mazec666 Reviews

Urban Justice (2007 Video)

I really need more than some "Urban Justice" to remove this film from my memory.

[3/10 · 23 January 2014]

You must be possibly bored with Steven Seagal taking on international mercenaries well so am I? In this fourth and final installment in Seagal Month, our favorite portly martial artist tries to take on L.A. street gangs with "Urban Justice"! "Urban Justice" has an interesting behind-the-scenes story when during the beginning of production; Screen Gems was considering a theatrical release for this film. Unsurprisingly, this is another one for the straight-to-DVD bin. This film is also notable for the fact Seagal isn't the only famous person in it and it's filmed in Los Angeles and Albuquerque instead of Romania and Bulgaria. So, is Seagal back? You wish.

A rookie cop gets killed in a drive-by shooting, and the LAPD dismisses it off as a random act of violence. I guess they haven't learned anything since the Rodney King incident. To make this film already mind-boggling, the slain officer has a father who happens to be an ex-Special Forces operative named Simon Bannister or Simon Ballister whatever I don't care. That's right; Seagal is playing this character just like every role for the past 56 years of his career. Moving into the worst part of L.A., Seagal enlists the help of a liquor store owner (Carmen Sarrano, in a thankless role) and an unlimited supply of guns to take on two rival gangs. Will Seagal avenge the death of a son that we've already forgotten about? Then prepare to be bored in the next 96 minutes.

The concept of Seagal facing off against street gangs may sound like mindless fun but it's eminently forgettable and clichéd. It appears that 90% of the film takes place in absolute darkness possibly to cover up Seagal's sweaty skin and multiple chins. The fight scenes are both under directed and over directed to the point of inconsistency. And I'm sorry Don E. Fauntleroy, but you are not Michael Mann. However, there are some positives as Seagal is doubled much, much less and appears in the film more than usual doing his own fights. While Eddie Griffin is insufferable as the main thug, sadly there is not enough Danny Trejo.

I guess the real reason "Urban Justice" never got a theatrical release is because moviegoers aren't going to waste their hard-earned money on this formulaic, standard and generic tripe. Three stars for Trejo's all-to-brief appearance, Seagal's hard-to-make-out mumbling and most of all, not filming it in Eastern Europe.

Thank god I don't have to review any more of Seagal.

Shadow Man (2006 Video)

A film with more body doubles than Brian De Palma's movie of the same name.

[1/10 · 16 January 2014]

"Shadow Man" is another one of Steven Seagal's direct-to-DVD action movies this time from 2006 where he was manufacturing these quickies with a worrying inconsistency. The director is Michael Keusch and he's worked with Seagal on this film, the previously reviewed "Flight of Fury," and the entirely voice-doubled "Attack Force" (a film which I haven't seen). It's a perfect title because Big Stevie is shot in the shadows again because he's frigging cool, or they're desperately trying to cover his ever-expanding waistline.

This forgettable entry begins with an intelligence operative who is followed by some card-board baddies. It's at the point where we start to experience endless choppy editing which is worse than "Out for a Kill." Seagal again plays a retired CIA agent (Oh, my God.) operating a school where he teaches students the lazily-named fighting tactic "Touch of Death." This opening segment is just an excuse for him to viciously beat up students despite the fact Seagal is over 200 pounds. A planned vacation in Romania takes a slight detour when his daughter (the bland Skye Bennett) is kidnapped and has to get her back with the help of a female cab driver (the lovely Eva Pope). To make this movie more confusing, Seagal and Pope have fight their way through Russian officials, a guy suffering from Syphilis, Granny with a machine gun and boring action scenes.

The action is especially dull even by Seagal standards. He doesn't put any effort in this film both visually and vocally. Every time Seagal is not seen it's his body double which might have something to do with his weight. That p—s-yellow suede jacket and black leather trench coat isn't going to hide it. I swear, he is one mile away from a cardiac arrest. Don't tell me Seagal is too lazy to re-record his dialog in post-production. Worse is the over-reliance on computer generated effects especially with the superimposed helicopter explosion.

We all know Seagal isn't known for his acting talent, but who watches his older movies for the performances. At least they have the likes of Caine, Busey, and Kristopherson as the baddies. In "Shadow Man," he is totally phoning it in without a trace of emotion and looks about disinterested. The only positive is Eva Pope who looks great and gives a confident performance even with the limited amount of material she's given. As for Imelda Staunton, I don't want to talk her.

Overall, "Shadow Man" is straight-up horrible from beginning to end. This is a film with more body doubles than Brian De Palma's movie of the same name. It makes "Flight of Fury" look like "Fargo." It makes "Out for a Kill" look like "Taxi Driver."

One star for Eva and the hot chick in Seagal's house.

Out for a Kill (2003 Video)

Out for Boredom

[1/10 · 9 January 2014]

Continuing with Seagal Month, "Out for a Kill" from 2003 is among the few movies he's made for Millennium Films. Budgeted at $14 million, this has better production values than "Flight of Fury" and that's not saying much. Clocking in at around 90 minutes, this feels like a four-hour biology lecture.

Our portly Buddha white boy plays Robert Burns (not the late production designer on the original "The Texas Chain Saw Massacre"), an unorthodox professor who wears leather coats on digging expeditions because he's cool. Or he might be covering his enormous gut whichever you figure out. After discovering ancient Chinese artifacts, Seagal finds himself chased by a million bad guys in a poorly-choreographed car chase where his female partner is murdered. He reaches the border and gets framed in this low-budget rendition of "Midnight Express." While spending a short amount of time in prison, Seagal befriends a stereotypical black guy who doesn't have anything to do with this film. Upon his release Seagal reunites with his wife whose also forgotten about and is killed in a superimposed explosion. Predictably, Seagal goes on a violent killing spree breaking the arms of every nameless Chinese extra in a series of over-the-top fight scenes that are desperately mimicking "The Matrix." The film is padded with scenes of the villain and his men sitting in a long table with subtitles and title cards galore reminding us of their dastardly deeds.

