Flixer1957 Reviews

Vampyre (1990)

For Fans Of Independent Cinema

[7/10 · 12 November 2011]

Loosely based on Carl Dreyer's 1932 VAMPYR.

Traumatized by vampires as a youngster, David Gray grows into an adult dedicated to fighting the bloodthirsty forces of evil. He's called to the remote village of Cortempierre, in which innocent humans have become a minority. Witches and vampires hold sway over the countryside thanks to the demonic doings of an evil doctor (John Brent) and the seldom-seen but all-pervasive vampire Marguerite Chopin (Kathy Seyler.) Well before the showdown the audience wonders, along with Gray, if the vampire hunter has bitten off more than he can chew.

Filmed mainly in the restored Eastfield Village in Rensselaer County, NY, VAMPYRE is set in a nebulous time and place, the French sound of "Cortempierre" notwithstanding. This and the film's dreamlike (in some cases nightmarish) atmosphere give the director free reign to be as bizarre as he wants. The "no children–no dogs" dialogue is a deliberately strange carry-over from Dreyer's flick but there is plenty of new weirdness as well. Flouting Hollywood convention, vampires stalk their victims in broad daylight (which often frequently happens in traditional vampire lore.) A topless vampire woman rides around on horseback, for no other reason than the film's distributor demanded it (along with a change in the spelling of the title.) Hallenbeck's own set-pieces include a peasant woman being tied to a piece of farm machinery and murdered and the local Igor-type having his leg lopped off in loving close-up. Later, a character with a musket wound in his face rips off Igor's peg-leg and kills him with it. Non-gore stand-outs include a haunting dance sequence and some well-integrated sepia and black-and-white footage. Most of the players are competent but are dwarfed by the overall strange ambiance of the picture. However, Randy Scott Rozler is a real stand-out as David Gray. He may resemble a member of the Carradine family but his performance is fine taken on its own terms. John Brent as the bad doctor displays a real screen villainy unseen in recent horror flicks and his footage should be shown in acting classes everywhere.

Bloody in certain scenes, fleshy in others, VAMPYRE is and hour and a half of good solid entertainment for broad-minded fans of the ghastly and the weird.

She Killed in Ecstasy (1971)

Franco Femme Fatale On A Rampage

[28 June 2011]

A young doctor experiments with fusing animal and human embryos, which incurs the wrath of the ruling medical board. They humiliate him and banish him; he then goes berserk and kills himself. After a decent interval of mourning, his widow–-played to the sultry hilt by Soledad Miranda–goes all-out for revenge. She's determined to wipe out all those bad doctors–male and female–who did her hubby wrong.

Most of the killings involve Miranda using her (considerable) womanly wiles to seduce her victims before slashing or stabbing them. (One scene, however, would have us believe that it only takes 20 seconds to smother someone to death.) Once the slaying starts–about 30 minutes into the movie–things move along at a rapid clip. (Possibly a bad choice of words considering what our Black Widow does to her male victims afterward.) In any case, this rampage gives us many shots of Miranda's beautiful bod. Female viewers, meanwhile, can enjoy the scenes of Jess Franco shirtless and Howard Vernon in the buff. And everybody can amuse themselves by counting the spelling errors in the English subtitles, or relaxing to a music score better suited to a nightclub than a horror movie.

The tired old "crime does not pay" ending involves some of the worst deductive reasoning I've heard on-screen. It's also oddly prophetic, considering what happened to Soledad Miranda in real life.

Flesh Feast (1970)

Cool Title, Doofy Movie....

[3/10 · 5 July 2010]

Brad Grinter's other claim to fame was BLOOD FREAK, about a bloodthirsty turkey-monster. Chris Martell previously appeared in THE GRUESOME TWOSOME, then co-starred with Phil Philbin in SCREAM BABY SCREAM. Apparently those films weren't bad enough so these guys collaborated on this Grade-Z stinker, co-produced by none other than Veronica Lake. Veronica plays a crazed plastic surgeon who uses hungry maggots for dermabrasion. She's also seeking revenge on a "mystery patient" whose identity is revealed at the end. (HINT: This mystery patient ruled Germany during World War II.) This grungy premise, which should have grossed out drive-in audiences everywhere, is undermined by insane dialog, risible acting and hysterical production gaffes. A lab assistant cuts through a corpse's tendon and a noise like wood being sawed is heard on the soundtrack. Another character blunders into a room festooned with pale body parts hanging from the ceiling; she actually has to bump into a hacked-up torso before noticing anything wrong. I've read about a scene where Lake spouts a patriotic wartime speech directly into the camera; thankfully, it's been cut from every video version I've seen. Veronica was a diner waitress prior to doing this picture. After waiting on the public, she probably considered working with maggots a pleasant chore by comparison.

