imnotjohncandy Reviews

The Whale (2022)

Heartbreaking moving.

[10/10 · 20 April 2024]

After hearing all the buzz for this movie I have seen it and now I truly know it not just lives up to expectations but exceeds them, dear people who think this movie is fat phobic...it isn't, it humanizes someone who is overweight and portrays them in a sympathetic way that doesn't villify them or make them the butt of the joke and I couldn't be any more in love with it.

It's one of the more human portrayals of overweight people i've seen and if people are going to complain about this movie being fat phobic they either have a fat fetish themselves or are just hypocrites that can't face the facts.

Susan's Plan (1998)

Dying to See Something Better

[3/10 · 20 April 2024]

Allow me to explain my views on this movie, first of all I love Landis as a director and I will NOT let the Twilight Zone movie helicopter crash or Max Landis (his son) get in the way of my judgement, I feel he's a very underappreciated director, with Landis you can't really determine what kind of style it is. This was made by Edge and in case you're wondering, Edge is a subdivision of Charles Band's Full Moon Features company...basically if there is one reason to see this, it's Lara Flynn Boyle or Natasha Kinski. Basically this movie has multiple sequences in which the characters die but these are dream sequences, and a few other dream sequences such as Lara Flynn in the swimming pool and being picked up by a zombie.

While I don't think this is as awful as Blues Brothers 2000 or as eh...as The Stupids, this still feels like a misfire. But on the plus side, Dan Aykroyd as a biker/criminal. Although seeing Billy Zane with hair is still a little bit odd.

The Chris Chan Show (1994–2021)

I DON'T Know.

[3/10 · 14 February 2024]

This is either a joke page or some kind of alternate reality in which CWC became famous in the early days of the internet because I do not remember it being a real thing that ever got made, maybe some people on Youtube made documentaries about him I am not aware about.

I don't remember all the lore about how his name came into being or how he thought he was a goddess based on a console, the dimensional merge scene only happens near the final season and it turns out to be a dream.

I don't know what to say about this, apart from someone either wrote this into IMDB as a joke or CWC did it himself.

Adam Hughes: The Movie (2022)

Adam Hughes's Masterpiece

[10/10 · 15 November 2023]

Since I am the first to review this movie I am going to say I loved this movie and the plot and characters and seeing my good friend Adam not only made it but also stars in it makes me feel very proud of him. I reccomend it.

There is too much in it to pick just one favorite moment or scene, but I am going to say if you haven't seen this movie yet you shoudl maybe check it out for yourself, I guarantee that you will like this movie and it is good for everyone, it is definitely worth watching, trust me on this, you will definitely want to see it.

Especially to see the Alanastiums get their butts kicked.

Maniac Cop (1988)

One of the most underrated slashers.

[10/10 · 26 May 2023]

Out of all the horror movie villains i've talked about it's surprising that I never got to talk about Matt Cordell until now, and well...here we go, everyone knows the story of the Maniac Cop, basically in the words of the song from the second movie it tells the story of Officer Matt Cordell who is played by the late Robert Z"Dar, who is the only man I know of who has a jawline that makes Jay Leno and Bruce Campbell's seem insignficant by comparison, speaking of Bruce..he's in the movie as well, as the good police officer who is suspected of being the killer, our titlular killer is a former police officer who got screwed over by the justice system and cruelly beaten in prison to the point of being nearly brain-dead, he is mistaken to be dead at first but he comes back from the dead as an undead law-enforcer who is out for vengeance, and much like Michael Myers and Jason Voorhees and to a lesser extent Leatherface, Matt doesn't talk...much, and very much like Christopher Walken's performance as the Hessian in Sleepy Hollow, Z'Dar's performance as Cordell is flawless and eerie and he does it all with body language instead of speaking, in fact he only has a few lines but is capable of understanding human speech.

I also genuinely feel bad for this guy because of what happened to him that resulted in him becoming who he was and it's the kind of story that eerie rivals how brutal the police can be these days, only of course Matt is more of a misunderstood monster.

Elvis (2022)

A King Sized Review Fit For A King

[10/10 · 26 May 2023]

The musician biopic is one i've seen a lot of but there has never been truly one about Elvis, okay there have been a few ones about the King over the years but this one is truly the most spectacular one of them all, mainly because it stands out from other biopics. This one is pretty much follows the life of the music legend and is dead accurate in a lot of ways, and also has an unique style to it. Of course you don't need me to tell how great Elvis was. Austin Butler is perfection, he got the mannerisms down pat and I have to say I love Tom Hanks's scene stealing performance as Colonel Parker, and the touches like his accent (of course if you knew about the actual colonel, you'd know he was dutch) and the amazing makeup look throughout. Austin also looked and sounded a lot like Elvis, and the use of actual Elvis clips/interviews at the end was a genius touch.

