted. The only flaw I can see about this film is that it wasn't captured in a more technically perfect film format. It deserved Todd-AO, Technicolor and the very finest sound format available.(An intimate film can be made in seventy millimeter.) The gorgeous Italian villas effect on its inhabitants would have rendered even more lushly and the small lovely moments would be even more beautifully seen and heard. As it is, it still demands attention as a sweet moving small film. I can't stop myself from watching it every time it comes on satelite. The transformations of the characters from contained, tight and mistrustful is always a joy to watch and I really should recommend it more often.

The casting is perfect, the mood is perfect, the acting is above reproach. It is a film about middle age and the choices people make.It is deep and thoughtful without beating the viewer up with heavy handedness. Watch it in one sitting and let it have its effect on you. If you don't get it, perhaps you haven't lived enough, or something else is wrong with you.

The Rules of Attraction (2002)

Nihilism about Older Children for Adults Only

[2/10 · 24 March 2004]

This is about some very stupid behavior. It shows how brutal and ridiculously cruel and uncaring older children can be when they have too much money and too much freedom with no responsibility. It shows what is wrong when these little babies go off to the ivory tower academic world and are given no real direction or focus from their supposedly more knowing professors and parents, who are actually more screwed up than the children are. It is a cautionary tale for parents and other adults who might have to deal with these spoiled losers later on in life. These are the people who anyone with a brain hopes will overdose before they graduate.These people have advantages they don't deserve or use to the best effect.

The film is competently made with a few artsy, mostly fartsy storytelling devices. It is nicely photographed and competently directed and acted. The only problem is that the story is unnecessary. Do we need to see another movie about creepy people acting their creepiest. The other stupid children out there will see it and think some of the awful behavior is acceptable. When are directors of a certain level of competence going to make films that help the human condition instead of making us wallow in its filth.

The Fall of the Roman Empire (1964)

A kind of Film Artistry that modern hollywood cant duplicate

[9/10 · 8 March 2004]

This is one of those gorgeous Ultra Panavision 70 Epics that no current director is capable of making. Seen in pristine form, this film is eye candy of the highest form. Unlike the blurry stupid comic book mess made by the hack scott, this film has a very intelligent script, incomparable sets, historically acurate costuming and a more realistic plot. This film is long by the standards set by the MTV flashcut video generation. It also might lack action for some of the testosterone challenged. If you have an open mind and enough education, you might appreciate the nuances of the Dmitri Tiomkin score, the carefully framed visuals, the retrained performances, the delicately played mood, and the sheer spectacle of it. This is huge piece of filmmaking. It is definitely a must see for the Cinema Literate. Of the films about the ancient world this is one of a very few that capture an environment so richly concieved and beautifully rendered. Production values this detailed are totally unthinkable today. It was filmed in a film format that was the state of the art in its time. It would be nice to see it again, mastered in high def, remixed and restored to its original glory.

Dear Heart (1964)

A Movie for Middle Aged Romantics

[8/10 · 8 March 2004]

This is a film about two middle aged people in search of their soul mates. It is a very adult film. Children under 35 usually don't find it very rewarding unless they possess an unusual emotional maturity. I loved it the first time I saw it when I was about 22, but I didn't understand its depths until I was about 38. It shows the despair of lonely singles. It shows the "innocence" of the never attached. A spinster (what an ageist and sexist term) and a not too old jaded and bored bachelor try to make relationships which don't really fit work for them. The efforts they go through and the situations they find themselves in make for a lovely and sweet ride. The resolution is extremely gratifying and not so unrealistic. Its tone, mood and pacing as the two meet and learn about each other build beautifully. I don't want a remake, but I miss movies of this maturity, thought and charm. No glamour, no glitz, no silly gags, no pretty young things, this film shows ordinary people with ordinary problems trying to find someone to love in a world that isn't always kind to people past their "prime". Geraldine Page is revelatory as the slightly ridiculous woman who grows more lovely as the story progresses. Glenn Ford's charms are used to their maximum effect and Angela Landsbury adds the right shrewish tone. This is a must see for people who love a good complicated normal romance.

Gladiator (2000)

A Bad Reworking of Fall of the Roman Empire

[2/10 · 26 February 2004]

I happen to love films about the ancient world. This one isnt about Ancient Rome. Its about costumes from a road company production of AIDA and sets using Biedermier furniture instead of researching the period. Its about blurry filters over the lenses. Its about a pathetically boring music score and the use of huge suffocating close ups for emotional intensity. Its about blurry computer generated reconstructions and a cloddish leading performance. The Release Print that I saw was bluish and soft focus. After seeing films like BEN HUR in Ultra Panavision 70 and six channel sound in the sixties, you have no idea how outrageously disappointed I was with this overrated "Ridley Scott" garbage.

Men in Black (1997)

This Should have been 1997's Best Picture Oscar

[9/10 · 26 February 2004]

This is what Hollywood does best. A witty, charming comedy about US and extraterrestrials. Brilliant use of special effects, a razor sharp script, two Stars used as perfect types, and the perfect creation of a world "we" don't know is there is what makes it so much fun. The academy evidently likes pretentious arty stuff that is soon forgotten. Science Fiction Comedy is not something the idiots in the Critical Community consider viable artistic expression. Inventive and a little dark this huge hit film holds up after multiple viewings. Try watching The English Patient more than once. Color, Image, Sound, Music, Character, Sets, Costumes and Script all click together in this comic book of a movie. Why deal with Cinematic Brocoli when you can enjoy something like this Movie Carrot Cake with Cream Cheese Icing.

Waydowntown (2000)

An artsy fartsy exercise in pathetic quality digital betacam, boring beyond words.

[2/10 · 24 February 2004]

This is one of those film school reject affectations by a director who should know better. Blurry insipid images show a world that really isn't that interesting about people that really don't matter. A real time waster. I wouldn't be reviewing it if so IFC and Sundance weren't hyping it so much.

American Beauty (1999)

One Major Oscar inflicted by the Critics

[1/10 · 24 February 2004]

This is one of those bad movies that is just bad. Its not fun bad. Its just plain garbage. Scenery chewing performances are delivered by competent actors. Over-rated by critics who were probably paid off, this is one of those pretentious commentary films that the pseudointelligencia of the cinema world try to cram down our throats on a regular basis. If you really believe that the Academy Awards are awarded to the very best films you are sadly misinformed and somewhat delusional. This awful piece of celluloid should prove that point to anyone who is rational and willing to slice and dice a very sacred cinematic cow.