vsdobbs Reviews

Now You See Me (I) (2013)

Utter garbage

[1/10 · 19 November 2013]

A movie so painfully stupid you will not be able to believe it. I felt like I was watching Cannonball Run, the plot was so thin and dumb. But, you know, the first draft of Cannonball Run--before anyone went through it and checked to see how logical it was.

How they snagged this cast with a script that is so, so bad, is baffling. I can only imagine that the screenplay was genius and the director decided that instead of following it he was just going to wing it. "Magicians! Lights! Chases! Action! Print it!"

IMDb says a sequel is scheduled, presumably because American audience ate this garbage up. I'm starting my own script which is about a "Now You See Me" audience member who hunts down the screenwriters and director of the film, locks them in a safe, and shackles them to the bottom of the Hudson. It's called "Now You Don't".

All Is Lost (2013)

Dreadfully dull.

[2/10 · 26 October 2013]

This film is terribly boring. I like Chandor, I like Redford, I like the premise, but my god was this dull. It also had one of the worst scores I've ever heard--made worse because the music was completely unnecessary and basically took you out of the film. At one point, as the music swells, Redford covers his ears and cowers. I wanted to do the same.

I am not a sailor. But, I thought the character was one of the dumber and least resourceful people I've ever seen on film. Just about every time he tried to do something to fix his situation, I thought, "This man is an idiot. That's not how he should be doing this!" This of course culminated when he decided to light a fire in his rubber raft instead of placing the fire in the very calm water.

I do think that he is supposed to be stupid. At one point he opens a box someone's given him as a gift and finds the navigation tool. This seemed to me like the kind of gift that would only be given to a newbie as a seasoned sailor would probably already have one. (And have learned how to use it before his ship starts going down!)

I can't believe Redford is getting raves for his performance. It was fine, but with no dialogue and basically nothing but worried looks when the water is around his ears (what actor *wouldn't* have that expression with water at their ears?!), I gotta say this is a career low.

I would have given this movie one star, but at one point (when he opens that gift), the character disposes of a gift card without reading it. This was the only compelling piece of filmmaking in the whole movie. If he would have opened that card and read its contents, I probably would have walked out (something I considered doing many times out of sheer boredom). Being a smart enough filmmaker to know that the lack of backstory--though something is hinted at--is more compelling than the opposite earned Chandor the bump to two stars.

Savages (I) (2012)

Unbearably boring and stupid

[3/10 · 8 July 2012]

DO NOT GO SEE THIS MOVIE.

Poor, poor Don Winslow. Awesome writer but unfortunately, no one's made a good movie out of any of his books yet. This one's not an exception.

Pretty much everything about this movie sucks. It is overwritten (voiceover opens the film and NEVER STOPS), miscast, over-scored (with music from HEAT and other movies), over-directed... it's just a piece of garbage.

If you think you'll like this film, see WAY OF THE GUN instead. It is a far better outlaw film with better acting, direction, script, and score. Benicio is in that one as well.

This movie is so bad that there are literally two endings and they're both horrible HORRIBLE.

I cannot recall the last time I saw a movie in the theatre and there was a universal, collective GROAN from the audience. I burst out laughing. The first unsatisfying ending happens and you wait for the credits to roll but instead, a second ending starts and everyone GROANS. Hilarious.

Trust (I) (2010)

Please, fire the marketing department

[7/10 · 31 October 2011]

I thought this was a pretty good film and well worth watching. However, it is NOT what's promised on the back of the DVD box, which makes it out to be another TAKEN.

This is mostly a respectful, thoughtful film, that explores all sides of the issue at hand. It's far more complex--and a better film--than what the marketing department is trying to sell. There is no "cross country journey to revenge", which is good because instead we're given solid performance (especially by the young Liana Liberato, who I'd never seen before) and real situations; true drama.

I absolutely would recommend this film to friends, I just wouldn't let them read the blurb on the back first.

Fast Five (2011)

Among the worst I've ever seen

[2/10 · 13 May 2011]

I love heist movies. I love action movies.

This film was utterly boring and unbelievable from start to finish. It defies the laws of logic, storytelling, and physics at every turn and it just goes on and on and on. And so predictable--especially if you've seen Oceans 11.

I almost walked out during the "climactic" final chase. Such a snoozefest.

