Movies Roger Ebert Hated the Most
by Amthermandes | created - 29 Nov 2022 | updated - 29 Nov 2022 | PublicSource: https://www.rogerebert.com/roger-ebert/eberts-most-hated
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1. Joe Dirt (2001)
PG-13 | 91 min | Adventure, Comedy, Drama
After being abandoned by his parents at the Grand Canyon, Joe Dirt tells the story of his journey to find his parents.
Director: Dennie Gordon | Stars: David Spade, Brittany Daniel, Dennis Miller, Adam Beach
Votes: 61,106 | Gross: $27.09M
"We professional movie critics count it a banner week when only one movie involves eating, falling into or being covered by excrement (or a cameo appearance by Carson Daly). We are not prudes. We are prepared to laugh. But what these movies, including 'Joe Dirt,' often do not understand is that the act of being buried in crap is not in and of itself funny."
2. Armageddon (1998)
PG-13 | 151 min | Action, Adventure, Sci-Fi
After discovering that an asteroid the size of Texas will impact Earth in less than a month, NASA recruits a misfit team of deep-core drillers to save the planet.
Director: Michael Bay | Stars: Bruce Willis, Billy Bob Thornton, Ben Affleck, Liv Tyler
Votes: 451,091 | Gross: $201.57M
"OK, say you do succeed in blowing up an asteroid the size of Texas. What if a piece the size of Dallas is left? Wouldn't that be big enough to destroy life on Earth? What about a piece the size of Austin? Let's face it: Even an object the size of that big Wal-Mart outside Abilene would pretty much clean us out, if you count the parking lot."
3. The Village (2004)
PG-13 | 108 min | Drama, Mystery, Thriller
A series of events tests the beliefs of a small isolated countryside village.
Director: M. Night Shyamalan | Stars: Sigourney Weaver, William Hurt, Joaquin Phoenix, Bryce Dallas Howard
Votes: 277,966 | Gross: $114.20M
"To call it an anticlimax would be an insult not only to climaxes but to prefixes. It's a crummy secret, about one step up the ladder of narrative originality from It Was All a Dream. It's so witless, in fact, that when we do discover the secret, we want to rewind the film so we don't know the secret anymore."
4. North (1994)
PG | 87 min | Adventure, Comedy, Drama
Sick of the neglect he receives from his mom and dad, a young boy leaves home and travels the world in search of new parents.
Director: Rob Reiner | Stars: Elijah Wood, Bruce Willis, Jason Alexander, Julia Louis-Dreyfus
Votes: 14,760 | Gross: $7.14M
"I have no idea why Rob Reiner, or anyone else, wanted to make this story into a movie, and close examination of the film itself is no help. 'North' is one of the most unpleasant, contrived, artificial, cloying experiences I've had at the movies. To call it manipulative would be inaccurate; it has an ambition to manipulate, but fails...
...I hated this movie. Hated hated hated hated hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it.
5. One Woman or Two (1985)
PG-13 | 97 min | Comedy, Romance
A scientist is busy searching for an ancient woman, and does not pay attention to modern ones. Until a day when a businesswoman decided to seduce him in order to use his sensational discoveries for commercial purposes.
Director: Daniel Vigne | Stars: Gérard Depardieu, Sigourney Weaver, Ruth Westheimer, Michel Aumont
Votes: 438 | Gross: $0.18M
"Add it all up, and what you've got here is a waste of good electricity. I'm not talking about the electricity between the actors. I'm talking about the current to the projector."
6. Mad Dog Time (1996)
R | 93 min | Comedy, Crime, Drama
With his boss in the madhouse, a mobster is temporary boss of the criminal empire just as vicious rivals threaten the control of the empire.
Director: Larry Bishop | Stars: Michael J. Pollard, Henry Silva, Gabriel Byrne, Jeff Goldblum
Votes: 3,675 | Gross: $0.08M
"'Mad Dog Time' is the first movie I have seen that does not improve on the sight of a blank screen viewed for the same length of time. Oh, I've seen bad movies before. But they usually made me care about how bad they were. Watching 'Mad Dog Time' is like waiting for the bus in a city where you're not sure they have a bus line.... 'Mad Dog Time' should be cut into free ukulele picks for the poor."
7. The Hot Chick (2002)
PG-13 | 104 min | Comedy, Fantasy
An attractive and popular teenager, who is mean-spirited toward others, finds herself in the body of an older man, and must find a way to get back to her original body.
Director: Tom Brady | Stars: Rob Schneider, Rachel McAdams, Anna Faris, Matthew Lawrence
Votes: 102,681 | Gross: $35.08M
"The movie resolutely avoids all the comic possibilities of its situation, and becomes one more dumb high school comedy about sex gags and prom dates.... Through superhuman effort of the will, I did not walk out of 'The Hot Chick,' but reader, I confess I could not sit through the credits. The MPAA rates this PG-13. It is too vulgar for anyone under 13, and too dumb for anyone over 13."
8. Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo (1999)
R | 88 min | Comedy, Romance
An average aquarium cleaner house-sits for a gigolo, only to be forced to become one himself.
Director: Mike Mitchell | Stars: Rob Schneider, William Forsythe, Eddie Griffin, Arija Bareikis
Votes: 80,015 | Gross: $65.54M
"'Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo' makes a living prostituting himself. How much he charges I'm not sure, but the price is worth it if it keeps him off the streets and out of another movie. 'Deuce Bigalow' is aggressively bad, as if it wants to cause suffering to the audience. The best thing about it is that it runs for only 75 minutes.... Speaking in my official capacity as a Pulitzer Prize winner, Mr. Schneider, your movie sucks."
9. B*A*P*S (1997)
PG-13 | 91 min | Comedy
Two tacky homegirls move to L.A. to become dancers; instead they scam a dying millionaire but eventually become B*A*P*S (Black American Princesses).
Director: Robert Townsend | Stars: Halle Berry, Natalie Desselle Reid, Martin Landau, Ian Richardson
Votes: 5,864 | Gross: $7.24M
"The movie doesn't work, but was there any way this material could ever have worked? My guess is that African Americans will be offended by the movie, and whites will be embarrassed. The movie will bring us all together, I imagine, in paralyzing boredom."
10. Baby Geniuses (1999)
PG | 97 min | Comedy, Crime, Family
Scientists hold super intelligent talking babies captive, but things take a turn for the worse when a mix-up occurs between a baby genius and its twin.
Director: Bob Clark | Stars: Kathleen Turner, Christopher Lloyd, Kim Cattrall, Peter MacNicol
Votes: 27,657 | Gross: $27.14M
"This is an old idea, beautifully expressed by Wordsworth, who said, 'Heaven lies about us in our infancy.' If I could quote the whole poem instead of completing this review, believe me, we'd all we happier. But I press on."
11. Sorority Boys (2002)
R | 93 min | Comedy
Strapped for cash, three fraternity playboys make one last attempt to live the high life - cheaply - by masquerading as girls. But their chauvinistic ways come back to haunt them as they get a crash course in the opposite sex.
Director: Wallace Wolodarsky | Stars: Barry Watson, Harland Williams, Michael Rosenbaum, Melissa Sagemiller
Votes: 16,259 | Gross: $10.20M
"I should be a good sport and go along with the joke. But the joke is not funny. The movie is not funny. If it's this easy to get a screenplay filmed in Hollywood, why did they bother with that Project Greenlight contest? Why not ship all the entries directly to Larry Brezner, Michael Fottrell and Walter Hamada, the producers of 'Sorority Boys,' who must wear Santa suits to work?"
12. Spice World (1997)
PG | 93 min | Comedy, Family, Music
World-famous pop group the Spice Girls zip around London in their luxurious double-decker tour bus having various adventures and performing for their fans.
Director: Bob Spiers | Stars: Mel B, Emma Bunton, Melanie C, Geri Horner
Votes: 37,858 | Gross: $29.34M
"The Spice Girls are easier to tell apart than the Mutant Ninja Turtles, but that is small consolation: What can you say about five women whose principal distinguishing characteristic is that they have different names? They occupy 'Spice World' as if they were watching it: They're so detached they can't even successfully lip-synch their own songs...
...The Spice Girls music is so bad that even 'Spice World' avoids using any more of it than absolutely necessary."
13. An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn (1997)
R | 86 min | Comedy
When a rookie filmmaker with the unfortunate name Alan Smithee realizes he's an unwitting studio puppet, being forced to make a big-budget action movie he knows is horrible, he steals the master reels and tries to make a deal.
Director: Arthur Hiller | Stars: Ryan O'Neal, Coolio, Chuck D, Eric Idle
Votes: 3,771 | Gross: $0.05M
"In taking his name off the film, Arthur Hiller has wisely distanced himself from the disaster, but on the basis of what's on the screen I cannot, frankly, imagine any version of this film that I would want to see. The only way to save this film would be to trim 86 minutes."
14. The Waterboy (1998)
PG-13 | 90 min | Comedy, Sport
A waterboy for a college football team discovers he has a unique tackling ability and becomes a member of the team.
Director: Frank Coraci | Stars: Adam Sandler, Kathy Bates, Henry Winkler, Fairuza Balk
Votes: 178,526 | Gross: $161.49M
"I believe in giving every movie the benefit of the doubt. I walked into 'The Waterboy,' sat down, took a sip of my delicious medium roast coffee and felt at peace with the world. How nice it would be, I thought, to give Adam Sandler a good review for a change. Goodwill and caffeine suffused my being, and as the lights went down I all but beamed at the screen.
