No! Please, God, no!!
by choyt19 | created - 17 Nov 2017 | updated - 09 Jan 2023 | PublicNamed for Marty learning what became of his father in Alternate 1985 in Back to the Future II, but I think this would be far more devastating.
Of late, a lot of skeletons have been falling out of a lot of closets (Goddamnit, Jeffrey Tambor! Seriously?!). This is my list of men who I hope against hope have been keeping their noses clean. I couldn't handle it if they were scumbags.
More to come.
1. Patrick Warburton
Actor | The Emperor's New Groove
Patrick Warburton is known to many for the role of "Puddy" in the hit NBC comedy "Seinfeld," the laconic, enigmatic, quirky Saab salesman and Elaine's boyfriend. Warburton starred for 7 seasons on the hit CBS comedy "Rules of Engagement" with David Spade, Oliver Hudson, and Megyn Price about two ...
2. Stephen Root
Actor | Barry
Stephen Root, one of today's most prolific character actors, is currently starring in HBO's hit series Barry, for which he received a Best Supporting Actor Emmy Nomination. Barry has been nominated for multiple Emmy's and Golden Globes, and has been renewed through season four. Stephen recently ...
3. Denzel Washington
Actor | Fences
Denzel Hayes Washington, Jr. was born on December 28, 1954 in Mount Vernon, New York. He is the middle of three children of a beautician mother, Lennis, from Georgia, and a Pentecostal minister father, Denzel Washington, Sr., from Virginia. After graduating from high school, Denzel enrolled at ...
4. Timothy Dalton
Actor | The Living Daylights
At a consistently lean 6' 2", green-eyed Timothy Dalton may very well be one of the last of the dying breed of swashbuckling, classically trained Shakespearean actors who have forged simultaneous successful careers in theater, television and film. He has been comparison-shopped roundly for stepping...
5. John C. McGinley
Actor | Scrubs
John C. McGinley's path to stardom is a story that reads like a classic Hollywood script. While an understudy in New York in the Circle-In-The-Square production of John Patrick Shanley's "Danny and the Deep Blue Sea," he was spotted by director Oliver Stone and soon after was cast in "Platoon," the...
6. Keanu Reeves
Actor | The Matrix
Keanu Charles Reeves, whose first name means "cool breeze over the mountains" in Hawaiian, was born September 2, 1964 in Beirut, Lebanon. He is the son of Patric Reeves, a showgirl and costume designer, and Samuel Nowlin Reeves, a geologist. Keanu's father was born in Hawaii, of British, Portuguese...
7. Michael J. Fox
Actor | Back to the Future
Michael J. Fox was born Michael Andrew Fox on June 9, 1961 in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, to Phyllis Fox (née Piper), a payroll clerk, and William Fox. His parents moved their 10-year-old son, his three sisters, Kelli Fox, Karen, and Jacki, and his brother Steven, to Vancouver, British Columbia, ...
8. Tom Hanks
Producer | Cast Away
Thomas Jeffrey Hanks was born in Concord, California, to Janet Marylyn (Frager), a hospital worker, and Amos Mefford Hanks, an itinerant cook. His mother's family, originally surnamed "Fraga", was entirely Portuguese, while his father was of mostly English ancestry. Tom grew up in what he has ...
9. Bryan Cranston
Actor | Breaking Bad
Bryan Lee Cranston was born on March 7, 1956 in Hollywood, California, to Audrey Peggy Sell, a radio actress, and Joe Cranston, an actor and former amateur boxer. His maternal grandparents were German, and his father was of Irish, German, and Austrian-Jewish ancestry. He was raised in the Canoga ...
10. Samuel L. Jackson
Actor | Pulp Fiction
Samuel L. Jackson is an American producer and highly prolific actor, having appeared in over 100 films, including Die Hard with a Vengeance (1995), Unbreakable (2000), Shaft (2000), Formula 51 (2001), Black Snake Moan (2006), Snakes on a Plane (2006), and the Star Wars prequel trilogy (1999-2005), ...
11. Ryan Reynolds
Actor | Deadpool 2
Ryan Rodney Reynolds was born on October 23, 1976 in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, the youngest of four children. His father, James Chester Reynolds, was a food wholesaler, and his mother, Tamara Lee "Tammy" (Stewart), worked as a retail-store saleswoman. He has Irish and Scottish ancestry. ...