"Out for a Kill" is sleazy-looking for a direct-to-DVD action film and does it show. The computer-generated effects are the most horrible I've ever seen and so are the unconvincing backdrops. I swear, "Plan 9 from Outer Space" has Oscar-caliber FX and producing design compared to this. And the editing is like Paul W.S. Anderson on cocaine. The below-average but great-to-laugh-at fight scenes aren't any better. The good news is Seagal is doubled much less. But the bad news is that they are poorly edited to the max. However, Seagal's performance doesn't fare better as his voice constantly changes from his own to someone else. Also noted is that Seagal is filmed in the shadows to hide his oily skin and multiple chins. That is a prime example of laziness at its highest form. The other actors are even worse. Michelle Goh may be attractive but her performance is awful, awful, awful. Corey Johnson is only in the film until he's bumped off and collects a paycheck.

Did I mention that "Out for a Kill" is terrible? No. But it is. And at least it wasn't a stock footage movie.

Flight of Fury (2007 Video)

Typical Made-in-Romania Seagal Trash

[2/10 · 26 December 2013]

After a long, long absence from film reviewing, I'm back and this time I'm reviewing a Steven Seagal movie. Not one of his older ones, but several of his direct-of-DVD stinkers just for kicks.

Once again, Seagal plays a retired secret operative who is working not for the CIA but this time he's with the United States Air Force. Predictably, he gets called on to find a hijacked, top-secret stealth bomber before it falls in the hands of stereotypical terrorists.

"Flight of Fury" is far from being one of the worst films that Seagal has ever done. Despite losing some of that girth, he's absent throughout the film and to make matters worse he's mostly voice-dubbed. At least Seagal is doing his own fighting, right? Well, no. Mainly because of the dark lighting, we can't tell if it's actually him or not but never mind.

To make matters worse, the film lifts footage from "Top Gun," "Iron Eagle," and "Navy SEALs." So, we have a Seagal direct-to-DVD quickie that's not only shot in Romania, but it's also a stock footage movie. Bravo. (Hands clapping) Bravo.

You might also take a gander at the lesbian sex scene that would look out of place in "Mulholland Drive."

Mean Streets (1973)

Italian-American Life

[10/10 · 20 June 2013]

"Mean Streets" has been called Martin Scorsese's first masterpiece and rightfully so it is. Picking up where "Who's That Knocking at My Door?" left off; the film is not a sequel but a more complex and better version than his debut film.

Wild and brash wise guy Charlie is climbing the ranks of the local mob collecting debts, while struggling with his Catholic beliefs and flinty boss Giovanni. Charlie occupies his days drifting the streets of New York and nights spending time with his best friend Johnny Boy who constantly ends up in trouble. When Johnny Boy is unable to pay his mounting debts, Charlie becomes caught in a dilemma by choosing between protecting his friend and succumbing to his life of crime.

This is a more faster, superb and electrifying film than "Who's That Knocking" thanks to a more polished Hollywood feel without eliminating the raw, stylish touches of his feature debut. Harvey Keitel's performance as Charlie is a more confident variation of J.R. with his tailor-made suits and likable but foolhardy nature. Robert De Niro's skirt-chasing, party-loving Johnny Boy is something that we don't see often except for "Midnight Run" and the "Fockers" trilogy. Johnny Boy is a stark contrast to the psychotic, dangerous characters that would be associated in his later collaborations with Scorsese. Keitel and De Niro headline a collection of memorable supporting actors featuring David Proval, Amy Robinson, Richard Romanus, Cesare Danova, Victor Argo, David & Robert Carradine and Scorsese himself in an uncredited cameo at the end of the film.

Characterized by extended one-takes, witty improvised dialog, grim unpredictable violence, hand-held camera-work and a hell-of-a soundtrack, "Mean Streets" is the aggressive filmmaker's first work of art: an all-American, or should I say an Italian-American masterpiece of doomed machismo and religious guilt.

Army of Darkness (1992)

"Gimme some sugar, baby."

[9/10 · 7 May 2013]

With "Evil Dead II" doing modest theatrical and vast video success plans were immediately underway for the third (and final?) installment of Sam Raimi's rollicking horror trilogy. Once again, the film would be bankrolled by Dino De Laurentiis but with a major studio (Universal) and an even higher budget ($13 million) to boot.

Picking up where the last film went off, unassuming S-Mart housewares clerk Ash Williams literally falls out of the sky into England's Dark Ages, which is swarming by ferocious "Deadites." Before he can come back home Ash must find the Necronomicon, get the beautiful maiden Shelia and battle his evil counterpart's Army of the Dead. And that's how the plot goes.

But since I'm only reviewing the Director's Cut of "Army of Darkness" there might be some spoilers ahead. Although conceived in the same "splatstick" style as with the previous film, "Army" takes the complete 180-degree turn from blood-spraying horror to the exciting swordplay of Ray Harryhausen epics. Equipped with his trusty chainsaw-hand and "boomstick", Bruce Campbell's Ash is at his funniest and perhaps his most chauvinistic right here. And I'm still surprised that Bruce prospered to stay in shape for years between installments.

