ben-798-604758 Reviews

Z Nation (2014–2018)

Shameless Zombie Porn

[8/10 · 22 January 2015]

So i think from the moment they started out the writers for Z nation knew they weren't going to compete with the walking dead. They were the new kid on the block and to make another gritty apocalypse show, well they just weren't going to win in terms of plot or character development. So they focused on adding just the most awesome ridiculous sh*t you could ever expect to hope from a zombie show, and they won their niche that way. Overall this is a B show that knows its a B show and embraces it wholly. And it does pretty well for that. In fact, this show has done so many firsts for zombie film while still in its first season that it actually redeems itself in that aspect. They were the first to do baby zombies, bear zombies, zombie tornados, zombie groundhog day, crack zombies, zombies with boners, getting stoned with zombies, radioactive glowing zombies, zombie mind control, and i'm sure i'm missing some other ones but the endless source of outrageous zombie situations is definitely a bit more entertaining then constantly killing generic stock zombies episode after episode. I wasn't hooked after the first few episodes, but it grows on you. Just as long as you don't expect it to be all serious and realistic.

Galavant (2015–2016)

Just Awful

[2/10 · 19 January 2015]

This show might actually be good if it wasn't for the musical parts. which are 90% of it. It has a few good jokes, packaged between some painful to watch musical numbers which drag on and are frankly just annoying as hell. Literally everything good about the show was displayed in the commercial. You can watch the commercial itself and not miss any of the good parts.

I don't know what else to say. All the saccharine Disney-esque stuff has me groaning. They could literally fit the plot of an entire episode into 2 minutes if it wasn't for the singing. I can't watch a single episode without fast forwarding through most of it because it just drags on and on and on.

Enter the Void (2009)

A Jarring Mind Trip, A Film Unlike Any Other

[10/10 · 19 January 2015]

So going into this film, i didn't really know much about what i was in for. The commercial was very vague about the plot, all it said was that it was something to do with the afterlife and now afterwards i see why. This movie is shocking, hallucinogenic, and metaphysical, and it will leave you feeling as though you actually died watching it, a similar feeling to watching the matrix for the first time and thinking you're stuck in the matrix. It questions the very nature of human experience, consciousness, life and death and does it in this traumatizing, very personal way. The entire film is shot from first person, some through the eyes of the main character, some as an out of body experience, and some--well, its probably best not to say so you can see for yourself. And the visual effects are spectacular, using a style of cinematography i've never actually seen before... somewhat like the infinite zoom from limitless. I was smoking weed while watching this film but it made me feel like i was on a whole other drug entirely.

EPILEPTICS BEWARE!!!!!! This movie does have a lot of strobing light, and it does it to induce a drug like state. Make sure you're in a comfortable spot, because it is one hell of a trip. And don't watch this movie on acid. Not for the faint of heart, especially if you can't handle "french" level nudity

Rapture-Palooza (2013)

Seriously Underrated, Funny.

[10/10 · 15 January 2015]

OK so i honestly wouldn't have given this movie a 10 if it wasn't for all the low rating and the reviews bashing it. Probably an 8. But it was hilarious and entertaining the entire way through and parodies the bible in a way no other movie has yet. Part of the humor is how mundane or annoying it makes things that were supposed to be terrifying and apocalyptic. And i get the christians freaking out about how this film is sacrilegious or something, but the rest of you, i mean come on! Do you guys not have a sense of humor? I mean that scene at the end just makes it worth it. I don't want to spoil it but they have a pretty funny depiction of our lord and savior which makes for some pretty hilarious dialogue. And the ending is entirely unexpected and ridiculous, which they point out, is about as ridiculous and nonsensical as the rest of the book of revelations. You can tell rob coddry was involved in the writing cause its got some children's hospital style parody, and a lot of the same cast, only with a bit more intelligent characters. The attitude of the film is basically, well this entire situation sucks and both god and the devil are dicks. which is sort of my view anyway.

"blood??? its raining blood? thats not disgusting. what the f*ck is the point of that? there's no point!"

...right though?

Agent Carter (2015–2016)

Mediocre girl power circle jerk

[15 January 2015]

Overall i didn't exactly like the captain America films. And i'd probably say i liked this the same amount if it wasn't for the fact that this series is pretty big on the feminist propaganda. I mean it really lays it on thick with the whole "all men of the 50s are pathetic misogynist pigs" stereotype. So much so that about 90% the men in the show are portrayed are as much of caricatures as the intentionally ridiculous Hitler / captain America radio show which ironically shows caricatures of misogynist men from the 50s portraying caricatures of weak helpless women and nazi scum. And i mean its one thing for them to make fun of it danger 5 style but its more than just borderline hypocrisy with the way they portray the entire male police force as lacking in any redeemable qualities.

And they portray peggy as kicking ass right and left and leaving her incompetent pig headed male colleagues in the dust who don't take her seriously and the only one who does is a feminized cripple. It seems like the intended effect was to make men as a whole look week rather than just make peggy look strong and she doesn't exactly have any competition at her level, which doesn't make for a lot of engaging conflict. And i get the whole girl power thing, but they made black widow a kick ass role model without turning the men around her into bumbling idiots so they could just as well do the same with peggy.