Then Adam Sandler spoke, and all was lost."
15. Sour Grapes (1998)
R | 91 min | Comedy
Evan and Ritchie see their friendship go sour after one wins a slots jackpot with two quarters bummed from the other.
Director: Larry David | Stars: Steven Weber, Craig Bierko, Jack Burns, Viola Harris
Votes: 3,076 | Gross: $0.22M
"How to account for the fact that Larry David is one of the creators of 'Seinfeld'? Maybe he works well with others. I can't easily remember a film I've enjoyed less. 'North,'' a comedy I hated, was at least able to inflame me with dislike. 'Sour Grapes'' is a movie that deserves its title: It's puckered, deflated and vinegary. It's a dead zone."
16. The Dukes of Hazzard (2005)
PG-13 | 104 min | Comedy
Cousins Bo, Luke, and Daisy Duke, and their uncle Jesse, egg on the authorities of Hazzard County, Boss Hogg and Sheriff Coltrane.
Director: Jay Chandrasekhar | Stars: Seann William Scott, Johnny Knoxville, Jessica Simpson, Alice Greczyn
Votes: 81,909 | Gross: $80.27M
"'The Dukes of Hazzard' is a comedy about two cousins who are closer'n brothers, and their car, which is smarter'n they are...
...It's a retread of a sitcom that ran from about 1979 to 1985, years during which I was able to find better ways to pass my time. Yes, it is still another TV program I have never ever seen. As this list grows, it provides more and more clues about why I am so smart and cheerful....
Bo and Luke are involved in a mishap that causes their faces to be blackened with soot, and then, wouldn't you know, they drive into an African-American neighborhood, where their car is surrounded by ominous young men who are not amused by blackface, or by the Confederate flag painted on the car. I was hoping maybe the boyz n the hood would carjack the General, which would provide a fresh twist to the story, but no, the scene sinks into the mire of its own despond."
17. She's Out of Control (1989)
PG | 90 min | Comedy
When an average-looking teenage girl gets a makeover, it's enough to make her father become overprotective of her.
Director: Stan Dragoti | Stars: Tony Danza, Catherine Hicks, Wallace Shawn, Dick O'Neill
Votes: 4,897 | Gross: $12.07M
"What planet did the makers of this film come from? What assumptions do they have about the purpose and quality of life? I ask because 'She's Out of Control' is simultaneously so bizarre and so banal that it's a first: the first movie fabricated entirely from sitcom cliches and plastic lifestyles, without reference to any known plane of reality."
18. A Lot Like Love (2005)
PG-13 | 107 min | Comedy, Drama, Romance
Unacquainted Emily and Oliver join the mile-high club together on the way from LAX to NYC--end of story. Except that they keep meeting constantly over the next seven years..
Director: Nigel Cole | Stars: Ashton Kutcher, Amanda Peet, Taryn Manning, Aimee Garcia
Votes: 71,218 | Gross: $21.84M
"'A Lot Like Love' is a romance between two of the dimmer bulbs of their generation. Judging by their dialogue, Oliver and Emily have never read a book or a newspaper, seen a movie, watched TV, had an idea, carried on an interesting conversation or ever thought much about anything. The movie thinks they are cute and funny, which is embarrassing, like your uncle who won't stop with the golf jokes."
19. Tommy Boy (1995)
PG-13 | 97 min | Adventure, Comedy
After his auto-parts tycoon father dies, the overweight, underachieving son teams up with a snide accountant to try and save the family business.
Director: Peter Segal | Stars: Chris Farley, David Spade, Brian Dennehy, Bo Derek
Votes: 97,372 | Gross: $32.70M
"'Tommy Boy' is one of those movies that plays like an explosion down at the screenplay factory. You can almost picture a bewildered office boy, his face smudged with soot, wandering through the ruins and rescuing pages at random. Too bad they didn't mail them to the insurance company instead of filming them."
20. Freddy Got Fingered (2001)
R | 87 min | Comedy
An unemployed cartoonist moves back in with his parents and younger brother Freddy. When his parents demand he leave, he begins to spread rumors that his father is sexually abusing Freddy.
Director: Tom Green | Stars: Tom Green, Rip Torn, Marisa Coughlan, Eddie Kaye Thomas
Votes: 51,409 | Gross: $14.25M
"This movie doesn't scrape the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't below the bottom of the barrel. This movie doesn't deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence with barrels."
21. Catwoman (2004)
PG-13 | 104 min | Action, Crime, Fantasy
A shy woman, endowed with the speed, reflexes, and senses of a cat, walks a thin line between criminal and hero, even as a detective doggedly pursues her, fascinated by both of her personas.
