"Matchmaker, Matchmaker" opens with a telegram from St. Louis announcing the death of cousin George, who left Lamont $7000 if he marries and has a son named after cousin George within 12 months. Fred wants his son to do it but he'd prefer to wait until he's ready, for love and not money: "what about a compromise, love OF money!" "you're asking me to sell myself for $7000" "no I'm ain't, just rent it out for a little while!" Fred figures Lamont should hurry, as he only has 9 months: "better sooner than later, you ain't Bugs Bunny!" Fred and Grady try to find a wife for Lamont via computer dating, only his answers aren't exactly truthful: "about his extracurricular activities?" "oh, they healed up!" "what's his reason for finding a mate, friendship or matrimony?" "matrimony, followed by babymony...followed by realmoney!" Computer date Nora Simpson (Beverly Sanders) turns out to be a white blonde vegetarian, which worries Fred about his grandchild: "a mother that's a lush, and a father that's a dummy, my grandbaby'll be a lummy!"
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