Change Your Image
steveholdenmail
Reviews
Argylle (2024)
Don't listen to the doubters!
Argylle is daft as a box of frogs....... Imagine... the combined offspring of The Kingsmen & LaLa Land..... directed by Ru Paul & Jackie Chan..... on acid.... laydeeez & gents I give you ARGYLLE! Daft as a box of frogs...... 2h 20m of 10/10 entertainment...... faaaaantastic....... I think you'll enjoy it......
It does exactly what it says on the tin...... it entertains. I've read plenty of negative comments but all seem to be missing the point completely.
And as for Henry Cavill being tipped to be the next Bond? Yup... give the guy the tux & the Walther PPK, fire up the Aston Martin and call off all bets. He looks the part and has the air of knowing cynicism to carry it off with absolute aplomb.
So my advice..... go see Argylle, enjoy yourself and pop into the bookies on the way home and splash your hard earned on Henry for the new 007. Simples!
Luther: The Fallen Sun (2023)
The Fallen Standards
How could something as good as the TV series then become something so bad on the big screen? From the ridiculous jail break to pantomime baddy and then the Bondesque villains hideaway complete with frozen bodies under the ice.
I've watched it a second time just to see if it was as bad as I originally thought........ and as it turns out I was actually wrong, because it is SO much worse the second time around.
Those responsible for this load of garbage should be ashamed of themselves.
Why did Idris Elba and Andy Serkis involve themselves in this appallingly laughable excuse for a 'tense thriller'?
Green Street (2005)
Appalling, just appalling.
Just watched this again to see if it was as bad as a remember and it did not disappoint, in fact it was immeasurably worse than I recalled.
Dreadful beyond belief, this Hollywood take on the whole 'hooligan thing' is hilariously acted out with laugh out loud references to 'rhyming slang', scarred Northern 'baddies' and the evil psychotic 'sarf landanna' Tommy Hatcher, oh and the slimy yank pantomime baddie Van Holden is definitely worth a mention too.
Anyone watching this and imagining the reality comes anywhere close is not from this planet.
A far superior but still ridiculous effort is The Football Factory. Green Street is just a dreadful film made for Yanks and failing dismally on every level.
The Big Short (2015)
Headspinningly entertaining
I don't know finance, in fact I'm awful with numbers full stop. But this film lays it all out in a way that 'almost' makes perfect sense. Essentially bankers are ****ers (who knew?!).
Steve Carrell is brilliant, Christian Bale is as always perfectly cast (how does he do that thing with his 'glass' left eye??).
This film is as scary as it is entertaining as it is eye opening, but right from the get go it grabs you by the lapels, punches you in the stomach, kisses you on both cheeks and then pats you on the behind and tells you to have a lovely day.
A great couple of hours entertainment that you will not regret.
Mission: Impossible II (2000)
Truly awful
This 2nd installment of the M. I series is beyond belief. I mean absolutely atrocious. The first 30 mins is just a John Woo shampoo advert that makes Face Off seem acceptable and the remainder of the film? Well...... words just fail me.
From the opening rock climbing hilarity including a magnificent smouldering TC look into the camera to the appalling slow motion set pieces that litter this tripe from start to finish, all full of TCs flowing locks and a hilarious motorcycle chase including mid-air homo erotic ballet and you have the very worst of the M. I franchise.
The Final Countdown (1980)
Great entertainment!
A plot as mad as the proverbial box of frogs with plot holes big enough to sail the USS Nimitz through (see what I did there?) but nonetheless pure unchallenging bubblegum entertainment.
Great film.
Reacher (2022)
Perfect entertainment
As corny as they come but absolutely perfect entertainment. It's almost a pantomime with cartoon like baddies, ballsy damsels in distress..... and the hunky handsome Prince.
Tongue in cheek, great set pieces, perfect dialogue....
More please!
Ojing-eo geim (2021)
Don't believe the hype
Was genuinely looking forward to watching what I had been led to believe was a bonefide classic. What a huge disappointment. Dreadful acting, appalling dialogue and just boring beyond belief. Dont believe the hype, this is utter rubbish.
Time (2021)
Stunning, just stunning.