The supporting actors in "Army" are a delight. Embeth Davidtz ("Schindler's List") is fetchingly gorgeous as both the Good and Bad Shelia. While Marcus Gilbert is okay as Arthur, Richard Grove outshines as Duke Henry. Ian Abercrombie (Mr. Pitt from "Seinfeld") is always a welcoming presence as the Wiseman. In the continuing game of musical chairs, Linda is played by a once much-recognizable Bridget Fonda. For the film's scene-stealing moment, Patricia Tallman's possessed witch literally scared the pants off of me when she appeared on camera. I'm dead serious.

When watching the Director's Cut of "Army," I began to see flaws in the film that completely drag especially in the overlong slapstick scenes. The original ending for the international release in which Ash oversleeps in the cave and wakes up in a post-apocalyptic future was a more fitting conclusion. If you've watched all three films closely, you start to wonder why Ash isn't the conventional hero. According to Sam Raimi, he believed Ash was "more of a fool, which is why he liked to torture him so much in his films" and "being a goof and drinking too much potion was in his character." Well said.

With the "Evil Dead" remake released, could it be that fans are going to see an "Evil Dead IV" in the near future? Then the answer would be…yes.

Evil Dead II (1987)

Ash comes back for seconds.

[10/10 · 15 April 2013]

Five years after releasing his horror masterpiece "The Evil Dead" onto unsuspecting moviegoers, Sam Raimi returns for a sequel along with Bruce Campbell. This time it would have a higher budget ($3.6 million), different cast members, an aspiring make-up effects team and a slapstick tone that would contrast itself from the original film.

The always strapping but irregular Ash Williams (Campbell) and his girlfriend Linda (this time played by Denise Bixler) are about to have the hellish weekend stay of their lives. Once again, they unwittingly play a dead professor's recordings of mystical summonses from the Necronomica, better known as "The Book of the Dead." When his girlfriend unexpectedly gets possessed by evil forces, Ash becomes trapped in the cabin with no means of escape until four people show up. Now teamed up with the professor's daughter (Sarah Berry), Ash faces a one-man battle against the forces with only his chainsaw-hand and a sawed-off shotgun. Will Ash win the fight and get the girl, or will he find himself in desperate peril?

"Evil Dead II" is one of the few sequels, especially in horror, that managed to be as great as its predecessor. The film adapts to broader, more comical characteristics such as laughing furniture, a runaway possessed hand and several memorable one-liners: "I'll swallow your soul!", "Groovy!" etc. As for Bruce Campbell, he gives another great performance as an older but wiser variation on Ash Williams. Instead of the meek innocent Ash from the first film, Campbell is now prepared, armed to the teeth and a lot more muscular. Despite these additions, it never managed to sacrifice some of the darker aspects that made the original a classic.

Gone were the primitive make-up effects from Tom Sullivan, the task for that position was handed to Mark Shostrom along with three Pittsburgh natives, Greg Nicotero, Robert Kurtzman and Howard Berger. Their cutting-edge creations such as the Possessed Henrietta and Mr. Rotten Apple Head are brought to bloody life on a limited budget with fewer resources. The reason these effects hold so well after nearly two decades was because the less money you have, the more creative you are.

Off to encounter the "Army of Darkness"!

Possessed Henrietta: I'll swallow your soul, I'll swallow your soul! Ash: Swallow this!

Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988)

Just what it says in the title.

[9/10 · 8 April 2013]

In the same year "Rain Man" was named Best Picture of 1988; talented FX gurus the Chiodo brothers (Edward, Stephen & Charles) released their only directorial outing peculiarly titled "Killer Klowns from Outer Space." It is an out-of-this world extravaganza that mixes campy humor, first-rate special effects and an utterly catchy theme song from The Dickies.

Young lovers Mike (Grant Cramer) and Debbie (Suzanne Snyder) see a meteor falling to Earth while making out on lovers lane, and when they explore they find a circus tent. I'd kid you not, the term "lovers lane" is somehow still in the American lexicon. Anyhow, these are not your average clowns; the murderous horde of red-nosed psychos are crazy and destructive, and they're here to turn people into deadly mounds of cotton candy.

"Killer Klowns" is one of those films where the Chiodos clown creations completely outshine story structure and character development. The leads playing Mike and Debbie are very likable because their personality traits are the polar opposite from most teenage protagonists in horror cinema today. Although Grant is a decent enough actor, Suzanne is a good-looking woman even if she has 80s-styled blonde hair. John Vernon is right at home playing another variation of his Dean Wormer persona from "Animal House" as the arrogant office of the law. And look out quickly for Christopher Titus for me would you?

This film is campy with a capital "C." A word of advice for you people, don't not view this particular motion picture while consuming popcorn. And this was probably the first mistake that I've just made.

The Evil Dead (1981)

A $350,000 masterpiece of American horror.

[10/10 · 25 March 2013]

Around the time John Carpenter's "Halloween" was spawning an avalanche of blood-soaked imitators, a motley crew of Detroit filmmakers ventured into the isolated woods of Tennessee. With a $350,000 budget and eye-popping make-up effects from Tom Sullivan, director Sam Raimi unleashed a film that would change modern American horror forever. And that film I'm talking about is "The Evil Dead".

Five college-age friends spend the weekend at a deserted mountain cabin. In the dark basement they find and play recordings of mystical incantations, which elevate an angry group of hell demons intent on devouring their souls. One by one the luckless students are controlled by the demons except the mild-mannered and deviant Ash Williams (Bruce Campbell). Thus, Ash has no other choice but to mutilate the living corpses of his sister (Ellen Sandweiss), girlfriend (Betsy Baker) and two of his friends (Sarah York & Hal Delrich).