Anyway the effects are alright for a mini series, and the rest of the movie feels very catch me if you can with a hint of noir. Its definitely got a stylization to it but its not the most original yet. Half engaging, a bit entertaining like something you would watch while you draw or something but not something i would rush to see. I think the dude with the voice box was a cool villain and i wish i could have seen more but they should definitely add more powers and stuff because it doesn't feel entirely marvel-esque. I think they should have tried to make it more than just your run of the mill 50s spy movie but thats just me.

Danger 5 (2011–2015)

Absurd 70s Camp

[12 January 2015]

The ridiculousness of this show is on a whole other level. This show looks and feels as though it was shot in the 70s. There's nazi dinosaurs, power ranger style mech robots, corrupt police dogs, mind control crystals and the lost city of atlantis. At one point they shoot someone through the telephone. All of the special effects are done with dolls or miniatures and make to look as intentionally corny as possible. The entire premise of the show revolves around killing Hitler, something they fail to do constantly and make mediocre accomplishments, usually foiling hitlers current hare brained plans while he escapes unscathed to plot again.

The humor in this show centers not so much around punchlines or jokes but the sheer absurdity of what is going on. At one point Hitler goes into hiding in a high school and danger 5 has to go undercover, 21 jump street style. Somehow every character who dies lives conveniently long enough to describe their perfect drink to the bartender dude in detail so he can make it to honor their memory. Ilsa speaks exclusively in Russian which makes no difference to the fact that everyone seems to understand her and respond in English as if she was speaking the same language. And every episode ends in one of those bond-esque cocktail parties, until the episode when they start doing cocaine and then its basically a cracked out version of their usual cocktail parties. Everything is so, like, groovy man.

Edge of Tomorrow (2014)

The Best Tom Cruise Movie In a LOOOOONG Time

[10/10 · 2 January 2015]

I'm not really a big Tom Cruise fan. Haven't been since the first mission impossible. I think he's generally pretty mediocre. However this film is freaking great. Its the only film i know with the plot structure it has and its probably his greatest character growth yet, and it also fits the impossibly perfect sci-fi action that you see on blockbusters as of yet into a realistic scenario. This isn't the world where the action hero just conveniently missed that hurtling bit of debris from the nearby explosion because it was convenient to the plot. This is the world where he got hit in the face with that debris the last time around and woke up the morning before and knew to dodge that piece of debris the next time around. Its a really cool concept that they really pushed the limits of the sci fi action with and artistically it makes a great watch especially with those freaky aliens, the "mimics" which are definitely in my top 10 most creative and disturbing aliens, probably one of the most badass ones yet. Just the way that they fight and some of the choreography is so well envisioned, the FX department really did a good job on this one.

In terms of character development it also does nicely. Major Cage is not even a good guy in the beginning, he's a total douche who pretty much bought his way into the position, and he's a giant coward. He's pretty much thrown under the bus by the military folk cause they see him for what he is and its only by sheer luck he gets caught in a time loop, but over the course of a film his fellow soldiers go from having him pegged as a spineless deserter to just reciting misinformed predictable assumptions about a completely different man then the man they expected. I think it subtly makes a good point about peoples reactions to someone they've never met, they don't stop treating him like the person he was even when he becomes that person, whether or not he's a hero was never something they could read on his face and it wasn't something anyone was ever going to know about him so it was more about an internal sense of fulfillment than recognition. Also stopping the alien apocalypse.

Anyway, i give it a 10/10, i might've pushed more towards a 9.5 but i'm rounding up because of the fantastic concept and great execution.

The Almighty Johnsons (2011–2013)

More Sitcom Than Superhero

[7/10 · 21 December 2014]

This show gets by with minimal special effects and has a lot more of a sitcom kind of vibe, only without the laugh track and its actually watchable. The show is about a dude who finds out he's the reincarnation of odin by being dragged out to a forest by his brothers, but the god powers come second to the situational comedy and dialogue. In the end its basically a show about a dude trying to get laid, only complicated by the fact that he has to get laid by a specific girl, the reincarnation of frig, or he and every other one of the gods will die. Of course some of the other gods have other priorities and play mindgames trying to meddle with his affairs, and there's the whole thing about adapting to human life and trying to stay under the radar with their powers, combined with the fact that some of the gods are arrogant and think they should be just ruling the puny humans, its all quite a bit of fun. Some of it is almost like a retelling of classic myths in a modern setting, like there's the point where Sjofn makes a bet to Uul that she can get anyone laid, even the most hopelessly unattractive so she gets Odins roommate laid by the goddess fulla who gets like full on over the top embarrassingly freaky with him and that convinces Uul to finally sleep with her and make a power alliance against Loki. Its a nice mix of light comedy and drama and it does well enough without a bunch of fancy special effects. Not that i'd be complaining if there were more.

