Mon, Jan 27, 2014
Sparks Nevada, believing that Pemily has moved past her bloodthirst left over from Punishment Soccer, takes her and Croach to a youth league soccer game. He mentions how great she's been doing at being a deputy, with fighting robots, and helping Croach clean out a blob infestation from the general store. He tells her he's proud of her and that she's ready to face watching a non-punishment soccer game. Felton arrives, calling for halp. Pemily worries that her bloodlust will be triggered, but Sparks reassures her and keeps her calm. Felton says his team, the Little Marshals, is playing another team whose coach is known for being extremely inspiring to his team and intimidating to other coaches. The Barkeep enters, and Felton complains that the Barkeep is the other coach and is intimidating. Barkeep says he likes giving back to the community, as since using the Force Galactic to restore his saloon he's realized the entire planet is his place, and he don't want no trouble in it. He asks Sparks to root for his team, The Troublemakers. (You don't want them in your place.) Felton says the Troublemakers are the most ruthless kids he's ever seen outside of punishment soccer, and Barkeep says he doesn't even use the Force Galactic to aid in their victories. He says he only uses his powers to foresee his victories. The coaches head off to start the game. Pemily becomes nervous about the game, but Sparks encourages her to enjoy herself as Croach is enjoying himself. Croach says watching the game is giving him many feelings, as the running on the field reminds him of tribal rituals. Croach grows more excitable as the game goes on. Pemily says she thinks she is hallucinating seeing Yeera, her boyfriend at the time of her punishment soccer game, on the field, calling timeout and walking up to her in the stands. Yeera really does arrive, and Croach seems more excited about Yeera's appearance than Pemily. Sparks worries that Pemily's bloodlust will trigger, but she says she's fine. Felton explains that before Cactoid Jim got frozen in carbonite, when he dismantled the Punishment Soccer on the Earth's Moon, people felt so bad about what they let the kids do to each other, they cloned all of the kids ever killed in Punishment Soccer. Sparks reminds Felton that Clones ARE people and have had people rights for 10 years. All of the kids on the field are Punishment Soccer players, whom Pemily recognizes. Yeera asks Pemily to play with them, but Pemily declines, saying she has a job to do now and she's moved on from her feelings about Yeera. Sparks notes that she really does seem all right, and even Pemily is even surprised at how okay she is. Croach speaks up and says he possesses a singularity of emotions, Yeera being the hub of them. Sparks realizes that Croach is having Pemily's feelings for her as Croach grows very excitable. Croach possesses a doomed longing for Yeera. The Barkeep says that Croach is experiencing an episode of what Martians call "dvie'yeece", in which when a Martian takes on someone's emotions when in close proximity to intense emotions. Sparks wants to get Croach out of there before Croach triggers Pemily's bloodlust and starts killing people. Bradam and Jessamyn arrive from off the field, excited to get to be together. Pemily notes that they're the ones that killed Yeera, but feels nothing about it. Croach, however, has a powerful flashback he cannot control, is overcome with bloodlust, and kills Jessamyn and Bradam. Pemily attempts to get through to Croach, and asks him to give her the emotions back. Barkeep says that Croach is unable to do so, but he can by using the Force Galactic. Sparks points out that Pemily might become overwhelmed as well. Croach threatens to massacre everyone present. Even Barkeep doesn't know if Pemily will be able to handle it, but Pemily swears she's ready. Sparks tells Barkeep to do it. Barkeep moves Pemily's feelings back to her, and Yeera attempts to talk her down, but Pemily assures everyone she is able to control her emotions. Yeera and Pemily part on good terms, saying they will think of each other often, but go their separate ways. Croach makes it clear he is no longer attracted to Yeera without Pemily's emotions. Felton takes everyone out for a pizza party.
Mon, Feb 10, 2014
Sparks Nevada calls a meeting of his deputies, which Croach reminds Sparks he is not, despite fulfilling all the duties of a deputy. Sparks chastises Croach for shedding his exo-skin leaving it laying around the Marshal Station. Croach blames his unexpected molting on lunar disturbances, and asks the Marshal Station Doors to scan for said lunar disturbances. Pemily and Sparks note that Croach seems to be acting out, and Sparks promises to pay more attention to him in the future. Croach notes that he has grown one inch taller with his molting, and is put out that nobody notices, and soon realizes he is, in fact, acting "in a manner designated 'out'." The Red Plains Rider arrives just as the Marshal Station Doors starts to report on lunar disturbances. Sparks and Croach are happy to see her, and Pemily introduces herself. Red explains that she was able to successfully rescue Cactoid Jim from being frozen in carbonite during the events of Carbonite-mare. She then tells them that there is indeed a lunar disturbance -- Earth's Moon is currently orbiting Mars. A hologram of Chicky Sullivan appears and explains that for once, Cactoid Jim was wrong about something, Chicky was not ready to be President of Earth as Jim thought he was during Support Your Local Marshal. Chicky instituted a "recycling program" on Earth's moon, in that he "recycled" the mechanical parts of the Earth's moon to function again, and used some of the parts to force most of the Moon's population to become bionic. Some of the population is fine, while a lot of it is not. Journalists found out about Chicky's program, and are about to expose him. Chicky will certainly be impeached, probably jailed, and possibly executed. To avoid prosecution, Chicky uploaded himself to the Earth's moon and now, in essence, is the entire moon. The United Solar System Alliance is sending many ships to stop him, along with other forces from the Earth. Chicky has brought the Moon to Mars in order to reconcile the incompatible Science and Technology weaponry that the Science Beings and Technology Beings installed into Mars during the events of War of the World. He will use Mars to fight off the USSA forces, then probably destroy Earth as well, and make his escape. Sparks orders the Marshal Station to fly to the Moon and land. Sparks, Pemily, Croach, and Red walk out onto the moon, while Croach continues to act out. Pemily explains that an Electromagnetic Pulse was installed on the moon in case the moon residents wanted to revolt again after the Punishment Soccer was implemented. Chicky's hologram appears again and says that he moved the switch to the EMP underneath the Punishment Soccer field, and placed all of the dangerous traps of the Punishment Soccer field in the way between the field and the underground lair where the EMP now resides. Also, only one person can fit on the moving platform that will take them to the gauntlet. Pemily volunteers to go activate the EMP, but Sparks sends in Croach, as his nanotech (Nah Nohtek) will keep him alive through all the trials. Croach is excited, as this will fulfill his tribe's onus to Sparks so humans and martians will finally be equals. Unfortunately, he soon finds out by growing one inch he can no longer fit on the platform. Pemily quickly leaps in, and moments later, she successfully activates the EMP. Chicky is defeated. When Pemily returns, Sparks tells her that she is fired as Deputy on Mars, and he will see to it that she is given the position of Marshal on the Moon instead. He says that whenever Pemily needs him, he, Croach and Red will come running. Red questions Sparks volunteering her, and Sparks responds by offering her the position of his official deputy.
Mon, Mar 17, 2014
While the narrator is still speaking, Red gives her answer to the question asked at the end of Moonfaker, Red turns down the official deputy position again. While Red is sitting behind Sparks' desk in The Marshal Station, Croach asks if sitting behind the desk makes her the Marshal, and Sparks says no. Red says she just needs a desk and chair for a spell, and asks Sparks if she can use it. When he agrees, she places herself under onus to him. Sparks asks if they're still even doing onuses, and Croach explains that when Sparks lead the plan in saving all of G'loot Praktaw from Chicky Sullivan and the Earth's Moon, Croach undertook the onus of the entire planet. He's never been under greater onus to Sparks Nevada. Red explains that she's "studying up" on the Collected Scrolls of G'loot Praktaw, the martian laws. She wasn't able to fully understand them when she read them as a youngling due to being a human. Croach is alarmed she hadn't comprehended them and therefore didn't pass the trials of her B'at-mit zvah when she was still with his tribe. Red said she didn't do them, and understanding the Martian lore and undergoing the trials might be what's "missing from her saddlebag." She asks Sparks and Croach for some peace and quiet so she can study, and after arguing for a spell about who's quieter, Red finally gets her peace. Seconds later, The Marshal Station Doors announces that the doors have been opened violently. Los Ninos de Los Banditos Mutantes enter, saying that they intend violence towards Sparks Nevada. They mistake Red for Sparks, as Red is sitting behind Sparks' desk, which has his name on it. Los Ninos are upset for Sparks not only killing their fathers in The Piano has Been Thinking, but, according to Rebecca Rose Rushmore's book, Sparks humiliated their fathers by making them sing before they died. Red is shocked to learn that everyone was singing that day, not just herself and Cactoid Jim. Los Ninos want to showdown with Sparks, who offers to arrest them instead so they don't all die, due to how dying during showing down is tradition in Los Banditos. Sparks explains how showdowns "traditionally" work, but Croach points out that Sparks is making up tradition. Sparks attempts to place Croach under onus to him for pointing that out, but Croach explains that the onus-holder cannot place the onus-under person under more onus, while the onus-under person can place the onus-holder under onus. Trace wishes everyone would stop invoking tradition, while Addison and Darby explain that vengeance is their cultural heritage -- it's an important tradition, and violence is the cultural means of their expression. Trace doesn't seem so sure, he wants to be an artisanal programmer, which causes Addison to admit she wants to market artisanal programming and Darby wants to oversee artisanal programming, but their legacies dictate they become Banditos Mutantes. Sparks attempts to convince them that they won't have a future if they don't give up being Banditos Mutantes, but Red and Croach bring up the point that the past does deserve some respect. They point out how Sparks is constantly reminding people that he's from Earth even though he's lived on Mars for years. Red tells Sparks not to lie to Los Ninos and say that tradition isn't important. She explains that she's reading the Collected Scrolls of G'loot Praktaw to find some kind of meaning in the last several years. She's still torn up about the loss of her marriage to Cactoid Jim, the loss of the Jupiterian baby, and the time she spent with the gray Martians and Dale Treamain. Trace is now convinced because of tradition, they should draw, but after drawing, the other Mutantes aren't sure. Addison calls a timeout. Darby says they were wrong to come after Sparks after all. He points out how a martian, a lady who knows a lot about martians and a guy from Earth would, in the time of their grandparents, be fighting and killing each other, but now they're like a family, living in the way of the future. Darby says they should just keep the traditions they like, and make new ones to replace the traditions they don't. Los Ninos put away their guns, and Red convinces Sparks not to arrest them so they can go be artisanal programmers. Red then tells Sparks she needs his help enacting a rite in the most dangerous patch of Mars.
