The problem with this mushy, over ripe, often stale pregnancy comedy isn't the onslaught of suburb leveling, ear splitting "humor" or the insufferably blue collar approach to the filmmaking. No, the worst part of this is that it takes a potentially awesome premise and does so little with it, moms everywhere should feel insulted. It carries on with this "they didn't teach THIS in school" attitude that feels incredibly misguided when the new single mom to-be can casually buy $500 sushi that doesn't even go to the desired person. It's gross and stupidly low effort for a movie that will absolutely have an audience that says, "men can't have opinions about this one."
Reviews
231 Reviews
NRSA
29 December 2020
NRSA as I would like to call it is a strong feature. Showcasing excellent performances from the leads, a grounded narrative, and some legitimately earned emotional moments. The bond between the two is quite strong. Helping each other or just being there when there were having issues was always lovely to see.
My problem isn't with any of that or even that I was sometimes disinterested. I found it oddly hollow in terms of thematics or even things to chew on. It hints at some undercurrents but rarely explores them and when it ended, that was it for me. Didn't leave me wanting more or dwelling in it's message or even questioning anything. I like it overall it just didn't do much for me. I can't say I'll never think of it but there wasn't much of an impression made.
She Dies Tomorrow
(2020)
I tried so hard and got so far
18 December 2020
What would you do if you knew the day you died? A concept such as this has been explored in numerous mediums, countless ways at this point. Yet, She Dies Tomorrow feels the need to tackle this idea through the lens of an indie mumblecore snoozefest. From the first twenty minutes it becomes clear as crystal that this avenue has been intentionally chosen. Although, I don't understand why anyone would do that.
Maybe it makes sense since this is a movie all about people giving up their false pretenses and becoming more whole, which also feels the need to play Mozarts Requiem in D minor at least 10 times. I'm getting really tired of these indie, mumblecore, horror flicks that seem to have no clue what they are. While this explores a high concept train of thought, it does so with no foundation to stand on. I still don't know why the people in the film are dying tomorrow or what the flashing lights are. And I definitely don't understand why it's broken up into non-linear pieces only sometimes. It seems to know how uninteresting the screenplay is and goes out of it's way to hide the gapping holes in its logic.
Up to a certain point I'm willing to suspend my disbelief, especially in horror, but this crosses the line into obnoxious territory. At some point you need to fill the audience in on the bare minimum of what's going on and this can't even manage that. It screams film student with the grandiose music, lighting changes, and lofty dialogue while backing none of it up. Even The Blair Witch Project gave you enough to fill in the blanks of what was happening. This is just visuals and noise for 90 minutes with no purpose to any of it.
The point is, you can have all the cool visuals, concepts, and actors you want but if you don't know what you want from the project then why do it? There's no clear narrative to this that leads to anything other then more unanswerable questions. You may be able to bring your own interpretation to this, as it so clearly longs for, but I'm not sure that matters. Any interpretation feels like it would have as much credence as the next because there is so little to latch onto. How about we think things through next time, yeah?
Maybe it makes sense since this is a movie all about people giving up their false pretenses and becoming more whole, which also feels the need to play Mozarts Requiem in D minor at least 10 times. I'm getting really tired of these indie, mumblecore, horror flicks that seem to have no clue what they are. While this explores a high concept train of thought, it does so with no foundation to stand on. I still don't know why the people in the film are dying tomorrow or what the flashing lights are. And I definitely don't understand why it's broken up into non-linear pieces only sometimes. It seems to know how uninteresting the screenplay is and goes out of it's way to hide the gapping holes in its logic.
Up to a certain point I'm willing to suspend my disbelief, especially in horror, but this crosses the line into obnoxious territory. At some point you need to fill the audience in on the bare minimum of what's going on and this can't even manage that. It screams film student with the grandiose music, lighting changes, and lofty dialogue while backing none of it up. Even The Blair Witch Project gave you enough to fill in the blanks of what was happening. This is just visuals and noise for 90 minutes with no purpose to any of it.
The point is, you can have all the cool visuals, concepts, and actors you want but if you don't know what you want from the project then why do it? There's no clear narrative to this that leads to anything other then more unanswerable questions. You may be able to bring your own interpretation to this, as it so clearly longs for, but I'm not sure that matters. Any interpretation feels like it would have as much credence as the next because there is so little to latch onto. How about we think things through next time, yeah?
The Prom
(2020)
Not quite there
13 December 2020
Boy is this on the nose and political. Fortunately, it's self aware of the trappings that come with this material. If it was obvious or serious I think it would've been quite frustrating. I like the overall tone that this has including and outside of the tongue in cheek aspects. I enjoyed it's painting of celebrities as these vain people who only think of their brand, even when they are trying to "make a change". This is all emphasized by the hyper glossy style. Think Greatest Showman but everything is more thought out. Where it lacks is in some performances, inconsistent at best musical numbers, and some questionable editing/structure choices. I realize the big names demand screen time, but it's not their story. They should've been relegated to the sidelines, allowing us to get more acquainted with the main character. Imagine if La La Land had a batch of scenes following Ryan Goslings sister or Emma Stone's girlfriends. That's sort of how this feels jumping between the gluttonous cast. It's feel good entertainment that does well at entertaining but loses most of the feels it aims for.
Another Round
(2020)
Pretty solid
6 December 2020
The game of life is more art then science. Which is an idea the film links wonderfully to alcholism. One day you're on top of the world. Teaching better then ever and finally reconnecting with family. Then you wind up bloodied on your neighbors doorstep with little idea how you got there or why you're there. Much like Vinterbergs 2012 feature The Hunt, Another Round stars Mads Mikkelsen. Unlike that movie, he isn't at the heart of a town wide witch hunt for crimes he didn't commit. Instead, Mads is an average history teacher living an average life.
That is, until his life turns on a dime. He is a depressed, vaccant shell of a man. Unable to connect with his family and even further distant from his students, Mads seems to be drifting lazily through life. After a short 10 minutes, he and his friends decide it's time to change their boring lives. They begin trying to maintain a consistent, albeit low, blood alcohol level in an attempt to spice things up. Suddenly life is better. Mads is outgoing, energetic, and has no trouble with people.