I like how they talked about his movie career and also the comeback special and how Parker wanted it originally to be a Christmas special but Elvis was against the idea because he was being pushed as a family entertainer when that wasn't who he was.

I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream (1995 Video Game)

Better Than Changed.

[10/10 · 8 May 2023]

This is the game Changed wishes it was instead of the blatant fetish-fuelled mess it turned out to be, this is how you do transformation horror in a game, it's genuinely dark and creepy and the game genuinely does leave you thinking and wanting to know more, definitely worth while.

The gradual transformation of Ted into a 'jelly thing' is mortifying and more than a little bit clever, it's brilliant. This is how you do. A transformation horror story correctly, you don't hyper-sexualize it, you make it as creepy and dark as possible.

This game is not just good but it's perfection, pure horror gold.

Nostalgia Critic (2007– )

NC is the best

[22 February 2023]

I don't care what anyone thinks, I love this series and I personally don't get why Soulbrothernumbuh3 hates it (maybe he shouldn't be reviewing things and go back to combustingherpes, oh wait...that site hasn't updated since 2014). This series is good.

The classic episodes are good but there are some real hits in the modern era and yeah there have been duds like the Hocus Pocus review but I don't mind those, not everyone is perfect and the Nostalgia Critic's show is one I still come back to find every single time when I need a pick me up, it is worth re-watching if you have fallen out of favor with it.

Wednesday (2022– )

Wednesday does not bring woe.

[10/10 · 2 January 2023]

I heard all about this series and decided to give it a shot and I find it to be an amazing crazy show and it has al ot of aspects to it which I love. I am in love with this show, I really am and yes it's rather spectacular and a true return to form for Tim Burton whose presecence has been solely missed. Now this is what I call my kidn of show and the focus on dark humor is great and love the supernatural setting of it all.

If you like horror shows or horror comed,y check this show out, it's worth watching and you will not be disappoined by what you see, good for halloween or spooky moods in general.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)

Perfect.

[10/10 · 30 November 2022]

So given that someone has given a rather uhhhh questionable review on this movie I am going to have to say I really have wanted to give my own thoughts on it, I am just going to say that the review in question just seems to state that Violet's crime was being 'determined' no, that was not the problem with Violet, the problem was that she was too competitive and only thought about winning, and Augustus's crime is NOT that he's fat, it's that he is greedy, I think the reviewer tried too hard to think about it and personally when you look at it, you'll see the comparisions to the seven deadly sins. I know a lot of people pretty much prefer the Gene Wilder one but that one didn't seem all that memorable to me outside of the songs and that tunnel scene, but I prefer this one. Mainly because i'm a Burton fan, it's closer to the novel, and also I like Depp as Wonka. I know I know, all the comparisons to Michael Jackson which don't really make sense when you consider book Wonka hates children. But it's got a style all its own and nothing about it feels like being made for a cheap cash-in.

Between the two I like this version. This is the one I have fond memories for. By the way, the original Oompa Loompas in the book were indeed a pgmy race but they were changed numerous times in recent years because of well...not aged well stereotypes.

Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers (2022)

Best Surpise of the Year

[6/10 · 26 May 2022]

Well since a certain ex-friend of mine said they didn't like Rescue Rangers, I am going to say the opposite by saying that guess what...I loved it. I love that this movie pretty much satirizes the animation industry and everything about it just worked really well...the plot is basically Chip and Dale have gone their separate ways but Dale has gotten CGI surgery on himself to look more modern and well he's trying to get back together which they do of course but for a crime case in which several cartoon characters have gone missing, and they team up with an investigator who is a fan of theirs. All I can say is wow, this movie definitely looked interesting from what I say, and i'm sorry to disagree with my ex-friend but come on...if you didn't like the movie based on what you saw in trailers, then why did you even comment on a review of it in the first place if you haven't even seen the movie? I thought it was an interesting mix and seeing all the different characters was fantastic. Okay I do have an issue with the whole Sweet Pete as villain thing, but that's only because they based him on their own version of Peter Pan and based his backstory on what happened to Peter's voice actor, I didn't feel to put off by it, I didn't mind it that much.

I wish I could give a more thorough review but I am just going to reccomend watching it for yourself.

Muppets Haunted Mansion (2021 TV Special)

No Tricks, Only Treats.