Mon, Apr 21, 2014
Having promised The Red Plains Rider that he and Croach would help her with her B'at-mit zvah, the Martian rite of passage, Sparks and Croach are preparing to leave town to meet with Red. The Barkeep forbids them to leave, for two reasons. First, because he possesses The Force Galactic, though his wife won't allow him to use it in town. Second, the Barkeep is now the Mayor of Mars. Sparks and Croach are surprised to hear the Barkeep is the mayor, but the Barkeep reminds them that things happen even when Sparks and Croach aren't around it see it happen. The Barkeep says he ran on a very specific platform -- no trouble in the town, and if the only two lawmen in town leave, there could be trouble. In the span of a few seconds, the Barkeep transports himself to a far-away moon (since he cannot use his powers in the town), creates three copies of himself and after talking it out with himself, comes up with a plan. He goes into the past and makes the arrangements from the plan. Mr. Colton Wynant, a tycoon who manufactures automatons, arrives, as a part of the quick-draw competition Barkeep just arranged in the past. The Barkeep arranged for several humans to participate in the competition, as well as Wynant as a representative of the Mars-Earth Coalition and the creator of Trigger Happy J.A.C.K., who was manufactured to quick-draw and measure reaction time. Croach mentions that one name is missing from the invitation list, and leaves to correct the oversight, inadvertently giving away that he intends to arrive in disguise to the competition. An hour later, the quick-draw competition is about to begin. Felton arrives, saying that he saw the invitation in The Widow Johnson's mail. Wendy "The Widow" Johnson arrives, and Wynant attempts to charm her, raising jealousy in Felton. Felton asks to enter the contest to prove his worth to The Widow Johnson. The Barkeep says he invited The Widow Johnson to participate as he thinks she might be a natural, though she'd never used a gun before. Croach arrives, wearing a full-body burlap poncho, a handkerchief over his face and a large hat, and says he, Charles the Human, was invited by his friend, the handsome Croach the Tracker, to participate in the competition. Sparks, while not fooled, plays along, despite pointing out that Charles' antennae are poking out of his hat. Bill Clover, of Clover Casket and Coffin, is the last to arrive. After everyone greets him, Sparks notes that Bill is noted to be the fastest draw in town, though Bill says he's a coward at heart. Sparks says that everyone has a hero in them somewhere. Wynant activates Trigger Happy J.A.C.K., who is anxious to start the competition. The automaton immediately shoots nearly everyone's guns out of their hands, and lassos Sparks. Wynant says he can handle the automaton, as he programmed him to actually be a mechanical sheriff without sticky emotions, or social entanglements. The Barkeep objects, saying that tricking people is a bad way to demonstrate the new automaton. Clover objects that tricking him into the competition isn't fair either, while Sparks says they would have told him why he was there eventually. Trigger Happy J.A.C.K. says that this will be fun, for him, and lassos Croach, who wonders if this is the end for Charles the Human. Felton tells The Widow Johnson he's going to save the day in order to prove his bravery and shoots at J.A.C.K., but J.A.C.K.'s forcefields save him. Just as J.A.C.K. is about to hurt Felton, The Widow Johnson grabs a gun from the ground and tries to shoot J.A.C.K., but instead accidentally shoots Felton several times. Wynant wonders what happened to J.A.C.K.'s programming, and Thanxley arrives to claim responsibility. He says that even though Wynant claims to love him like his actual son, Jeremy, Wynant doesn't give him enough credit. He reprogrammed J.A.C.K. to learn in order to prove he can show initiative and so that Wynant's company can sell more than just automatons. J.A.C.K. shoots and kills Thanxley, who tells Sparks that J.A.C.K.'s weakness is its CPU isn't shielded just before he dies. Sparks asks Barkeep to just disintegrate J.A.C.K. with the Force Galactic, but the Barkeep refuses as they're in town. J.A.C.K. says he wants to showdown with Bill Clover. Clover overcomes his cowardice in order to outdraw J.A.C.K. and save the day. Sparks declares Clover the new Sheriff of town. Wynant says he learned an important lesson, not to trust Thanxley, though he's dead so it doesn't matter. "Charles" departs, still believing he fooled all of the humans into believing he was also human. The Widow Johnson attempts to keep Felton, still bleeding, from dying, and laments that she's already a widow once over, but Felton dies anyway. Just as Folksy Hal narrates that this may be the end of Felton, the Barkeep interrupts him, asks everyone not to tell his wife, and resurrects Felton.
Mon, May 19, 2014
Having just recently hired Bill Clover as the sheriff on Mars upon the orders of the Mars-Earth Coalition, Sparks asks Croach if he wants to write the report to reduce his onus or if Croach would like him to do it, since Sparks loves writing reports. Croach immediately begins being argumentative and badly using sarcasm to fight with Sparks about the issue. Sparks is confused about why they're fighting. Bill Clover enters the marshal station and adamantly declares that he doesn't want to be sheriff. Nobody explained to him that winning the quick-draw contest in Sheriff on Mars would result in being instilled as Sheriff. Bill never wanted to be sheriff, just to prove he's the quickest draw in town. Croach points out that Bill was the quickest draw among those who were allowed to enter the contest. Sparks thinks he's the exception Croach is mentioning, which annoys Croach. Sparks says the whole thing was the mayor's idea, and also tries to convince Bill he's going to be a great sheriff. Sparks says Bill is really quick on the draw, kindly, and even-tempered. Croach sarcastically points out that Bill can't detect the flying saucer landing outside, and The Marshal Station Doors confirms the presence of the flying saucer. Sparks, Croach, and Bill go outside and greet the alien emerging from their ship. The alien looks human, but isn't a human, and is wearing a one-piece silver jumpsuit. The alien introduces themselves as Emperor Yessel, and their robot as Gork. Yessel declares themselves the Emperor of Mars. Sparks points out to Bill that this is why the town needs a sheriff and makes Bill tell Yessel to get back in their star-craft and leave town or he'll show Yessel why it's such a bad idea to not obey. Yessel declines to leave and tells Gork to shoot Bill. Sparks encourages Bill to draw and shoot, but Bill panics, doesn't draw, and is shot and killed by Gork. Croach continues to object to Sparks' behavior until Sparks insists Croach tells him what they're fighting about. Croach reminds Sparks how he's been talking all day about how someone wasn't allowed to enter the quick-draw contest, and Sparks realizes that Croach has been talking about himself. Sparks asks if Croach wanted to be sheriff, but Croach says no, he didn't want to be sheriff, as holding human office would shame him. Croach merely wanted to be considered for the job, even though he'd turn the job down. Sparks apologizes sarcastically, which Croach thinks is sincere and accidentally responds sarcastically when he realizes Sparks' apology isn't sincere. Sparks then apologizes sincerely, which Croach accepts. Yessel, amused throughout the entire conversation, says they're glad they decided to emperor this planet. Sparks tells Yessel they're under arrest for landing without a permit and declaring themselves emperor. Croach also writes Yessel a citation, which Yessel accepts. Yessel then threatens to sic Gork on Sparks, but Sparks shoots and kills Yessel before they can tell Gork what to do. Gork panics without someone to give him a directive. Sparks orders Gork to be sheriff, which he accepts. Croach says Sparks is proving himself exceptional at his job and unexceptional and hurting the few feelings he possesses.