Director: Pitof | Stars: Halle Berry, Sharon Stone, Benjamin Bratt, Lambert Wilson
Votes: 125,844 | Gross: $40.20M
"She becomes Catwoman, but what is a catwoman? She can leap like a cat, strut around on top of her furniture, survive great falls and hiss. Berry looks great doing these things, and spends a lot of time on all fours, inspiring our almost unseemly gratitude for her cleavage. She gobbles down tuna and sushi. Her eyes have vertical pupils instead of round ones. She sleeps on a shelf. The movie doesn't get into the litter box situation. What does she think about all of this?"
22. The Guardian (1990)
R | 92 min | Drama, Fantasy, Horror
A young couple with a newborn baby don't realize that the nanny they hired is a magical nymph who sacrifices infants to an evil tree.
Director: William Friedkin | Stars: Jenny Seagrove, Dwier Brown, Carey Lowell, Brad Hall
Votes: 6,402 | Gross: $17.04M
"Of the many threats to modern man documented in horror films -- the slashers, the haunters, the body snatchers -- the most innocent would seem to be the druids. What, after all, can a druid really do to you, apart from dropping fast-food wrappers on the lawn while worshipping your trees?"
23. Ben (1972)
PG | 94 min | Drama, Horror, Thriller
A lonely boy befriends Ben, the leader of a violent swarm of killer rats.
Director: Phil Karlson | Stars: Lee Montgomery, Joseph Campanella, Arthur O'Connell, Rosemary Murphy
Votes: 3,429 | Gross: $0.77M
"I wonder how Ben learned English. I seem to recall from 'Willard,' last summer's big rat movie, that Willard trained Ben to heel, beg, roll over, play dead and sic Ernest Borgnine. Not bad for a rat. But when did Ben learn English? It takes Berlitz six weeks of intensive training to get a French businessman to the point where he can proposition a girl on Rush St. -- and here's Ben learning instinctively."
24. Stargate (1994)
PG-13 | 116 min | Action, Adventure, Sci-Fi
An interstellar teleportation device, found in Egypt, leads to a planet with humans resembling ancient Egyptians who worship the god Ra.
Director: Roland Emmerich | Stars: Kurt Russell, James Spader, Jaye Davidson, Viveca Lindfors
Votes: 205,225 | Gross: $71.57M
"It is also the kind of movie where the sun god Ra, who has harnessed the ability to traverse the universe at the speed of light, still needs slaves to build his pyramids. And where the local equivalent of a Nubian princess is sent into the chamber of the Earth visitors, to pleasure them. Don't tell me there aren't any coincidences. The movie 'Ed Wood,' about the worst director of all time, was made to prepare us for 'Stargate.'"
25. Thir13en Ghosts (2001)
R | 91 min | Fantasy, Horror
When Cyrus Kriticos, a very rich collector of unique things, dies, he leaves his house, fortune, and his prized collection of ghosts.
Director: Steve Beck | Stars: Tony Shalhoub, Shannon Elizabeth, Embeth Davidtz, Matthew Lillard
Votes: 93,880 | Gross: $41.87M
"The shatterproof glass cages, we learn, are engraved with 'containment spells' that keep the ghosts inside. You can see the ghosts with special glasses, which the cast is issued; when they see them, we see them, usually in shots so maddeningly brief we don't get a good look. Our consolation, I guess, is that the cast has the glasses but we will have the pause button when '13 Ghosts' comes out on DVD. The only button this movie needs more than pause is delete."
26. Constantine (2005)
R | 121 min | Action, Fantasy, Horror
Supernatural exorcist and demonologist John Constantine helps a policewoman prove her sister's death was not a suicide, but something more.
Director: Francis Lawrence | Stars: Keanu Reeves, Rachel Weisz, Djimon Hounsou, Shia LaBeouf
Votes: 374,505 | Gross: $75.98M
"The forces of hell manifest themselves in many ways. One victim is eaten by flies. A young girl is possessed by a devil, and Constantine shouts, 'I need a mirror! Now! At least three feet high!' He can capture the demon in the mirror and throw it out the window, see, although you wonder why supernatural beings would have such low-tech security holes."
27. The Devil's Rain (1975)
PG | 86 min | Horror
A satanist cult leader is burnt alive by the local church. He vows to come back to hunt down and enslave every descendant of his congregation, by the power of the book of blood contracts, in which they sold their souls to the devil.
Director: Robert Fuest | Stars: Ernest Borgnine, Eddie Albert, Ida Lupino, William Shatner
Votes: 5,105
"But . . . what IS the Devil's Rain? This is a question frequently asked in 'The Devil's Rain' and, believe me, frequently answered. Picture it this way: All the good things of life are on one side of a sheet of plate glass, and you're on the other, and it's raining on your side, bunky."
28. Critters 2 (1988)
PG-13 | 86 min | Comedy, Horror, Sci-Fi
Eggs of the small but voracious alien creatures called Crites are left behind on earth and, after hatching, set their appetites on the small farm town of Grover's Bend.