While overcoming the problematic shoot for the cast and crew, Raimi unwittingly made horror film history in making the final survivor a male instead of the typical female victim in most '80s slashers. And Bruce Campbell is seemingly perfect for the role of Ash Williams. With his blue work shirt and all-American looks, Campbell played Ash as the average Joe who is not a jock or a ladies man but as someone whom we can root for. Stylistically, Raimi balances slow-moving suspense with his signature brand of humor more understated than the over-the-top aesthetic of the later sequels. Unfortunately, the filmmakers would soon find themselves in hot water.

When "The Evil Dead" hit movie screens in the United Kingdom, the film received an X rating and being named as a video nasty mainly because of the notorious "tree-rape" scene. I found the whole video nasty controversy to be ridiculous because Sam Raimi was out to create a horror film he wanted to make without executive interference and egotistical actors. And it doesn't deserve to be categorized along with the exploitative likes of "Faces of Death".

"The Evil Dead" is a $350,000 masterpiece of American horror that must be seen to believe.

Cannibal! The Musical (1993)

Who says Trey and Matt needed a multi-million budget to film a musical about Alferd Packer!

[9/10 · 12 March 2013]

Back in 1993, University of Colorado film students Trey Parker and Matt Stone embarked on a project that would catapult them to the big time. A black comedy musical based on the infamous Alferd Packer, the only man ever convicted of cannibalism in the United States. By all means, the determination certainly paid off as this wasn't some tedious student film they were forced to make but it's a one-of-a-kind musical that must be seen to believe.

Credited under the amusing pseudonym Juan Schwartz, Trey is a laugh riot in the title role because his expressions and deadpan delivery are oblivious to the events going on around him. His character traits would serve as the basis for Stan Marsh many years down the road. And speaking of "South Park," Matt's nerdy Humphrey is dressed exactly like Kyle Broflowski right down to the green hat and orange parka. And here's another useless trivia before the five trekkers enter the general store, Trey begins to sing the opening line of "It's a Shpadoinkle Day" in his Cartman voice. Okay that's enough of "South Park."

In the vibrant role of Polly Pry, Trey's ex-girlfriend Toddy Walters is a naturally beautiful looking woman with an excellent singing voice. When watching the "This Side of Me" musical number, I couldn't help but think Toddy would've have been perfect to sing the theme from "Skyfall." She's got the exquisiteness and stage presence to headline a musical number and record an album without auto tune.

"Cannibal! The Musical" does have its faults cinematically. For example in Packer's ballerina dream sequence, close-ups of the body double can be seen in between shots. The sets have that "cheesy-as-hell" atmosphere but it does add to the corny artificially to the film. After all, it's supposed to pay homage to the classic Hollywood musicals that Trey watched growing up.

If you're a "South Park" or "Team America" fan, watch it! If you're a fan of cheesy slasher films, watch it! And if you're a fan of cult musicals like "Rocky Horror," watch it!

Black Sunday (1960)

Italian horror has finally found its voice in the form of Bava.

[10/10 · 3 February 2013]

Princess Asa Vajda is sentenced to death by her brother for the terrifying crimes of witchcraft; her untimely fate was met at the mercy of a spiked torture mask. This opening sequence would kick start veteran cinematographer Mario Bava's solo directorial career and influence an entire generation of American and foreign horror filmmakers for years to come.

"Black Sunday", better known by overseas audiences as "The Mask of Satan", remains one of the most striking directing debuts in all of cinema.

Two centuries later, she is accidentally brought back to life by a young doctor (played by John Richardson), his mentor (played by Andrea Checchi) and a drop of blood. Asa goes on an ambitious quest to murder her twin descendant, Princess Katia and seduces many unknowing victims along the way.

"The Queen of Horror" Barbara Steele excels brilliantly in two completely different roles: the seductive, ancestral witch Princess Asa Vajda and her innocent great granddaughter Princess Katia Vajda. Every time Steele's alluring presence appears on the screen, her dark hair and unconventional beauty immediately draws our eyes to the screen. The final admiration goes to Bava's exquisite black and white cinematography and the haunting score from Carlo Rustichelli for bringing this 1960 classic a certain touch of class.

There is not much to say about "Black Sunday" except that it's a masterpiece of Gothic horror hands down. A perfect introduction for aspiring American horror buffs who are interested in Italian horror as I am.

Goliathon (1977)

The Cheesy King Kong Ripoff

[8/10 · 4 January 2013]

"Look out it's a cheesy King Kong rip-off!"

That's correct everybody, this hilariously god-awful 70's monster flick from the legendary Shaw Brothers Studio brings a whole new meaning to the term "guilty pleasure".

A guy in an ape suit, who constantly changes sizes, suddenly awakens from a long slumber and wreaks havoc in the jungles of India. Wait a damn minute; I thought this gorilla was raised in Peking, China. My mistake! Nevertheless, a sleaze ball showman captures the terrifying creature along with scantily-clad jungle woman Samantha (played by the lovely Evelyne Craft). Now it is up to everyman hero Johnnie (Danny Lee) to save the day and live happily ever actor.

Now let's get some things straight, "The Mighty Peking Man" is perhaps the nuttiest film I've ever seen since "Super Fuzz". While watching the movie, I somehow felt the urge to mock the inconsistencies and bad special effects. But at the same time, it does show redeeming qualities such as Lee's earnest performance and some nice sex appeal from Craft's animal skin outfit. However, the one scene that managed to raise a cackle is where Samantha tries to ride with a couple on their way to the stadium where Peking Man is being held. In a stroke of luck, they let her come along. I suppose the couple wasn't appalled by her half-naked presence or maybe they were trying to be polite.