Mon, Jun 16, 2014
Sparks Nevada presides over a town meeting at the Nathaniel Johnson Memorial Rec Center, along with Croach by his side. Croach is nervous on the stage, as he's unaccustomed to public speaking. Sparks introduces the woman who invented many technological achievements including the Roomitron Home Terraformer, the Darkbulb, and Robot Fists, Professor Alvina T. Ardison. Ardison, born 127 years ago, claims that despite her advanced age, she looks and feels wonderful as she's had so many procedures to install cybernetics in her body, paid for by her vast fortune. She accuses the town hall audience of all being dumb-dumbs, for not being rich nor cyborgs. She then needs to recharge, and steps away, telling Sparks to stall so she can plug in for awhile. Sparks stutters and attempts to tell a joke before Ardison returns to insult the audience more, telling them to make a lot of money in order to not be dumb-dumbs. As she goes to recharge again, she tells Croach to stall this time. Croach notes that Ardison is "terrible", despite Sparks insisting she's great. Croach stalls by speaking to the audience, poorly attempting banter until Ardison returns to again speak of her vast fortune, hatred for everyone present and demands their admiration. She asks for questions, wherein an old man asks Ardison how much longer she'll be alive. He tells Ardison she's actually mortal, and says she's not a scientist, as he's the only scientist here. Sparks insists the man stops threatening Ardison, however, the man states that Ardison stole his inventions and introduces himself as Nikolai Nikola. After upgrading her cybernetic eye, Ardison recognizes Nikola, who then claims to have invented Robot Fists. The two argue about who invented the fists, and Nikola claims he invented them on a napkin, which Ardison stole and then ate. Nikola continues threatening Ardison, who says she does seem to get a lot of death threats at events. Nikola calls in his robots in order to deal with Ardison. The robots, who are all made of glass, are all extremely beautiful, fragile, timid, and don't wish to harm Ardison or anyone. Nikola orders the largest robot to attack anyway, and he obeys, very slowly, despite Ardison having cybernetic hands. Sparks asks Ardison if she did invent the robot fists, and she admits she stole them from Nikola as he'd only invented them for peaceful purposes and didn't recognize their potential. She also admits she has her goons steal most of her inventions from people who aren't using them as she would, and makes fortunes from their hard work. Sparks tells Croach that now they have to put a stop to Ardison. Croach, who had been telling Sparks that Ardison was terrible all along, insists that Sparks apologize for not believing him. Sparks calls the glass robot off, and tells Ardison that she was recorded while on stage. Sparks now has enough ear-footage to prove Ardison stole her inventions and get everyone who was stolen from recompensed. Croach thanks Sparks allowing things to happen in order to present an opportunity for Sparks to apologize to him. Sparks says this is not what happened, but Croach insists it was.
Mon, Jul 28, 2014
Croach the Tracker is in the marshal station whistling, when Sparks enters. Sparks says that there's an emergency, but is stopped by the revelation that Croach whistles. Croach says he's whistling because he's feeling the single greatest feeling he's ever felt, due to visiting a being he insists Sparks should visit as well. Sparks says that there's an assassin coming to take him out, and Croach says that that would explain Sparks' current state. When Sparks inquires what Croach means, Croach points out that that morning he was walking without aim around the cactoids, observing them very closely. Sparks says that was before he found out about the assassin, but Croach again recommends that Sparks goes to see the being that made him feel great, as Sparks has been operating at "less than average capacity for several cycles." Croach explains that the being removes the oil from snakes and sells it as curatives. Sparks is very skeptical. Pemily enters the marshal station, also giddy, and confirms she's visited the snake oil salesman as well. Croach and Pemily talk about how Sparks has not only been walking around aimlessly, but also has a rash and a bump on his forehead. Pemily also pushes Sparks to visit the snake oil salesman. Croach notes that the oils of the serpents of G'loot Praktaw truly do contain restorative properties, his people have known this for generations, and also the snakes live in artisanal wells. Pemily and Croach tell Sparks the doctor's name is Sudo Ersatz, and he's not a doctor, "Doc" is a nickname. He mixes up elixirs to cure exactly what ails you based off of many questions he asks about your birth, and dreams. Pemily notes that with how with an assassin coming for Sparks, he needs to be in his best shape, and he seems to have lost his edge lately. Sparks says he hasn't lost his edge -- he lost his badge, but the badgesmith is on his way to replace the badge. Croach says that Pemily is suggesting that Sparks may have lost his badge on purpose, as he's afraid of the assassin who's coming after him, and he can't practice being the marshal without the badge. He suggests that Sparks's rash, bump on his head and his limp are a physical reaction to the fear. Sparks retorts that he was looking for his badge this morning around the cactoids which he accidentally flung there the previous night during an accident with chili and a bug in his eye. The rash, limp and bump were all from trying to get his badge from the orbiting flora. Pemily suggests that Sparks might also be feeling a lot of mortality because he recently had a birthday. Felton then enters the marshal station, crying for help, but says this time it's the marshal that needs help, while he feels empowered and even asks to be deputized after visiting Doc Ersatz. Felton, too, suggests that Sparks visit the Doc, but Sparks insists he'll be fine once he gets his badge back. Felton points out that Sparks' badge is right there in his hand. Sparks, shocked to find he had his badge all along, agrees to visit Doc Ersatz. At Doc's office, Ersatz introduces himself and invites Sparks to lie down on his couch to be interviewed, but Sparks insists he'll remain standing. Sparks accepts some fudge from Ersatz, which was dosed with snake oil to loosen his tongue. Ersatz learns that Sparks doesn't trust easily, then says he needs four more facts about Sparks, and demands to know Sparks' hopes and fears and dreams. The fact that Sparks says he won't tell Ersatz anything is a fact in and of itself. When Sparks says that although this routine might work for locals, it won't work for him as he's from Earth. Ersatz takes this as another fact. Sparks refusing to talk about his dreams is further information. Sparks decides to try to throw Ersatz by talking about his dreams. Sparks says for the last several nights he's had a dream about a patch of sunlight, and in the patch is a cat grooming himself like a Frenchman. Sparks can't explain what he means about the Frenchman. This completes Ersatz's profile, and he finishes the potion, (as well as the solution). Ersatz gives Sparks the potion, which he insists Sparks drinks. As Sparks is about to comply, he notes Ersatz has a teleporter, which he could have used to put the bug in his eye which caused the chili accident. He could have also used it to zap Sparks' badge away and then teleport it back to his hand later. Sparks figures out that Ersatz is the assassin and the potion is poison, though Ersatz says he could still be at the height of a hallucination. Sparks throws the potion away, which eats through the floor. Sparks also points out that Ersatz only took powder from a vial with a skull and crossbones on it when making the tonic. He notices stuff. Sparks asks Ersatz why he's taking work as an assassin if he's actually great at making tonics, as he made Croach happy, Felton brave and Pemily at peace. Ersatz says his parents were assassins and always wanted him to be an assassin, and he's a people-pleaser. Sparks places Ersatz under arrest. Before Sparks arrests him, however, Ersatz says that every night, Croach has the same dream with the cat as Sparks. Sparks says Croach dreams in fractals, but Ersatz says Croach only says he does because he's embarrassed. Sparks points out that this is what Ersatz would say to toy with his head, though Ersatz insists that's not what he's doing, it still could be.
Mon, Jul 14, 2014
Sparks Nevada, just having received a distress signal from the Space Saloon, enters the saloon and is greeted by the Saloon Doors. The Barkeep is nowhere to be found, but Croach, Pemily, and The Saloon Doors are all acting strangely. Sparks asks Croach to leave with him, as The Red Plains Rider is ready to enact the martian ritual she asked for help with in La Venganza de Los Bandititos. Both Pemily and Croach nearly begin to act like themselves, when there is a zapping noise before they continue to act as if they're very drunk. Croach then hugs Sparks tightly, despite Sparks' objections. Another man inside the saloon introduces himself as Lairn Gar'ner, and says he is running for mayor of Mars. Lairn says he's running on a platform of blocking time travelers, as well as blocking travelers from other planets. He believes anyone not born on Mars, regardless of their race, should be removed from Mars. Because he's running on a "Keep Mars Martian" platform as a human, he's extremely unpopular. Lairn explains how he had purchased a language shifter, which allows people who don't speak the same language to hear a common language. Lairn had his cousin, a mad scientist, modify the shifter, so now it's a mechanism for mass mind control, and people will vote how they "ought" to. He then called for a special mayoral election, an idea which everyone in town loved, as they were under mind control. Lairn attempts to control Sparks' mind with the language shifter, but it doesn't work. He declares he'll have to kill Sparks, but only after he goes outside for a last minute stump speech as he doesn't want to bloody his clothing. He orders Croach to not stop hugging Sparks, then heads outside. Pemily breaks free of mind control then explains that the brain zapper isn't permanent and doesn't work as well on people from off world. Pemily and Sparks plan to have Sparks distract Lairn when he returns, so Pemily can steal the language shifter. However, when Lairn enters the Saloon, Croach and The Saloon Doors give the plan away, and Lairn re-zaps Pemily. Sparks changes tactics and gives Lairn the advice to outlaw onus once he becomes mayor. Strongly invoking onus wakes Croach up from his mind control. Croach lets Sparks go, Sparks grabs the language shifter and releases The Saloon Doors and Pemily from Lairn's control. Lairn explains that he still has one chance for election -- he's not running against anyone, as he mind-controlled the Barkeep, forced the Barkeep to transfer The Force Galactic to himself and made the Barkeep "undo" himself. Because the Force Galactic is from space and not locally sourced, Lairn is loathe to use its powers. He considers using it and not telling anyone, which he realizes would be a scandal, and Sparks and company tell him he's worse than even a bad politician. Lairn laments that just once he wants to feel happy or victorious, so Sparks zaps him with the language shifter. He then orders Lairn to bring back the Barkeep as well as return The Force Galactic, and Lairn blissfully complies. Lairn considers trying to run for mayor again, but Sparks, prompted by Pemily, reminds him that he's going to jail, where it will be hard to govern, as well as against the law.