Director: Mick Garris | Stars: Scott Grimes, Liane Curtis, Terrence Mann, Don Keith Opper
Votes: 16,862 | Gross: $3.81M
"'Critters 2: The Main Course' is a movie about furry little hand puppets with lots of teeth, who are held up to salad bars by invisible puppeteers while large numbers of actors scream and pronounce unlikely dialogue."
29. Deep Rising (1998)
R | 106 min | Action, Adventure, Horror
A group of heavily armed hijackers board a luxury ocean liner in the South Pacific Ocean to loot it, only to do battle with a series of large-sized, tentacled, man-eating sea creatures who had already invaded the ship.
Director: Stephen Sommers | Stars: Treat Williams, Famke Janssen, Anthony Heald, Kevin J. O'Connor
Votes: 40,813 | Gross: $11.20M
"The owner of the ship (Anthony Heald) makes several speeches boasting about how stable it is; it can stay level even during a raging tempest. I wonder if those speeches were inserted after the filmmakers realized how phony their special effects look. Every time we see the ship, it's absolutely immobile in the midst of churning waves."
30. Deathmaster (1972)
PG | 84 min | Horror
Quarry is a mysterious, articulate stranger who draws a cult like following of local hippies. Rather than showing them peace and love, he has more sinister plans for them, as he is a vampire.
Director: Ray Danton | Stars: Robert Quarry, Bill Ewing, Brenda Dickson, John Fiedler
Votes: 411
"These people are not very bright. They are so dumb, in fact, that they have had to learn to speak the English language by watching old AIP exploitation movies, and their dialog is eight years out of date. They talk like Frankie Avalon trying to pass for hip, translated from the German. Count Khorda (for such is his name) makes them a proposition: 'Would you like to trade a lifetime of petty passions for an eternity of ecstasy,' They would, I guess. Well, wouldn't you?"
31. Cyborg (1989)
R | 86 min | Action, Sci-Fi, Thriller
A martial artist hunts a killer in a plague-infested urban dump of the future.
Director: Albert Pyun | Stars: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Deborah Richter, Vincent Klyn, Alex Daniels
Votes: 34,251 | Gross: $10.17M
"The movie takes place in a future world in which all civilization has been reduced to a few phony movie sets. Leather-clad neo-Nazis stalk through the ruins, beating each other senseless and talking in Pulpspeak, which is like English, but without the grace and modulation. It's cold in the future, and it's wet, but never so cold or wet that the costumes do not bare the arm muscles of the men and the heaving bosoms of the women."
32. Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)
R | 98 min | Horror, Mystery, Sci-Fi
Kids all over America want Silver Shamrock masks for Halloween. Doctor Daniel Challis seeks to uncover a plot by Silver Shamrock owner Conal Cochran.
Director: Tommy Lee Wallace | Stars: Tom Atkins, Stacey Nelkin, Dan O'Herlihy, Michael Currie
Votes: 61,034 | Gross: $14.40M
"The one saving grace in "Halloween III" is Stacey Nelkin, who plays the heroine. She has one of those rich voices that makes you wish she had more to say and in a better role. But watch her, too, in the reaction shots: When she's not talking, she's listening. She has a kind of rapt, yet humorous, attention that I thought was really fetching. Too bad she plays her last scene without a head."
33. Resident Evil (2002)
R | 100 min | Action, Horror, Sci-Fi
A special military unit fights a powerful, out-of-control supercomputer and hundreds of scientists who have mutated into flesh-eating creatures after a laboratory accident.
Director: Paul W.S. Anderson | Stars: Milla Jovovich, Michelle Rodriguez, Ryan McCluskey, Oscar Pearce
Votes: 288,653 | Gross: $40.12M
""Resident Evil" is a zombie movie set in the 21st century and therefore reflects several advances over 20th century films. For example, in 20th century slasher movies, knife blades make a sharpening noise when being whisked through thin air. In the 21st century, large metallic objects make crashing noises just by being looked at."
34. Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004)
R | 94 min | Action, Horror, Sci-Fi
Alice wakes up in the Raccoon City hospital after the area has been overrun by zombies, and must now make it out of the city before a nuclear bomb is dropped.
Director: Alexander Witt | Stars: Milla Jovovich, Sienna Guillory, Eric Mabius, Oded Fehr
Votes: 210,058 | Gross: $51.20M
"But zombies themselves are not interesting, because all they do is stagger and moan. As I observed in my review of the first film, "they walk with the lurching shuffle of a drunk trying to skate through urped Slushees to the men's room.""
35. Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002)
R | 91 min | Action, Crime, Mystery
Tasked with destroying each other, an FBI agent and a rogue DIA agent soon discover that a much bigger enemy is at work.