Despite not making it to the line-up of "Mystery Science Theatre 3000," the film is instead brought to Quentin Tarantino's short-lived production company, Rolling Thunder Pictures. If it hadn't been for Tarantino's involvement, we would have never discussed "The Mighty Peking Man" on this site.

And let's us not forget the sappy montage featuring even-sappier music to complete this ham and cheese omelet of a movie. Boy, am I hungry!

Reservoir Dogs (1992)

"Let's Go to Work."

[10/10 · 19 December 2012]

With the release of Quentin Tarantino's upcoming feature "Django Unchained," I wanted to use this opportunity in discussing a film that has redefined my love of movies and the medium in general. That film is called "Reservoir Dogs". Arguably one of the greatest directorial debuts ever made, this particular film opened my eyes and realize that independent cinema is a far superior alternative to the processed Hollywood fluff.

Dominant gangster Joe Cabot (played by the unforgettable Lawrence Tierney) gets together six dark-suited, color-coded criminals, unfamiliar to one another, to succeed a jewelry heist. Although destined to preserve their identities, their cover causes more difficulties when something goes very wrong during the robbery, designating a set-up. Everyone soon recognizes that one of the gang members is psychotic, but they have yet to discover that another is an undercover cop.

Armed with a budget of $1.3 million, Tarantino single-handily breaks every rule in conventional filmmaking: it uses nonlinear storytelling to explore the complex origins of the three main characters, Mr. White (Harvey Keitel), Mr. Blonde (Michael Madsen) and Mr. Orange (Tim Roth); it uses a soundtrack of '70s pop tunes to heighten the suspense instead of a predictable film score; and most importantly, it uses the opportunity not to show the heist in the film. According to Tarantino, the reason for this final statement was in his own words "initially budgetary," but I think the idea works because it allows viewers to participate in the film from beginning to end.

The violence in "Reservoir Dogs" was very graphic and sadistic not on the level of "Die Hard" but on the level of "The Wild Bunch". Ironically, it is played for dark-humor as seen in the infamous scene where a kidnapped cop's ear is being carved off with a razor blade to Stealer's Wheel's song 'Stuck in the Middle With You'. Whether you've cringed or laughed at this scene, this becomes a later crucial point in the film.

The film is indeed a modern classic of not only independent cinema, but is among the best Hollywood films of the '90s. By the way, I almost forget about the well-known commode story which is another great scene to watch.

Mr. Orange: What happens if the manager doesn't give you the diamonds? Mr. White: Cut off all of his fingers. The little ones.

Dead Heat (1988)

A cinematic experience you don't see every day

[8/10 · 12 December 2012]

From the editor of "The Terminator" and the brother of the creator of "Lethal Weapon" comes a cinematic experience you don't see every day…a buddy cop action comedy, but with mutated zombies. Whether you think a film that mashes two completely different genres couldn't be ridiculous, then you're guess is as good as mine.

Vicious crooks that can't die are murdering innocent Los Angelinos, and wisecracking, trigger-happy LAPD detectives Mortis and Bigelow are the only pair qualified for the case. After Mortis is unexpectedly killed, Bigelow soon learns about a pharmaceutical company's 'resurrection machine' that turns his partner into the living dead. Now that the plot description is taking care of, let's talk about the eclectic cast that made "Dead Heat" watchable to begin with.

Already established as a serious actor, Treat Williams is certainly a treat (sorry for the pun) as the undead cop Roger Mortis. Delivering his dialog with such deadpan wittiness, Treat becomes cooler even when he survives multiple gunshot wounds and a deadly ambulance crash. Playing Mortis' muscle-bound partner Doug Bigelow is not a stretch for current MIA Joe Piscopo. Whenever his cracks succeed "We have something on the monitor, Captain," others fail "You ought a write fortune cookies, pal." Lindsay Frost (known for "The Ring") is appealingly striking as the soon-to-be ill-fated love interest Randi James. While Darren McGavin and Keye Luke excel fine as the two villains, horror legend Vincent Price makes a stand-out appearance as the inventor. His performance was brief, but graceful just as Price was nearing the end of his long career.

Only in the tubular decade known as the 80's can muster up something ridiculous, yet interesting as a film called "Dead Heat."

Rashomon (1950)

Kurosawa finally becomes the master.

[10/10 · 7 December 2012]

A stunning breakthrough in Japanese cinema, Akira Kurosawa's "Rashomon" is a film like no other in playing with the expectations of moviegoers from the East to the West. Nearly six decades after the movie's release, it still remains strikingly fresh and original.

In 11th-century Japan, four witnesses (Toshiro Mifune, Machiko Kyo, Fumiko Honma & Takashi Shimura) narrate different versions of the story of a man's murder and the rape of his wife. Each story is told so thoroughly flawless that you might ask several questions: Which character is lying? And which character is telling the truth? However, you might need to figure those answers out for yourself.

Acknowledging the innovative cinematography from Kazuo Miyagawa, Kurosawa conveys his meticulous attention to detail and stylized compositions into a film that would break cinematic conventions. Nevertheless, "Rashomon" is a groundbreaking achievement in movie-making for many reasons: It is among the first films to utilize non-linear storytelling, to deal with taboo subjects like attempted rape and to be a major Japanese picture released outside of the homeland.

From a reviewer's prospective, the actors really gave perfect performances by being naturalistic instead of borderline melodramatic. Mifune delivers bravura enthusiasm in the role of Tajomaru the Bandit with fierce tenacity and wicked magnetism. Of course, I wouldn't forget about the two actors that stood out among the eight principal players: Machiko Kyo and Takashi Shimura. As the suffering female victim, Kyo certainly brings a shred of innocence into her character's fatigued state of mind. And as the amiable woodcutter, Shimura becomes a humane focus for the final story that leaves an open conclusion.