The dialogue and stunts are laughable--and the mayhem and destruction in the last 30 minutes are numbing and unbearable. You keep looking, asking "Where are all the bodies? There must be hundreds or thousands of people killed during this chase." But nope, you don't see any bodies because there aren't any. No people on the streets of Rio during broad daylight even though in every previous shot the streets were jammed with pedestrians.

My god this film was boring. It's the first film I've seen in Imax and it'll probably be the last-- seems pretty clear that's just a marketing scam to get people to see movies that would otherwise tank.

I'm sure you'll ignore my review and see it anyway. That's cool, but bring a good book.

Meek's Cutoff (2010)

Best film of 2010

[10/10 · 3 May 2011]

Everything about this film is glorious.

As much as I loved the Coens' True Grit, Meek's Cutoff is the better western. It was the best film I saw at the 2010 Toronto Film Festival and the best film I saw all year, period. It is graceful and understated, sublime and far-reaching. The cinematography is wonderful, the performances spot-on; I contacted the composer directly, eager to purchase the score. I wrote to the director with my thanks for making the picture.

True, this movie is not for everyone. There are no action scenes; there are no shouting matches or shootouts. It's simple on its surface, but has great depth for those who are willing to look for it. It expects you to meet it half-way. The ending is both definitive and ambiguous.

The spoon-feeding that the other IMDb reviewers were looking for? (You know, the ones who can't spell or mix up their homonyms?) Not there. Wrong film.

See this if you like the films of the sixties and seventies. See this if you know who Monte Hellman is or Jerry Schatzberg. See this if you can imagine a Cassavetes film with much less dialogue or a Hal Ashby film with much less hope.

Don't spend your time on this if you can easily rattle off the names of dozens of American films to have wow'd you this past decade. It won't be for you and you'll come here and rag on the picture with your angry, misspelled ramblings.

Boardwalk Empire (2010–2014)

Wholly uninteresting

[4/10 · 1 November 2010]

I just finished watching the seventh episode of this series and it'll probably be my last.

Simply put, the show is terrifically boring. The creators think that peppering the show with gunshots and T&A will make up for what is an unbelievable lack of conflict or character depth.

Not once in any of the episodes has the story been ahead of me and I'm usually well ahead of it, predicting every death and move in advance--sometimes even the location and method, though I've never read anything of the period. It's as if the writers have absolutely no vision whatsoever and they're terrified of treating their audience as adults.

I am stunned that this title has been "renewed" for a second season after only one episode aired--and not even a particularly good episode at that. It seems that, with the exception of John From Cincinnati, every time I try a new HBO show I think the same thing: they cancelled Deadwood for this?! There was more conflict in every single episode of Milch's show than in the entirety of this snoozefest so far.

It seems as though Scorsese--though merely an exec producer--has been off his feed for more than a decade. I was once a big fan--I've got an autographed Taxi Driver poster hanging on my wall--but, truly, this project presents him with absolutely no challenge. There is nothing for him--or anyone else involved, except maybe the set designer/decorator--to rise to.

The cinematography and blocking are uninspired--the dialogue is pedestrian. The acting is fine but the players have nothing to play with. I'll agree with the other reviewer who said the music is terrible (something Scorsese used to be great at). I literally laughed out loud at the organ music cue in episode 7. One of the most ridiculous and ham-handed, overwrought cues I've heard in my life.

Like last year's Treme, this show just never seems to find its footing. To say it ambles would be accurate, but is dangerously close to being a compliment, given the actual pace at which this unfurls.

Good god, it's boring. Do yourself a favour and skip it. Or bring a good book.

Incendies (2010)

Fantastic! Villeneuve's best film yet

[9/10 · 13 September 2010]

This film is extraordinary on just about every level. The script is terrific, the actors are perfect, the direction and cinematography are all you could hope for. I recommend it without hesitation.

Anyone who has seen any of Villeneuve's previous work--or Andre Turpin's Zigrail--knows that these filmmakers have bodies of work that are almost without peer in contemporary cinema world-wide and are unparallelled in the history of Canadian cinema (until seeing Incendies, Maelstrom was my favourite Canadian film). Incendies does not betray that "legacy". You should absolutely see it.