12. James Marsden
Actor | Hairspray
James Paul Marsden, or better known as just James Marsden, was born on September 18, 1973, in Stillwater, Oklahoma, to Kathleen (Scholz) and James Luther Marsden. His father, a distinguished Professor of Animal Sciences & Industry at Kansas State University, and his mother, a nutritionist, divorced...
13. Christopher Meloni
Actor | Man of Steel
Blessed with a piercing, blue-eyed glint, brawny looks, cocky "tough guy" stance and effortless charisma, TV's Christopher Meloni has grabbed audiences' attention, male and female alike, finding breakthrough small screen stardom playing both sides of the law. Audiences first were taken in by his ...
14. Chadwick Boseman
Actor | Black Panther
Chadwick Boseman was an American actor. He is known for his portrayal of T'Challa / Black Panther in the Marvel Cinematic Universe from 2016 to 2019, particularly in Black Panther (2018), and for his starring roles as several pioneering Americans, Jackie Robinson in 42 (2013), James Brown in Get on...
15. Joseph Gordon-Levitt
Actor | Inception
Joseph Leonard Gordon-Levitt was born February 17, 1981 in Los Angeles, California, to Jane Gordon and Dennis Levitt. Joseph was raised in a Jewish family with his late older brother, Dan Gordon-Levitt, who passed away in October 2010. His parents worked for the Pacifica Radio station KPFK-FM and ...
16. Neil Patrick Harris
Actor | How I Met Your Mother
Neil Patrick Harris was born in Albuquerque, New Mexico, on June 15, 1973. His parents, Sheila Gail (Scott) and Ronald Gene Harris, were lawyers and ran a restaurant. He grew up in Ruidoso, New Mexico, a small town 120 miles south of Albuquerque, where he first took up acting in the fourth grade. ...
17. John Goodman
Actor | 10 Cloverfield Lane
John Stephen Goodman's an American film, TV & stage actor. He was born in Affton, Missouri to Virginia Roos (Loosmore), a waitress and saleswoman & Leslie Francis Goodman, a postal worker who died when he was a small child. He's of English, Welsh & German ancestry. He's best known for his role as ...
18. Terry Crews
Actor | Idiocracy
Terry Crews was born in Flint, Michigan, to Patricia and Terry Crews Sr. He earned an art excellence scholarship to attend Western Michigan University and also earned a full-ride athletic scholarship to play football. Crews was an All-Conference defensive end, and was a major contributor on the ...
19. Kevin Kline
Actor | Wild Wild West
Kevin Kline was born in St. Louis, Missouri, to Margaret and Robert Joseph Kline, who owned several stores. His father was of German Jewish descent and his mother was of Irish ancestry. After attending Indiana University in Bloomington, Kline studied at the Juilliard School in New York. In 1972, ...
20. John C. Reilly
Actor | Chicago
Character actor, dramatic leading man, or hilarious comic foil? With an astonishing range of roles already under his belt, John C. Reilly has played an eclectic host of rich characters to great effect over the years, from seedy ne'er-do-wells, to lovable, good-natured schlepps.
The fifth of six ...
21. Kevin Bacon
Actor | Footloose
Kevin Norwood Bacon was born on July 8, 1958 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, to Ruth Hilda (Holmes), an elementary school teacher, and Edmund Norwood Bacon, a prominent architect who was on the cover of Time Magazine in November 1964.
Kevin's early training as an actor came from The Manning Street. ...
22. Bruce Campbell
Actor | Bubba Ho-Tep
In 1979 with his Detroit friends, Sam Raimi and Rob Tapert, Bruce Campbell raised $350,000 for a low-budget film, The Evil Dead (1981), in which he starred and co-executive produced. Completed piecemeal over four years, the film first gained notoriety in England where it became the best-selling ...
23. Tony Shalhoub
Actor | Monk
Anthony Marc Shalhoub was born and raised in Green Bay, Wisconsin. His father, Joseph Shalhoub, who owned a grocery chain, emigrated from Lebanon to the United States as an orphan at age ten, later marrying Shalhoub's mother, Helen (Seroogy), who herself was born in Wisconsin, to Lebanese parents. ...
24. Danny DeVito
Actor | Matilda
Danny DeVito has amassed a formidable and versatile body of work as an actor, producer and director that spans the stage, television and film.
Daniel Michael DeVito Jr. was born on November 17, 1944, in Neptune, New Jersey, to Italian-American parents. His mother, Julia (Moccello), was a homemaker. ...