[10/10 · 9 October 2021]

Ah, hello everyone. Well the month for spooks and monsters is officially here and helping to kick off the festivities with a bang is today's special presentation. Now everyone knows the Muppets, who doesn't? I am a huge Muppet fan myself. In fact I actually have met Kermit once. And they never fail to entertain us, so with all the many specials they've done, how come it took them this long to make a halloween special? Yes, there have been horror moments in the franchise and Vincent Price and Alice Cooper were on the OG Muppet Show with our fuzzy friends, and of course there is the underrated video game Muppet Monster Adventure in which Kermit's nephew has to rescue his uncle and the other Muppets who have been turned into monsters but did you know that game was originally to be a movie called Muppets Haunted House? So here we are, the first official Muppets halloween special and what better spooky thing to combine with the Muppets than the Haunted Mansion? We all know the Haunted Mansion. The Haunted Mansion is one of the most iconic rides in theme park history, it's the most iconic Disney ride next to Pirates of The Carribean, no matter what part of the world you're from, you've no doubt heard 'Grim Grinning Ghosts' more than once.

This Muppet tale of terror stars everyone's favorite...strangeling, Gonzo and Pepe, the Hispanic king prawn. It begins with Gonzo and Pepe trying to invite all their best friends but they're all busy having a party so the two of them head over to a certain famous haunted mansion for a special halloween challenge, they are warned by the caretaker (Darren Criss) of what might happen to them. With a catchy song to boot, and we get to see many famous faces including Danny Trejo and the late Ed Asner among others. But Gonzo is naturally unphased by this, and he thinks it's awesome, so the two of them are greeted by the Ghost Host (Will Arnett) who gives them a challenge, to survive the night in the mansion and make it before sunrise, and also to face their greatest fears, they accept the challenge and go on a wild, spooktacular ride through the mansion. I gotta admit, Will does an amazing job at delivering the ghost host's dialogue from the ride, he has the voice for it too and he was genuinely fun to watch. We get to see all sorts of Muppet characters including the classic favorites like Statler and Waldorf, and all of the Muppet characters as ghosts is a fantastic sight. Kermit does a fantastic job of being the perfect ghostly showman and there is no Muppet I can see as Madam Leota than Miss Piggy.

If you haven't seen this already, watch it...it's good, it's a halloween hit.

A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child (1989)

Another Solid Elm Street Visit

[8/10 · 7 September 2021]

A lot of people are divisive when it comes to their opinions on this installment, some loathe it and some really like it and have a soft spot for it, i'm one of those people. So join me as we go to Elm Street once again as we delve into Nightmare On Elm Street 5: The Dream Child. This brings back our Dream Warrior replacements from part 4 only this time we've got a new aspect to look at. Yep, Freddy's using the dreams of an unborn child and not just any child, but the child of Alice. I love how this movie gives a little bit of a backstory behind Freddy, of course we know he is the son of 100 maniacs (one of them is also played by Robert Englund. Hmmm..Englund in a duo role maybe) but this explains that name and we even see Freddy's mother Amanda. I like the sequence in the hospital and how it shows Amanda giving birth to baby Freddy and baby Freddy escaping and growing to adult age, that's pretty clever.

The kills - while not on the same level as the previous, are actually pretty interesting. Dan's death for example has him slowly turn mechanical and turn into a cybernetic creature as he is fused with his own motorcycle, Mark's is inspired by his love of comics and where he transforms into his alter-ego the Phantom Prowler (no, not the Phantom Of The Paradise, not Phantom Of The Opera, not even The Phantom - sorry, he doesn't turn into Billy Zane) only to encounter Freddy as Super Freddy who slices him apart like he's paper thin, literally in this case since he turns him two-dimensional like a drawing in a comic and slices him like paper.

Greta's death...well originally the woman that ultimately would be Greta, named Ginger was going to have a demise in which she turns into a large sized pig-creature but instead we get a death that while it isn't quite as good, does involve her being stuffed/fed with her own insides by Freddy. And might I add that Greta looks like she's mutating into a Garbage Pail Kid with those puffed up cheeks and everything? She does. Between Mr Creosote, Thunder from Big Trouble In Little China and her...death via being blown up sometimes to be common. Although out of the three of them, Mr Creosote is pretty much the only one of them that is alive at the end since Thunder pretty much explodes into green ooze , alive...yes, but half his ribcage, heart and stomach are exposed.

Nonetheless Greta goes out with a bang. While it is not as strong in the terror department as the previous movies, it is still enjoyable in some aspects and at this point, Freddy Fever is in full force. It's worth looking at too even though it isn't perfect, it's got a good and interesting premise. Stay tuned as we may be taking another visit to Elm Street later this week, up until then....try your best not to fall asleep.

