This was my first taste of the film geek's favourite, Andrei Tarkovsky. I knew that it would be slow, but I was hoping for something hypnotic rather than just plain boring but that's exactly what I got. Imagine The Lord of the Rings on no budget at all and replace the fellowship with three miserable Russians and you've got yourself Stalker.
Many call it a masterpiece which isn't surprising. Any old foreign film made in the 70's with tortoise-speed pacing is considered a masterpiece to film snobs. No doubt some boring old fart will tell me that there's something intellectually deep about this drivel but life's too short to give a toss.
I'll save you the time of watching it, unless you suffer from insomnia, in which case stick this on, it'll do you wonders. A miserable potato-headed Russian leaves his family to take a drunk writer and professor on a trip to a mystical place called "The Zone". Don't worry, it sounds far more intriguing than it actually is. It turns out that "The Zone" is just a dank field with a misshapen house in the middle of it. The potato-headed Russian keeps telling them how "The Zone" is dangerous and ever-changing. No one ever comes out alive etc. etc. but it's quite clear that the only thing mystical about this god-forsaken zone is that the producers could afford colour film stock instead of black and white.
They wonder around this field and take many pit-stops to talk about rubbish which no one gives a toss about. At one point the potato-head lies in a puddle and harps on about the philosophical properties of music. You get the idea... I should also point out that it takes a good fifty minutes before they ever get to this zone, so we're treated to the three miserable musketeers evading the police complete with a seemingly never-ending shot of them all travelling on a train track.
They bop about in a field, they bop about in a house. It occurred to me that this film could be watched on fast-forward so that's exactly what I did. Please note that I have only ever done this to one other film in my life, a Turkish delight entitled Uzak. If you enjoyed that one, then you might want to give Stalker a go too. I fast-forwarded only to find that absolutely nothing else happened aside from the threesome plodding around an empty house and some tunnels. I was only left with regret for not doing it sooner, realising that it took me 1hr 40mins to do so, although by that point I felt like I'd spent my whole life watching this film.
You can call me a close-minded millennial for all you like, I don't care. I have a very eclectic taste in film, it was only yesterday that I watched an old Japanese film entitled Kwaidan which I enjoyed very much. It was the same length as this film, not terribly fast-paced in the slightest but it had a story to tell and was visually entrancing. I'm not one of these people who need quick-cuts and conventional plotting to keep me enthralled. David Lynch is my all-time favourite director and his films are often extremely slow but always absorbing, so don't disregard me as one of those hopeless kids who consider Transformers an artistic masterpiece.
After I skipped through Stalker I felt empty. I grabbed myself a beer at three o clock in the afternoon and sighed. There's no denying that the film is powerful, as it drove me to drink. This was my first and last film by Andrei Tarkovsky. A director who makes Ingmar Bergman look like Michael Bay.
Many call it a masterpiece which isn't surprising. Any old foreign film made in the 70's with tortoise-speed pacing is considered a masterpiece to film snobs. No doubt some boring old fart will tell me that there's something intellectually deep about this drivel but life's too short to give a toss.
I'll save you the time of watching it, unless you suffer from insomnia, in which case stick this on, it'll do you wonders. A miserable potato-headed Russian leaves his family to take a drunk writer and professor on a trip to a mystical place called "The Zone". Don't worry, it sounds far more intriguing than it actually is. It turns out that "The Zone" is just a dank field with a misshapen house in the middle of it. The potato-headed Russian keeps telling them how "The Zone" is dangerous and ever-changing. No one ever comes out alive etc. etc. but it's quite clear that the only thing mystical about this god-forsaken zone is that the producers could afford colour film stock instead of black and white.
They wonder around this field and take many pit-stops to talk about rubbish which no one gives a toss about. At one point the potato-head lies in a puddle and harps on about the philosophical properties of music. You get the idea... I should also point out that it takes a good fifty minutes before they ever get to this zone, so we're treated to the three miserable musketeers evading the police complete with a seemingly never-ending shot of them all travelling on a train track.
They bop about in a field, they bop about in a house. It occurred to me that this film could be watched on fast-forward so that's exactly what I did. Please note that I have only ever done this to one other film in my life, a Turkish delight entitled Uzak. If you enjoyed that one, then you might want to give Stalker a go too. I fast-forwarded only to find that absolutely nothing else happened aside from the threesome plodding around an empty house and some tunnels. I was only left with regret for not doing it sooner, realising that it took me 1hr 40mins to do so, although by that point I felt like I'd spent my whole life watching this film.
You can call me a close-minded millennial for all you like, I don't care. I have a very eclectic taste in film, it was only yesterday that I watched an old Japanese film entitled Kwaidan which I enjoyed very much. It was the same length as this film, not terribly fast-paced in the slightest but it had a story to tell and was visually entrancing. I'm not one of these people who need quick-cuts and conventional plotting to keep me enthralled. David Lynch is my all-time favourite director and his films are often extremely slow but always absorbing, so don't disregard me as one of those hopeless kids who consider Transformers an artistic masterpiece.
After I skipped through Stalker I felt empty. I grabbed myself a beer at three o clock in the afternoon and sighed. There's no denying that the film is powerful, as it drove me to drink. This was my first and last film by Andrei Tarkovsky. A director who makes Ingmar Bergman look like Michael Bay.