Scared to Death (1946)

1947 was a lean year...

[2/10 · 5 July 2010]

Here's a weird one for you: a terror tale told in flashback by the voice of a dead woman. Heroine Joyce Compton is terrorized by an eerie figure in a green mask until her ticker can't take it any more. Shots of her corpse are separated from flashbacks by loud noise on the soundtrack. Perennial mad doctor George Zucco stars, along with Bela Lugosi as a hypnotist, Angelo Rossitto as his assistant and Molly Lamont as a stereotype Irish maid. Big Nat Pendleton, so good at playing goof-balls, is a dopey detective so inept he couldn't catch a virus during a flu epidemic. They all play their parts as if completely unrehearsed, which at least gives the picture its only continuity. Cabanne blended horror and comedy relief very well in THE MUMMY'S HAND; this outing is a farce with horror trappings and nothing more. Allegedly Lugosi's only film in color.

The Astro-Zombies (1968)

Uncut On DVD.

[1/10 · 4 July 2010]

Demented Dr. DeMarco has figured out a way to create Astro-Zombies–that is, wildly gyrating actors wearing skull masks. His methods involve organs being removed--usually from lovely women, of course. The Feds want to stop him. Villains led by statuesque Tura Satana want his formula. Most viewers probably wanted their money back. John Carradine plays DeMarco with all the professionalism he can muster. Satana's costumes showcase the twin talents that made her a Russ Meyer star. She also throws a nasty karate kick, just as her Mexican cohort brandishes a mean switchblade–never let it be said that Ted V. Mikels let a stereotype go by. Another character jokes about "becoming a lush;" that line is in ill taste since co-star Wendell Corey–who died after filming–was suffering from acute alcoholism. On the funny side: there's never more than one Astro-zombie on screen at any time; must be the local Woolworth's only had one skull mask in stock. One Astro-zombie manages to lose his "photo cell" and pursues victims while holding a flashlight up to his head to keep going. Toy tanks and robots appear for no logical reason under the credits. Old VHS tapes titled SPACE VAMPIRES ran a mere 77 minutes. I recently saw a 91-minute DVD that featured some surprising bits of cheesecake early on and gore toward the end. I bet co-scripter/co-producer Wayne Rogers never mentioned this five-cent fiasco to his buddies on the set of M*A*S*H.

Hometown U.S.A. (1979)

American Graffiti Rip-Off Has Its Moments.

[7/10 · 27 March 2010]

Directed by "Jethro Bodine" and written by Jesse Vint of MACON COUNTY LINE fame, this winner hit the Hudson Valley drive-ins on a double-bill with BUCKSTONE COUNTY PRISON. It's debatable which flick is sillier; at least HOMETOWN USA is goofy on purpose.

The lead character is pudgy, frizz-haired high-school nerd Rodney "The Rodent," who sometimes talks into the camera. The fun begins when he takes his sister's boyfriend's convertible and tries to cruise with the big dudes. He winds up an unwilling chauffeur for TJ Swackhammer, the local James Dean imitator, and tough-guy Recil Calhoun. Calhoun has a giant slingshot in his Chevy pick-up and launches flour-bombs at the local Mean Cop. Other stock characters include stuffy strait-laced parents; a stacked teenaged nympho; bikers; leggy car-hops; doofy derelicts and one under-aged girl who's tougher than the boys. Sally Kirkland plays one of several 26-year-"old" women on the prowl. Pat Delaney is Rodney's Dream Girl who turns into a nightmare. There are lots of insults and zingers; Jesse Vint reprises the "hard man is good to find" line that got so many chuckles in BOBBIE JO AND THE OUTLAW. A lot of the jokes and situations are so dumb you can't help but crack up; others are legitimately funny. The actors portraying the high-schoolers are older than their characters which only adds to the hilarity. All this, with a great oldies soundtrack and more 1957 automobiles than you can shake a stick at.