A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988)

Return Of The Dream Warriors.

[9/10 · 7 September 2021]

Nathan:

Once again I have returned to Elm Street to tackle everyone's favorite dream demon...this time we are going to be talking about Nightmare On Elm Street 4: Dream Master, some of our beloved dream warrior friends are back but we've got some faces including Alice, Rick, Dan, and Debbie. Each of them has some definitive traits that will come in useful for tellnig them apart and also we know what's going to happen to each-of them. While it is not as good as Dream Warriors, the creative kills are still there including the infamous kills that come to my mind...specifically Freddy appearing as a sexy woman in the waterbed, taking out Rick as an invisible ninja, and the most iconic of all...the infamous transformation of Debbie into her own worst fear, a cockroach. Ah, she and Misty would get along so well with their overall hatred/fear of bugs. Unfortunately she doesn't evolve into an Ultra Beast (i.e Phermosa, the cool/oddly sexy roach Pokemon), she basically now can be qualified as a Fighting/Bug hybrid type. That cockroach sequence, you know between this and David Cronenberg's remake of the Fly, I don't think insects will ever be the same for me again. And most infamously...the infamous diner scene where we found out Alice's worst nightmare is to be stuck working at the same place forever and also where the souls go...in a pizza. Yep, the pizza has the souls of Freddy's victims in it, and also most notably...the heads of those victims are meatballs.

Remind me never to order pizza from that place again, especially since the last time I ate there I got a severed limb with my order when I specifically said not to, oh well...that's what you get when you hire Freddy Krueger to work there. I personally think hiring Krueger was a mistake, especially since when it comes to delivery. I complained about the service twice and the employees said it wasn't their fault, people are too afraid to ask for delivery because of several Krueger related incidents. Although I question why would they hire a guy who is known for killing people in their sleep. If you want to make sure your customers don't end up dead, why hire Freddy to be your delivery boy especially considering you know what happened to the other employees?

Check out this fourth installment of the Elm Street franchise, if you dare, but remember to sleep with the lights on when you go to bed, or better yet don't fall asleep at all. If you do, Freddy might come for you...unless you want that of course.

A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987)

Ain't Gonna Dream No More.

[9/10 · 7 September 2021]

Since I already have already talked about the first two Elm Street installments I think it's time I talked about the third..and the most infamous one of all Dream Warriors, oh hell yes. This is when Freddy Fever officially kicked off and when Freddy officially became a household name. The dream demon is back and this time he's going after a new group of teens, but these aren't ordinary teens...these are teens who have powers/skills they normally don't have in their dreams. Ladies and gentlemen, meet the Dream Warriors. Each of them has an unique power/ability in the dream realm which comes in useful, such as Joey's super sonic scream, Taryn's needles/knives, Roland's super-strength, Kristen's ability to pull people into her dreams, and Will's magic. Also this movie was banned in Australia for some reason, well one particular scene was...the scene where Taryn dies via Freddy's needle-claws.

The kills are very creative and some of the best Freddy deaths I have ever seen in the entire franchise, including the ever memorable scene where Jennifer dozes off in front of the tv while watching a Dick Cavett interview only for Cavett to turn into Freddy and Freddy to emerge from the television uttering his famous line...'Welcome to prime-time, bitch', this definitely is the second time i've seen someone being killed via a television, okay...the third if you count Videodrome, the other one being in Grosse Pointe Blank. Does this mean that Groccer from Grosse Pointe Blank could be her father or even her uncle? Because they both die the exact same way.

I love the puppet sequence too, that's creative and has great use of stopmotion/claymation. Also it's really inventive of Freddy to use Phillip's interest in puppetry as a means to destroy him in the dream world. I also really like Joey's kill in this.... Freddy appears as a sexy nurse and seduces him only to use his freakishly long tongue to pin him down to the bed. Freddy would later kill Joey in Dream Master by appearing as a sexy woman in a waterbed. Makes me wonder if Freddy would ever consider doing that type of kill often. And you can't forget Dokken's epic Dream Warriors song. And oh yeah, the freaking Freddy snake scene..the Freddy snake.

If you haven't seen this installment of the Elm Street franchise, you should..and if you don't Elm Street, don't worry you will. But if you haven't heard of it, don't worry...Freddy is going to be coming for you too, so I wouldn't bother falling asleep.