Director: Wych Kaosayananda | Stars: Antonio Banderas, Lucy Liu, Talisa Soto, Gregg Henry
Votes: 21,033 | Gross: $14.29M
"There is nothing wrong with the title "Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever" that renaming it "Ballistic" would not have solved. Strange that they would choose such an ungainly title when, in fact, the movie is not about Ecks versus Sever but about Ecks and Sever working together against a common enemy -- although Ecks, Sever and the audience take a long time to figure that out."
36. Battlefield Earth (2000)
PG-13 | 117 min | Action, Adventure, Sci-Fi
It's the year 3000 A.D., and the Earth is lost to the alien race of Psychlos. Humanity is enslaved by these gold-thirsty tyrants, who are unaware that their 'man-animals' are about to ignite the rebellion of a lifetime.
Director: Roger Christian | Stars: John Travolta, Forest Whitaker, Barry Pepper, Kim Coates
Votes: 83,124 | Gross: $21.47M
"Hiring Travolta and Whitaker was a waste of money, since we can't recognize them behind pounds of matted hair and gnarly makeup. Their costumes look like they were purchased from the Goodwill store on the planet Tatooine. Travolta can be charming, funny, touching and brave in his best roles; why disguise him as a smelly alien creep? The Psychlos can fly between galaxies, but look at their nails: Their civilization has mastered the hyperdrive but not the manicure."
37. Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988)
R | 97 min | Horror, Thriller
Kirsty is brought to an institution after the horrible events of Hellraiser (1987), where the occult-obsessive head doctor resurrects Julia and unleashes the Cenobites and their demonic underworld.
Director: Tony Randel | Stars: Doug Bradley, Ashley Laurence, Clare Higgins, Kenneth Cranham
Votes: 56,179 | Gross: $11.09M
""Kirsty!" we hear. And "Tiffany!" And "Kirsty!!!" and "Tiffany!!!" And "Kirstiyyyyyyy!!!!!" And "Tiffanyyyyyyy!!!!!" I'm afraid this is another one of those movies that violates the First Rule of Repetition of Names, which states that when the same names are repeated in a movie more than four times a minute for more than three minutes in a row, the audience breaks out into sarcastic laughter, and some of the ruder members are likely to start shouting "Kirsty!" and "Tiffany!" at the screen."
38. The Scarlet Letter (1995)
R | 135 min | Drama, Romance
An affair between a young woman and a pastor has disastrous consequences.
Director: Roland Joffé | Stars: Demi Moore, Gary Oldman, Robert Duvall, Lisa Andoh
Votes: 16,302 | Gross: $10.40M
"The film version imagines all of the events leading up to the adultery, photographed in the style of those "Playboy's Fantasies" videos. It adds action: Indians, deadly fights, burning buildings, even the old trick where the condemned on the scaffold are saved by a violent interruption. And it converts the Rev. Dimmesdale from a scoundrel into a romantic and a weakling, perhaps because the times are not right for a movie about a fundamentalist hypocrite. It also gives us a red bird, which seems to represent the devil, and a shapely slave girl, who seems to represent the filmmakers' desire to introduce voyeurism into the big sex scenes."
39. The Skulls (2000)
PG-13 | 106 min | Action, Crime, Drama
A senior at an ivy league college, who depends on scholarships and working on the side, gets accepted into the secret society The Skulls. He hopes it betters chances at Harvard but The Skulls is not what he thought and comes at a price.
Director: Rob Cohen | Stars: Joshua Jackson, Paul Walker, Hill Harper, Leslie Bibb
Votes: 33,718 | Gross: $35.05M
""The Skulls" is one of the great howlers, a film that bears comparison, yes, with "The Greek Tycoon" or even "The Scarlet Letter." It's so ludicrous in so many different ways it achieves a kind of forlorn grandeur. It's in a category by itself."
40. Flashdance (1983)
R | 95 min | Drama, Music, Romance
An 18-year-old female amateur dancer who performs nightly at a dancing bar, and works as a welder during the day, dreams of joining the Pittsburgh ballet school.
Director: Adrian Lyne | Stars: Jennifer Beals, Michael Nouri, Lilia Skala, Sunny Johnson
Votes: 59,609 | Gross: $94.90M
""Flashdance" is like a movie that won a free 90-minute shopping spree in the Hollywood supermarket. The director (Adrian Lynn, of the much better "Foxes") and his collaborators race crazily down the aisles, grabbing a piece of "Saturday Night Fever," a slice of "Urban Cowboy," a quart of "Marty" and a 2-pound box of "Archie Bunker's Place." The result is great sound and flashdance, signifying nothing."
41. The Green Berets (1968)
G | 142 min | Drama, War
Col. Mike Kirby picks two teams of crack Green Berets for a mission in South Vietnam. First off is to build and control a camp that is trying to be taken by the enemy the second mission is to kidnap a North Vietnamese General.