In a film as stunning as this one it's odd to single out one aspect, but I must say that Lubna Azabal's performance is among the best I've ever seen. Though I've watched a few films that she's been in in the past, she never really stood out for me. She is devastatingly good in this picture.

I do hope that this film gets submitted to the AMPAS for Oscar selection as it is definitely the best film I've seen this year and a shoe-in for the foreign picture Oscar.

My only complaint about the film was the use of music by Radiohead, which took me out of the film each time it played. The rest of the music cues were spot-on and quite excellent, but Thom Yorke's voice belonged nowhere near this film.

Inception (2010)

Slow with a side of boring.

[2/10 · 16 July 2010]

This film is downright boring. I literally almost fell asleep at a noon showing. I also almost walked out 35 minutes before it ended; I simply did not care about any of these characters. The effects are neat, and look pretty great, but the story is so asinine that... wait, no, the story isn't asinine, its execution is.

At its heart, this is the story of a man who regrets something that he said to his wife and through the miracle of modern technology, he believes he's able to unring a bell. That's it, really. Yet, rather than tell that story, a bunch of other nonsense is heaped in for ... I dunno why, to be honest with you.

In addition, the film sets up its own rules and seems to break them at will. "We can't do that or this will happen!" seems to be the recurring predicament and yet, when at the crossroads, they just do "this" anyway and don't suffer the consequence, or they create some back door which, according to the logic presented earlier in the film, was impossible.

As an example, there's a scene where the Page character, the Architect, is given her first "go hence" and she creates a compelling world that she managed to manipulate with ease. In fact, the Leo character comments--twice!--on how amazing she is at it. And yet, when they re- enter (or create another) dreamworld, they are all of a sudden ambushed on all sides. Their truck is pursued and shot up, etc etc. However, they've already shown that the Dreamworld does not have to obey the regular laws of physics, or anything really... why not just have things fall from the sky and crush the bad guys? When "trapped" on the middle of the bridge (someplace they need and want to be), why not just create physical barriers between themselves and the bad guys so the bullets can't hit them but they can still drive off?

Perhaps the director's answer to that question is that these are TRAINED military attackers! Uh huh, which is why 8 million of them are unable to shoot up one van driven by a chemist. The same problem occurs earlier in the film, in the real world, when a bunch of agents are chasing Leo. Why give them guns? If it's a foot-chase, I'll buy what I was shown. By arming the pursuers, all I do is roll my eyes every 3 seconds at how preposterous the escape is. It's the equivalent of showing a bomb with 3 minutes left where the screen time is still a half hour. Guess what, Hollywood: your choices had the opposite effect you intended. Our anxiety isn't heightened, but our disbelief is.

Further, when you're watching the action, you're aware that it takes place one, two and three levels deep. The further out you are from the farthest depth, the slower your action takes place. This is seen correctly when the van goes off the bridge... but if it were in fact the case, the van could not drive at regular speed prior to that... it would be slow all the time. That would be boring, you say. (I say it was boring anyway--Nolan proves once again that he's the worst action-sequence director going.) But boring isn't the issue. Time and Distance are. If it were slower, as it should be, they couldn't traverse the distance needed to the bridge.... which brings up the question that if you're the one creating the world, why not make your two destinations side by each? The hotel and the bridge do not need to be at opposite ends of the city, considering the bad guys are not going from the bridge to the hotel. There is constant reference prior to the world being created that it's a maze. No, actually, it isn't. There's nothing maze like about it.

In another scene, two of the main protagonists, who we've been shown are EXPERT in the work they do, declare the mission a failure and complete. But the Page character, who joined the team a mere few days ago, stands up and explains to the experts how it's not over and can still go on. I groaned out loud at that one, not only because it's a ridiculous thing to expect your audience to swallow, but because it meant there was another 30 minutes left.

Anyway, I'm rambling on. The acting was fine, the ideas in the story are interesting, but the film as a whole was very insignificant. There is so much needless exposition, it's laughable. (And there's a lack of exposition where needed.) In short, the film lacks grace.

It really is unfortunate that Nolan's career, from an artistic level, is tanking so poorly. Worse is that his box office is not reflecting this, which will only encourage this behavior. The man's first 3 features were fantastic but since then he's just been getting worse and worse. Though I don't think this film is half as bad as Dark Knight, it isn't a tenth as creative or well done as The Following, Insomnia, or Memento, which it doesn't appear he will ever top.