You can probably imagine, this falls apart rather quickly. As is such with alcohol, the more you rely on it, the more you need it to function. A hobby turns to a habit, then a habit into an addiction which spirals out of control. Such is life. The moment you let your guard down it punches you in the gut just to see of you're paying attention. Another Round perfectly captures this idea.
However, I'm not to high on this. I think it does a good job saying what it desires and is genuinely quite entertaining. It bounces off the walls with energy while oozing a carefree attitude that was infectious. The problem is, it's pretty on the nose. There's large exposition sections that relay information to the audience in less then subtle ways. These characters are monitoring themselves through an "essay" on the effects they feel over time. Which gives the film room to explain itself. The problem with this is that it goes nowhere. As do many little things here and there.
It seems each character is given a distict role to play in the film and it rarely pivots from those ideas. Making this incredibly predictable from the ground up. If you have a thought of where this is going based on the premise, you're probably right. Which is unfortunate because the payoff of the film feels largely unrewarding. A stark difference between The Hunt's absolutely traumatizing 3rd act.
I'd still say check this out though. If you have twelve bucks and two hours to sit down at home, pull the trigger on this. It's quite entertaining, delivers a solid message, and props up some pretty great performances. Unfortunately, If you're looking for something to knock you flat with a powerful message or a satisfactory conclusion this doesn't have it. It builds to the exact place you might think and hits the nail on the head even though the nail is already embedded into it's place.
That is, until his life turns on a dime. He is a depressed, vaccant shell of a man. Unable to connect with his family and even further distant from his students, Mads seems to be drifting lazily through life. After a short 10 minutes, he and his friends decide it's time to change their boring lives. They begin trying to maintain a consistent, albeit low, blood alcohol level in an attempt to spice things up. Suddenly life is better. Mads is outgoing, energetic, and has no trouble with people.
You can probably imagine, this falls apart rather quickly. As is such with alcohol, the more you rely on it, the more you need it to function. A hobby turns to a habit, then a habit into an addiction which spirals out of control. Such is life. The moment you let your guard down it punches you in the gut just to see of you're paying attention. Another Round perfectly captures this idea.
However, I'm not to high on this. I think it does a good job saying what it desires and is genuinely quite entertaining. It bounces off the walls with energy while oozing a carefree attitude that was infectious. The problem is, it's pretty on the nose. There's large exposition sections that relay information to the audience in less then subtle ways. These characters are monitoring themselves through an "essay" on the effects they feel over time. Which gives the film room to explain itself. The problem with this is that it goes nowhere. As do many little things here and there.
It seems each character is given a distict role to play in the film and it rarely pivots from those ideas. Making this incredibly predictable from the ground up. If you have a thought of where this is going based on the premise, you're probably right. Which is unfortunate because the payoff of the film feels largely unrewarding. A stark difference between The Hunt's absolutely traumatizing 3rd act.
I'd still say check this out though. If you have twelve bucks and two hours to sit down at home, pull the trigger on this. It's quite entertaining, delivers a solid message, and props up some pretty great performances. Unfortunately, If you're looking for something to knock you flat with a powerful message or a satisfactory conclusion this doesn't have it. It builds to the exact place you might think and hits the nail on the head even though the nail is already embedded into it's place.
Sorry We Missed You
(2019)
Bleak and beautiful
1 December 2020
What a utterly devastating look at the working class. Deeply emotional, heartfelt, anxiety ridden, and surprisingly entertaining. Does an excellent job of slowly building the characters, letting you connect with this family naturally. They are perfectly realized in an incredibly realistic lane.
More and more we see fear set in with real families over missed work and missed money, causing contention within the household. We see it everyday. The gap between the rich and the poor widens to the point where both parents working 14 hour shifts, 6 days a week barely keeps the family above water. Causing them to miss key moments in the lives of their children that may leave permant scares. Absolutely gut wrenching to see this captured in such a grounded way. The inevitable implosion among this tight knit family was always on the horizon but it brilliantly works toward it without it feeling forced. When it does eventually come you better have a tissue handy.
Which isn't to say that this is an appallingly miserable look life and the pursuit of happiness. Dejected for sure but it has a heart to it. In this age of nihilism and cynicism it was lovely to see these things depicted directly in contrast to the little daily spots of comfort. This family isn't constantly disheveled, but everyone will get there when you work more hours then you sleep and spend time with your family combined. Try as they might to be happy this life they live is untreatable, yet they can't escape. The fear of losing a job or not being able to pay the bills forces many of us to work even if we are unfit. Just like Ricky in this.
More and more we see fear set in with real families over missed work and missed money, causing contention within the household. We see it everyday. The gap between the rich and the poor widens to the point where both parents working 14 hour shifts, 6 days a week barely keeps the family above water. Causing them to miss key moments in the lives of their children that may leave permant scares. Absolutely gut wrenching to see this captured in such a grounded way. The inevitable implosion among this tight knit family was always on the horizon but it brilliantly works toward it without it feeling forced. When it does eventually come you better have a tissue handy.
Which isn't to say that this is an appallingly miserable look life and the pursuit of happiness. Dejected for sure but it has a heart to it. In this age of nihilism and cynicism it was lovely to see these things depicted directly in contrast to the little daily spots of comfort. This family isn't constantly disheveled, but everyone will get there when you work more hours then you sleep and spend time with your family combined. Try as they might to be happy this life they live is untreatable, yet they can't escape. The fear of losing a job or not being able to pay the bills forces many of us to work even if we are unfit. Just like Ricky in this.
Last and First Men
(2020)
Audiobook on film
29 November 2020
Remember when that jock from Rick and Morty held Morty and said, "There's something special about you."? That's how I am towards Johan. Gone to soon. Rip to a king.
For a debut feature this is both incredibly impressive and a little underwhelming. When the movie showed the title card that it was based on a book I felt vindication. It's literally an audiobook. Tilda Swinton reads to you for a little over an hour accompanied by gorgeous music and a sharp eye for wonderful visuals. Tilda Swinton as the book reader or Narrator in this was lovely though. Her confident voice and choice of words gives her character a full bodied feel without ever seeing her.