Sin City: A Dame to Kill For (2014)

Cheap Brand Exploitation

[4/10 · 8 December 2014]

This film is proof that Hollywood execs will try to squeeze every last drop of marketing potential from any brand, and beat a dead horse till its more puddle than horse. Don't get me wrong, sin city was a cinematic masterpiece. But this is badly written, badly shot and badly acted. It seems like it was given a high budget initially, scrapped and rewritten. and then given a tenth of the budget and a thousand revisions. You can tell there was some talented artists working on this, right along some godawful artists who shouldn't even have jobs. For instance, the colorist who worked on this needs a raise, and the compositor needs to be fired. There are a lot of really cool gritty shots, where you can see all the detail in these worn, wrinkly faces and the detail in the brick and its almost tone mapped, and then you have these terrible green screen jobs that look like they were done in the 40s or something and not in a good way. the whole color isolation thing they borrowed from the first one was at best distracting and at worst downright confusing. there was these scene where they had twins, one was vibrant and yellow and one was straight black and white. no reason, no point, and she didn't really even do much. the lips, the eyes, the whole effect is done without the slightest bit of subtlety or thought, clearly on a whim. And there's some cool comic book style effects, thrown in with some winceably bad parts that bring the cheese factor up to 11.

And don't even get me started on the story. There's a mixmatch of 3 different plot lines linked over by only a single character, there's 3 different protagonists and 4 different narrators and weird fantasy sequences that are then referenced as actual events that happened, but THE DUDE CAME OUT OF THE WALL MAN. And then the real version of the dude that wasn't in her head reminded her of the same shît that imaginary him said? And he somehow sees the imaginary version of the main character from the first film? And what did any of that have to do with the crazy manipulative rich chick from act 1? Or was that act 2? act 4? Its more like a bunch of short stories than it is a movie. And with how hard they try to tie them together, its a bit awkward.

Gotham (2014–2019)

Not A Very Stand Out Show, But One Very Stand Out Performance

[8/10 · 7 October 2014]

So far the show itself is somewhat mediocre. It does do a good job of showing the bleakness of a world run entirely by mob rule and dirty cops. The mafia aspects of the show are entertaining, but they mostly revolve around non-central characters with characters like Jim Gordon, young Bruce Wayne and scumbag Harvey dent who aren't really all that interesting. Its interesting to see a take on Harvey dent where he's more of a scumbag then a white knight, as he was portrayed at first in the dark knight, but his cynical nihilist persona has about zero chemistry with Jim Gordon's do-gooder attitude, which honestly, is just SO BORING. there's no endearing or personal qualities to Jim, he's like a cookie cutter one dimensional cop. They need to delve deeper into the character development cause he feels less like a character and more like an archetype. There was one amazing stand out performance though of the young Penguin, who's acting has been downright brilliant. He's erratic, impulsive, and gleefully sadistic, while at the same time twistedly calculative, and there's a certain enjoyment to watching an ambitious young sociopath become a criminal mastermind. In the first episode you see him fall from grace as a loyal lapdog, become marked for death and watch him slowly work his way back up the criminal food chain with a certain, oh, how shall i put this... "seriously fuçked up exuberance". I never really liked the penguin. I love this penguin. If Robin Lord Taylor keeps up this stellar performance, he should probably win a couple awards. He's what singlehandedly brings this show out of the usual CW mediocrity.

But can we talk about Jim's boo piece Barbara? Talk about a hot slice of supermodel!! I mean seriously, they're not even subtle about it, you can tell the producers were like, lets capitalize on that batman craze with a spin off, but lets make it a cop procedural for mass appeal, oh, and lets throw a Victoria's secret model love interest in there so we bag all the horny teenager demographic. She's really not doing that great a job with her acting, but who would expect her to with those legs? Just as long as there's more shots of her laying in bed in just a t shirt no one cares.

Eureka (2006–2012)

Amusing

[7/10 · 21 September 2014]

Eureka is a somewhat unremarkable but entertaining show. The carbohydrates of television. The premise unique, but its not especially spectacular in its execution and their format is more episodic, though on occasion it does develop a deeper plot line and overall story arc, but the main focus is on weekly episodes with their "gadget of the week gone wrong" formula. But nonetheless they've got their own style, chemistry among the cast, and an entertaining amount of jokes and sticky situations, and they're pretty creative about the technology, which is the main focus of their show, and it does keep it interesting enough for some light viewing. As far as the science goes, they seem to understand the basics but its not like the show is made by actual scientists, its writers, a base level understanding is all they have, but luckily all they need to make some entertaining television. Its not a must view, but its a fun way to spend a weekend if you got nothing else. Its not even hit and miss either, the show has never shined but never really failed either, its always been in that middle ground for me the entire time it was running.

Beowulf (2007)

Bad CG, Butchered Story.

[4/10 · 10 August 2014]

A lot of things have been said about Beowulf that are entirely undeserved. Amazing, a masterpiece, the best movie of the year... Beowulf is none of these things.