Masterful and way ahead of its time, "Rashomon" is just a perfect film in every way possible to spend your 88 minutes. As a deserved reward for his triumph, Kurosawa finally becomes the master.

Who's That Knocking at My Door (1967)

Scorsese knocks down Hollywood's door.

[9/10 · 2 November 2012]

Released under many different titles, "Who's That Knocking at My Door" is an energetic, if muddled directorial debut from the great Martin Scorsese.

Like George Lucas' "American Graffiti," the autobiographical elements were ripped from the young director's life growing up in the tenements of New York's Little Italy. However, the only difference between the two movies is completely different styles of filmmaking. While Lucas' film is a nostalgic, colorful look into the lives of high school graduates, "Who's That Knocking" is the polar opposite with its grainy, black-and-white photography and free-wheeling direction.

In his film debut, Harvey Keitel's working class J.R. is the archetypal Scorsese protagonist. Concepts of machismo, religious guilt and unable to conform in regular society would be the future characteristics that would pop up in his later films. Keitel's sudden encounter with a high-class, educated woman (Zina Bethune) puts his character in a life-changing dilemma. Will he continue to hang out with his neighborhood buddies? Or will he develop a long-term relationship with the statuesque blonde?

Filmed over a period of several years, the making of "Who's That Knocking" is kind of an interesting story all its own. Working from student films to a legitimate feature film is such a daunting task for the young Scorsese. You've got to remember "Easy Rider" wasn't released yet and the New Hollywood revolution was just around the corner. After the film's world premiere, Scorsese was able to find a distributor on one condition that a sex scene be added as a selling point. This wasn't just some ordinary sex scene, but it is a hell of a scene to watch.

Shot on location in Amsterdam with a noticeably older Keitel, Scorsese and long-time editor Thelma Schoonmaker were able to create a technically beautiful montage set to The Doors' epic song "The End." While watching this scene progress before my eyes, I am so glad that Scorsese agreed to do the sex scene because it blends with the film so well.

"Who's That Knocking at My Door" is not a well-polished debut film, but there's more to come from Uncle Marty.

Manhunter (1986)

It's just you and me now, sport...

[10/10 · 7 October 2012]

Fresh off his successful television series "Miami Vice," Michael Mann returns to the big screen with a landmark psychological thriller. Based on Thomas Harris' second novel "Red Dragon," this film is the first in the Hannibal Lecter series and possibly the best by far.

Former "CSI" lead William Petersen excels radiantly as emotionally scarred FBI Agent Will Graham who is about receive a last-chance opportunity from his boss Jack Crawford (played by the always admirable Dennis Farina). An opportunity to catch an enigmatic serial killer called "The Tooth Fairy" with a metaphysical quest to shadow the 'Red Dragon' based on William Blake's painting of the same name. In order to enter the killer's theoretical mind, Graham must confront the man that severely damaged his reputation…Hannibal the Cannibal.

As masterfully played by then-unknown Brian Cox, the enquiringly misspelled Dr. 'Lecktor' is presented here as a contrast to Anthony Hopkins' portrayal. Instead of the eccentric and socially refined Hannibal, Cox gives the viewer a restrained and intangible depiction in the form of a normal-looking prisoner. From a film-goer's perspective, this is the most ingenuous version of the title character that the I've ever seen. Now, don't get me wrong Hopkins certainly deserved his Oscar and the acclaim, but Cox has accomplished more in 10 minutes of screen time than Sir Tony's monopolizing scenery-chewing in "Red Dragon". The next paragraph brings me to the "Tooth Fairy" himself, Francis Dollarhyde.

The tremendously talented and always under-appreciated Tom Noonan has been type-cast throughout his whole career as the baddie. Noonan's riveting performance successfully brought out his undiscovered talents to the forefront. Just watch the scene in which he grants a slide show of the victims' families to sleazy tabloid journalist Freddie Lounds (Stephen Lang) for evidence. In the book, Dollarhyde was given a detailed past of his abusive childhood and personal motivations. However, none of this is revealed in "Manhunter" because we are more concerned with Graham's investigation rather than how Dollarhyde came to be. And I'm so glad that the Dragon tattoo was never in the final version otherwise, this film would have never been taken seriously.

The one scene that really stood out was the grand finale between Graham and Dollarhyde. Set to Iron Butterfly's psychedelic opus "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida," this confrontation was choreographed perfectly, edited flawlessly and photographed impeccably by Dante Spinotti. From watching that sequence alone, that could have been a movie of its own for that matter.

The one question that comes to the mind: Can Graham ever come out of Dollarhyde's darkness? Find out for yourself!

The New York Ripper (1982)

One brutal, nasty movie.

[6 October 2012]

THE NEW YORK RIPPER is one brutal, nasty movie. Nearly out of all the Lucio Fulci films I've seen, this one takes the cake.

1981. The Big Apple is at its worst. Somewhere, a mysterious blade-wielding, squeaky-voiced psychopath is gutting up beautiful young women. British character actor Jack Hedley (FOR YOUR EYES ONLY) plays the obsessed, but uncouth NYPD lieutenant Fred Williams who is determined to capture the killer at all costs. Along the way, Lt. Williams gets to sleep with many hookers as a way of getting important information. Only something like this can happen in the early 1980's.