It's the perfect movie to turn on if you want to be transfixed by something. And I imagine it will go over like gangbusters for anyone more or less intoxicated. That said, I watched this at 3am and found myself starting to dose off periodically (probably less the movies fault and more mine). The dreamy, slow pace and droning narrative would be enough on their own to inflict drowsiness but there's more then that. The visuals, while nice, are also super dreamy and slow paced. Lots of long takes pushing in or pulling out on architecture in a loop.
Fortunately, it only runs at an 1hr 10 which means it never feels boring. Slow and quiet? Sure, but not boring. The black and white visuals alone are striking. Couple that with an interesting narrative and you've got something. But it does play just like an audiobook would and does little outside of that. If you're in the market for abstract, museum level art then is will be a hit. Traditional, this is not.
For a debut feature this is both incredibly impressive and a little underwhelming. When the movie showed the title card that it was based on a book I felt vindication. It's literally an audiobook. Tilda Swinton reads to you for a little over an hour accompanied by gorgeous music and a sharp eye for wonderful visuals. Tilda Swinton as the book reader or Narrator in this was lovely though. Her confident voice and choice of words gives her character a full bodied feel without ever seeing her.
It's the perfect movie to turn on if you want to be transfixed by something. And I imagine it will go over like gangbusters for anyone more or less intoxicated. That said, I watched this at 3am and found myself starting to dose off periodically (probably less the movies fault and more mine). The dreamy, slow pace and droning narrative would be enough on their own to inflict drowsiness but there's more then that. The visuals, while nice, are also super dreamy and slow paced. Lots of long takes pushing in or pulling out on architecture in a loop.
Fortunately, it only runs at an 1hr 10 which means it never feels boring. Slow and quiet? Sure, but not boring. The black and white visuals alone are striking. Couple that with an interesting narrative and you've got something. But it does play just like an audiobook would and does little outside of that. If you're in the market for abstract, museum level art then is will be a hit. Traditional, this is not.
Shirley
(2020)
Show burn
29 November 2020
This is movie is a bit of a slow burn. The first half hour or so is largely dull, but it really takes a swing up as it goes along. Elisabeth moss from start to finish is fantastic though. She is perfect as the depressed, monstrous author of twisted novels. The story is about her life and the relationships between her, her husband, their new housemaid.
Straight away it's evident that the husband is unfaithful and has a certain distain for his wifes life style. Constantly berating her about staying in bed, not eating at the table, and many more little inconveniences to him. He even flips on her for working through dinner after snapping at her for not working enough. Makes sense that she would be ill tempered and eager to snap at someone. But that's not all that the film handles.
There's many parallels going on here. Parallels between Shirley and the housemaid. Parallels between the housemaid and the woman in Shirley's story. Parallels between the professor and the housemaids husband. Parallels Parallels Parallels. They all come together quite nicely at the end. Working as a guiding torch for whoever is venturing into this.
As for themes, the film mainly seems to be about women and being constantly belittled to the point of feeling lost. Or, in the case of the woman in Shirley's story, literally disappearing. The men in this are constantly pushing the women closest to them away. Whether it's through unrealistic expectations or simply not being there for them. Which is where Shirley's story parallels these characters once again. One is newly married and happy while the other is beat down through her marriage. Shirley can see the writing on the wall for her housemaid and they become friends through their shared pain. Starts ok and ends wonderfully.
Straight away it's evident that the husband is unfaithful and has a certain distain for his wifes life style. Constantly berating her about staying in bed, not eating at the table, and many more little inconveniences to him. He even flips on her for working through dinner after snapping at her for not working enough. Makes sense that she would be ill tempered and eager to snap at someone. But that's not all that the film handles.
There's many parallels going on here. Parallels between Shirley and the housemaid. Parallels between the housemaid and the woman in Shirley's story. Parallels between the professor and the housemaids husband. Parallels Parallels Parallels. They all come together quite nicely at the end. Working as a guiding torch for whoever is venturing into this.
As for themes, the film mainly seems to be about women and being constantly belittled to the point of feeling lost. Or, in the case of the woman in Shirley's story, literally disappearing. The men in this are constantly pushing the women closest to them away. Whether it's through unrealistic expectations or simply not being there for them. Which is where Shirley's story parallels these characters once again. One is newly married and happy while the other is beat down through her marriage. Shirley can see the writing on the wall for her housemaid and they become friends through their shared pain. Starts ok and ends wonderfully.
Maps to the Stars
(2014)
What why
14 November 2020
This movie is claustrophobic. Establishing shots? Never heard of them. Wide shots? What, no. But seriously, who would've thought Hollywood was a disgusting vapid place? Not me.
Everyone is horrible and social climbing while also being addicts. Ya know, Hollywood. Drugs are the centerpiece of this film though. Every plot line and character deals with them. We get A young, up and coming actor who is trying to get sober for a role. A washed up, PTSD ridden, narcotics obsessed actress. And a pill popping personal assistant. There's parallels between these characters not only on the drug front but they are also dealing with past trauma.
Seems like the message is ironically about a therapist unwilling to accept his daughters rehab. While his son is also going through rehab for drugs and dealing with what she did. Other then that parallel between drug abuse and mental illness there isn't much here outside of the obvious. Hollywood is gross and bad.
It's a pretty on the nose movie at best and an annoyingly trite one at worst. The dialogue is pretty full of itself and it banks hard on performances. Which are generally good except for Mr. No Shoulders Long Neck. Julianne Moore is great in this and undoubtedly the heart of the film. She's hilarious too.
Maps To The Stars has Cronenbergs typical cynicism and coldness but there's at least that heart. It seems like Cronenberg tried to distance himself from his typical body horror shtick. This is completely the opposite of body horror. A lot of it feels phony, as if he is out of his element or something. Give this script to Fincher and it would be a masterpiece. The biggest negative really is the execution. Me and Cronenberg just don't gell at all.
The Witches
(2020)
Zemeckis strikes again
31 October 2020
Robert Zemeckis always teases us with something that could be family fun and charming enough for adults. He frequently doesn't deliver like he used to. Which is the case yet again with The Witches. A movie so adverse to the art of filmmaking it constantly gives up in the middle of scenes.