Mon, Aug 11, 2014
The Red Plains Rider is now ready to undergo the Martian trials of maturation she had previously asked Sparks and Croach to assist her with in La Venganza de Los Bandititos. She meets them on the edge of the Forest of Tak'slaw (which translates to "Scary Forest") to begin her Hee-Ros K'west. The forest is full of danger.
Mon, Sep 15, 2014
With The Red Plains Rider having completed the martian maturation ritual in Wild, Wild Quest, The Troubleshooter (Harriet Alcott-Jiminy) and The Barkeep (Mordecai Benmont Jiminy) invite Sparks Nevada, Croach the Tracker and Red over for a dinner party to celebrate. The Barkeep is preparing a souffle when Sparks, Croach, and Red arrive. The Troubleshooter insists that her guests call her Harriet, as they're at home, while the Barkeep tells Sparks to stop swooning over his wife, who has long been Sparks' hero since saving his life in Danger 2.0. Harriet asks everyone to take off their shoes, but when Red and Croach balk, she tells them she was just kidding and knows about martians not wishing to show their feet. The doorbell rings again, and Mordecai and Harriet inform the others that it's Harriet's new Troubleshooter partner. Red and Sparks quickly figure out that part of the reason for this dinner party is to set up Sparks and Virgina West, Harriet's new partner. Harriet insists the dinner is still a celebration for Red's ritual, but it's a little bit a setup, too. Ginny enters and after introductions are made, Sparks explains that it's a blind date setup for the two of them. After a quick evaluation of Sparks, Ginny decides she is agreeable to the proposition of the blind date. Harriet then admits that Ginny is also there to work, as well as it being a blind date and a celebration for Red. Red, put out that her celebration is not entirely focused on her, hopes that there's burgers and ice cream. Mordecai says there is a paella, the Earth Kid's recipe, and a souffle. Mordecai explains how, even though normally he don't want no trouble in his place, mostly due to how Harriet deals with trouble all day in her job and doesn't want her to have to deal with more at home, in this case there's trouble heading right for their home. Croach announces that what is coming has already arrived. Fondal enters the home, and explains that she is from the Violens Nebula. When the Troubleshooters won the war against the MurderMen, Harriet helped develop the weapon that shot the trouble out of the MurderMen. The techno-viruses are mecha-organic, and a strain of the virus adapted. Those newly afflicted with the new virus are now the Pleasure Beings. They are lovers and not fighters, yet are still as deadly as MurderMen. Harriet explains that The Pleasure Beings are targeting the creators of the cure of the MurderMen strain, and she was on that team. Fondal explains she knew that Harriet was aware that she was coming, but wanted Harriet to set a trap as the Troubleshooter's intelligence is based on two generations past of the virus. Barkeep runs to the kitchen to check on his souffle as Harriet explains that they're multitasking today, but Fondal says that the Troubleshooters will fall while she watches her friends succumb to the power of love. From the kitchen, the Barkeep uses The Force Galactic with Harriet's permission to project his voice into everyone but Fondal's brains. Barkeep says that since Sparks and Red had already been MurderManned and cured (in Murder In His Place), they are immune to the virus. Harriet and Ginny are immune due to Troubleshooter Anti-Nanite Patches. Harriet needs to get close to the Pleasure Being to zap her, and thus needs Ginny, Red, Croach, and Sparks to play along and pretend to be falling for her love powers until Harriet can get close to Fondal. Sparks and Ginny pretend to start falling in love, and so do Croach and Red. Mordecai returns from the kitchen and asks Fondal to join them for dinner. Sparks and Ginny get to know each other. Ginny is from Earth and was a United Solar System Alliance brat as a kid. Sparks explains that though he wasn't looking for something serious right now, Ginny seems like he is someone he could get to like, and Ginny agrees. Fondal doesn't think that they're doing falling in love right, so Ginny and Sparks kiss a few times. Fondal then says it's Mordecai and Harriet's turn, but they can't kiss each other, since they're married. Fondal insists one of them must kiss her, and Harriet volunteers. Once they are hugging, Harriet zaps Fondal, stopping her powers and her desire to kill Harriet. Fondal thanks them, and leaves. Harriet and Sparks then notice that Croach and Red are still being very affectionate with one another, and realize that they are still infected. Ginny deduces that their Nah Nohtek neutered the inoculated anti-nanites and now they both are truly infected, as Red now also possess Nah Nohtek. Harriet realizes that the new virus strain could bond with their Nah Nohtek and be so adaptable to the vaccines they could never be able to cure it. She asks for ideas, and rules out The Force Galactic, as using it could cause a worse problem. Ginny gives a pill to Sparks to feed to Red, as she feeds one to Croach. The pill is a mini EMP which disables all but the most entrenched nanotech, which should still be immune to the virus strain. The good nanotech will replicate, repair itself, and ensure Red and Croach's Nah Nohtek is fine. Harriet and Sparks agree that Ginny's quick thinking was impressive. Red, now herself again, admits that feeling those forced feelings for Croach stirred up some real feelings in her for him. Croach admits that he has never ceased having feelings for Red. Red asks if Croach would like to explore these feelings outside of the effects of the virus, as now that she's trying to reconnect with the tribe, she would like to reconnect with Croach, as well. Croach quickly agrees. Ginny and Sparks also admit that they also would be agreeable to getting to know each other better. Before they can start, though, Harriet says that she and Ginny have to head to HQ for debriefing and mission planning. She gives Mordecai permission to use The Force Galactic to make burgers and ice cream for Red. Ginny says she's stationed on Mars now, so she'll be back soon. Sparks, glad to hear the news, babbles before Ginny cuts him off, calling him "Sparky." Sparks is okay with the misdesignation.
Mon, Oct 6, 2014
Sparks Nevada asks The Marshal Station Doors to take a letter to Ginny West, which he begins dictating. After a couple of false starts, he congratulates her on her newest troubleshooting adventure, confirms that Croach and Red are still in a relationship and tells Ginny he likes her. Croach and Red enter The Marshal Station, and Red tells Sparks in a roundabout way that Croach is experiencing emotions and empathy. Croach denies this. Sparks then talks about Ginny, and everyone confirms they are glad for each other's relationships. Red says that this is the first time since she and Cactoid Jim broke up that she's been happy to be with anyone. The Marshal Station Doors asks if she's sure that's true, because there's someone outside awaiting entry. Red tells the Doors to let Cactoid Jim inside. Instead, Jib Janeen enters looking like Jim, sings Cactoid Jim descriptor, and hugs Sparks and Croach, despite no one wanting to him to hug them. Red refuses to even look at who she believes to be Jim. She says she thought the gate of her heart was closed to Jim, but now she's not so sure. Croach tells his tribe's story of how there was once a youngling who would always wish to kick a sporting ball, but another youngling would always remove the ball just before the primary youngling was able to kick it. He now believes himself to be as the primary youngling, Red to be the secondary youngling, and the ball to be their relationship. The Marshal Station Doors announce that she is confused, and the real Cactoid Jim enters, greeting everyone by saying "Hey all my buddies!" Jim and Jib challenge Red, Sparks and Croach to figure out which one of them is the real Jim and which is Jib, so Croach asks them what they would do if they came across an orphanage on fire. Jim says he'd save the kids, put out the fire and help them build a new orphanage, teaching them valuable skills. Jib, after confirming it's a human orphanage says he'd steal the orphan's secrets. Jim then says he'd steal their secrets, too. Jim and Jib explain that they're both just joking, and Jib turns into his true form. Jim recounts his recent history. He speaks of how he dismantled Punishment Soccer before Jib froze him in carbonite and turned him into a coffee table, sold him to some aliens who sold him to Chesh Glutterfane, but then Red rescued him. After that, he stopped an army of scum and villainy from emancipating Chesh at his trial, testified at that trial and got Chesh jailed for good, while convincing the army of scum and villainy to instead help build habitats for the needy, which turned small-scale crime into big-scale activism. He also rooted out big scale crime with equal parts smiling and shooting. He tried an experimental sun suit on a sun from a neighboring universe and now scientists can cure a supernovaing sun. He also ended things with Rebecca Rose Rushmore. Jim says that Rebecca is now more accepting of other beings. She also helped Jim realize all the anger he had inside of him towards Jib Janeen. Jim then ended the war between Earth and Jupiter, and confronted Jib. Jim has Jib apologize to them for having them carry his children without their consent and promises to never do it again. Red asks how the babies are doing, and Jib says they're doing great and sometimes look like them for practice. Jim reveals the other reason he's there -- to say goodbye. His friends from 500 years ago in the past are facing a threat so large that it threatens their present as well as the current present, and so he must go back to the past to right the first robot rebellion. Sparks and Jim say goodbye, and Jim calls Sparks the best space cowboy there ever was, hands down, in any medium. Jim attempts to say goodbye to Croach, who cuts him off just to say goodbye quickly. Jim says meeting Jib was a treat and a half. Jim asks Red to go with him, as he could never get her out of his head or hurt, and they'll make a home in the past. Croach asks Red not to do this, as he is no longer an "I" but a part of an "us" that they're just at the beginning of. Red says she's been moving forward for so long, and now she's confused that Jim is asking her to literally go to the past. Red decides she's tired of choosing between folks, states that she can do good on her own, and jumps into the portal, which closes behind her. Sparks says that she did it, the past is being altered. The Marshal Station Doors reports that what was once a war has turned into just a skirmish because of Red's involvement, and that she survived. Croach asks if Red will be able to return, but the Doors is uncertain. A new portal then appears, and Red steps out. She says Earth is real nice, and she had some epiphanies while back in the past. Love is a river, she says, and love ending can be a dam in the river. She says that Jim is the dam, but he ain't her damn river no more. Instead, she says that she thinks she and Croach are ready to try again and have a better relationship this time. The portal is still open, and Red says in the past she spent some time with Jim's wife and son, Cynthia and Owen. Jim guesses the wrong wife and son, but gets the right ones on the second try. Red says they never got over his leaving, and asks him to go right the wrong of leaving them. Jim agrees, and says goodbye to them all again, including Jib, who will miss him the most. Jim jumps in the portal, saying adios, for now. Croach notes that Jim is gone, and the sporting ball of his and Red's relationship has not been removed. Red comments that Croach has been using a metaphor all day to talk about how much he likes her. She and Sparks tease Croach that next he's going to start singing. Sparks then tries to arrest Jib for killing Antionette Fontaine's husband, but Jib teleports away. Sparks and Red run off to catch Jib, and Croach follows, after briefly singing "That adiosing Cactoid Jim!"