When this movie came out, it was recommended to me that i avoid it, because it was not worth the money. I should have listened. They should have also explained, that it was not worth the time. Allow me to explain. I am aware that this film is entirely CG. It was made clear to me within seconds of it. The poorly textured skin, the bad motion capture, the poor fluid dynamics, everything about this film stuck out like a sore thumb. Perhaps i noticed more because visual effects is what i do for a living, but even with that, no other film i have EVER watched (and i am not exaggerating) has EVER given me a worse case of filmmakers sickness. Many movies i have watched where the CG is noticeable, but its never brought me out of the story to this extent where i can't even pay attention to anything else. And don't get me wrong, i was still about to excuse it, hoping i would look it up and find a 10 million dollar budget, or perhaps less. But no, this movie cost a whopping 130 million. All of which was pîssed carelessly down the drain.

The creators say it was a CG masterpiece. It was not. I've seen students that make better work for their first character design portfolio. They could have bothered to use normal maps or bump maps to create a more realistic skin textures, especially considering the amount of skin shown. They didn't. They supposedly used next gen motion capture. I was surprised to find they even used it at all. They could have done better with a decent animator and some blend shapes. With that kind of budget they should have used Realflow, with simulated fluid dynamics instead of the cheap wave displacements that don't even interact with the characters in the water. they didn't even use a Fresnel shader on the water, it was so freaking amateur. the only decent work was done in the design of Grendel and the sea monsters, and that was in imagination, rather than detail. None of the characters had life to them, the recoil of limbs, a sense of tissue, recoil, anticipation. The animators straight up didn't know the 12 basic principles of animation.

Lets remember, this is 2007. We can't bash something that was done 7 years ago can we? Yes, we can. The incredible hulk came out a year later with only 30 million more of a budget, and a hyper realism that put this movie to shame, like child's play. Assassins creed II came out just 2 years later with considerably MORE CG elements, 3 cities worth including a variety of landscapes and only a 30 million budget, less than a 4th of what this movie cost, and rendered it with a considerable amount of detail, reflections and depth of field IN REAL TIME that came close to what this movie accomplished with offline render farms, of a major studio. Just recently watchdogs was released, with a budget of 68 million and graphics that pretty much beat Beowulf to a pulp, also in real time. And lets remember, these are video games we are talking about. They have poly counts to worry about, and part of that budget went to programmers, and level designers, there is absolutely NO excuse why Beowulf should have created the garbage it did with the budget it had, and the 4 or so locations it even dealt with. What, you can't even hire a dynamics expert? You're really going to burst a frigging piece of wood into a mist of stock footage splinters rather than the more realistic approach, 3D prefracturing and hard body sims? I could do that with just 100$ and the action essentials pack and it still would look better. You're frigging kidding me here.

I could go on all day about the graphics, terrible blood hits, that weird gold coating Angelina Jolie--Angelina Jolie? Seriously?--but you know what, lets address what else is wrong with the film. For one, they completely ruined a classic short story. The dialog is so corny. The characters are all f*cked in the head, and they're not even good caricatures of scumbags, they're just plain unbelievable. And when i say unbelievable i mean those characters could not and would not exist under any circumstances and if they did exist and you put them into a room together they would not behave as such. One moment the dude is kicking his slave the next he is talking about honor and glory? Or the drunken king who's clothes basically fall off and then the next minute he's a fighter and a hero and then the next he's a poor man begging for help? I mean make up your mind goddåmn it. And the worst part is, in the story he's nothing like that. Beowulf doesn't f*ck Grendels mother either. And she's not pretty. And Grendel isn't a whiny little bîtch. And i'm not sure he even speaks. And there's this whole part they left out about ever hero trying and failing, and this epic battle as Grendel's mother drags Beowulf down under the lake that i was really hoping to see, instead the dude just basically jumped in the water and then hopped out in the underground cavern all Mario like, like he doesn't even need to grab ahold of something and pull himself out, he can just swim jump. Its f*cking stupid man. I hate you people. Next time the producers have millions of dollars to pîss away, give it to me. Or maybe flush it down the toilet. The toilet would find a better use for it.

Hustle (2004–2012)

Really good show

[9/10 · 30 July 2014]

I have to admit i have a certain bias towards con movies, i do enjoy them a lot but this one is very special. A lot of people compare it to leverage, but its much different, and it has its own feel to it. It can get much more dramatic, and the con men aren't robin hood type thieves, they are in it for themselves, and sometimes the people they care about, but mostly themselves. But they're also moralists and superstitious, the people they target are undeniably greedy and vile, and they always give them a way out, they prey on gluttony and ego, not innocence or conscience. And its all very good fun. Unfortunately one of the worst things about this show is they've changed the cast around so many times, Mickey Bricks was always the most likable besides Albert Stroller, and he left as leader to be replaced by DANNY. Friggin danny, man. Like he'd ever measure up. They're good characters but i don't think they play off each other quite as funny as the leverage team. The other aspect i don't like about this show is when they stop time to explain things to the camera, or the episode where they replaced the actual dialog that was presumed to have happen with a song and dance routine, and basically left out how they swayed the guy. I understand its all breaking the fourth wall but its very distracting. Other than those 2 points, this show is just plain awesome. The cons are plausible and updated for our time, the characters are likable and the twists are my favorite part.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000–2023)