Robert still shows signs of life with some nice looking shots and editing that has some inspiration behind it. However, more times then not he feels like he's sleep walking. He's never been a director to deliver tour de force pitcures but he usually finds a balance between fun and dramatic. The typical shmaltzy music he uses is over bearing in this and the constant visual effects do this little favors.
It's like Steven Spielbergs BFG but with less effort put in, which is saying something. Even basic scenes that start promising end with a CG extravaganza that made me want to hide away and forget I saw it. One scene in particular where the witches reveal their plan is one of the most embarrassing things this year. Robert can't help but flex his visual effects in this scene and it's a sight that made me want to stop and die.
The overbearing use of CG definitely doesn't help, but neither does Anne Hathaway. Who is overacting to such an extreme it's unbearable. She is the main protagonist and is so laughable you can't see her as a threat at any point. She is so so bad in this and looks even worse when she shares scenes with Octavia Spencer. Who plays the grandma to the main child and is lovely. She is typically charismatic even if she isn't trying that hard. She knows what this is.
Which is a family movie at the end of the day. It seems to want to drive in the Stuart Little lane of yesteryear. But I can't see any demographic of people enjoying this. It's a clunky disaster of bad acting, poor writting, and so much post work it feels plastic. There's no heart to this. There's no warmth in a movie that tries so hard to have some. Kids will be bored and adults will be horrified.
Robert still shows signs of life with some nice looking shots and editing that has some inspiration behind it. However, more times then not he feels like he's sleep walking. He's never been a director to deliver tour de force pitcures but he usually finds a balance between fun and dramatic. The typical shmaltzy music he uses is over bearing in this and the constant visual effects do this little favors.
It's like Steven Spielbergs BFG but with less effort put in, which is saying something. Even basic scenes that start promising end with a CG extravaganza that made me want to hide away and forget I saw it. One scene in particular where the witches reveal their plan is one of the most embarrassing things this year. Robert can't help but flex his visual effects in this scene and it's a sight that made me want to stop and die.
The overbearing use of CG definitely doesn't help, but neither does Anne Hathaway. Who is overacting to such an extreme it's unbearable. She is the main protagonist and is so laughable you can't see her as a threat at any point. She is so so bad in this and looks even worse when she shares scenes with Octavia Spencer. Who plays the grandma to the main child and is lovely. She is typically charismatic even if she isn't trying that hard. She knows what this is.
Which is a family movie at the end of the day. It seems to want to drive in the Stuart Little lane of yesteryear. But I can't see any demographic of people enjoying this. It's a clunky disaster of bad acting, poor writting, and so much post work it feels plastic. There's no heart to this. There's no warmth in a movie that tries so hard to have some. Kids will be bored and adults will be horrified.
Rebecca
(I) (2020)
Rewrite this
31 October 2020
Is a good thing dogs exist in these movies. How else would our characters find things they shouldn't? I like Lilly James, I like Armie Hammer, and I like Ben Wheatley but I didn't like this. After an explosive opening act stuffed with as much romance as possible, it grinds to a halt.
After that opening act, which could be a full movie on its own, it turns into vague mystery drama. Girl gets married to guy who refuses to talk about his past wife who somehow everyone loved. It's the type of movie that gets old after the first vague story told by one of the house workers. That is the entirety of the film unfortunately.
Scene after scene we watch Lilly James overacting in various rooms while listening to people jabber. It's painfully tedious. Even with the gorgeous locations and nice cinematography it can't maintain any energy. Any time there's a new "reveal" it feels as unimportant as the last. Which there aren't many of in the first place.
This just doesn't give any reason to get into the story. The Rebecca character that is constantly talked about isn't compelling to me. Everyone loved her, ok, so what? Not only that, but Lilly James is horribly uninteresting. She has no character or arch. She is a tool to be used in the story. Don't write like this. And if your story is a string of scenes where people talk at the main character, change it.
After that opening act, which could be a full movie on its own, it turns into vague mystery drama. Girl gets married to guy who refuses to talk about his past wife who somehow everyone loved. It's the type of movie that gets old after the first vague story told by one of the house workers. That is the entirety of the film unfortunately.
Scene after scene we watch Lilly James overacting in various rooms while listening to people jabber. It's painfully tedious. Even with the gorgeous locations and nice cinematography it can't maintain any energy. Any time there's a new "reveal" it feels as unimportant as the last. Which there aren't many of in the first place.
This just doesn't give any reason to get into the story. The Rebecca character that is constantly talked about isn't compelling to me. Everyone loved her, ok, so what? Not only that, but Lilly James is horribly uninteresting. She has no character or arch. She is a tool to be used in the story. Don't write like this. And if your story is a string of scenes where people talk at the main character, change it.
The Wolf of Snow Hollow
(2020)
Real fun
25 October 2020
Fun to see all the locations/people that I recognize. I even saw someone I work with! Real fun. In terms of the actual movie, it was fun. Jim Cummings is fresh off one of favorites from 2018, Thunder Road. Which is a movie I liked more then this one.
To be fair, this is quite a bit mkre ambitious then that. There's more characters, more plot, visual effects, the whole nine yards. Mostly it's surprisingly well handled. The cinematography is solid, the performances are good, and the dark comedy us good.
I liked the juxtaposition between that and the gruesome subject matter. What elevates this above the typical murder mystery, police drama is the character work.
The Lie
(2018)
Intolerably stupid
23 October 2020
Watching these Blumhouse movies is like working backwards. I don't go into them hoping for the best. I go into them hoping for them to not be the worst. Unfortunately for The Lie, it's pretty close to the worst. It's incredibly dull and intolerably stupid complete with one of the most egregious twists of the year. Peter Saragaard deserves better.
Black Box
(II) (2020)
Get Out?
22 October 2020
I liked this quite a bit more then I thought I would. Especially coming off the heels of Nocturne. While not great, there's definitely more of a heart to this movie. There's a bit of a father daughter thing going on that grounds this in a more relatable way. Plus, the horror in this is interwoven in the story in a way that works.
I can't say it's really scary or unique, as it does rip a lot of ideas from other things. I like that this is more of a drama then a horror movie. However, around the halfway point it takes a turn. There's a big reveal that completely shifts the movie.