Harry Brown (2009)

Boring; laughably bad

[1/10 · 2 May 2010]

I cannot believe the positive reviews this film has gotten. The film is literally Rambo (ex marine messed with by everyone he comes into contact with) crossed with Death Wish. However, the bad guys are so comically over the top the film is laughable. You will not see a more unbelievably ridiculous crew of baddies in another film. It's like the campy bad guys from Robocop except they're not played campy--they're played for real. Absolutely hilarious!

The score is overwrought and ridiculously out of place; the script is boring and predictable; the characters are about half-a-dimension each, and going nowhere fast; the police are unbelievably ineffective.

Truly, this is one of the films most devoid of, well, anything, that I've seen in years. It won't scare you, it won't thrill you, it won't entertain you--all it will do is cause you to shake your head in bafflement that it managed to get made.

Anyone who thinks this movie is a masterpiece on any level whatsoever is deluded. Oscar nominations? The mind, it boggles at the thought.

Hunger (2008)

Devastating

[10/10 · 21 February 2010]

This film is extraordinary on every level.

I cannot recall seeing a more compellingly made movie in the last decade; the script, shot compositions, lighting, editing, performances... everything is flawless.

Not to make a bad pun but the filmmakers never spoon feed the audience--they're treated with respect and expected to keep up with the story. There is no needless expository dialogue--when people speak, it means something. Hell, there's a 16 minute two-shot that doesn't cut which exhibits a commitment to performance that is riveting and without peer in any other film of the 00s.

Without exaggeration I would say that any five minutes of this film shames the entirety of the American film industry. If that country's filmmakers had a fraction of Hunger's creators' talents the film world would be a much better place.

A stunning piece of work that has to be seen to be believed.

The Informers (2008)

Snoozefest

[4/10 · 29 September 2009]

This film is among the worst I've seen in ages--not because it's bad, but just because... well, there's no one to care about. Don't get me wrong--I'm not one of those people who needs likable characters (my favorite American films include Five Easy Pieces and Carnal Knowledge-- movies filled with despicable people), but I do require something or at least someone interesting. This film has neither.

There are a few performances which kept me from giving it one star--namely Kim Bassinger and Winona Ryder, both who seem to be getting better at acting as they mature, and someone who I kept thinking was doing a *great* imitation of Brad Renfro. Ha! (I thought this was made after Renfro died.)

There's really no reason to see this film. Never has a movie with kidnapping, murder, cocaine, bisexual threesomes, and a rock band--with LA/Hollywood in the 80s as a backdrop--been so dreadfully boring. If you don't want to take my advice and do plan on seeing the film... well, bring a good book. I don't recommend the one this movie's based on.

Transformers (2007)

You will become stupider by watching this.

[1/10 · 25 September 2009]

Seriously, this is the dumbest movie I've ever tried to watch.

I didn't even last an hour. Absolutely nothing in the film works: The humour falls flat every time.

The action is boring.

The story is unbelievable on every conceivable level.

The acting is laughable.

It makes Maximum Overdrive seem like Citizen Kane.

Seriously, this film has *no* redeeming qualities whatsoever. Worst of all, it's absolutely drop-dead boring and predictable at every turn.

Avoid at all costs.

Paul Blart: Mall Cop (2009)

What is wrong with you, America?

[1/10 · 24 June 2009]

Seriously, this was the worst movie I've seen in years.

I didn't laugh once.

I shook my head a lot and asked myself over and over again, "This was the number one movie in America the week it came out? What is wrong with the USA?!"

Truly, the film is *horrible*. It is start to end horrible.

Seriously, if the best thing about your movie is music by Survivor, what does that say about your acting, directing, screenplay?

This film is an embarrassment.

America, you deserve the sequel you'll no doubt get.

Cassandra's Dream (2007)

Very, very weak. A "tragedy" for people who've never read any tragedies

[3/10 · 19 April 2009]

This is among Allen's weakest films. It is poorly cast (not for a second did I buy Farrell as a worry-wort--it's almost like Allen specifically flipped the actors, trying to play them against type. It fails miserably.)