A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge (1985)

Freddy's Back

[7/10 · 7 September 2021]

Ah, Nightmare On Elm Street. The franchise that has made us all afraid to sleep at night and introduced people to the concept of a killer who can kill people in their dreams in the form of Mr Freddy Krueger, of course Freddy became so popular that merchandise of the character was made and he got his own tv show in the form of Freddy's Nightmares. I think it's time I talked about the second movie Freddy's Revenge. In the franchise in general this one is often dubbed the 'homoerotic' Elm Street movie because of the supposed subtext which probably wasn't intentional, but the lead actor is gay in real life so maybe it was...I don't know, originally they didn't want Robert Englund back as Freddy and were considering getting someone else but they brought Robert Englund back and he reprised the role in this and all of the others up until Freddy VS Jason. I like a lot of things about this, mainly the idea of Freddy possessing someone and controlling them into killing others while under his control, and also the scene of Freddy coming out of the main character's body....is one impressive sequence. I'd like to see that being used in an Elm Street fanfic myself.

The only problem is that I think how Freddy goes out is a bit weak, I mean...the power of love does it, really? Not a good demise for a killer like Freddy if you ask me.

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

A Delightful Trip To Your Nightmares

[10/10 · 7 September 2021]

Ah, the land of dreams...the place that we feel the most safe, where nothing can possibly harm you, but what if those sweet dreams weren't made of this at all? What if those dreams were horrifying? What if those dreams were fatal? What if if you woke up from having a particular terrifying nightmare only to find your friends had the same nightmare and weren't alive anymore? Our parents often say 'sweet dreams' to us when we go to sleep but those words aren't enough to keep the dark forces at bay. And what better dark force to haunt everyone's dreams than Freddy Krueger?

Based on a series of occurences that Wes Craven himself read about, about a bunch of teenagers being killed in their sleep, this is Nightmare On Elm Street. The movie that launched an icon, and what an icon indeed. If you haven't heard of Freddy Krueger, I pity you for not knowing about him and I hope he'll visit you in your nightmares, because you deserve to be introduced to him.

Freddy is an icon, iconically portrayed by Robert Englund (it's also kind of ironic that Englund said he has had nightmares of Freddy/about Freddy, but also i'm glad he loves the Elm Street fans) in all of the main movies in this franchise and Freddy VS Jason, this killer's look cannot be mistaken for anyone else, with his unsettling scarred/burned looking face, his signature hat and sweater, and of course his gloves with the claws. After the parents of the children of Elm Street burn him, he comes back from the dead as a dream demon to haunt said children/teens in their dreams and thus making it unsafe for them to fall asleep. 1,2 Freddy's coming for you, 3,4 better lock your door. No one else can pull off Freddy quite like Robert Englund does, which is probably why the remake failed. Also I adore the Treehouse Of Horror parody of this with Groundskeeper Willie, that's one of the best Simpsons halloween episodes/segments in my opinion. Also it's interesting that the makeup artist who did Robert Englund's Freddy makeup also did the makeup for Dan Aykroyd's demented judge in Nothing But Trouble (Aykroyd must be a fan of this franchise and Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and also apparently he likes Hellraiser too),

North (1994)

A Real Nightmare.

[1/10 · 7 September 2021]

I am in absolute agreement with Roger Ebert about this, truly horrible.

Invincible (2021– )

Super-Favorite.

[10/10 · 5 September 2021]

I am going to leave a good review of this show to spite Kurvos who hates it solely because they took a homophobic character turned gay from the comics and according to him 'made the character a walking stereotype from the 90's'. This show is fantastic, it's definitely one of the best i've seen..i've never read the comics but I would like to.

Tangled (2010)

Love It So Much

[10/10 · 1 September 2021]

Unlike Kurvos who is pretty much Mr-I-Love-Disney-But-At-The-Same-Time-I-Hatre-How-Disney-Movies-Nowadays-Are-The-Same, I actually do love Tangled and for numerous reasons. It's got a good plot and wonderful songs and wonderful characters.

Leaving Neverland (2019)

Lies.

[1/10 · 10 March 2019]

This documentary is trash, do not watch it. It discredits Michael by portraying him in a bad light and is nothing but lies.

From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)

Yes...You Must See This.

[10/10 · 3 May 2015]

Hello my beloved children of the night, it is I, your beloved monstermaster and I have returned - it's time for me to take you back to a time where vampires were actually awesome. That time being 1996, and the movie in question...From Dusk Till Dawn.