25. Christopher Lloyd
Actor | Back to the Future
Christopher Lloyd is an American actor with a relatively long career. His better known roles include drug-using taxicab driver Jim Ignatowski in the sitcom Taxi (1978), Klingon Commander Kruge in Star Trek III: The Search for Spock (1984), inventor Dr. Emmett "Doc" Brown in the Back to the Future ...
26. Dwayne Johnson
Actor | Black Adam
Dwayne Douglas Johnson, also known as The Rock, was born on May 2, 1972 in Hayward, California. He is the son of Ata Johnson (born Feagaimaleata Fitisemanu) and professional wrestler Rocky Johnson (born Wayde Douglas Bowles). His father, from Amherst, Nova Scotia, Canada, is black (of Black Nova ...
27. Rich Koz
Actor | Svengoolie
Rich Koz was born on March 12, 1952 in Park Ridge, Illinois, USA. He is an actor and producer, known for Svengoolie (1995), Son of Svengoolie (1978) and Screaming Yellow Theatre (1970).
28. John Ottman
Editor | Bohemian Rhapsody
John Ottman holds dual distinctions as a leading film composer and an award winning film editor. Ottman has often completed both monumental tasks on the same films. Such remarkable double duties have included The Usual Suspects, X-Men 2, Superman Returns, Valkyrie, and Jack the Giant Killer. He has...
29. Danny Elfman
Music_department | The Nightmare Before Christmas
As Danny Elfman was growing up in the Los Angeles area, he was largely unaware of his talent for composing. It wasn't until the early 1970s that Danny and his older brother Richard Elfman started a musical troupe while in Paris; the group "Mystic Knights of Oingo-Boingo" was created for Richard's ...
30. H. Jon Benjamin
Actor | Archer
Harry Jon Benjamin is an American actor, voice actor and comedian from Worcester, Massachusetts who is known for playing Bob Belcher from Bob's Burgers, Sterling Archer from Archer, the Mothmonsterman from Aqua Teen Hunger Force, a trainer from Not Another Teen Movie, a Can of Vegetables from Wet ...
31. William H. Macy
Actor | Fargo
William Hall Macy Jr. is an American actor. His film career has been built on appearances in small, independent films, though he has also appeared in mainstream films. Macy has won two Emmy Awards and four Screen Actors Guild Awards, while his performance in Fargo earned a nomination for the ...
32. Randall Park
Actor | WandaVision
Randall Park is an American actor, comedian, writer, and director. He was born in Los Angeles, California, to Korean parents, and graduated from the Humanities Magnet Program at Hamilton High School. Park went on to receive a Bachelor's degree in English and Creative Writing and a Master's degree ...
33. Chris Evans
Actor | The Avengers
Christopher Robert Evans is an American actor, film producer, and director. Evans began his acting career in typical fashion: performing in school productions and community theatre.
He was born in Boston, Massachusetts, the son of Lisa (Capuano), who worked at the Concord Youth Theatre, and G. ...
34. Bill Hader
Actor | The Skeleton Twins
Bill Hader is an American comedian and actor who is known for playing in Saturday Night Live from 2005 to 2013. He created and starred in the HBO show Barry. He also played Flint Lockwood from Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, Colonel Custer from Night at the Museum 2, Fear from Inside Out and ...
35. Simon Pegg
Actor | The World's End
English actor, writer, and comedian Simon Pegg was born Simon John Beckingham in Brockworth, Gloucestershire, to Gillian Rosemary (Smith), a civil servant, and John Henry Beckingham, a jazz musician. His parents divorced when he was seven. He later took his stepfather's surname "Pegg." He was ...
36. Nick Frost
Actor | The World's End
Nick Frost is an English actor, screenwriter and comedian. He is known for his work in the series of British comedic genre films The Three Flavours Cornetto trilogy: Shaun of the Dead (2004), Hot Fuzz (2007) and The World's End (2013). He also co-starred in Paul (2011), with frequent collaborator ...
37. John Cho
Actor | Star Trek
John Yohan Cho was born in Seoul, South Korea, and moved to Los Angeles, California as a child. His father was a Christian minister. Cho was educated at Herbert Hoover High School at Glendale, before moving on to the University of California at Berkeley, where he studied English literature. Upon ...
38. 'Weird Al' Yankovic
Soundtrack | UHF
Few would have guessed that "Weird Al" Yankovic - who as a shy, accordion-playing teenager got his start sending in homemade tapes to the Dr. Demento Radio Show - would go on to become a pop culture icon and the biggest-selling comedy recording artist of all time, with classic song and music video ...