Or lob a flour-bomb at. That giant slingshot was COOL! I've gotta get me one of them...

Detour (2003 Video)

Let the "Hills Have Eyes" Rip-offs Begin!

[21 March 2010]

This copycat bloodbath helmed by S. Lee Taylor (hopefully no relation to R. Dean Taylor) opens with two lovely ladies crossing the desert on the way to their same-sex wedding. (Heavy social relevance here, folks!) They're slashed to death by a killer with a double-hook hand. After the main titles, a horde of young "adults" in an RV blunder into the same area. A geeky gas station owner warns them not to venture further, so guess what they do next. The driver swerves to miss a little girl standing in the road and before you know it, the RV is stranded in Chemically Contaminated Cannibal Country.

Before the hungry homicidal maniacs show up, we're "entertained" by six air-heads whose dopey mannerisms and stupid "tween" vernacular almost had me hitting the Eject button. The "Loopz" character is a white dude who talks like a stereotype black pimp–and manages to insult whites, blacks and pimps in the process. At least the women are knock-outs, and two members of this eye-candy contingent amuse us with insults aimed at each other's boobs and butts.

The mutated murderers mount their assault roughly 40 minutes into the picture. Most of them are marshmallows compared to the original Papa Jupe and his clan, but there are more of them–-more TARGETS in other words!!! Gore set-pieces include stabbing, slashing, impalement, decapitation, pungi stakes through feet and gore-splattering gunshot wounds. One character has a screwdriver rammed into his upper spine–and he still moves afterward. Actual cannibalism is kept to a minimum but oh well, you can't have everything.

To top it all off, the end credits are a real hoot–rife with such monikers as "Cannibal Gargoyle", "LoudMouth Jackass", and "Maggie The Bitch." And for us chronic screen-starers who sit through ALL the credits, there's a juicy tidbit at the end of it all.

This movie doesn't have an original bone in its picked-clean carcass-- but it manages to be entertaining in spite of itself. I only hope that the young folks DETOUR is aimed at re-discover Wes Craven's 1977 THE HILLS HAVE EYES. That movie was a true Terror Classic.

Blazing Stewardesses (1975)

Al Adamson couldn't make comedies, either.

[1/10 · 22 October 2009]

Stewardess Regina Carrol, a brunette this time out, goes to a dude ranch with her equally air-headed friends. Ranch owner Robert Livingston wants to bring in gambling; bad guys are after the oil on his land so they hijack his casino equipment and burn his employees with branding irons. Yvonne DeCarlo runs a cat-house and, at one point, breaks into song; her singing is the more criminal offense. The two surviving Ritz Brothers, in the movie's comic "high point," try to hitch a ride by showing their legs. Except for one scene involving a blow-up doll and another of a nude woman standing on her head, BLAZING.... could have been rated PG. This boring "comedy" has no laughs whatsoever and is a blatant insult to the Hollywood stunt men to whom it's dedicated. I can't imagine flight attendants being thrilled with it either.

Il fantasma di Sodoma (1988 Video)

A Nazi Atrocity of the Cinematic Kind.

[2/10 · 20 October 2009]

1943: A gang of especially dissolute Nazis drink, snort coke, cavort with some unappealing prostitutes and film the entire sick scene until the Allies attack and ruin the party. (The assault consists of stock footage and ONE explosion from a lesser bomb than this movie. I don't know how I stood the excitement!)

1988: Six typically annoying teen-agers, played by poorly-dubbed actors, arrive at a remote villa that--big surprise--turns out to be the site of the shenanigans mentioned above. One of them is battered and seduced by a Nazi ghost, though she has little to say about it to her friends the next day.

The youngsters try to leave the house and of course find it impossible to do so. They are further beset by a couple of Nazi specters in between long stretches of nothing happening. There are only two notable set-pieces before the lame, lazy finale: a prolonged eye-candy scene involving a topless, mega-breasted teen and a female succubus, and a murder victim's corpse putrefying before his friends' eyes.

Like most of Fulci's later work, this has none of the atmosphere or memorable characters found in his early horrors. The minimal gore is totally uninspired and unenthusiastic this time out. I can't believe this picture was directed by the same guy who gave us ZOMBIE, CITY OF THE LIVING DEAD and THE BEYOND.