Mon, Nov 10, 2014
Sparks Nevada, anxious for his upcoming date with Ginny West at The Gelato Stand in a half an hour, repeatedly asks The Marshal Station Doors for the time, until The Red Plains Rider arrives. Sparks asks Red where Croach is, and Red says she doesn't keep track of him all the time, they still have their own lives. Red tells Sparks that she has a bad feeling about Ginny and doesn't like her. Sparks admits that he likes Ginny so much, and asks the AI to check to see if there's something wrong with Ginny. The AI reports that she's being hacked, and is soon under the control of the bounty hunter and Sparks' ex-girlfriend twice over, Mercy Laredo. Red says she will only help Sparks if he calls off his date with Ginny, but the AI says it's moot as they're locked into the Marshal Station. Mercy appears as a hologram and says that though Red and Sparks can see her, she can't see or hear them. She introduces Gree Skookum as her buddy from The Little Buddies Foundation. Gree is from Zone 1 of the Earth's Moon, and was training for Punishment Soccer until Punishment Soccer was disbanded. Gree was very disappointed at the lack of killing she got to do, and is now in training to be a bounty hunter under Mercy. Mercy says that when she got the bounty assignment for Ginny, after performing the Background and Practices check on her, she decided to trap Sparks to lure Ginny. Ginny then arrives, on her way to the Gelato Stand as predicted. Mercy introduces herself and points her guns at Ginny. Back at the station, the hacked Marshal Station AI informs Sparks that she's unable to assist because she's so hacked. Sparks puts on his robot fists as they can help him try to hack into the AI, and begins attempting to hack. Mercy tells Ginny she's there to kill her, or possibly not, and that she used to date Sparks. She says she's going to kill Ginny so Sparks will love her, or she won't kill Ginny so maybe then Sparks will love her. Red says that this is why she doesn't like Ginny, because she knew something like this would happen. Sparks says that Mercy isn't representative of all broken up with women. Red says that when Sparks dumped Mercy each time it made her more dangerous and deadly, so Sparks notes that by that logic, if Sparks and Ginny broke up, she'd just become an even better Troubleshooter. Mercy decides instead, she could just kill Sparks and then she could stop factoring him into her decisions. Gree notes that ever since the B&P on Ginny, Mercy has been acting differently and Gree wishes Mercy would return to how she was before. Mercy decides to kill Sparks so she can stop thinking about him, and has the Marshal Station AI begin removing all the air in the station. She tells Ginny this, and says that it doesn't matter that their relationship barely started, as Sparks would likely end up with The Red Plains Rider anyway. Red laments that she finally has something to live for, and now this is happening. They both are offended that Mercy thinks they'll end up together, and the Marshal Station Doors admits that she writes stories where the two of them kiss. So much kissing. Sparks asks Red if that touched a nerve, then asks if she still has feelings for him, and Red denies that she does. Sparks and Red realize that if they ended up together, Red would likely kill Sparks. Red admits that she's mostly suspicious of Ginny because since she and Sparks are friends now, she doesn't want to see Sparks get hurt. Red says she's new to having friends, but will get better at it. Sparks is still trying to hack in as he and Red gasp for air. Meanwhile, Gree tells Mercy that she needs Mercy to shoot the quarry without hesitation or emotion, and all of Mercy's emotion and revenge is getting in the way of Gree's education. Mercy realizes what she's doing and tries to shoot Ginny, but her guns don't fire. While Mercy and Gree were talking, Ginny used her wrist-computer to talk to Troubleshooter HQ. She had them turn off Mercy's tech, and had the Marshal Station restore the air. Ginny says that it's illegal to take out bounties on Troubleshooters. The bounty reverts to the person who took it out, likely a dissatisfied customer from Ginny doing her job correctly. Mercy and Gree leave to hunt the bounty on that person while Ginny tells Sparks via holofeed that the Marshal Station AI has been restored and she expects him to be on time for their date.
Mon, Dec 1, 2014
Gork enters The Gelato Stand, where Sparks and Ginny have already met for their date. Croach is at another table, enjoying a very large Gelato. Ginny tells Sparks that while she was away on business last week, she read Rebecca Rose Rushmore's book about herself and Sparks. She tells Sparks that Rebecca misunderstood emotional unavailability and blamed Sparks for her own projections, which causes Sparks to say "I love you", and then retract it, saying that though it's on the table for later, it's a long table. They hold hands by the end. Croach interjects, saying that he and The Red Plains Rider are in a stable relationship. Croach says that Sparks and Ginny will soon give way to the human mating ritual. Sparks says that what they're doing is a little bit of a big deal to him, Ginny and Croach agree that it's a big deal. Croach thinks Sparks and Ginny's relationship would be nearly as satisfying as his own and Red's. Ginny and Sparks agree there's no need to go faster, or slower, in their relationship. Two robots, Aver-E and Iron Ron enter, with their human daughter, looking for their other partner, Gork. Aver-E and Ron ask Gork to help comfort their crying daughter, who lulls her to sleep. Ginny is extremely curious about why three robots have a human baby, but Sparks tries to tell her that he's clocked out of marshaling, and as Gork is the sheriff and a robot, he couldn't possibly be doing anything illegal. He attempts to steer Ginny to re-focus on their date and tells her he's clocked out of his job. Iron Ron asks Gork why he's eating Gelato, since he has no taste buds nor digestion tract. Aver-E explains that Gork is stress eating, because he's worried that because of his job he won't always be there for their baby. Gork says some days that's all he can think about. Ginny again asks Sparks how he can see all that and not wonder what's going on. Sparks begins to tell Ginny about how Mercy Laredo hated robots, but Croach tells him not to talk about past courtships. Sparks asks Ginny about her past relationships, and she begins to wonder if they're actually compatible because he seems to have no curiosity. Sparks says it's okay if they have differences. Sparks asks where Croach's girlfriend is, and Croach says she often leaves with no warning or word when she'll be back, and it doesn't bother him because he trusts Red. Sparks says it's not about trust, it's about communication. Ginny's wrist computer dings and she says she just scanned Gork, and she noticed he's having emotions. She says she needs to perform a mandatory procedure, then asks Sparks to trust her. Aver-E and Iron Ron admire their baby, then Ron and Gork tell Aver-E that he smiles like their daughter when he's in sleep mode, even though they're not related. They're a family since they're raising the baby together. Gork says he never knew he could feel, but now he knows he can feel. Sparks tells Ginny that he used to not be able to clock out, but she needs to learn if she wants their relationship to work, which is what he wants, and Croach agrees. Ginny then says that her manual says that she needs to hard reboot Gork, and tells him to hold still. Ginny says she doesn't want any trouble either. They begin to stand off, but Sparks defuses the situation as Croach gets more peach gelato. Ginny says she needs to do defuse the situation, and does something to Gork. The other robots draw on Ginny, but Gork tells them to stand down, she did nothing. Ginny says she transmitted her scan to the Troubleshooter database and upgraded the records saying that X2981 robots can have stable emotions and should not be rebooted. Sparks tells Ginny that he's not mad about what she did, but needs to communicate better, he would have had her back. Ginny responds that she thought he knew better the type of person that he was. Sparks says he doesn't know yet, but today she went a long way to showing him who she is, and he really likes who she is, even if they're still learning. Ginny agrees that she likes him a lot too, and they share their first kiss. At the end of the kiss, Sparks exclaims "Bagropa!"