I know I already talked about this movie during Halloween last year, but....I thought it would be an awesome idea to talk about this movie in full, of course everybody I know has seen this movie so I am not going to go over the whole plot, but I am going to go over why I think this movie is awesome. For starters, this is how I think a vampire movie should be, it is scary and intense but also exotic and intriguing! It's become one of my personal favorites, so much so I am becoming obsessed with it - i'm even starting to dream about it, you could say that in my dreams I am a regular at the Titty Twister, no i'm not a vampire yet, but I feel I might become one very soon. I even have a fan-made Grimm Wesen based on the vampires in this movie! I love how this movie is different than your typical run-of-the-mill horror flick, it starts off as a typical Tarantino-esque crime caper only for it to become a kickass horror movie in the second half! It took me by surprise! Kudos to Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino for their teamwork here.

This movie is one no horror fan should be without, as it is an absolute must for horror movie fans, vampire movies, and badass movies in general. It's movies like this and Bram Stoker's Dracula that make me wish i was a vampire myself, I just have a thing for bloodthirsty monster types and monster-girls. It's also movies like this and Sleepy Hollow that make me wish I was the one being bitten or kissed like that. The same goes for Bram Stoker's Dracula, and you can't fault me for the latter because the Hessian in Sleepy Hollow is Christopher Walken and when Walken is on screen you don't question anything and just let Walken do the rest! Also you cannot fault me for wanting to get bitten by Santanico Pandemonium because Salma Hayek is a goddess, and i'd gladly surrender to her and be her willing slave anytime. Hey! It was that sexy dance that did it for me.

That sexy dance scene.... by the way is...still impressive even to this day, even more impressive considering Salma Hayek is afraid of snakes and had to be hypnotized in order to overcome her fear. I'd let her bite me anyday! I'd let her bite me anyday! And you can quote me on that! There's so many characters in this movie to love, including the Gecko brothers, the Fullers, Sheriff Earl, Frost, Razor Charlie but I think my personal favorite is this guy here. Sex Machine. This man is one badass mamajamma. Just look at him. How many people do you know that have a crotch-gun? No one.

This guy is AWESOME! I wanna hang out with him! One of the best scenes and also one of the funniest moments comes in the scene where we see Sex Machine transforming bit by bit into a vampire, it just cracks me up - especially when he covers his mouth after his fangs start forming, and his right hand changes to become all monster-like with long claw-like fingernails and then his left hand changes and then he hides his hands behind his back. And he's completely unaware of it at first as is everyone else. It's got my two favorite kind of TFs (transformations) in them - the 'Bit By Bit' variety where a person changes one part at a time, and the 'Completely Unaware He/She is Transforming' kind where the transformee doesn't realize he/she is transforming. It's no wonder Aardman paid tribute to this scene in Curse Of The Wererabbit.

What moment moved me to tears? I'll tell ya.

It has to be when Richie dies, I know he's a psychopath - but that moment made me cry a little. *sobs* Richie's gone? NOOOOOOOOOOOO! Oh well, he'll come back.. but here's the slight hiccup, he won't be human anymore and he'll probably be after your blood, Seth - just a head's up.

As for the funniest moment? Like I mentioned earlier, it was the scene with Sex Machine transforming into a vampire, oh and Frost's reaction to being bitten by him as well, funny as hell and one of my personal favorite scenes. (Frost: He f***in' bit me! F****' BIT ME) That scene cracked me up to no end! It is a pretty awesome movie and it is also incredibly badass, especially with the action and crime elements, the vamps are very intimidating and also intriguing. Not to mention the ever alluring Salma Hayek as the vampiress Santanico Pandemonium, who...is in fact quite hypnotic. I'll admit that the vampire with the snapping mouth on her stomach is a bit much, but why quibble? Fun fact: The color of the vampires blood is green because the MPAA has issues with it being red, they have absolutely no problem with blood - but they don't like it because it's red. It was indeed Tarantino's idea to give the vampires green blood to avoid the film from getting a rating higher than R and to get it past the censors.

Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992)

Vampirific Masterpiece

[10/10 · 18 June 2014]

The story takes place in England, the era is 1462 and Prince Vlad/Dracula (played by Gary Oldman) has returned from war, having won the night attack battle against the Turks - to find that his wife committed suicide after a false report of his death. Enraged by this, Vlad renounces the Lord and vows that he will rise from the grave to avenge her. In a fit of rage, he stabs the cross and drinks the blood from it.

Flash forward to 1897, where Jonathan Harker (Keanu Reeves) takes in Dracula as a client to R.M Renfield, who has become insane and was sent to a mental asylum run by Dr. Jack Seward'. Now, here's a little bit of an interesting fact for you - there is a real life condition known as Renfield's Syndrome which is the obsession with drinking blood, such as getting excitement for the taste of it or getting turned on by it.