One of the greatest shows of all time

[10/10 · 24 July 2014]

Aqua teen hunger force is an amazing comedy. Yes, this is true. But this is not the only reason they are the one of the greatest shows of all time. They were the first ever to do anything remotely like this. Their brand of offbeat, surreal comedy inspired much of the future programming that would become adult swims signature style. Its nonsensical, non canonical story lines and overly absurd characters to the point of parody (if only we could figure out what it was supposed to parody) earned it a cult following and many if not all of the "villains" are instantly memorable for their own individual quirks. Its without a doubt one of the greatest cartoons of all time, and it hasn't grown soft in its later years. 10 seasons in, and its still going strong. Thats probably because there is a practically infinite potential for their extremely absurdist format, a show that can feature a talking watermelon one episode and a closet to a narnia like fantasy land the next.

One of my favorite things about this show is how ultimately useless everyone in the entire show is. Everyone. Its really painted very well in "the last one" where the mooninites host whats basically a punch social for everyone who's ever mingled with the aqua teens, the cybernetic ghost of Christmas past from the future, the brownie monsters, major shake, MC P pants, etc. And you get to see how each of their weird personality traits clash amongst one another and they fail to come up with a single plan that isn't completely ridiculous or batshît crazy. And then there's the main characters, meatwad is stupid and overly trusting, master shake is stupid and narcissistic, and Frylock is the only smart one but no one even listens to him. And then there's their next door neighbor carl, who could practically have the entire show be based around him and it still be hilarious. He's the one all the crazy shît happens to, inconveniently, frequently and completely non-consensually. And he's balding foul mouth pervert who likes beer football and strippers and rock and roll. Episodes with a lot of Carl usually make for good episodes, like the recent episode "Robots Everywhere" where a group of terrible mannered hyperactive robots rent the aqua teens house while they're away and torment Carl with various nonsensical tests. Its hard not to think about that episode and laugh and i've seen it like 3 times. Carl is also home to various wisdoms and man-isms, such as "Friendship isn't about trust. Friendship is about nunchucks." and "Yeah we'll iron this out. Let me go get my iron. My tire iron. To iron out your face". The other main reason to watch this show is meatwad, the lovable but idiotic ball of meat that transforms into basically nothing useful ever. Its especially fun to see him on an ego trip, which ironically isn't out of character for his generally good natured and happy go lucky self. memorable lines include: "Look outside bitçh. I'm EVERYWHERE." and "BITÇH WHERE IS MY POPSICLE?"

Utopia (I) (2013–2014)

Really gripping, raw.

[8/10 · 24 July 2014]

This show is a real treat for the dark suspense lover. The tone is something quiet, eerie, and malicious, which is contrasted by the bright and vivid colors and somewhat surreal cinematography, which is both bold and deep, dark and vibrant. Its a universe filled with sociopaths, secrets, and well, everything is a bit twisted. I don't want to give anything away, but the premise of the show is some fans of a graphic novel meet on a website that draws them together for the first time in a bar, where they are expecting to get a sneak peek of the sequel, when they are sucked into a conspiracy surrounding the writer of the manuscript that endangers their lives and relentlessly pursues them. There's something really Ludlum-esque about it, as well adding some eerie subtle sci fi aspects that make it seem like at some point you might see gas masks and hallucinogens or some trippy mind bending sort of biochemical warfare. It captures a bit of the nuclear scare era aspects of horror films, bringing it into a modern setting with epigenetics and viral warfare. Fair warned, the seasons are very short, but it allows for a lot of fast paced movement and it lacks mindless filler which is nice. And the acting is unsettling, especially from pietre, or "arby", who really sells the role very well with his wide eyed gaze and heavy restrained breathing. He's a very special kind of crazy.

Dominion (2014–2015)

Good Show

[7/10 · 24 July 2014]

There's nothing immediately spectacular about Dominion that has me raving about it, but its entertaining, and has some very nice cinematography. There's a well developed world, and its unique to the premise, and the visuals are no doubt inspired in part by baroque and renaissance art. Its actually quite different from Legion, though it takes place around 2 decades after the events in the movie, it explores a lot more and humanizes the villains and their motivations. I actually like dominion more than the movie because it paints the "8 balls" as they've come to be called, as more than monsters.

Basically the premise is, the archangel Gabriel led the host of lower angels in a war against humanity, basically blaming them for god leaving, just like Lucifer did millennia before, and Michael was the only angel to stand against them and defend humanity, helping to found the city of Vega and protect them from the possessed humans, who basically destroy most of the world, minus a few well protected cities. His solution isn't perfect, and what was meant to be a temporary caste system ends up in a full blown economic segregation leaving the ultra rich living in luxury, with the poor and abandoned living in squalor beneath. Over the years word has spread about a "chosen one" who will save mankind and end the war, with some believers, and some believing it is nothing more than a fantasy. Enter the main character, who grows up a penniless orphan, enlisting in the military just to have something to eat, who finds out he is the child they had spoken of. And then there's the higher ranks of angels who don't have black eyes, and sometimes bear wings, who up until that point hadn't been forced to pick a side.