And this is just confirmation of what British TV is still capable of. Gritty, gut-wrenching, brilliantly written and stunningly acted out. Stephen Graham as always put in a prize winning performance but Sean Bean is the stand out in this one.
Palm Springs (2020)
Weirdly entertaining
Every now and then you stumble across a genuinely pleasant surprise.
Palm Springs is one of those perfect Sunday afternoon films that you can just sit back relax and enjoy. Daft as a box of frogs but entertaining as hell.
Octopussy (1983)
Indescribably bad
The point at which the 007 franchise finally reached rock bottom. Just appalling.
The Drowning (2021)
Just appalling....
Without doubt one of the most ridiculous, lame, poorly written, atrociously acted and just plain unbelievable pieces of tripe to hit our screens. Those involved should be ashamed of themselves. Just laughable from the start to the incredibly jaw dropping climax. I'll save you the bother.... he's not her son, the lawyer brother did it, the mother is in on it, the script writers are fraudsters and I haven't laughed as much in weeks...... and just off to get myself a DIY DNA Test to create a bit of drama over the next family meal dinner table.
Gran Torino (2008)
Perfect Saturday....
....Night entertainment!
Just a great couple of hours spent eating takeaway and supping a cold one. Great acting, Clintwood at his miserable growling best. A few tongue in cheek stereotypes add to experience and some genuinely amusing set pieces make this great viewing.
Insidious (2010)
Oh dear....
...how sad, nevermind!
Having heard so much about this one i had high hopes, but ultimately what a huge disappointment. For two thirds the build up is promising, a few jumps and all fairly standard fayre but then it falls off a cliff in spectacular fashion. Essentially just turns into a huge Poltergeist rip off with none of the shtick, originality or humour of the 80s classic.
Avoid....
Whiplash (2014)
"Not my tempo..."
They don't come any closer to a perfect film than this one. Within the first 2 minutes you'll be totally hooked... and then just feel the tension slowly slowly rise. JK Simmons is unbelievable.
Film film making, perfect acting..... just perfect.
A Star Is Born (1954)
A bore is starred.
What a load of overblown, tedious, pretentious, boring, poorly acted, atrociously sung and appallingly choreographed rubbish.
By the time the credits rolled there was a collective and audible sigh of relief around the room.
Apparently a classic..... good grief.
Saint Maud (2019)
Slow burner.....
....but almost worth the wait. But the one thing this isn't is a horror film, its a psychological thriller at best. Well worth a watch but I'd hardly call it a masterpiece.
Queen & Slim (2019)
Faaaantastic
What a great way to return to the cinema! Due to the whole 'lockdown insanity' I was missing indulging in one of my fave pastimes, namely regular visits to my local independent cinema. So when it recently reopened and I took the opportunity to see this little gem, wow! Great acting, cracking soundtrack, topical themes and just an overall very satisfying experience. Not a poor performance in sight and whilst you think you probably know all is not going to end well it's still not a disappointment when the inevitable happens. A great film.
A History of Violence (2005)
Cronenberg at his best.....
Almost faultless throughout. Unexpected twists and turns as you'd expect with a touch of the text book Cronenberg 'graphic gore' added in for good measure. Harris is sinister, VM is cool and Hurt is, well..... Just watch it for yourself.
British Made (2019)
Not bad
Some decent acting and enough of a story to make it well worth watching but British Made still somehow falls short of being anything more than just a bit 'meh'.
Dredd (2012)
True to the original
As close to the source material as any 2000AD fan could wish for. Karl Urban is perfect as Dredd right down to the perpetually upturned mouth with the set pieces right on the money. Stallones effort was an insult, this film is the polar opposite.
Love, Honour and Obey (2000)
Oh dear.....
....what a load of self indulgent, ill conceived, unfunny pile of old toffee.
I love Ray Winston and adore Kathy B, and Mr Pertwee! What were you all thinking???.... One must assume they were doing a mate a favour when agreeing to sully their CVs by involving themselves in this mess.
Utter rubbish from start to ridiculous finish..... Even 2 or 3 decent reworkings of old classic tunes couldn't rescue this car crash.