Directors: Ray Kellogg, John Wayne, Mervyn LeRoy | Stars: John Wayne, David Janssen, Jim Hutton, Aldo Ray
Votes: 13,881 | Gross: $21.71M
"There is an Irishman named Muldoon, a doubting journalist, a Negro, a little refugee kid with a pet dog, a hard-bitten veteran and the rest of the stock characters who fight every war for us. Everybody is there except the Jewish kid from the Bronx and the guy named Ole with a Swedish accent."
42. Taste of Cherry (1997)
Not Rated | 95 min | Drama
An Iranian man drives his car in search of someone who will quietly bury him under a cherry tree after he commits suicide.
Director: Abbas Kiarostami | Stars: Homayoun Ershadi, Abdolhosein Bagheri, Afshin Khorshid Bakhtiari, Safar Ali Moradi
Votes: 36,828 | Gross: $0.31M
"A case can be made for the movie, but it would involve transforming the experience of viewing the film (which is excruciatingly boring) into something more interesting, a fable about life and death. Just as a bad novel can be made into a good movie, so can a boring movie be made into a fascinating movie review."
43. Swing Kids (1993)
PG-13 | 112 min | Drama, Music
A group of teens adores forbidden music in Nazi Germany just before the outbreak of World War II.
Director: Thomas Carter | Stars: Robert Sean Leonard, Christian Bale, Frank Whaley, Barbara Hershey
Votes: 17,360 | Gross: $5.63M
"The screenplay is so murky, indeed, that I was never sure whether the Kids hated the Hitler Youth lads because they were Nazis, or simply because they didn't swing. At a time when civilization was crashing down around their ears and Hitler was planning the Holocaust, it doesn't make them particularly noble that they'd rather listen to big bands than enlist in the military. Who wouldn't?"
44. Staying Alive (1983)
PG | 93 min | Drama, Music, Romance
Five years later, Tony Manero's Saturday Night Fever is still burning. Now he's strutting toward his biggest challenge yet: succeeding as a dancer on the Broadway stage.
Director: Sylvester Stallone | Stars: John Travolta, Cynthia Rhodes, Finola Hughes, Steve Inwood
Votes: 17,610 | Gross: $64.89M
"Like the Rocky movies, "Staying Alive" ends with a big, visually explosive climax. It is so ludicrous it has to be seen to be believed. It's opening night on Broadway: Tony Manero not only dances like a hero, he survives a production number of fire, ice, smoke, flashing lights and laser beams, throws in an improvised solo -- and ends triumphantly by holding Finola Hughes above his head with one arm, like a quarry he has tracked and killed. The musical he is allegedly starring in is something called "Satan's Alley," but it's so laughably gauche it should have been called "Springtime for Tony." Stallone makes little effort to convince us we're watching a real stage presentation; there are camera effects the audience could never see, montages that create impossible physical moves and -- most inexplicable of all -- a vocal track, even though nobody on stage is singing. It's a mess. Travolta's big dance number looks like a high-tech TV auto commercial that got sick to its stomach."
45. Easy Come, Easy Go (1967)
PG | 95 min | Adventure, Comedy, Music
Navy frogman, Ted Jackson (Elvis Presley), balances his time between twin careers as a deep sea diver and nightclub singer. During a dive, Ted spots sunken treasure and returns with hope to retrieve it.
Director: John Rich | Stars: Elvis Presley, Dodie Marshall, Pat Priest, Pat Harrington Jr.
Votes: 1,878 | Gross: $4.25M
"Elvis looks about the same as he always has, with his chubby face, petulant scowl and absolutely characterless features. Here is one guy the wax museums will have no trouble getting right. He sings a lot, but I won't go into that. What I will say, however is that after two dozen movies he should have learned to talk by now."
46. Betty Blue (1986)
Unrated | 119 min | Drama, Romance
A lackadaisical handyman and aspiring novelist tries to support his younger girlfriend as she slowly succumbs to madness.
Director: Jean-Jacques Beineix | Stars: Jean-Hugues Anglade, Béatrice Dalle, Gérard Darmon, Consuelo De Haviland
Votes: 23,359 | Gross: $2.00M
"Typists will enjoy the typing scenes, in which she makes typing errors, causing her to throw away countless copies of Page 1, and then has the whole manuscript typed in no time. This is the way typing is thought about by people who always use yellow legal pads themselves."
47. The First Time (1969)
PG-13 | 90 min | Comedy, Drama
Three teen guys decide to lose their virginity. Some really want to and some are peer pressured into it.
Director: James Neilson | Stars: Jacqueline Bisset, Wes Stern, Rickey Kelman, Wink Roberts
Votes: 567
"There are other moments of incredible inaccuracy. They almost outnumber the moments of dreadful inactivity. For what seems like hours, the three heroes sightsee at Niagara Falls while a lousy pop group sings dreary, square songs. Our attention is finally reduced to the lowest common denominator: Will anyone ever, ever make it with Jackie?"