There's definitely some movie clichés in there, but they play out in a way thats somewhat new and interesting, and touch on some topics that haven't been covered. One of the things that i like about this series is the main antagonist is a part of the ruling bureaucracy, and despite being your cliché diabolical politician, everyone basically sees through his bullshit already and tells him to cut the crap whenever he starts spouting off some lies or blackmail. Its a nice change of pace to see characters who aren't stupid and overly trusting. On the other hand, i wish there was a bit more skewed logic behind gabriel's assertion "its humanities fault god left". You'd expect a bit more from a once near omniscient being thats thousands of years old. Maybe some overly complex overthought justification, nothing near that simple and small minded. At any rate i think the directors can take some hints from the show supernatural, which at some points bears a similar premise, because they've got the angel mindset down to a science already. But its nice to see they're taking it in a different direction, and i'd be curious to see if Gabriel has any plans to release Lucifer from the pit to fight along side him. It'd certainly be in his favor.

All in all, its pretty good. The cinematography is probably the best part about this show, its very deep, saturated, elegant and classical. The opening titles especially reflect the theme, that this show might be something you'd see through the frame of a renaissance painting, rather than something of the modern age.

Warehouse 13 (2009–2014)

Not Even Trying Anymore

[15 May 2014]

A show like warehouse 13 isn't really common, and when i say not common i mean rarely does a show with such mediocre story lines, ridiculously convenient plot twists, and absurd lore actually still manage to be entertaining. Its a show that stays afloat solely on the likability of the characters, which is the main selling point of the entire series.

When i say this show is not even trying, i mean literally not even trying. Some random villain from history comes through a portal in time and sets someone on fire with, oh i don't know, the sweater of the guy who invented match sticks, and they randomly just have the ice pick used in some polar expedition to magically put out the flames. Thats basically an unexaggerated example of the plot for a single episode, and it wouldn't even be watchable if it wasn't for Pete's wisecracks, Artie's temper tantrums or Claudia just being, whats the best way to put this... Rad. Yes, this is a show that takes nothing seriously, which is sad when it results in watered down haphazard story lines, but pretty entertaining otherwise.

The premise of the show is basically, certain people, (mostly famous historical figures, conveniently) can feel things so strongly they imbue objects with the properties of whatever it is they're passionate about / mad about / sad about / etc. The writers take this with certain liberties, and by certain liberties i mean randomly name dropping some famous person, making up an object they supposedly possessed and then using that to drive the plot for a brief moment before never again mentioning that artifact. Its alright for a while, but you start to question, oh you just conveniently had janet jacksons clothespin in your pocket which magically gives you the ability to dance just when you need to win a dance competition to get close to someone who's internal organs could fill up with sand, because i don't know, vengeance. You get the picture.

The Boondocks (2005–2014)

Funny, Satirical, a Bit Too Racially Conscious

[7/10 · 6 May 2014]

I've gotten plenty of laughs out of the boondocks and they have a insightful perspective for sure, but there's also been a bunch of times where i've shook my head thinking, yeesh, black people exist, get over it. The boondocks is one of those shows who pokes at the ignorance of social standards by playing them out, and like any show, there are things it takes too far.

Basically the only sensible, open minded person in the entire series is Huey Freeman, the main character who often predicts the wild, ridiculous fallout of the exploits of his grandad Jebediah Freeman and brother Riley Freeman, to no avail. Being the only reasonable character in a world full of bigots and disillusioned saps, Huey and his sage advice is constantly ignored in the favor of selfish, harebrained or otherwise ridiculous plots, often ending in gunfire, samurai sword battles or someone getting swindled. So you can expect a show that puts an emphasis on nigga culture as the driving force behind much of the shows plot to basically showcase one giant melting pot of ignorance, which is actually brilliantly captured.

This is, so far, the only show that can reimagine what it would be like if martin luther king came back from the dead in our time, or highlight the ridiculousness of the r kelly trial without seeming pretentious. It has a great way of taking a step back from all the ego and social stigma and make light of it in a way that really just makes you shake your head at the world and all we've grown used to. But on occasion it crosses the threshold from exposing ignorance to personifying and even glorifying it, and you just have to thank god Huey at least has a clear head on the matter. For one, i don't know if all the "Nigga Moment" episodes are helping anyone redefine their reality and it seems hypocritical next to their own criticisms of BET for perpetuating the same stereotypes. Buuuut i do agree that BET is the single worst proponent of social segregation in the modern world.