When it comes to "NW" (Nazi Whorehouse) pot-boilers, this ranks as one of the worst. Next to SODOMA'S GHOST, trash like HELL TRAIN starts to look good, and David Friedman's LOVE CAMP 7 just looks better than ever.

The Reptile (1966)

One of Hammer's Crown Jewels From The 1960s.

[8/10 · 20 October 2009]

Lovely, raven-haired Jacqueline Pearce falls victim to a Malaysian curse and mutates into a scaly-faced, green-skinned monster with peepers the size of manhole covers.

Don't let that spare synopsis fool you–there are erotic and psychological undercurrents a-plenty in one of Hammer's best from the 1960s. Filmed, with atmosphere to burn, in Cornwall at the same time as the excellent PLAGUE OF THE ZOMBIES. Noel Willman and Jennifer Daniel co-star. Michael Ripper, one of the best character actors ever, gets a lot of screen time here. In a cute reversal of what usually happens in these flicks, Ripper's innkeeper actually welcomes new arrivals to the village. Some of the other locals are another story altogether...

A friend of mine saw a play in London, in which Jacqueline Pearce appeared topless. I bet anything she got a standing ovation.

The House of Clocks (1989 TV Movie)

Another gore free-for-all from Tio Lucio.

[5/10 · 11 October 2009]

Fulci's early horrors (THE PSYCHIC; ZOMBIE; CITY OF THE LIVING DEAD) featured protagonists that the audience could root for. Goofballs, in some cases, but you cared whether they got splattered or not. Most of his later works were just gore free-for-alls between detestable characters that you hated from Frame One. HOUSE OF CLOCKS definitely belongs in the last category.

Sarah and Victor Corsini live with their servants in a remote mansion. We find out immediately that the rich old coots are not only murderers with two corpses stashed in a back room, but killers with elitist attitudes as well. Old Victor has filled the mansion with all manner of watches and clocks, which he talks to as if they were the children he never had, thank God. Into this happy household come two hoodlums and their girlfriend. (When she talks her way into the mansion with the old "broken down car" story, this young lady asks Corsini, in all seriousness, "Do you collect CLOCKS???" Well, Doy-EEEE!!!!) Brief comedy aside, the trio that's come to rob ends up committing mass murder; the Corsinis and caretaker Al Cliver end up as bloody messes on the floor.

Then the clocks and watches start running backwards. You can probably guess what happens next.

Unlike another late Lucio opus, DEMONIA, HOUSE OF CLOCKS doesn't have one person in it to root for. It does boast some good moments and creepy atmosphere which is more than can be said for SWEET HOUSE OF HORRORS. The ending is pure poetic justice, as a crime committed by the thugs early on catches up with them. And for those who want gore and nothing more, this film delivers blood and guts by the bucketful. Where else but in a Fulci flick would a character suffer a small stab wound and have her intestines come spilling out?

Best of all, HOUSE OF CLOCKS is a perfect metaphor for Lucio Fulci's career. Long-time fans and newcomers alike should definitely watch his last films first and then work their way back.

The Last House on the Left (2009)

The Old Craven Estate vs. This New House

[5/10 · 25 March 2009]

This so-called "remake" of Wes Craven's trend-setting cult movie may have some impact--on those who've never seen the original.

As I sat watching this, I tried to take it on its own terms and avoid comparisons to the 1972 model. I couldn't help myself, however—possibly because the old HOUSE had so much more to offer.

Here are the main strengths of the original LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT:

A) The fact that nobody had ever seen anything like it before. It may have "borrowed" its story from Ingmar Bergman's THE VIRGIN SPRING but the unflinching, "you-are-there-at-a-murder-scene" brutality was unprecedented.

B) The characters, good and bad, were convincing and well-developed, in a short amount of time.

C) The movie kept throwing curves at the audience from one scene to the next.

The new one, on the other hand, features flat characters with little personality. Which, come to think of it, may be appropriate since people in general are shallower and less interesting today than they were in the 1970s.

There is none of the original's scary atmosphere or sense of suspense. This movie is strictly by-the-numbers.

There are some plot deviations from the original, but most of them don't work.

The cast doesn't have a quarter of the screen presence of Fred Lincoln, Lucy Grantham, et al. As ringleader Krug, Garret Dillahunt is nasty, but he gnaws his scenes whereas David Hess gnashed his, and spat them out. In the new HOUSE, Monica Potter and Sara Paxton aren't bad but the best and most intense actor here is Riki Lindhome, who plays Sadie. (Named, I'm sure, after Susan "Sadie" Atkins--talk about intense.) I'm going to look up her other films as soon as I post this review.