Not since TAXI DRIVER has a film that determines to capture the sleazy, mean streets of New York City so realistically grim. In the tradition of Italian thrillers, Fulci shocks and offends the viewer with images of blood, images of depravity and images of sadistic decadence. Cinematographer Luigi Kuveiller succeeds in pulling out all the tricks of trade with surrealistic scenes of grandeur and merciless realism into the over-the-top killings. However, composer Franceso De Masi's inappropriate score almost kills the mood of the movie. A musical score like this is best suited for an episode of MAGNUM P.I. not a Fulci film. Previous composers like Fabio Frizzi or Walter Rizzati are far better candidates in my opinion.

Notice that I awarded the film zero stars above the headline. Not because it's good or bad in my personal judgment, but the queasy, uncomfortable atmosphere will turn off causal horror fans. Controversial as MANIAC, daring as VIDEODROME and graphic as MAN BITES DOG, THE NEW YORK RIPPER will make you take a long, hot shower after each viewing.

Death Race 2000 (1975)

Low budget as a Roger Corman production can be.

[8/10 · 10 July 2012]

Paul Bartel's (EATING RAOUL) first film for New World Pictures is a campy, smörgåsbord of over-the-top violence, political commentary and dark comedy. Not meant to be an ultra-serious film with award-winning performances and quality production values. But then again, I'm a sucker for anything that's unusually amazing.

The year is 2000, but not the actual 2000. It is a future where morals and ethics are tossed aside in favor of the annual three-day Transcontinental Death Race from New York City to New Los Angeles. The drivers of the competition are earning high points for running over innocent spectators and pedestrians. But this year, things are going to be very different.

The legendary half man/half machine racer Frankenstein (as portrayed by the late David Carradine) is back behind the wheel with a diabolical revenge and a lovely blonde mechanic (Simone Griffeth) on his side. Meanwhile, a diverse group of crazy drivers are vying to beat Frankenstein to the finish line: the hotheaded thug "Machine Gun" Joe Viterbo (pre-ROCKY Sylvester Stallone), icy cowgirl Calamity Jane (Mary Woronov), tough-as-nails Matilda the Hun (Roberta Collins) and flamboyant Nero the Hero (Martin Kove).

Running at an unbelievably short 78 minutes, the film contains some awesomely nice racing cars, including Frankenstein's reptilian-inspired turbo charger, which is not a bad-looking car by the way. The racer's costumes are tacky as hell indeed, and I dare you not to laugh at Carradine's S&M leather cat suit.

DEATH RACE 2000 is just as low budget as a Roger Corman production can be. I'm dead serious.

Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia (1974)

The Warren Oates Show

[10/10 · 20 June 2012]

After the catastrophic production of PAT GARRETT AND BILLY THE KID, Sam Peckinpah finally got total autonomy from United Artists with the most unusual movie on his filmography.

BRING ME THE HEAD OF ALFREDO GARCIA is one hell of an alcohol-soaked, blood-drenched joyride through the beautiful countryside of Mexico. Believe it or not, this is a film that dares to be unapologetic and different for a personal reason. Unsung character actor Warren Oates delivers an outstanding performance as the shades-sporting piano player Bennie. The down-and-out American is hired by two eccentric hit men (Gig Young & Robert Webber) to do a murderous dirty deed for them: By delivering a slain gigolo's severed head to a wealthy land baron (Emilio Fernandez) for a cool million dollar bounty.

Mexican actress Isela Vega is an earthy presence as the curvaceous songstress Elita. Kris Kristofferson is awesome as always in his all-too-brief role as an unnamed hippie biker. Morbid, repulsive and melancholic in its own passionate way of mixing dark comedy, buddy movie clichés and Shakespearian tragedy which mirrors Peckinpah's downward spiral. Considered by many admirers as one of his last true works, ALFREDO GARCIA is an iconoclastic work of not only American cinema but visceral cinema indeed.

The Last Hunter (1980)

Like THE DEER HUNTER, except that it's less depressing.

[8/10 · 18 June 2012]

Antonio Margheriti's (CANNIBAL APOCALYPSE) first Macaroni Combat film, a genre that would become his final mainstay, is an outrageously, over-the-top thrill ride with no political agenda whatsoever.

After witnessing the grim suicide of his shell-shocked buddy, a burned-out Army captain (David Warbeck, THE BEYOND) agrees to take on a final suicide mission with the help of two black soldier dudes (Tony King and Bobby Rhodes) and a fine-looking photojournalist (Tisa Farrow, ZOMBIE).

As the first Macaroni Combat film about Vietnam, THE LAST HUNTER certainly delivers the exploitation goodness with just a hint of brief nudity. Although the script from Dardano Sacchetti is filled with unintentionally hilarious dialog, mainstream audiences may be turned off by the lack of historical context. Warbeck gives a good performance that is a literal reminiscent of Martin Sheen's Willard from APOCALYPSE NOW.

And speaking of that Coppola epic, the Philippine locations in which the film was shot are in fact leftover sets. It comes to show that no matter how blatant the filmmakers are, THE LAST HUNTER is certainly a pleasure to look at just for the settings. Despite not being a good actress as her sister, Tisa does give some enthusiasm into the character and it works rather well.

Turn off your brains and enjoy the mindless Italian action.

Man Bites Dog (1992)

Cinema

[10/10 · 16 June 2012]

A cerebral hybrid between "Monty Python", "Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer" and "American Psycho", "Man Bites Dog" is one such film that certainly lives up to its underground reputation. The film's grainy black-and-white photography sets up the overall tone as the viewer goes on a violent, blackly-humorous joyride masquerading as an actual documentary.

Meet Benoit Poelvoorde, a clever, cultured, quick-witted, well-liked young man. A seemingly normal man with a fondness for mussels, running down the beach in the nude and most of all, he kills innocent people for a living. Cameraman Andre Bonzel and reporter Remy Belvaux are on hand to film the mundane activities of Ben's daily life along with his friends and family. Unfortunately, the two men begin to realize that their archetypal subject is doing more than just being Mr. Nice Guy.