The first half is about a man trying to remember his past like in a typical amnesia driven plot. Then it shifts into something else. Which may work for some but it kind of turned me off towards it. It took a sympathetic main character and turned him into someone horribly unlikeable.
It doesn't ruin the movie because the writting is decent and the performances are really good. Those two things carry a lot of this strange Get Out inspired thing. Other then that, the father daughter relationship is quite nice. I wish that was more developed in the second half. Aside from that and the reveal at the midpoint, it's worth checking out.
Nocturne
(II) (2020)
Woof
22 October 2020
Not a good start to this "Welcome to Blumhouse" thing. 4 films and this one was not a great kick off. In general the structure is alright. Beats hit when they should and the performances are pretty solid too. That is all my praise for this.
It's a hideous looking movie for starters. Shot composition is ugly at best. The color palette is horrific. And the camera work is completely uninspired. Not only that but the sound design and visual effects are awful. They really put in as little effort as possible on the filmmaking front.
But this is a horror movie so, is it scary? Not at all. There aren't any scares in this. Any mildly atmospheric sequences are dreams which couls not be more cliche. The rest is teenage melodrama and weepy expressions. Don't watch this.
Hubie Halloween
(2020)
Adam back on his...ya know
9 October 2020
Ya know, I didn't hate this like I expected too. Adam Sandler threatened awhile back that he'd make the worst movie ever, and if this is his attempt, try again. However, he is the worst part about this. He's really obnoxious and has such an unlikeable quality to him. There is a pretty good running joke with his thermos that turns into whatever the script needs it to be though.
All of Adam Sandlers regulars are here. Kevin james, Maya Rudolph, Steve Buscemi, and unfortunately Rob Schneider. They are also not so good. Really the best quality of this is just the Halloween setting. Which is maybe why I enjoyed this more then I thought.
The direction is a bit better then normal, there's some semblance of a story, and some jokes actually land. There's lots of questionable choices naturally but I didn't want to blow my brains out watching it. Also, why are there so many Disney Kids in this? Peyton list is in like one scene, Paris Berelc is a major character, and Bradley Perry has one line of dialogue. Is it because they couldn't get actors to be in this movie or work for this presumably cheap? I'm sorry Ray Liotta.
Body Bags
(1993 TV Movie)
What why
4 October 2020
Oof. This was brutal. It's not awful but there are certain expectations I have when names like John Carpenter and Tobe Hooper are attached. Carpenter has always had a thing for anthology horror. Whether it was his attempt to make Halloween an anthology or this seeming attempt to make a horror tv show. The problem here is, unfortunately, John Carpenter's shorts.
There are 3 total and Carpenter tackles 2 or them. At this point, his best work is behind him and Escape from LA was ahead. To call his shorts "horror" would be doing a disservice to his actual horror movies.
One follows a girl at a gas station who does nothing then gets chased around for no reason. The next is about a guy that wants hair, but the hair is alive. That's all these shorts amount too.
Tobe Hooper delivers a marginally better, if nonsensical, short called "eye". Mark Hamill is a baseball player who gets an eye transplant and, for some reason, starts acting like a serial killer. It hardly makes sense but I think the biggest issue between all 3 shorts is the ambition. They all bite off more then they could chew for such a small time window. There isn't enough time to develop any of these stories or characters and they come off clunky as a result.
The production is generally nice and the direction is typically solid, plus Carpenter is wonderful as the shell story morgue worker. Unfortunately, the shell story that is used to connect the shorts doesn't do a great job connecting anything. It's all so awkward and corny, even treading into unintentionally funny at times.
Hellraiser
(1987)
Yes please
31 August 2020
In terms of horror movies that came out around this time, Hellraiser is one of few that is genuinely compelling. Just in 1987 alone you got the 3rd Nightmare on Elm Street movie, House 2, and Friday the 13th 7. That's not to say those movies are bad or anything, but they are sequels in a time where sequels and slashers reigned. Instead of going this route the film veers far in another direction. A sexual, allegorical direction. Which I found quite intriguing.
It's not the most unique horror flick out there but it does a lot right. There's a ton of great ideas that do wonders for this. Pinhead is an awesome horror "villain", even if the story isn't about him. The hyper sexual nature of this is at the forefront. Which seems to be a reflection on abuse or being promiscuous. I'll have to see it again in order to get a good grasp on it.
But the fact that I want to see this again at all is saying something. These 80s horror movies are usually unwatchable outside of 1 viewing. However, there is plenty tying this down. Outside of a strong leading performance, the other actors are kinda bad. The young girl is particularly brutal. There's also a vibe of cheapness. The sets are a little bland and there's incredibly obvious ADR.
Speaking if issues, I think the main character needed work. The film does a pretty bad job of making me care about her. She's cheating on her good husband, she murders people, and is just generally unlikable. That would be fine if there was more to anyone else. Yet, there isn't. The young girl sucks, her love interest sucks, and the good guy husband sucks.
That said, the effects work does wonders for the production value. It's fantastic. Almost every effect in this effects heavy movie is perfect. Goopy and nasty looking, it still holds up. Couple that with a compelling story and neat ideas and this works pretty well. It's like The Thing meets From Beyond.
Spree
(2020)
The Joe Kerry show
25 August 2020
This is like watching Joker again, but instead of trying to be a stand up comic, Kurt wants to a famous live streamer. The premise is deceptively simple for what it is. An "uber" type driver uses his car patrons as a means to an end. Their end. The entire runtime is dedicated to this psychopath killing people in increasingly wild ways.
He is the definition of anything for views. While 99% of us aren't going to resort to killing someone for fame, it finds a relatable niche somehow. We open on horrifically awkward YouTube videos of this sociopathic guy riding popular trends in the hopes of catching that white whale in the form of relevance. It really takes the expression, "I'd kill for that position." And runs with it.
Now you may be wondering why I enjoyed this and not Unhinged which has similarly bleak outlook on the current social climate. The biggest reason is that, outside of Kurt, the film makers have moments of levity poking fun at this crazy idea. While Unhinged seems to revel in its own misery. It's about miserable people doing miserable things with no upside.