Mon, Jan 12, 2015
Sparks and Ginny enter the Space Saloon. Ginny asks the Doors to call her Ginny, and the Doors refuses. Ginny says she understands, as the Doors' history with troubleshooters isn't great, though now Saloon AI is considered good tech. The Doors, happy to hear this, thanks Ginny and calls her by name. Sparks mentions that he and Ginny are there to meet Croach and Red for a double date, and the Doors are surprised to hear Croach and Red are now together romantically. She admits she again has feelings for Croach, but she recognizes them for what they are and aren't, and refuses to be fixed by both Ginny and the Barkeep. Croach arrives, then states that Red isn't there as she's helping Pemily Stallwark and Dolores County return Chesh Glutterfane to custody after he escaped while being transported to maximum security prison. Sparks says he and Croach won't go to assist unless they call for help. Instead, they order drinks from The Barkeep. The space rotguts that Sparks and Ginny order come with flowers in the glass. The Barkeep says that the flowers come from Mindua, tended to by artisan Minduan gardeners. Sparks notes that there's no intelligent life on Mindua, and the Barkeep admits that life evolved on Mindua after he was there practicing using The Force Galactic and "nudged" intelligent life, while he was busying "tidying up." Sparks and Croach protest that that's against the natural order of the universe and had to break several space laws. Nonetheless, Sparks and Ginny agree that the Minduan flowers in the glass made the rotgut tidy. Sparks notes that Barkeep has been using his space powers a lot more recently, and Barkeep protests that he's just been "tidying up." He says he also tidied up the Battle Lords from Fumfum-6 and their War Machines which consumed conflict for energy to Dance Machines which eat Dance which their unitards and dance belt digested for energy. Sparks, Ginny and Croach protest, but the Barkeep insists there will be no repercussions. Harold T'shar, a representative for The Galaxium arrives, and has the Barkeep take a walk with him outside. He explains that when V'stalu of the Galaxium imbued him with The Force Galactic, it was a fluke, he wasn't supposed to keep the powers, the powers are not a toy. The Galaxium has seen all of the things the Barkeep has been doing lately and protest. Harold points out that in addition to changing the Battle Lords, he's also been creating many parallel universes where he changes things about his friends, including their genders, choices, and relationships, including a universe where they're all friends in high school, and writes about them to cure his writer's block. Harold says that all of this abusing of his power is causing The Galaxium to take The Force Galactic from the Barkeep. He's also there to let them know that there is a planet-consuming entity, who is also imbued with the Force Galactic, Keith Gonzalez, The Worldivore, heading towards Mars. Sparks and Harold take a walk outside to talk. Sparks asks if Keith is so powerful that only another person with The Force Galactic can stop him. Keith, who used to be a representative of the Galaxium, embezzled Galaxium energy. Sparks asks if someone else can have Barkeep's powers to stop Keith, and Harold says that's the other reason he's here -- to imbue one of the great heroes of Mars with the powers to save the planet. All of the heroes, save Red, are assembled -- Sparks, Croach, and Ginny, who Harold says the Galaxium counts as she's saved the universe more than anyone else present. The Barkeep uses The Force Galactic to switch his consciousness with Red, so she has a say in the proceedings. Croach insists that the Force Galactic should go to Red, who in turns insists that Croach should get the powers as he learned heroism from her. Ginny then says that Sparks should be imbued. And Sparks agrees. Red, Croach and even Ginny boggle at Sparks' audacity, but Sparks insists that he's correct and he's just respecting Ginny's opinion, though Croach and Red try to nudge him to see how he might be hurting Ginny's feelings. Keith Gonzalez then arrives above Mars, and Sparks reluctantly says to give the powers to Ginny, who refuses as she knows he's saying it reluctantly. Sparks says he's just going to go outside and fix the situation with or without powers, and hopes Ginny follows him. The Barkeep switches his consciousness back to his own body, and says he went and fixed the problem while the others were hashing things out. Keith isn't such a bad guy, he was there to talk to Barkeep. He didn't embezzle his powers, it was accidental absorbing. Keith only eats unpopulated planets and almost accidentally ate a planet Barkeep populated. Barkeep took Keith's Force Galactic, and returned Keith to Earth, where he belongs. He asks Harold to take his powers, and Harold notes that real heroes always ask for the powers to be removed after the threat has passed. Sparks says that Barkeep must be heroic after all, then Harold takes both his powers and Keith's from Barkeep. Sparks notes that by nearly keeping Keith's powers, Barkeep isn't so heroic after all, but neither was he himself, he was too caught up in trying to save the day to pay mind to Ginny's feelings, and Ginny forgives him for his imperfections. Sparks, Ginny, and Croach leave to the Earth's Moon to help Red, Pemily and Dolores for their double date.
Mon, Feb 2, 2015
Picking up at the end of Cosmic Sans, Croach, Sparks, and Ginny arrive at a desolate spot on the Earth's Moon to look for Pemily Stallwark, Dolores County, and The Red Plains Rider. Croach says that he's lost his bearings, and takes a moment to find them. During the respite, Ginny mentions that her trial period being stationed on Mars is over, and she wishes to move out of The Widow Johnson's boarding house and find a more permanent place to live. Sparks quickly says "Let's do it" before Ginny elaborates on her meaning, but their stuttering attempt to continue the conversation is interrupted by Dolores County falling out of the sky. Dolores explains that she, Red and Pemily were chasing down Chesh Glutterfane when the impossible happened. Before she can explain what that means, The Space Saloon arrives, introduces herself as La Diabla, and says she is still a bounty hunter. Sparks and Ginny are baffled, as they were just inside The Saloon back on Mars and she was fine. La Diabla says that nobody has been inside her since The Piano died. She says she was on Mars chasing Piston Pete moments ago, but suddenly appeared there and is confused as to why. When La Diabla says hello to Croach, he says everything is strange in his head, and The Red Plains Rider has disappeared, he can no longer track her. Dolores says that when she, Red and Pemily caught up to Chesh, the outlaw just waved his hand and they disappeared, then he backhanded Dolores back to the Moon. Croach says he's feeling something familiar, and calls Sparks a Butt-Milk. Croach is once again drunk, though he has not imbibed any alcoholic beverages since his resurrection. Sparks explains to Ginny that Croach can't drink, as it messes with his Nah Nohtek, and Croach could possibly die again. Croach says that he only has the effects of drinking. Ginny wonders why everyone seems to be glitching -- Croach's Nah Nohtek, La Diabla, and possibly Dolores' tech, as she is a cyborg and may have been programmed to remember what Chesh did to herself, Red and Pemily. Ginny then suddenly realizes that Sparks was offering to have her move in with him, and accepts at the same time Sparks rescinds the offer. Before the discussion can continue, Dolores transports Sparks, Ginny, and Croach back to The Marshal Station, as they have the tech there to track Red and Pemily. She says she and La Diabla will keep looking for clues there and will stay in comms contact. Back at the station, another version of Sparks Nevada enters, saying that this is her marshal station. Croach confirms that they have similar energy signatures, so they are the same person. The female version of Sparks notes that Croach is drunk, to which Croach says he has no friends nor drinks, but asks Sparks for a drink and confirms that they're friends. Sparks refuses to give Croach a drink. Another Croach enters, to everyone's confusion. Sparks realizes that this is the version of Croach that he dreamed about while Croach was dead, who makes breakfast out of his own eggs and likes to eat human organs. Croach confirms that this new Croach is identical to him. Sparks also realizes that the female version of him is one similar to the story about him Croach once told, and La Diabla is an alternate version where she was never rebooted, as well. A man arrives, and at first Sparks thinks it's another version of him, as the man is very cool. He introduces himself as The Red Plains Rider. He explains how he is the one survivor of a slaughter long ago. His family came to Mars as missionaries to civilize the martians, but were killed by robot outlaws, who killed the martians, as well as the human settlers, and took over the planet. Now he rides the plains of Mars, seeking vengeance. The law on Mars was killed in the Earth's Moon war. He's upset that Sparks won't answer his questions, and wishes to showdown with Sparks. Before a showdown can start, another version of Sparks appears, calmer and happier than regular Sparks. This Sparks says he's centered and happy because he has his life in order. He traded in his Marshal job and now owns a hardware store, but hasn't given up everything he loves. He's in a relationship with Virgil West, a male version of Ginny, who enters and introduces himself. Regular Sparks and Ginny think their alternate versions are great. Centered Sparks offers to tell regular Sparks why he's so happy, but before he can, Chesh Glutterfane appears. He says he's taken his revenge on The Red Plains Rider for capturing him, though he can't find Cactoid Jim to extract revenge on, thus he's taking his anger out on Jim's friends. The Red Plains Rider who is present attempts to shoot Chesh, and fails to hurt him. Chesh explains that he's in control of all of time and space and entered via an inter-dimensional portal. As he was fleeing this universe's Red and Pemily, he came across Harold of the Galaxium, who was carrying a briefcase. Chesh shot and killed Harold, then took the briefcase, which contained the two parts of Force Galactics which both the Barkeep and Keith Gonzalez used to wield. He sent Red and Pemily to another dimension, read some timelines and brought all the alternate characters to this reality (though perhaps subconsciously), as well as made Croach drunk for fun. Another version of Chesh arrives, a better, nicer, kinder version. He tells Sparks and Virgil they're a lovely couple, as are Sparks and Ginny. Regular Sparks and Ginny mention they're thinking of moving in together, and his alternate and Virgil say they did try moving in together, but drove each other nuts, so now Virgil lives next door and they're happy. Young Sparks says she lived with her Ginny for years, and loved it. Kind Chesh advises Sparks and Ginny to do what's right when it's the right time for both of them. Regular Chesh says now isn't the time to figure out the future, but his counterpart has no future, and explodes his guts. As he's dying, other Chesh says he's not from the future, but he's the Chesh that Chesh wants to be. As his alternate dies, Chesh gains perspective on who and how he was. The alternate asks Chesh to redeem himself in both their names, but Chesh refuses and finishes killing his alternate. Chesh is about to kill someone else when he's shot and several times, and dies. Sparks and Ginny look around at who could have killed a being with two sets of cosmic powers, and an unknown man, who is crackling with energy, enters. The man introduces himself as Ezra Seldom, and sops up the two sets of The Force Galactic. He says he's looking for The Red Plains Rider, not the one present, but the one from this universe. Sparks says that even though Ezra has at least two sets of The Force Galactic, if he wants to get to Red, he'll have to go through him. Croach, Ginny and all of the alternate versions present agree.