Helix (2014–2015)

Smart, Gripping, and Fast Paced

[9/10 · 7 March 2014]

This is one of those shows that moves so fast, you have to watch every episode to know whats going on. Every episode there is an earth shattering revelation that only brings about more questions. Originally i was wondering how long they could keep it up, its a new disease, what happens once they fully understand it? But then it was clear there was much more to unveil, the origins of the virus, the intentions of the characters, how it was made, what it was for, and more questions i'm not going to reveal because the questions in of themselves are spoilers.

The behavior of the virus itself is very creepy and disturbing, somewhat reminiscent of the zombie virus only seemingly intelligent, yet at the same time mysterious and inhuman. The visual effects are stunning and bizarre, they give character and life to the disease, and the behavior of the "vectors" is very scary. I suppose one might say its ferro-fluid like structure is unrealistic, and it has been the subject of many criticisms in other reviews, however its unbelievability is also expressed by the CDC scientists who say "no one has ever seen anything like this", its not like the impossible isn't recognized within the show just the same. The characters are intelligent, each with their own specialty and its clear they have staff writers with a background in genetic research. Also the behavior of the virus appearing like a fast growing mold isn't far off from reality, albeit an exaggerated reality.

They have done a fantastic job of building anticipation and spared no time jumping right to the good stuff. This has been a breakout show right from the first season and i'm eager to see how they keep up the pace for seasons to come. When it started this show seemed like it was going to take the science-crime route like so many others before, but its clear by now this is a suspense show, driven by mystery and conspiracy. Keep up the good work guys, best new show this winter.

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (2013–2020)

Sink Or Swim? Decidedly Swim, But How Far?

[6 March 2014]

This show had a really rocky start, but ultimately pulled through in the final round. Its not exactly made for the villain of the week, and they didn't come up with a great formula for the shows chemistry right off the bat. Grant Ward has the personality of a tube of toothpaste, Fitz and Simmons were basically nothing more than nerd archetypes and the show did a lot of setting up without much rising action or the eventual conflict. The one thing they did get right became the main story arc of the first season, and as the actual plan of the clairvoyant was revealed, stakes were raised and things actually got good. But it took a long time to get there, too long to have a whole lot of faith in the next season. At the same time, many secrets were revealed, a new set of challenges were set up for the next season, and Deathlok finally went back to the good guys, where he belongs. I'd like to say this show has worked through all the kinks, but i'd have to see the next season to find out. What i can say is, the finale had some pretty great moments, mostly the humorous banter between Coulson and Fury, and i really want to know whats up with Skye and that 086, or the mystery symbols somehow related to project TAHITI. To sum it up, this show is shaping up to be a wholly average show, whether it swims to the deep end and reaches for glory or stays in the kiddie pool like warehouse 13, is up to them.

Tropic Thunder (2008)

Hilarious Satire, An Instant Classic

[10/10 · 16 February 2014]

This movie is brilliant and funny on many levels, and its one of the few comedies i can watch over and over and not get bored of. For one, i'm not usually one who likes Ben Stiller movies but he was actually pretty good in this one. The best acting by far was Robert Downey Jr. who's practically unrecognizable but a riot all the way through. Playing an Australian actor who's playing a black soldier, who's criticized by the other black actor for being far too stereotypical who can't recognize he's basically a walking stereotype himself. And then there's the whole identity crisis he and Stillers characters go through, just great. The characters in this movie are awesome, especially Tom Cruise who plays a character so off the vein of his typical roles but totally nails it. I think he should play corrupt assholes more often, it may be my favorite role from him yet. The dysfunction between everyone is just comedy gold, and they fail to make a movie so perfectly that it just spirals out of control.

Oh and did i mention this is all happening in the middle of Asian territory run by heroin growing drug overlords? Trust me, just watch it. You won't be disappointed.

Under the Dome (2013–2015)

A nice surprise

[9/10 · 7 February 2014]

I thought this show was going to be silly, i mean, just look at the premise. "small town somehow gets trapped under a mysterious dome, and no one knows what the hell is going on". Its kind of ridiculous, and if it wasn't so good it'd be laughable. But the show starts off with some pretty epic foreshadowing and keeps suspenseful throughout, and it gets trippier and trippier as time goes on. Kind of like Lost without all the plot holes, if Lost had it already figured out by the first season. They're pretty good at showing the frailty of order, governance and human behavior. This is not your typical good vs evil, there are a lot of different players and many of them want to exploit the rest of Chesters Mill in any way they can. It goes from good old boys in a small town to lord of the flies pretty fast, and just for shits, there's a strange, possibly sentient force field that even the government doesn't understand. Oh, and also, maybe a conspiracy, but also maybe not. They're very good with the suspense factor.

I understand some of the reviewers have been disappointed with this show. I don't see it. It seems intelligently written, the concepts are new, and the cinematography is well done. To each their own, i suppose.

The Tomorrow People (2013–2014)

A Disappointment At Best.