I think we can all agree that if something comes out about him, God should flood the planet and restart humanity from scratch.
39. Christoph Waltz
Actor | Django Unchained
Christoph Waltz is an Austrian-German actor. He is known for his work with American filmmaker Quentin Tarantino, receiving acclaim for portraying SS-Standartenführer Hans Landa in Inglourious Basterds (2009) and bounty hunter Dr. King Schultz in Django Unchained (2012). For each performance, he won...
40. Savage Steve Holland
Director | Better Off Dead...
Marvelously quirky and creative writer, director, producer and animator Savage Steve Holland was born in 1960. Holland earned the childhood nickname Savage after he kicked a kid in the teeth during a soccer game. He studied animation at the California Institute of the Arts. Holland's student ...
41. Kurt Russell
Actor | Escape from New York
Kurt Vogel Russell was born on March 17, 1951 in Springfield, Massachusetts and raised in Thousand Oaks, California to Louise Julia Russell (née Crone), a dancer & Bing Russell, an actor. He is of English, German, Scottish and Irish descent. His first roles were as a child on television series, ...
42. Patton Oswalt
Actor | Young Adult
Patton Oswalt has been headlining at comedy clubs all over the United States since 1996, as well as appearing in his own standup specials on Comedy Central and HBO. He was chosen as Entertainment Weekly's "It" comedian in 2002. He is a regular on Late Night with Conan O'Brien (1993). His other ...
43. Jeff Bridges
Actor | The Big Lebowski
Jeffrey Leon Bridges was born on December 4, 1949 in Los Angeles, California, the son of well-known film and TV star Lloyd Bridges and his long-time wife Dorothy Dean Bridges (née Simpson). He grew up amid the happening Hollywood scene with big brother Beau Bridges. Both boys popped up, without ...
44. Wayne Brady
Actor | Foodfight!
Wayne Brady was born in Columbus, Georgia and lived in Orlando, Florida. At 16, Brady had already decided on a career in the military. Little did he know that a chance performance in a high school play would garner him not only rave reviews but also permanently alter his long-range plans. Soon, he ...
45. David Foley
Actor | The Wrong Guy
Dave Foley dropped out of an alternative high school to do stand-up comedy. He met Kevin McDonald at an improv class and, while employed as movie ushers, they began working as a comedy team. In 1984 they merged with another team to form "The Kids in the Hall". Foley made his film debut at 22 as the...
46. Bruce McCulloch
Actor | The Kids in the Hall
Bruce McCulloch was born on May 12, 1961 in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. He is an actor and writer, known for The Kids in the Hall (1988), Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy (1996) and Dog Park (1998). He has been married to Tracy Ryan since 2003. They have two children.
47. Kevin McDonald
Actor | The Kids in the Hall
Born in Montreal Canada. Drama major at Humber College, but kicked out for only being good at comedy. Enrolled in an improv class and met David Foley. They began working as a comedy team while employed as movie ushers. In 1984 they merged with another comedy team and formed The Kids in the Hall.
48. Mark McKinney
Actor | Slings and Arrows
Mark was born to Canadian diplomat Russell and architectural writer Chloe McKinney. Mark and his siblings spent much time traveling with their diplomat dad, and Mark attended schools in many cities around the world, including Trinidad, Paris, and Washington, D.C. His younger brother Nick is also a ...
49. Scott Thompson
Actor | The Kids in the Hall
Scott Thompson was raised in Brampton, Ontario. He is the second oldest of four boys (the others are Craig, Derek and Dean). At 19, Scott got involved in an educational program called "Canada World Youth", and spent some time in the Phillipines. After CWY, Scott enrolled in York University but, in ...
50. Jemaine Clement
Actor | Flight of the Conchords
Jemaine Clement was born and raised in Masterton, New Zealand, the oldest of three brothers. His mother is Maori. Clement was educated at Makoura College in Masterton, NZ. He went on to study drama and film at Victoria University of Wellington. Whilst there he met Taika Waititi, and they formed ...
51. Michael Keaton
Actor | Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)
Quirky, inventive and handsome American actor Michael Keaton first achieved major fame with his door-busting performance as fast-talking ideas man Bill Blazejowski, alongside a nerdish morgue attendant (Henry Winkler), in Night Shift (1982). He played further comedic roles in Mr. Mom (1983), Johnny...
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