Hell, even the generic posters for the 2009 remake are lackluster compared to the 1972 one-sheets of Krug & Company in action.

Knives, a pistol and a fireplace poker come into play here, as they did the first time out. Is there disembowelment, death by chainsaw and another "scene by the lake?" See this flick for yourself and find out—I had to!!!!

If you're in the mood for a bloody revenge pot-boiler with the bad guys getting the sort of payback that seldom comes their way in real life, this new HOUSE is worth one look......though I would watch an Unrated version if such a thing is ever issued on DVD.

Dinosaurus! (1960)

If you love LeBad Cinema....

[3/10 · 7 February 2009]

Here's a real laff-riot in which lightning resurrects a brontosaurus, a tyrannosaur and a caveman who proceed to trash a two-bit tropical paradise. Other primitive humans include the usual brawny hero; cheesecake heroine; resident drunk; insipid little kid and a male chauvinist porker who calls various women "my little tamale." These clods were enough to make me root for the monsters.

The animation isn't bad–for a flick with a ten-buck budget. The dialog is rife with such gems as "Let's get outa here–this place gives me the creeps!" and "Leave my friend alone–you bad old tyrannosaurus!" The sappy friendship between the boy and the caveman is enough to gag a maggot. Greg Martell plays the Neanderthal nit-wit who could have made a better film.

Paleontologists claim that the brontosaurus had a brain in it's hindquarters; I could take a cheap shot here, but I'll resist the temptation.

DINOSAURUS! is a welcome addition to any LeBad collector's library.

Black Dahlia (2006 Video)

At Least The Black Dahlia Didn't Suffer Through This Movie.

[1/10 · 7 February 2009]

I am a veteran gorehound—maybe one of those low-brow gorehounds referred to in other reviews—but even I feel the need to sputter about this travesty, whether or not it's worth the effort.

The sketchy plot involves one of the last men to see the Dahlia, aka Beth Short, alive in 1947. Now 92 years old, he is obsessed with seeing her one more time "before he leaves this planet." Presumably to return to whatever planet he and the other filmmakers came from. To that end, he recruits two hulking psychopaths and an equally deranged teen-aged girl. (If the hulks had half a brain cell between them, they would have offed the old goat and the girl for being downright annoying.) They hope to discover the new Black Dahlia by staging a fake casting call and luring starlets to their hideout. Of course, all but one of them fall short (tee hee) of expectations and are tortured and cut to pieces. Several dumber-than average movie cops investigate; one of them is butchered. No righteous payback for the four villains. THE END.

As I sat through this, I had the feeling that Lommel had watched LAST HOUSE ON DEAD END STREET, then decided to stage a murder similar to that flick's infamous torture killing. Over and over, to the point where seeing people drilled and bisected actually becomes boring. …DEAD END STREET, with all its flaws, boasted some good locations, eerie music and atmosphere and a couple of convincing actors. Lommel disregards any sort of quality and instead goes for amateurish gore to the point of tedium, making matters worse by shooting the whole mess on video.

I had no trouble getting through this without hitting the fast forward button. It was entertaining to see which rule of basic film-making Lommel would break next. It was also amusing to watch victims enter the killers' lair, see barred cells and bloodstained tables with shackles—and still not run when the running was good. I cracked up when the psychos went out to scatter pieces of their victims around the city. They do this in broad daylight and nobody notices them, even though the girl dresses like a reject from a School For The Retarded and the butchers wear clothing drenched with blood.

Dark-haired Ivy Elfstrom, it should be noted, is a knockout. Too bad she doesn't actually look like Beth Short, any more than this production resembles a motion picture.

I still can't believe that Ulli Lommel directed this. His second feature, TENDERNESS OF THE WOLVES, was skillfully made and well-acted. THE BOOGEYMAN and THE DEVONSVILLE TERROR weren't masterpieces, but they featured some interesting supernatural elements and were light-years ahead of BLACK DAHLIA. It's also hard to believe that this was directed by a man in his sixties rather than a cackling teenager with a camera, gallons of stage blood and some power tools. Most directors try to break new ground or improve with age but Ulli Lommel seems to be going the way of Jess (LUST FOR FRANKENSTEIN) Franco instead.