Jonathan travels to Romania to arrange Vlad's estate acquisition in London, including Carfax Abbey and he meets the count himself, who discovers a picture of Harker's fiancée Mina (Winona Ryder aka Lydia Deitz) and believes her to be a reincarnation of his late wife. Dracula leaves Jonathan to be seduced by his many brides. Damn are those brides sexy as hell.

Dracula takes on the form of a wolf-like creature when he arrives in London, amid a fierce thunderstorm and then uses his hypnotic powers to seduce, entrance and knock up Lucy Westenra who Mina Harker is staying with her while her fiancé Jonathan is over in Transylvania. He then bites her.

Over time, Lucy is slowly being turned into a vampire as indicated by her deteriorating health and her change in behavior, which prompts Mina's old suitors Quincey Morris and Dr Sedward along with her old fiancée Arthur Holmwood to call Dr Abraham Van Helsing, played by Anthony Hopkins. Who recognizes her as a victim of a vampire attack.

One of the many things I love about this particular movie is how much attention it pays to classic vampire lore, as although most vampires are typically seen with the ability to transform into a bat - in classic vampire lore it is indicated that vampires can also turn into wolves, smoke/mist, or sometimes swarms of insects. It's even implied that if an improperly disposed of werewolf were to die, he/she would actually come back as a vampire. Hmmm...that kind of explains why that keeps happening to Eliza and her two 'other halves'.

In the daylight, Drac appears in his more youthful and handsome appearance and charms Mina. And handsome is right. The funny thing was I thought that was Johnny Depp at first before I knew it was Gary Oldman. Even though this movie came out before Johnny Depp became known for his roles in movies like Edward Scissorhands. Young Drac looks quite yummy if I do say so myself….it's not hard to see where Russell Brand stole...oops, I mean 'borrowed' his look from.

They receive word from Jonathan who has escaped from the castle and recovered at a covenant, Mina travels to Transylvania to marry Drac. In his fury, Drac turns Lucy into a vampire. Lucy is killed out of mercy by Dr Abraham Van Helsing, Arthur Holmwood, Dr Sedward, and Quincey Morris the following night.

I am not going to go over the rest of the plot because well this movie is too good for me to spoil, plus everyone has already seen this movie and they are familiar with it already. I mean who isn't familiar with the tale of Dracula? No one? Exactly!

Bram Stoker's Dracula is in my opinion one of the most elegant monster movies i've ever seen, everything about it is just so visually stunning, classy, and well made. I love the sets, I love the props, I love the costumes, I love the musical score, I love the acting and I adore the makeup fx. No wonder this movie won a few Academy Awards, it deserved them for being such a marvelous piece of work.

Sure, some people have made fun of this movie because they thought the acting was too over-the-top and have even made fun of Keanu's 'English accent' , but that doesn't stop me from enjoying it. It's one of my personal favorite vampire movies and always will be.

Last but not least...I ADORE this movie's ending theme 'Love Song For A Vampire' by Annie Lennox, it's so sad but also moving and an overall beautiful piece. The lyrics are very moving as well, well written and full of emotion.

The Comfort of Strangers (1990)

Walken At His Most Vampiric

[10/10 · 13 April 2014]

This movie is a very good example of Walken at his most vampiric, it is titled The Comfort Of Strangers and it is based on a short novel by Ian McEwan. Paul Schrader is the director of this movie, he also directed one of my favorite movies the 1982 remake of Cat People.

You know that classic fairy tale about the two human children who were orphans and went off into the woods only to be lured to a candy house by a witch who fattened them up? Well this movie is what you might call a modern version of that story.

Our two leads are a British couple played by Rupert Everett - (who you might know as Dr Claw in the live action Inspector Gadget movie and the voice of Prince Charming in the Shrek franchise) and the late Natasha Richardson.

Both of them are vacationing in the lovely town of Venice, it is explained that the two of them want to revitalize their relationship, when going through town one night they lose their way and wind up at a restaurant and that is when they encounter the owner Robert (Walken).

They are taken to the house of Robert and his wife Caroline (Helen Mirren) and they stay there for the night - but what they don't know is that both of them have really dark and horrible secrets and aren't what they seem.

Robert seems to be obsessed with his past among other things..and is quite mentally unhealthy despite being quite a seemingly nice person, he also is a bit suspect over the power females have over males.

The British couple are repulsed and attracted to them at the same time, as time goes by Robert draws them in more and more into his influence.

It seems that the couple are unable to escape him and his wife...as he continues to draw them in.