There are multiple conflicts that are introduced and never paid off. The payoffs that do happen are extremely predictable. This is a story for someone who'd never read any Greek tragedies or Shakespeare the way Allen's Match Point was a thriller for people who'd never read Crime and Punishment. In that film a character is even reading that book, if I remember correctly. In this one there's direct comments on the early Greek plays--as if Allen doesn't trust his audience to be able to make the connection on their own.

About the only positive thing I can say about Allen's choices on this one is that he had a gorgeous girl playing an actress who's playing a character that appears nude on stage and Allen doesn't show it. Any other director would have shown such a scene. Bravo to Allen for at least not being *that* cliché. Too bad he didn't carry through on the rest of the film.

Could have been a pip, but it's not even a blip on his career. This film will be completely forgotten in less than a year.

Blindness (2008)

Dreadful, dreadful film.

[1/10 · 6 April 2009]

Don McKeller ruins another movie with potential.

The novel that this film is based on is superb. The movie is absolutely dreadful. It's clear about 20 minutes in that the director (and screenwriter) did not understand the source material. In the book, the wife character makes a huge sacrifice by claiming her own blindness. I remember gasping when I read the book at what she was doing. However, in the film, she says, "You have to take me... because... I just went blind. Just now." And the CDC person or whoever responds, "Fine, that's the way you want to play it." or something like that--meaning he knew she was faking, which jeopardizes the narrative's purpose and sincerity from that point on.

Note that I'd already hated the film long before this scene played out (and it was only 21 minutes in!), but this was the nail in the coffin, so to speak. I watched another 20 minutes and shut it off. Don't waste your time on this piece of junk.

Why people continue to fund Don McKeller's scripts is beyond me. He's consistently proved himself one of the worst screenwriters in the country, yet he also seems to be the busiest. Truly mind-boggling.

Rain (I) (2001)

Writer-Director out of her depth

[4/10 · 18 January 2009]

This film suffers from being very poorly paced. The cast is the strongest thing about the flick-- the script and direction and editing never rising to their talents. It's unfortunate as the film does have some potential and had a competent writer been given a crack at a polish, it might have picked up immensely.

The film holds no surprises, literally. In fact, the conclusion is revealed on the DVD cover.

I would have given the film a two but Walters and the kids are all aces in it. Unfortunately, the rest is so weak I can't even say it's worth a watch for the performances.

Avoid.

The Air I Breathe (2007)

Don't waste your time

[3/10 · 14 June 2008]

This movie was ridiculously saccharine and sentimental. The score was overwrought, the acting was poor by many of the performers who've done far, far better (Whitaker and Bacon in particular), and it was, simply, uninteresting.

There wasn't a single character in the film that the average person could relate to. Their issues and the conflicts that arose from them were pretty laughable. The whole "I can see the future" subplot was ridiculously under used. Ugh, no redeeming qualities in this one, really.

In short: this was poop. Don't waste your time.

Twentynine Palms (2003)

Quite possibly the most boring movie I've ever seen.

[1/10 · 29 March 2007]

I've seen many slow movies in my days. Some of them are among my favorites (Stalker, I You He She, etc.). However, this movie is so boring it has to be seen to be believed. Actually, ignore that--don't waste your time. This movie was so ridiculously boring that I fast forwarded through the sex scenes. Terrible, terrible stuff.

There is zero plot, nothing interesting happens, the acting is, well, uninteresting (how can one comment on the acting it takes for characters to sit in a car or have sex). It truly has nothing to recommend it except for some nice scenery--and any movie that's not a nature documentary that has me commenting on the scenery (especially a movie where the main couple is naked for 40% of the film (no, that's not the scenery I meant)) doesn't have anything going for it.

Do yourself a favor and avoid this one.

The Butterfly Effect (2004)

Laughably bad

[1/10 · 20 July 2004]

It's truly hard to believe how bad this movie is.

I literally was laughing out loud in many parts.

The script is atrocious, the directors (on the commentary) are full of themselves, the movie seems to last about 3 hours.

How bad is it? It's Dreamcatcher-bad.

When I bring my copy back to the video store I'm gonna have to let the clerk know that I expect them to look out for me in the future. Letting me rent movies like this, Secret Window, and others so dreadful, will make me shop elsewhere.

Avoid it at all costs.