Mon, Feb 9, 2015
The Red Plains Rider, Pemily Stallwark and Dolores County ride in a rocket away from the Earth's Moon to attempt to catch Chesh Glutterfane. Red wonders if the rocket they're in is fast enough to catch him, or if Pemily is old enough to drive it, but Dolores sticks up for Pemily. Dolores also mentions that the moon has a booming rocket-building industry. After nearly losing Chesh behind a satellite, they spot Harold of the Galaxium intersecting Chesh, then watch as Chesh kills Harold, takes The Force Galactic from his suitcase to wield himself, and appears in front of them. Chesh quickly banishes Pemily and Red into another dimension, then punches Dolores out of the rocket, and back onto the moon. Chesh notices Sparks and the others on the moon looking for him, and leaves to confront them. Meanwhile, in another dimension, Pemily and Red enter The Space Saloon. They recognize the place, but don't recognize the Barkeep behind the bar. The Barkeep recognizes Pemily, but only as the winner of Punishment Soccer, and also mentions that she went to go help the Moon's underground resistance. Pemily denies the second part, and the Barkeep says he won't ask what she's been doing, since he's not a gossip. Red says this proves he isn't the real Barkeep. The idealized version of Chesh Glutterfane arrives. He explains that the Barkeep in their universe created all of the alternate universes, they're now in one of these, and he's being sent by a man in the corner of the saloon back to Red and Pemily's universe to confront his other self. He says goodbye to Pemily and Red, and tells Ezra to send him. Pemily and Red ask Ezra to send them back to their universe as well. Ezra is awed at Red's appearance, saying she's just like he dreamed she would be. Before he explains himself, he says he aims to do something now, and will call her in a minute, then disappears. A few seconds later, Red and Pemily fade, and arrive at the end of Crisis on Infinite Marses part 2, with Ezra explaining that he's there for The Red Plains Rider, and all of the Sparks, Croach and Ginny's saying that Ezra will have to go through them to get to Red. Red hears this and is touched, thanking them, though she's going to fight her own battles. Red says she figured out who Ezra is -- he's her father, and Ezra confirms it. Red also notices that Croach is drunk, so Ezra removes Croach's drunkenness. Ezra then removes all of the extra Sparks, Croach and Ginnys, though not the male version of Red. Before Centered-Sparks and Virgil disappear, they again debate whether or not they should move in together. Ezra explains that he's looking for a dimension where Red's mother still exists, so he can put their family back together. In his dimension, when they landed on Mars to colonize the planet, they were attacked and slaughtered by lizard men. Red and her mother were killed, and Ezra survived though he had been shot in his stomach, dragged himself to town, and vowed vengeance. He spent a long time riding the Red Plains of Mars killing lizard men until he killed the ones that killed his family. The act only gave him temporary peace. Later, he was eating supper on a wagon train and saved the life of a member of The Galaxium from choking. That member of The Galaxium held some space powers in a trust for Ezra, until he died, and then Ezra took the space powers to use. Since then, he's been looking in various universes to get his family back. Red realizes that she has a name, and her surname is Seldom. Ezra asks if she would like to know her name, and the male version of Red asks if they'd picked out a name for a boy. Before Ezra can answer, Dolores calls The Marshal Station and tells those assembled that all of the alternate universes that The Barkeep created have started smushing together. Sparks doesn't think any of them can survive a dimensional smush, but Dolores is cut off before she can offer more information. Ezra says that the smush is his doing. His plan is to take all the best parts of all the dimensions and incorporate them into this, the prime universe, making sure everyone is happy from then on out and dispose of all the bad stuff entirely. He asks each assembled to name something they regret, and they do. Sparks regrets stimulating Croach's eggsacs, Pemily regrets killing a refereaver who was just doing his job during Punishment Soccer, and Ginny regrets not becoming a troubleshooter and meeting Sparks sooner. Ezra says they could all be their best selves and reunited with loved ones. Red interjects, saying that though she lost her family, she was still raised by the martians, who took care of and influenced her. And then she has made a lot of mistakes in her past, with both Sparks and Croach, but making those mistakes prepared them all for the relationships they're in now. Ezra says she can keep her memories of her mistakes, but he just wants his kid riding by his side, and Red says it would be nice to be with her family, but Croach objects. Croach asserts that she already is amongst her family, that as people grow up, they create their own families. They have a family on G'loot Praktaw -- Red, Himself, Sparks, Ginny, the Barkeep, Felton, and The Widow Johnson. They care for each other, and are a family of friends. Croach also says that as mature individuals they can also create a family of loved ones, and declares his love for her. Red is touched, and tells Croach she loves him, too. Ezra says they can work with that. Pemily wonders if they're going to fight Ezra, but Sparks says they can talk it out. He points out that when Ezra smushed all of the other Sparks, Croach and Ginnys into them, he didn't smush the male Red Plains Rider into Red. He didn't have the heart to erase male Red, and Sparks points out that they're a lot alike. Male Red and Ezra realize their similarities, and the male Red agrees to ride with their father, traversing dimensions to look for Red's mother. Red has Ezra agree to not erase any more dimensions in her mother's name, as she's sure her mother wouldn't want that, even though she never knew her mother. Ezra says Red is the spitting image of her mother. Sparks has Ezra un-merge all the folks who had been erased back where he found them. Ginny suggests Ezra keeps just enough powers to look through the universes, but to put the rest in a trust. Ezra and the male Red leave together. Red congratulates Sparks on saving all of the dimensions. He says he had to because of what Croach said about making their own family. He could have stopped existing as he is, then he and Ginny couldn't move in together. Ginny accepts Sparks' request. Red then has a realization -- her father called her "dumpling" several times as he spoke to her, and that could be her name. Pemily says it aloud: Dumpling "Red Plains Rider" Seldom. Ginny says that no parent would name their child after food. Just then, there's a sound, and someone teleports into the Marshal Station. Stacy Kerns-Nevada, Sparks' mother, teleports in and greets her son, calling him by her nickname for him, "Noodle". She says everyone is proud of him, everyone in the USSA was watching as he saved all of those dimensions. Stacy hopes that Sparks' new girlfriend doesn't complicate his decision, as a position has opened up and the USSA is offering it to him -- Marshal of Earth.