Another big plus for this is Joe Kerry. Who carries this film. He plays this inept, trend chasing, fame hungry, psychotic, megalomaniac perfectly. Does that sound like a miserable person? Yes it does. So why does he work as a main character? Well, there's two reasons for that.
Reason 1 is that he mostly is a representation of an idea rather then a character. This idea is painfully obvious, to the point of annoyance near the end, but it serves it's purpose. Which is to highlight the current clout chasing, inauthentic psychos that are clamoring for attention. Setting it in LA also does a lot for my suspension of disbelief in this case.
Reason 2 is the real sadness to be felt watching this man scramble for notoriety. It really is pathetic, but it's clear he just doesn't know any better. He's a sociopath hell bent on going viral and no one tells him how unimportant he, and his pursuit is. It's a deeply saddening thing to see.
But that's why I say the film finds a relatable niche. There's a lot of people just like him. People who suck up to others with "higher numbers" or outright commit crimes for the press are growing increasingly common. It's a horrifying thing to think about even when the film is being insanely goofy.
However, this isn't the best example of this, nor is it particularly unique. We've seen this type of gimmicky film before and this doesn't add a whole lot to it outside of Joe Kerry and it's social media message. The message is excellently handled until right at the end. Where a guy is literally killed by a phone, followed by on the nose reddit articles surrounding the films events. The side characters too are painfully one note and over the top. I definitely enjoyed parts of it but it's a little too obvious for its own good.
He is the definition of anything for views. While 99% of us aren't going to resort to killing someone for fame, it finds a relatable niche somehow. We open on horrifically awkward YouTube videos of this sociopathic guy riding popular trends in the hopes of catching that white whale in the form of relevance. It really takes the expression, "I'd kill for that position." And runs with it.
Now you may be wondering why I enjoyed this and not Unhinged which has similarly bleak outlook on the current social climate. The biggest reason is that, outside of Kurt, the film makers have moments of levity poking fun at this crazy idea. While Unhinged seems to revel in its own misery. It's about miserable people doing miserable things with no upside.
Another big plus for this is Joe Kerry. Who carries this film. He plays this inept, trend chasing, fame hungry, psychotic, megalomaniac perfectly. Does that sound like a miserable person? Yes it does. So why does he work as a main character? Well, there's two reasons for that.
Reason 1 is that he mostly is a representation of an idea rather then a character. This idea is painfully obvious, to the point of annoyance near the end, but it serves it's purpose. Which is to highlight the current clout chasing, inauthentic psychos that are clamoring for attention. Setting it in LA also does a lot for my suspension of disbelief in this case.
Reason 2 is the real sadness to be felt watching this man scramble for notoriety. It really is pathetic, but it's clear he just doesn't know any better. He's a sociopath hell bent on going viral and no one tells him how unimportant he, and his pursuit is. It's a deeply saddening thing to see.
But that's why I say the film finds a relatable niche. There's a lot of people just like him. People who suck up to others with "higher numbers" or outright commit crimes for the press are growing increasingly common. It's a horrifying thing to think about even when the film is being insanely goofy.
However, this isn't the best example of this, nor is it particularly unique. We've seen this type of gimmicky film before and this doesn't add a whole lot to it outside of Joe Kerry and it's social media message. The message is excellently handled until right at the end. Where a guy is literally killed by a phone, followed by on the nose reddit articles surrounding the films events. The side characters too are painfully one note and over the top. I definitely enjoyed parts of it but it's a little too obvious for its own good.
Chemical Hearts
(2020)
Hopeless romantic or just hopeless?
24 August 2020
I don't know why I watched this. I'm not really into straight up romance films. They tend to have an abundant familiarity across the genre. This one is no different. At times the romantic elements are well handled and mature, but most are sloppy.
The script specifically needs a few more drafts. The first act is especially brutal. Using all the cheap tricks, plot devices, and clichés in the book. The film opens with narration that lazily explains the main character, there's montages showing the good times in their relationship, and there's an incredibly obvious allegory involving brokenness and mending. The whole script feels like a series of plot points that are haphazardly stitched together.
It's all fairly surface level stuff that isn't elevated by anything else being great. The performances are fine, the cinematography is fine, and the characters are fine. In a romance such as this, characters take center stage. And here, I didn't quite connect with them.
One is a mildly pretentious school newspaper editor, who looks plucked straight from whoville. He is quiet, artsy, and a hopeless romantic. Which is what he's described as in the films synopsis. If that's how you are going to describe your high school aged main character, just start over. That personality just isn't compelling. Relatable? Sure, but there's a reason literally everyone on earth (that isn't a teenager) dislikes teenagers.
This is also something addressed at nauseam here. The life of a teenager! Except it's told through a distinctly adult lens. There's lots of lofty dialogue, attempting to give this a greater sense of importance. When in actuality, it feels high on its own supply. This film goes out of it's way to have existential conversations between characters that don't each other very well. Which reads as artifical.
It all comes off as clunky or melodramatic. This seems to be the point but I guess I don't connect with it. The girl, Grace, is moderately more interesting. She has a dark, albeit obvious, past that our main character slowly unravels as the film goes on. An intriguing idea on its own but the biggest problem here is that you don't buy their relationship. The way the film shows them getting together is all told through montages. It's like watching two people that like each other slowly realize that they both like each other. Then, in the blink of an eye, the are suddenly together. Again, clunky is a good word for it.
Despite all of this, this isn't a bad watch. While it may land some topics in a satisfying way, the majority of it feels undercooked. It isn't anything special so the few glimpses of fresh ideas are an oasis amidst a desert. Will this desert kill you off? No, but it will more then likely bore you. There's nothing in this that hasn't been done before and the inflated sense of importance doesn't help. It may look nice and feel okay, but it does little outside of that.
The script specifically needs a few more drafts. The first act is especially brutal. Using all the cheap tricks, plot devices, and clichés in the book. The film opens with narration that lazily explains the main character, there's montages showing the good times in their relationship, and there's an incredibly obvious allegory involving brokenness and mending. The whole script feels like a series of plot points that are haphazardly stitched together.