Perversely, this flick almost makes me want to rent Lommel's CANNIBAL, ZODIAC KILLER, etc. Just out of curiosity. To see if all his recent movies are equally atrocious.

Meanwhile, both halves of The Black Dahlia must be spinning in their grave.

The Four of the Apocalypse... (1975)

An Apocalyptic Bore...

[2/10 · 6 February 2009]

Four outcasts are thrown out of town by corrupt sheriff Donal (DR. BUTCHER) O'Brien. There's card-sharp Fabio Testi, pregnant prostitute Lynn Frederick, drunk Michael J. Pollard and Harry Baird, called a "Mexican" by some other characters though his ancestors are definitely from a big continent across the Atlantic. Their struggle to survive in the desert is bad enough but the filth really hits the fan-blades when they encounter sadistic outlaw Tomas Milian, star of a few million spaghetti Westerns.

There is a rape scene, a bloody gunfight with shotguns, and Lucio Fulci is one of the few who would throw a live skinning and cannibalism into a western. (Once you find out who gets cannibalized, you'll want to barf right there.) And only Fulci could turn such a western into a colossal snore. He plays the old exploitation trick of throwing all the red stuff into the first half, just to keep the audience from walking out, and then practically nothing happens during the second half. By the time Testi catches up with Milian you won't care who murders who, as long as the film comes to an end.

This was supposedly based on a story by Bret Harte. I'm no authority on that writer but based on his reputation, the source material must have been better than the movie.

I won't give this flick a "Bomb" rating, only because the gore is well-executed and Lynn Frederick, as always, is easy on the eyeballs. However, judging from this and CONQUEST, Uncle Lucio should have stuck to the horror movies he did so well. I'll be taking my own advice when I rent Fulci films in the future.

Werewolves on Wheels (1971)

More WHEELS than Werewolves BUT .

[4/10 · 19 January 2009]

I caught up with this corker recently, when I picked it up on a well-known Internet site for $5.00. On DVD, enhanced for widescreen TVs. Made by people who probably never expected it to show up on TV anytime, anywhere.

WEREWOLVES …opens with a bunch of bikers riding into a gas station in the Far West and terrorizing the locals, or as many locals as the budget could afford. The gang is one of the goofiest ever committed to celluloid; even at their most depraved, they're about as scary as the motorcycle morons in EVERY WHICH WAY BUT LOOSE.

It should come as no surprise, then, when these geniuses: A) stop off at an isolated "monastery" that sports an evil-looking symbol over the entrance and B) chow down on bread and wine offered by strangers-- scary-looking hooded creeps led by weird-movie icon Severn Darden and C) can't figure out what's going on when, time after time, they camp out for the night and lose several of their number to "wild beasts…."

As veteran exploitation fans should expect, there are more Wheels than Werewolves here; the lycanthropes appear briefly, and the photography is so dark it's hard to see them anyway. However, there is some gratuitous nudity courtesy of a fairly attractive biker-babe, not to mention brief but splashy gore scenes. This includes some ahead-of-its-time eyeball violence. There are better werewolf flicks around, but fans of flesh and blood won't go away empty-handed.

Blood Song (1982)

Above-Par 1980s Slash-Fest

[7/10 · 31 December 2008]

Pre-ANGEL Donna Wilkes plays a physically-challenged teen with two off-the-wall parents--one neurotic, the other a tyrannical drunk. As if that isn't enough, a psychotic killer is on the loose and she's Number One on his "hit" parade. Of course, the murderer has to give us our money's worth by slaughtering a few people along the way. There is blood and gore galore including hatchet-hacking, a near-disembowelment and an incredible showdown in a sawmill. The psycho is played by Frankie Avalon! Between this and HAUNTED HOUSE OF HORROR, he must have been trying to shatter his Beach-boy image. They should have thrown in one of his songs somewhere, or maybe a clip from BEACH BLANKET BINGO. Richard Jaeckel is outstanding as the girl's father who, drunk or sober, carries protectiveness a little too far. This darkly-photographed potboiler is no Hitcockian masterpiece but it's never boring. Its characters seem real which is more than can be said for most slasher flicks of that era. This flick was once included in Brentwood's BLOOD BATH DVD collection; it definitely lives up to that description.