Mon, Apr 11, 2016
Sparks Nevada and Ginny West-Nevada arrive on the Honey Moon, formerly Fumfum-6 of the SK System. QQQQ, an Empathy Being, tells them to enjoy themselves as he shows them their room, and leaves. Ginny soon asks Sparks why he's been more taciturn and grumbly since the wedding. Before he can answer, Ronk and QQQQ enter to ask them if they can help ease the tension in the room, then leave. Sparks points out that Ginny called Sparks his buddy, and then asks Ginny if she is a Jupiter Spy. Ginny, offended, storms off into the bathroom and attempts, unsuccessfully, to slam the door. Sparks says he'll apologize only after she confirms she's not a Jupiter Spy. Croach enters, and informs Sparks he thinks Ginny may be a Jupiter Spy, despite Sparks' insistence he already knows. As Sparks attempts to tell Croach to butt out, Felton enters and informs Sparks he thinks Ginny might be Jupiter Spy. Croach and Felton wonder if the Ginny Sparks married is the real Virginia West, or if she's a spy who replaced a human Ginny at some point. QQQQ, Ronk, and Xance enter, insisting that Sparks and Ginny find the love between them and bask in it, or else. Croach points out that the Empathy Beings are metamorphosing on a cellular level to much more dangerous beings. Sparks tells Felton he must calm down, as he doesn't want the Empathy Beings to take on Felton's emotions. Sparks and Ginny continue to bicker over whether or not she's a spy, and why Sparks brought his guns on their honeymoon. Barkeep then enters, saying that he and Harriet are on the planet for one of their many second honeymoons. Barkeep doesn't remember Jib Janeen or the Jupiter spies. He only stopped by to see trouble play out in someone else's place. Felton says now he's both scared, and jealous of Harriet and Mordecai's marriage. Sparks begins to lose his patience at Ginny and insists she tell him if she's a spy. All four Empathy Beings enter, all very angry, and explain that their emotions are causing danger to everyone in the resort, as they could fly into a murderous rage at any moment. Sparks attempts to calm down, and tells Ginny he now wants to learn about her and who she is. He then realizes he does love Ginny, no matter who she really is. The Empathy Beings also calm down, and Ginny emerges from the bathroom. Croach confirms everyone is now calm, when The Red Plains Rider arrives. Red tells everyone to shut up, and that Sparks has enough sense to figure out his own stuff on his own time. She is there to shoo Croach away, not that she's angry. The Empathy Beings confirm she only has her low-level omnipresent anger. She and Croach decide to get a room at the resort. Felton decides to go back home, as he's alone. Sparks apologizes, saying he should have talked to Ginny instead of simmering in his anger. He tells her he loves her, then Ginny confesses that she is a Jupiter Spy, although she has a secret to tell him.
Mon, Jul 11, 2016
Deke and Bell, outlaws locked up in the Marshal Station for a train robbery, engage in conversation with Sparks Nevada, who is attempting to catch up on some reading. Sparks is trying to ascertain when Ginny the human was switched with Ginny the Jupiter Spy. The Marshal Station alerts Sparks that the bank is being robbed, and Sparks exits to deal with the emergency. Sparks return shortly, while arresting Mags, a robot, who is on the phone with Calhoun, her boyfriend and a lawyer. Calhoun arrives immediately, demanding Mags' release and attempts to trick Sparks into the release. Judge Nelly "The Noose" Hangman then arrives, and explains that her nickname was given because she was once married to a criminal, earning her a reputation of being lenient to those with cases about love and redemption. Deke responds that her nickname was given because she chokes the life out of any marriage. Deke and Nelly, ex-spouses, have a spat, and talk about Belle. Sparks, reading a report Ginny wrote, interrupts the spat and draws Nelly's attention. Judge Hangman forces Sparks to play the part of prosecutor in Mags' trial, which will take place immediately. Calhoun argues that because Sparks arrested Mags, she didn't successfully rob the bank, no crime was committed. He then argues if Mags was released, his love would change her for the better, and nobody's perfect. He refers to the case of Head vs. Heart, and begs the court to root for their hearts. Mags and Calhoun speaking of the things they love about each other, which reminds Sparks of the things he loves about Ginny. Deke and Belle then speak of the things they love about each other, including committing genocide on Drask 15. Nelly reminds Deke that that's where they committed genocide together, and another spat ensues. Mags, attempting to relay a story in her own defense, instead argues the "Head" position in the Head vs. Heart debate, reminding Calhoun that a space leopard cannot change its spots, that's what makes them a space leopard. Judge Hangman declares that law folks and criminals shouldn't mix, sames are more important than differences. She instead suggests that Calhoun should go out for a gelato with her, and he accepts. Sparks wonders that if you truly love someone, it shouldn't matter what they do. Mags, Deke and Belle say he's wrong, what happened with Calhoun and Nelly was inevitable, and criminals and lawmen are too different to work. Sparks insists that he loves Ginny, and she loves him back, but then realizes that everyone might be right. He decides to end things with Ginny. The Marshal Station Doors intervenes and asks him to consider that he's wrong -- the judge and lawyer are dumb and he's taking advice from criminals. She tells him to find the real Ginny and then decide who he wants to be with. Sparks realizes the station is right, heads out to find both Ginnys.
Mon, Dec 5, 2016
Croach the Tracker enters the Gelato Stand, orders a Gelato and feigns ignorance that he is there to see how things are going with Sparks, as the real Virginia West is imminently arriving. Virginia arrives, orders a water, and tells Sparks she prefers to be called Virginia. She thanks him for saving her from the salt mines of Jupiter. Virginia confirms that she and Sparks had never met, Ginny had kidnapped her prior to meeting Sparks, and the Ginny Sparks was married to has always been the Jupiter Spy. Virginia and Sparks have a conversation about the painfulness of mining salt, to Sparks' delight. He continues to attempt to find things he and Virginia have in common. Two androids enter, and eventually announce that the Jonathan Coultons (a band of clones) are performing a free concert in town, and encourage everyone to come with them to see the show At the show, Sparks attempts to impress Virginia with his knowledge of the band, and empathizes with her about the salt mines some more. The Jonathan Coultons arrive, and perform a song about stealing love. After the song, a towns-person notices his wallet has been stolen, as well as Sparks' and Croach's coin pouches. Virginia wonders if Jonathan Coulton and his clones stole everyone's purses as their song was about stealing and they left town immediately afterwards. Sparks, Croach, and Virginia head to the next town to investigate. The Jonathan Coultons are already playing their next show, this time a slow rendition of "Love Ain't No Billy Goat". After the show, Sparks and Croach confront the band. The androids from earlier arrive to defend the Jonathan Coultons, but are soon revealed to be the thieves. The androids draw Sparks' guns on the humans and Croach. Sparks asks to say something before they are shot, and asks Virginia to give him a chance, as he split with Ginny. Croach implies that Ginny split with him first. Virginia tells Sparks that she's not interested, but assures him that he'll find someone to ride with, just not someone who reminds him of his ex, right after they split up. After Sparks insults her, Virginia walks out. The Jonathan Coultons then steals Sparks' guns and beat up the androids. Sparks asks for the band's autographs as he arrests the android outlaws.
Sun, Dec 25, 2016
The Saloon Doors open to a surprise event, to celebrate Sparks' imminent departure, which, Croach points out, could lead to Sparks' death. Red tells Croach to stop talking about Sparks' death. As the sun is now part of Mars' territory, Sparks needs to stop sun rustlers from stealing part of the sun. The Barkeep presents the cake he made. Despite Sparks' denial, everyone, including the Saloon Doors insists that Sparks is going to die. The Barkeep and the Saloon Doors discuss putting a plaque in honor of Claire Dantana up, a woman who patched a hole in the sun and lived to tell about it, until she died from being hit by a space train after going blind on the sun. Sparks notes he is bringing sun blinders and is utterly prepared to go to the sun, and is most likely going to be killed by sun rustlers. He also notes that there will be an interim marshal while he's gone, despite Red's insistence that she outranks Sparks. Sparks instead introduces Maisey Lyons, and Red immediately chastises Sparks for getting hearts in his eyes for Maisey. Maisey says his respect is mutual, and he runs a good ship on Mars, though she means to tighten it. Barkeep and The Saloon Doors begin to ship Sparks and Maisey, despite Maisey insisting she is just there to work. Bill and Fritz, two robot outlaws, enter, meaning to rob the bank, but went to the wrong building. The Barkeep vehemently insists he does not want trouble in his place, citing the fact that he even once sang a song about it. The outlaws decide to rob the place anyway. The lawmen discuss shooting the outlaws, and all draw their weapons. The outlaws drop their guns... for now. Sparks prepares to leave, but Red stops him, insisting he appoint her in charge, and Croach tells Sparks that he wants to be in charge as well. Barkeep and the Doors insist what they really want to hear is they're Sparks' favorite, and throw their hats in the ring, citing that all of them would also pick Sparks as their best friend. Maisey notes that the interpersonal drama that's being produced on Mars has been keeping the law enforcement from running as well as it should. Bill and Fritz agree, and attempt to escape. Red and Croach continue to argue with Sparks, wanting to know that he sees them as equals. Sparks says he learned to talk of feelings from Red and Croach and tells Red and Croach that he loves them. As Bill and Fritz attempt to escape again, the Saloon Doors close, and do not allow them to leave, while being encouraged by Barkeep. Sparks tells Maisey that the entire Mars community helps keep the planet safe, and they all work together. He tells Maisey that she can pitch in, but Red and Croach are in charge until he gets back. Fritz and Bill again attempt to escape, but Maisey stops them with her robot fists. Sparks moves to leave again, but Croach stops him to wish him well and hugs Sparks, which Red joins into, then Barkeep, the Doors in their own way. Felton then runs in, and joins in the hug. Maisey gives in and joins, as well. Red and Croach then admit they had sun suits made and are going along, in hopes that if they go, it won't be a suicide mission. The three heroes leave together, riding off into the sun.