[5/10 · 5 February 2014]

Its kind of hard to make a show with such awesome superpowers so mediocre. They somehow pull it off. The characters are mostly watered down clichés, with no real character depth and a Disney-idealized sense of inner conflict. There's not a mature understanding of intentions, motivations or even people expressed in this, and whoever their writers are are obviously sheltered and have yet to breach the surface level understanding of humanity, or have intentionally kept it as superficial bland and archetypal as possible, so as to avoid having to actually write something or because they're actually stupid enough to believe keeping the characters as generic as possible makes them more easily relatable to a popular audience. Its a shitty habit CW has of ripping off some older show and making the writing shittier and adding people with abs. Its pretty annoying. This is the oatmeal of television, and god knows people still eat oatmeal, but let me put it this way, you're not going to pay 40$ at a fancy restaurant to eat oatmeal and i wouldn't make it a point to watch this show unless there was nothing better on. You still get to watch people teleporting and using telekinesis which is always cool, but besides their VFX department the entire cast and crew needs to be replaced before they're going to get my support.

Cinematography: Average Characters: Just plain horrible, all of them, although i do like the sarcastic Asian dude Writing: Really, really, really bad. VFX: Pretty cool, not outstanding, but cool

At first i thought this was going to be like arrow which started out mediocre but got better with each episode, but after 13 episodes its clear, this show will never be that great. I don't know, maybe Stevens mom will get murdered sometime down the line and the dynamic will change.

Metalocalypse (2006–2013)

Brilliant Comedy, Eccentric, Very "Brutal"

[9/10 · 2 February 2014]

There's a lot of reasons to like Metalocalypse. Its honestly a one of a kind style of comedy i haven't seen anywhere else, and a bit of an acquired taste. A lot of the humor is in the timing, the awkward conversations, the mumbling band-speak, or the moronic or frivolous things the band does. There's also really messed up parts which are so bad but you can't help but laugh. I think one of my favorite moments that really epitomizes the show is Tokis guitar recital that the whole episode leads up to that just spirals out of control, continuously interrupted by band members with their own ridiculous apologies to each other, while the audience has no clue what is going on. Most episodes end in some kind of bizarre convolution or catastrophe, and begin with either the "deathklok minute" or a surreal, creepy looking music video featuring dethkloks own music with fetus creatures, demons, sword battles. It doesn't look like something that would be a comedy on first glance but you get used to the amount of gore and metalness.

Basically all the members of dethklok are complete morons. They are the most idiotic people in the show, but yet, practically worshipped by everyone else in the show, and this makes for a pretty funny and strange dynamic amongst the characters. Their manager, Offensden constantly has to try and break through their thick skulls just to get them to stop hemorrhaging money or accidentally killing an entire crowd full of people, and yet somehow manages to keep Dethklok a multi billion dollar business empire. Then there is the tribunal, some kind of secret society that spies on dethklok and fears their power and growing influence, but constantly just lets them do whatever they want. Each of the members of dethklok have their own eccentricities and major flaws, Toki and his shyness and idolization of Skwisgar, who has a love of G-MILFs and loves making Toki feel unworthy, while murderface wallows in self loathing and just being a dick, and nathan has tempers and really really shitty ideas.

The studio that makes this is titmouse so obviously its going to have a lot of the surrealist aspect and sometimes seems like an acid trip. The art is very well done and sometimes just gross, but its all in the name of metal. The soundtrack is amazing, and they perform both in the show and as an actual band thats won a bunch of awards for best metal band, and i must admit it is pretty epic.

Archer (2009–2023)

James Bond, if James Bond Was a Total Douche

[9/10 · 31 January 2014]

This show is hilarious, mainly because of the characters. Archer is a narcissistic prick who never takes anything seriously, so it usually leads to a lot of irrelevant ridiculous conversations happening in the middle of gunfight. Lana is his ex girlfriend and partner, and absolutely hates his guts. He spends all of his time trying to annoy her. Despite being renowned as a world class spy, he's often drunk, not paying attention, or paying copious amounts of ISIS funds on personal splurges. The only reason he's even employed is because his mother owns ISIS, a completely immoral, manipulative rich old woman with a drinking problem. Then there's Pam, the fat dorky HR chick who drag races with the yakuza and fights in underground fight clubs. And Cyril, the nerdy accountant, Carol, the masochistic billionaire secretary who's practically psychotic. And Krieger, the perverted, possibly necrofeliac tech guy with his own virtual Japanese hologram girlfriend.

And as if that wasn't enough there's also Barry, the psychotic Cyborg, the head of the KGB with a love affair with Archers Mother, Space Pirates, somolian pirates, flamboyantly gay hit men, a shitload of danger zone references, and a pet ocelot.

Also in the latest season, dubbed "Archer Vice", the entire team switches over to the dark side of espionage, with hilarious and dysfunctional results. This latest season deserves a 9, but i probably would have given the show overall an 8 had it not been the only one of its kind. It does make it into my top 5 favorite cartoons, with Family Guy, Metalocalypse and Superjail. I'm loving the latest episodes, and i'm extremely disappointed when they end, mainly because they're just not long enough, its like a snack that just makes you hungrier. I could go for another few hours of archer at least.