Mansion of the Living Dead (1982)

Monastery Of The Horny Dead

[3/10 · 30 October 2008]

Apparently Jess Franco didn't think that Joe D'Amato's EROTIC NIGHTS OF THE LIVING DEAD was weird and tasteless enough, so he put his own two cents' worth in...

Four oversexed waitresses on holiday spend their vacation in the ugliest-looking hotel in screen history. They must not enjoy the surroundings any more than the audience does because they're soon amusing themselves with exhibitionism, nudity and sexual encounters with the manager and each other. The manager, meanwhile, keeps his skanky wife neck-chained to a wall with food just out of reach, in a situation copied from Franco's own BARBED WIRE DOLLS. Hold on, folks, it gets better! The hotel is next door to a monastery that served as a torture chamber during the Inquisition. Before you know it the sadistic zombie monks are back–-homicidal and horny. One monk's face looks normal; most are skull-faced knock-offs of The Blind Dead; and the leader's face looks like an under-baked pizza. Several murders and two sex attacks by the undead ensue–and leave it to Franco to make the rape of a busty blonde by zombie monks boring. There is a cute twist at the end if you can keep your eyes open that long.

Like most films by this director, MANSION OF THE LIVING DEAD is best watched first thing in the morning after the caffeine has just kicked in.

The Diabolical Dr. Z (1966)

THE HORRIBLE DOCTOR ORLOFF was better...

[5/10 · 30 October 2008]

The title character suffers a fatal heart attack after being rejected by the scientific community, so The Diabolical Daughter Of Dr. Z decides that it's Payback Time. To that end she kidnaps a long-clawed exotic dancer named Miss Death; using mind-control, she sends the dancer out to kill her father's tormentors. In one scene a murder victim is placed in a car; she and the car are torched and seconds later, the car is rolled into a river. Typical Jess Franco logic at work here! The perpetrator's face is charred which paves the way for a gory if brief plastic surgery scene. Other Franco standbys include craggy-faced actor Howard Vernon; a macabre lab assistant/henchman; a supporting appearance by Jess himself; and goofy incidental characters. More amusement is provided by weird-looking lab equipment, needles plunged into flesh, and more! (Only in the Sixties....) The black and white cinematography is an improvement over the pukey color that Franco often treated us to later. DR. Z is worth one sit-through and good for a few laughs.

Rosemary's Baby (1968)

Still Worth A Look

[7/10 · 30 October 2008]

The story told in this shocker is so well-known that I'll just get straight to the editorializing.

ROSEMARY'S BABY is a little too long; otherwise this effective paranoia piece plays well even decades later. Polanski again does for apartment houses what Michael Crichton would later do for theme parks. The neighbors are creepy and nightmarish even before we find out why they are being so "helpful" to Rosemary and concerned about the baby. By the way, would YOU rent an apartment being offered by Elisha Cook Jr.? The acting is fine throughout, with Ruth Gordon being especially memorable. The ending leaves a thing or two to the imagination and is more effective for it.

One major complaint: a number of unattractive characters appear naked, but Playmate of 1968 Angela Dorian doesn't. Where is the justice???

Skinner (1993)

Talk About A Skin-Flick....

[7/10 · 30 October 2006]

Around the time that Ivan Nagy got in trouble along with girlfriend Heidi Fleiss, he found time to grind out this sleazy SILENCE OF THE LAMBS ripoff. Ted Raimi rents a room from frustrated housewife Ricki Lake (who's a sight to behold in tent dresses and stupid-looking ankle socks.) He sneaks out each night with his skinning knives and keeps the prostitute population down, then wears the hair and hides of his victims. Meanwhile, he's being stalked by Traci Lords as a black-clad, disfigured morphine addict. (This character, an ex-prostitute, is named Heidi.) At one point the killer changes his MO long enough to slay and flay an annoying African-American; he then runs around in the dude's skin talking with a black accent. Carrying the tasteless episode further, a watchdog devours part of the hide and becomes ill. Very little violence is shown, considering the inherently gruesome subject matter, but SKINNER has the sort of slimy, grungy "overall tone" that gives conniption-fits to the MPAA. Rent it and you'll never forget it–though Ricki Lake would appreciate it if you did.

Citizen X (1995 TV Movie)

Tracking the Red Ripper.