It's all fairly surface level stuff that isn't elevated by anything else being great. The performances are fine, the cinematography is fine, and the characters are fine. In a romance such as this, characters take center stage. And here, I didn't quite connect with them.
One is a mildly pretentious school newspaper editor, who looks plucked straight from whoville. He is quiet, artsy, and a hopeless romantic. Which is what he's described as in the films synopsis. If that's how you are going to describe your high school aged main character, just start over. That personality just isn't compelling. Relatable? Sure, but there's a reason literally everyone on earth (that isn't a teenager) dislikes teenagers.
This is also something addressed at nauseam here. The life of a teenager! Except it's told through a distinctly adult lens. There's lots of lofty dialogue, attempting to give this a greater sense of importance. When in actuality, it feels high on its own supply. This film goes out of it's way to have existential conversations between characters that don't each other very well. Which reads as artifical.
It all comes off as clunky or melodramatic. This seems to be the point but I guess I don't connect with it. The girl, Grace, is moderately more interesting. She has a dark, albeit obvious, past that our main character slowly unravels as the film goes on. An intriguing idea on its own but the biggest problem here is that you don't buy their relationship. The way the film shows them getting together is all told through montages. It's like watching two people that like each other slowly realize that they both like each other. Then, in the blink of an eye, the are suddenly together. Again, clunky is a good word for it.
Despite all of this, this isn't a bad watch. While it may land some topics in a satisfying way, the majority of it feels undercooked. It isn't anything special so the few glimpses of fresh ideas are an oasis amidst a desert. Will this desert kill you off? No, but it will more then likely bore you. There's nothing in this that hasn't been done before and the inflated sense of importance doesn't help. It may look nice and feel okay, but it does little outside of that.
Yes, God, Yes
(2019)
Boilerplate
22 August 2020
On the fence with this one. The film is about a young girl having her sexual awakening while being told by catholics that its a bad thing. Saying that this is reminiscent of other work would be an understatement. There's a lot to it that feels ripped from films like Lady Bird or Miseducation of Cameron Post. The main story not only reminds me other films but the coming of age story at its heart just wasn't that interesting
Which I think boils down to the main character being horribly bland. Her whole purpose is to wander in between scenes and see things. She's an incredibly passive character that probably has less lines then most of the other characters. If the film needs her to see something hypocritical happening they wander her over to observe it. Then people get mad at her and we repeat this cycle over and over again.
The film doesn't even reach 90 minutes and it still feels long. There's whole plot lines they have running through the film that we don't get to see the start of. Which means we have no idea what's going on. The whole lead up to the characters going on this catholic youth retreat is so tedious. And it's constantly rehashing the same material.
I get it, God doesn't like people being sexual but the people preaching it are doing the opposite of what they teach. Haven't seen this before. It's all incredibly lame or boiler plate. At times so little was going on I would zone out and snap back having missed nothing. No one is particularly likeable (expect biker lady, who is introduced way too late), it's not that insightful on any issue, and everything it does a good job with I've seen done better elsewhere.
Which I think boils down to the main character being horribly bland. Her whole purpose is to wander in between scenes and see things. She's an incredibly passive character that probably has less lines then most of the other characters. If the film needs her to see something hypocritical happening they wander her over to observe it. Then people get mad at her and we repeat this cycle over and over again.
The film doesn't even reach 90 minutes and it still feels long. There's whole plot lines they have running through the film that we don't get to see the start of. Which means we have no idea what's going on. The whole lead up to the characters going on this catholic youth retreat is so tedious. And it's constantly rehashing the same material.
I get it, God doesn't like people being sexual but the people preaching it are doing the opposite of what they teach. Haven't seen this before. It's all incredibly lame or boiler plate. At times so little was going on I would zone out and snap back having missed nothing. No one is particularly likeable (expect biker lady, who is introduced way too late), it's not that insightful on any issue, and everything it does a good job with I've seen done better elsewhere.
Halloween
(I) (2018)
Good when it isn't annoying
21 August 2020
Rewatch #3
Ok, so I forgot how annoying these characters are. I still liked Jamie Lee Curtis but, dam, everyone else is SO obnoxious. That stupid fat kid, the over the top father, and especially "the new loomis". He's the worst.
Everything about him is either rehashed or plain bad. The scene when he puts on the mask is specifically terrible. In fact, I hated that plot device so much it ruined a fair portion of this. He is exclusively used as a plot device and boy is it bad.
Again, Jamie is good though. I liked her dynamic with her family. I liked her performance. She's almost the villain of the film, even replicating some iconic Michael moments. Everyone aside from her and her family are mainly tools for michael to play with. There's Podcasters that accomplish nothing, a kid and his dad, and a variety of teens that exist in one scene so they can die.
That said, this is quite gruesome. Michael is once again pure evil. Slaughtering everyone in his path. There's that great one take shot following him around killing people. It's fully open to showing excessive violence and that was great. Love when an R rated horror movie really goes for it like this.
I also loved the atmosphere of it. When it isn't annoying it feels close to the original in tone. Slow and methodical, building a creeping tone that I liked. Sure it retreads virtually the same story a number of the others do but after Resurrection and the Rob Zombie movies I'm fine with it going back to basics. It's like watching a more expensive and gory Halloween 4. Plus the music rules.
Everything about him is either rehashed or plain bad. The scene when he puts on the mask is specifically terrible. In fact, I hated that plot device so much it ruined a fair portion of this. He is exclusively used as a plot device and boy is it bad.
Again, Jamie is good though. I liked her dynamic with her family. I liked her performance. She's almost the villain of the film, even replicating some iconic Michael moments. Everyone aside from her and her family are mainly tools for michael to play with. There's Podcasters that accomplish nothing, a kid and his dad, and a variety of teens that exist in one scene so they can die.
That said, this is quite gruesome. Michael is once again pure evil. Slaughtering everyone in his path. There's that great one take shot following him around killing people. It's fully open to showing excessive violence and that was great. Love when an R rated horror movie really goes for it like this.
I also loved the atmosphere of it. When it isn't annoying it feels close to the original in tone. Slow and methodical, building a creeping tone that I liked. Sure it retreads virtually the same story a number of the others do but after Resurrection and the Rob Zombie movies I'm fine with it going back to basics. It's like watching a more expensive and gory Halloween 4. Plus the music rules.