From losing his cherished ID bracelet to accidentally killing a birthday party goer, Ben becomes more than just your garden-variety serial killer in the movies. While viewing the film numerous times, I don't know what my natural reaction would be whether to laugh or be horrified. The final reaction would be both.

Yes, the film is indeed shockingly violent, offensively funny and proud of it. But thanks to Poelvoorde's naturalistic performance, we know "Man Bites Dog" will be an out-of-this-world experience filled with manic glee and intense energy. The main saying goes: "No rules, no consequences." Which reminds me of that fine American institution for censorship? The Motion Picture Association of America better known as the MPAA.

"Man Bites Dog" makes sense for receiving the dreaded NC-17 rating. While the latter rating is usually reserved for sexually-themed films like SHOWGIRLS, it is finally put to proper use for a movie with such realistic depictions of violence.

Forget "Blair Witch." Forget "Paranormal Activity." And forget "Quarantine." Those so-called "home video" genre movies don't hold a candle to the pure down-and-dirty celluloid that is "Man Bites Dog." The best film of 1992.

Viva Cinema!

Soultaker (1990)

"Eww, I definitely need counseling!" -Crow T. Robot

[2/10 · 15 June 2012]

SOULTAKER just proves that you don't have to watch the un-MST3K version in order to give an honest-to-God review. However, the cinematic masochist inside of me has to get this ghoulish feathered fish off my back before it's too late.

Martin Sheen's forgotten younger brother Joe Estevez is given a task by the lantern-jawed Angel of Death (Robert D'Zar) to kill five twenty-something actors pretending to be teenagers by 8:00 tonight. The targets consist of Brad the hard-rocking mullet head, Tommy the oldest teenager in cinema history, Zack the C. Thomas Howell-lookalike, Candice the token girlfriend, and last but not least, the rich girl Natalie played by the writer Vivian Schilling.

As the last two surviving victims, Zack and Natalie must race against unlimited time to get back into their bodies before midnight. Why is it always midnight? The already-outdated effects in the film are indeed amateurish and laughable. The cinematography is above average, and the editing is just worse. Nevertheless, the female lead's script is the main culprit.

Although her script does have an interesting premise, Schilling is way too young and inexperienced to pull off a story such as this. I must say that she is a naturally beautiful-looking actress who deserves much more than this even if she looks like Tonya Harding. On the plus side, Estevez gives a decent performance as a black-clad baddie who sucks the souls out of dead bodies for a living. And what the hell is up with that slow-motion strip-teasing bathroom scene anyway?

Outdated special effects, self-important script, bad acting, and '80s hair metal cheese certainly makes SOULTAKER a misfire of bad filmmaking at its worst.

My apologies to Michael Rissi.

The Kid Stays in the Picture (2002)

The kid has lived to tell the tale.

[10/10 · 5 June 2012]

Filmmakers Brett Morgen and Nanette Burstein use the colorful, if expressive form of the documentary format to examine the wild life and tumultuous career of legendary producer and "self-proclaimed" bad boy.....Robert Evans.

From clothing tycoon to Hollywood mogul, Evans became the first actor to ever run a major studio. Under his regime, Paramount Pictures went from poverty row to fulfilling riches thanks to the successes of ROSEMARY'S BABY, THE ODD COUPLE, LOVE STORY and THE GODFATHER. In 1974, Evans' first effort as an independent producer was Roman Polanski's masterpiece CHINATOWN which garnered his only Oscar nomination for Best Picture.

Morgen and Burstein brilliantly capture not only Evans' roller-coaster career in the business, but they also explore the last true Golden Age of Hollywood movie-making in the 1970's. Eschewing the traditional documentary medium of using monotone narrators and talking heads, the filmmakers rely on Evans' ruthless, but engaging presence to take viewers on his personal journey. Of course, the 1980's were not that kind to Evans on a traumatic level; his devastating cocaine arrest, the box office disappointments of POPEYE and THE COTTON CLUB, and his unwitting implication in the murder of promoter Roy Radin.

But somehow, Evans miraculously came back at the forefront of credibility. Although he's no longer at the top, the legendary producer has lived to tell the tale that would make a great double feature with Xan Cassavetes' Z CHANNEL: A MAGNIFICENT OBSESSION. It is a must-see documentary for film lovers and professionals everywhere.

Monster a Go-Go (1965)

I saw the monster, but I didn't see any go-go dancers.

[1/10 · 4 June 2012]

Ten years before unleashing that seventh layer of hell known as THE GREAT SPIDER INVASION, Bill Rebane along with fellow Z-movie auteur Herschell Gordon Lewis directed this miserable piece of cow dung.

The sorry mess immediately started when Rebane ran out of money while making the film. Gee, no wonder he couldn't afford useful filmmaking tools like boom mikes or a decent script that wasn't written on cocktail napkins. And that's when The Godfather of Gore came along.

While planning a not-so-important double feature, Lewis bought MONSTER A-GO GO from the desperate director. Under the hands of good old H.G. Lewis, extra scenes and dialog were added which created an avalanche of bad continuity. The result was a weird, incoherent disaster-piece of minor proportions. The only good thing about the movie was seeing the monster, but I didn't see any go-go dancers. At least that could have been interesting to watch!

I don't mind a bad movie now or then, but watching the film with the MST3K commentary didn't help matters at all. I would rather watch FINAL JUSTICE or SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS ten times in a row than sit through MONSTER A-GO GO any day of the week.