[8/10 · 30 October 2006]

HBO tells the story of Russia's "Red Ripper." Stephen Rea stars as detective Lieutenant Burakov, promoted from Forensics after eight butchered corpses are delivered to him in one night. Donald Sutherland is a helpful militia colonel, and Joss Acklund is the high-ranking communist official who scoffs at the idea that a serial killer is on the loose. "Serial killers are a decadent Western phenomenon!" (Nice going, Doofus, it's that sort of thinking that allowed Andrei Chikatilo to slaughter people for so long.) Max Von Sydow gives another outstanding performance as the one psychiatrist who decides to assist Burakov. The film studies the toll taken on Burakov as the years slip by and the killing goes on; Rea's excellent work here demonstrates that he's too good for the likes of THE CRYING GAME. Chikatilo–easily Jeffrey DeMunn's creepiest role–is snagged by police early on but let loose due to an error in DNA testing. He's especially prone to homicide after trouble on the job or failure to please his wife in the sack–and Chikatilo is such a screw-up, this happens quite often. The murders themselves are fairly restrained but to actually show Chikatilo molesting, eviscerating and mutilating his victims–mostly boys and girls under the age of 17–would have precluded this movie being shown on pay cable even in the mid-1990s. There are numerous shots of decomposed corpses, uncovered by everything from farm equipment to people making pit-stops in the worst possible places. What happens to Chikatilo at the end of CITIZEN X should be done to serial killers everywhere. Case Closed.

Angel of Death (1985)

Dr. Mengele Strikes Again

[3/10 · 30 October 2006]

Name-brand actors co-star with clowns who often worked for Jess Franco in this Dr. Mengele story; the end result gives THE BOYS FROM BRAZIL no competition whatsoever. Fernando Rey and Jack Taylor are Nazi hunters while Christopher Mitchum is a crippled American mercenary employed by Mengele (Howard Vernon.) The pretty young agent who infiltrates Mengele's stronghold is played by an actress named Dora Doll–I kid you not! She gets to see the pathetic results of Mengele's genetic experiments before being beaten and thrown in a cage. The only mutant we get to see is a chimp-man who probably could have made a better movie. Taylor and friends attack the compound in an assault that tries, without success, to match the finale of THE WILD BUNCH. Director Andrea Bianchi apparently had a surplus of blood-squibs; the bullet holes are big and bloody and the red stuff sprays through the air by the gallon, literally painting the screen crimson. However, guns are aimed at soldiers' chests and they suffer head wounds, and Taylor walks out of an exploding building without a scratch. Too bad the real Josef Mengele didn't live long enough to sit through this howler—such torture would have been partial payback for his crimes against humanity.

Devil's Possessed (1974)

Cheap Medieval Melodrama

[6/10 · 30 October 2006]

Despite the torture sequence featured on the video box this isn't Paul Naschy's answer to MARK OF THE DEVIL. (For that, you'll have to find a copy of INQUISITION.) This is a five-and-dime historical drama with trace elements of horror. Naschy is a nobleman corrupted by his evil mistress and a twisted alchemist when he returns from combat in Normandy. He starts murdering local lasses in demonic rituals so an old friend starts a revolution that leads to Naschy's eventual downfall. This is not too surprising since, despite discussion of his "mighty army," Naschy seems to have only nine or ten soldiers at his disposal. There's some brief dungeon footage, a graphic beheading and one character used as a human pin-cushion. If you want a cheap Medieval saga just a little bloodier than the ones you saw as a kid on Channel 9, THE DEVIL'S POSSESSED may be just what you're looking for.

Shallow Grave (1987)

Truly Disturbing

[7/10 · 30 October 2006]

Here's a real weirdo for you. It starts out with another take-off on the PSYCHO shower scene, on campus, then gets crazier when several coeds and their doofy boyfriends head south for Spring Break. The trouble starts when they drive into the redneck county ruled by homicidal Sheriff Dean. One of the college cuties wanders into the woods, witnesses a murder by the sheriff and has her head blown open. Then it's lets-rip-off MACON COUNTY LINE-time as Dean stalks, traps and slaughters the witless witnesses one by one. Tony March is on-target as the evil, shotgun-happy Dean. The movie's overall tone is truly disturbing. The ending is so abrupt you almost think the director ran out of film; it's also a study in despair. SHALLOW GRAVE is a must for misanthropes, misogynists and nihilists the world over.