Halloween: Resurrection
(2002)
No
21 August 2020
Note to self: Never title or subtitle a movie with the word Resurrection. Doing so dooms the production to failure. Alien: Resurrection is definitely the worst Alien movie and Halloween: Resurrection is by far the worst Halloween movie. Straight from the jump this is nothing short of embarrassing.
Not only is Michael Myers back after being decapitated but Jamie Lee Curtis is back as well. Both are introduced in the first scene and Jamie is dispatched shortly after, in possibly the most anticlimactic kill in the series. What's worse is the way they explain away Michael Myers decapitation. Apparently he had the quick wit to chsnge clothes with a paramedic that was inexplicably around, and then left for no reason.
Really an awful opening scene meant solely to tie up a few lose ends. Then the rest of the film starts, and it's equally terrible if not worse. For one the film looks like garbage. It's shot horribly, it's lit horribly, and any visual effects suck.
Not to mention the atrocious acting. Or the incredibly stupid reality tv story. Which is kicked off by the main character screaming. That's what gets her a tv job. A light gets knocked over and she screams. What an awful story catalyst.
It's also inexcusably lame. Early 2000s were loathsome at best. Disgusting fashion, obnoxious music, terrible speed ramping, and ugly ugly production design. Simply, this movie should not have been made. Why even think about writing a screen were michael uses a camera to a guy? Why cast Busta Rhymes and Tyra Banks in a Halloween movie ever? Don't see this.
Not only is Michael Myers back after being decapitated but Jamie Lee Curtis is back as well. Both are introduced in the first scene and Jamie is dispatched shortly after, in possibly the most anticlimactic kill in the series. What's worse is the way they explain away Michael Myers decapitation. Apparently he had the quick wit to chsnge clothes with a paramedic that was inexplicably around, and then left for no reason.
Really an awful opening scene meant solely to tie up a few lose ends. Then the rest of the film starts, and it's equally terrible if not worse. For one the film looks like garbage. It's shot horribly, it's lit horribly, and any visual effects suck.
Not to mention the atrocious acting. Or the incredibly stupid reality tv story. Which is kicked off by the main character screaming. That's what gets her a tv job. A light gets knocked over and she screams. What an awful story catalyst.
It's also inexcusably lame. Early 2000s were loathsome at best. Disgusting fashion, obnoxious music, terrible speed ramping, and ugly ugly production design. Simply, this movie should not have been made. Why even think about writing a screen were michael uses a camera to a guy? Why cast Busta Rhymes and Tyra Banks in a Halloween movie ever? Don't see this.
Enjoyable enough
20 August 2020
Couldn't hate on this one. Does it drop most of it's painstakingly set up characters at the end? Yes. Does it have an incredibly silly looking Myers? Yes it does. But is it competent? More so then most of the last Halloween films.
This is the first time in the series where Jamie Lee Curtis was brought back and I liked her a lot in this. She plays a tortured, PTSD prone, head mistress of a secluded private school. She hasn't moved on after 20 years of being free from Michael. She sees him everywhere and is constantly paranoid. That's the best stuff in this. I like that idea much more then the 2018 version of her.
Somehow it rings more honest to me. She also has a child now, who is an unfortunately bad Josh Hartnett. Jamie gives a great performance and totally carries this film. Like I said, it's competent but that's about it. Without her it would be an intolerably slow, fake out heavy slasher movie.
Nothing really stands out. It's sole goal seems to be simply getting to the end with as little hiccups as possible. The story is played incredibly safe, likeable characters are kept alive, and there is little to the story outside of Michael coming back to kill Laurie Strode...again. The film is retreading the same terrain that Halloween did.
The difference is the original is good. False scares do not establish an intoxicating atmosphere the way subtlety does in the original. That one takes it's time establishing the story, the characters, and the atmosphere. This one I think does a great job setting up compelling characters and then does nothing with them.
Lauries son wants to distance himself from his "crazy" mom. So his arch should be learning to trust her judgment, but he just drives out of the film before the 3rd act. I was satisfied with Lauries arch overall but she's the only one done this favor. Everyone else are tools to be used by the script.
While the film isn't bad, it isn't good either. It struggles to build to a satisfactory conclusion as it clocks in under 90 minutes. Giving the filmmakers very little wiggle room for character dynamics. The story may be a retread, but at least Jamie Lee Curtis is fully committed to it once again. Her and her character are the best parts of this film and it isn't close.
This is the first time in the series where Jamie Lee Curtis was brought back and I liked her a lot in this. She plays a tortured, PTSD prone, head mistress of a secluded private school. She hasn't moved on after 20 years of being free from Michael. She sees him everywhere and is constantly paranoid. That's the best stuff in this. I like that idea much more then the 2018 version of her.
Somehow it rings more honest to me. She also has a child now, who is an unfortunately bad Josh Hartnett. Jamie gives a great performance and totally carries this film. Like I said, it's competent but that's about it. Without her it would be an intolerably slow, fake out heavy slasher movie.
Nothing really stands out. It's sole goal seems to be simply getting to the end with as little hiccups as possible. The story is played incredibly safe, likeable characters are kept alive, and there is little to the story outside of Michael coming back to kill Laurie Strode...again. The film is retreading the same terrain that Halloween did.
The difference is the original is good. False scares do not establish an intoxicating atmosphere the way subtlety does in the original. That one takes it's time establishing the story, the characters, and the atmosphere. This one I think does a great job setting up compelling characters and then does nothing with them.
Lauries son wants to distance himself from his "crazy" mom. So his arch should be learning to trust her judgment, but he just drives out of the film before the 3rd act. I was satisfied with Lauries arch overall but she's the only one done this favor. Everyone else are tools to be used by the script.
While the film isn't bad, it isn't good either. It struggles to build to a satisfactory conclusion as it clocks in under 90 minutes. Giving the filmmakers very little wiggle room for character dynamics. The story may be a retread, but at least Jamie Lee Curtis is fully committed to it once again. Her and her character are the best parts of this film and it isn't close.
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