As a side note Walken gained 20lbs for his role as Robert - and this is the only time you'll see Walken with a slightly hefty body type. The director wanted to have Walken in the shadows to make him look more evil but in Walken's own words: "I don't need to be made to look evil...I can do that on my own."

Beetlejuice (1988)

Say It Once, Say It Twice, Three Times The Charm.

[10/10 · 19 September 2012]

Love him or hate him, Burton is brilliant in his own wonderful eccentric way and his movies show this.

So without further adu, I present to you my lookback on the 1988 classic Beetlejuice (which is spelled Betelgeuse sometimes after the star) Our protagonists are a newly deceased couple named Adam and Barbara Maitland, played by a young Alec Baldwin and Geena Davis.

While I normally find Alec Baldwin to be creepy especially seeing as in he got cast in bad guy type roles throughout the 90's and not to mention those Hulu adverts where he's an alien, he's actually very likable in this movie.

Both he and Geena do rather well in their performances in this movie and they have a lot of fun.

Adam and Barbara get involved in an accident and drown, only to come back as ghosts and to find out that some rather unwanted visitors are moving in.

The so called visitors in this are the eccentric artist Delia Deetz, her husband Charles, their lovely goth daughter Lydia and of course my personal favorite non BJ character - Otho.

Otho (played by Glenn Shadix) is an interior designer/fashion guru and 'paranormal expert' and he has some of the funniest lines in the movie even though he's a bit of a snob.

Delia and Otho plan on redesigning the Maitland's house into what I could best describe as a "modern art nightmare crossed with Salvador Dali" and this upsets our two ghostly heroes.

The way ghosts are represented in this movie is very intriguing especially seeing what the afterlife is like, it's like a work office with a room you have to wait in.

Also on an interesting sidenote, you can see a cameo in shadow by Jake and Elwood Blues of the Blues Brothers during the waiting room scene.

Lydia is the only one who can see the ghostly couple, and she forms a bond with them - as they treat her like she's their own child which is very endearing. Live people cannot see them because they ignore the strange and unusual...and she is by definition "strange and unusual".

The movie is full of really fun moments as well as scary moments, including some brilliant special effects - no CGI required at all, in fact this is pre-cgi.

This includes when Adam and Barbara pull their faces to make them into their "Scary/Creature" forms, the sandworms, and not to mention Beetlejuice himself.

Which brings me to the title character Beetlejuice, who is played by Michael Keaton - and he is fantastic in the role, bringing the right amount of ghoulish grossness and mischief to the role.

He is a blast to watch on screen and his pranks are ingenious, including what does at the end when he turns into a carousell (with might I add....a very early prototype for Jack Skellington on it).

And it's still funny seeing what he did to poor old Otho, changing his outfit to a blue suit. There's nothing scarier to this guy than clothes that are out of style. Am I the only one who feels sorry for poor Otho? Surely i'm not the only one.

This movie was really entertaining when I was little and it still is to this day, and it spawned a theme park attraction and an animated cartoon series. There was also a planned sequel in the works but it didn't come to fruitition.

There were also two action figure lines, one by Kenner based off the movie and another line based off the cartoon. As well as some figures by Neca including "Stretch-Faced Adam" and "Stretched Faced Barbara" and Beetlejuice with spikes coming out of his body.

The Kenner line had some interesting figures in it with their action figures, why they even had one of Otho! Imagine that...Otho getting an action figure. (note to self: Search on ebay for Otho action figure to go with my Mayor of Halloweentown plush).

The cast is all wonderful, I already mentioned how great Alec Baldwin and Geena Davis were along with Michael Keaton but it's time to mention the other wonderful cast members.

Catharine O Hara (who also starred in SCTV, Canada's answer to SNL alongside my favorite comedian John Candy, as well as being in Home Alone, and the voice of the villainess in Bartok the Magnificent), Jeffrey Jones (who plays Delia's husband, and the year after this movie came out was in Who's Harry Crumb, one of my favorite John Candy movies), Winona Ryder as the lovely Lydia Deetz and of course the late great Glenn Shadix as Otho Fenlock.

I love Shadix's performance in this and I know it's weird but I still tend to quote Otho's lines once and a while (I can actually do a sort of impression of him as well).

The score is beautiful and also very spooky with my favorite piece being the theme tune as well as the Harry Belafonte songs Bananana Boat song and Jump In The Line (okay, I believe you!).

Speaking of the theme tune, I heard it in an episode of the 2002 revival of the Basil Brush show, it was in the episode where Basil and Stephen become mad scientists.

Providing you with laughs from here to the Neitherworld, Beetlejuice is sure to make you scream and laugh at the same time all at once.