48. Camille 2000 (1969)
R | 115 min | Drama, Romance
In Rome, a drug-addicted courtesan falls in love with a man who insists that she gives up her lavish, orgiastic lifestyle for fidelity, but tragedy soon ensures.
Director: Radley Metzger | Stars: Danièle Gaubert, Nino Castelnuovo, Eleonora Rossi Drago, Roberto Bisacco
Votes: 836
""Camille 2000" is shot in color. It is dubbed into English instead of subtitled. It is wide screen. It has a pretty girl in it. Her name is Daniele Gaubert. Whoever painted that big sign in front of the theater has an accurate critical sense. The sign says: "See Daniele Gaubert presented in the nude ... and with great frequency." That captures the essence of Metzger's art."
49. The Blue Lagoon (1980)
R | 104 min | Adventure, Drama, Romance
In the Victorian period, two children are shipwrecked on a tropical island in the South Pacific. With no adults to guide them, the two make a simple life together, unaware that sexual maturity will eventually intervene.
Director: Randal Kleiser | Stars: Brooke Shields, Christopher Atkins, Leo McKern, William Daniels
Votes: 76,614 | Gross: $58.85M
"Let's face it. Going into this film knowing what we've heard about it, we're anticipating the scenes in which the two kids discover the joys of sex. This is a prurient motive on our part, and we're maybe a little ashamed of it, but our shame turns to impatience as Kleiser intercuts countless shots of the birds and the bees (every third shot in this movie seems to be showing a parrot's reaction to something)."
50. Friends (1971)
R | 101 min | Drama, Romance
A rich English boy meets an orphaned French girl and as they become friends, create a world that is far away from the adult world we live in.
Director: Lewis Gilbert | Stars: Sean Bury, Anicée Alvina, Ronald Lewis, Toby Robins
Votes: 1,132
"There are probably no 14- or 15-year-olds in the entire world like these two; they seem to have been created specifically for the entertainment of subscribers to Teenage Nudist. The archness of their "innocence" toward sex is, finally, just plain dirty. And the worst thing is that the movie seems to like it that way."
51. The Usual Suspects (1995)
R | 106 min | Crime, Drama, Mystery
The sole survivor of a pier shoot-out tells the story of how a notorious criminal influenced the events that began with five criminals meeting in a seemingly random police lineup.
Director: Bryan Singer | Stars: Kevin Spacey, Gabriel Byrne, Chazz Palminteri, Stephen Baldwin
Votes: 1,146,295 | Gross: $23.34M
"Once again, my comprehension began to slip, and finally I wrote down: "To the degree that I do understand, I don't care." It was, however, somewhat reassuring at the end of the movie to discover that I had, after all, understood everything I was intended to understand. It was just that there was less to understand than the movie at first suggests."
52. Beyond and Back (1978)
G | 93 min | Documentary
A documentary that explores the subject of near death experiences.
Director: James L. Conway | Stars: Brad Crandall, Vern Adix, Linda Bishop, Janet Bylund
Votes: 186 | Gross: $23.78M
"The makers of "Beyond and Back" were also responsible, if memory serves, for another film called "In Search of Noah's Ark." It figures. At the end of that one they were still searching for Noah's Ark -- never found it. At the end of "Beyond and Back" we're back, all right -- but were we beyond?"
53. Christopher Columbus: The Discovery (1992)
PG-13 | 120 min | Adventure, Biography, Drama
Genoese navigator overcomes intrigue in the court of King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella of Spain and gains financing for his expedition to the East Indies.
Director: John Glen | Stars: Marlon Brando, Tom Selleck, Georges Corraface, Rachel Ward
Votes: 3,227 | Gross: $8.25M
"Columbus encounters friendly Indians, of which one -- the chief's daughter -- is positioned, bare-breasted, in the center of every composition. (I believe the chief's daughter is chosen by cup size.) Columbus sails back to Europe and the story is over. Another Columbus movie is promised us this fall. It cannot be worse than this. I especially look forward to the chief's daughter."
54. Body of Evidence (1992)
R | 99 min | Drama, Thriller
A lawyer defends a woman accused of killing her older lover by having sex with him.
Director: Uli Edel | Stars: Madonna, Willem Dafoe, Joe Mantegna, Anne Archer
Votes: 16,400 | Gross: $13.28M
"What about the story here? It has to be seen to be believed -- something I do not advise. There's all kinds of murky plot debris involving nasal spray with cocaine in it, ghosts from the past, bizarre sex, and lots of nudity. We are asked to believe that Madonna lives on a luxury houseboat, where she parades in front of the windows naked at all hours, yet somehow doesn't attract a crowd, not even of appreciative lobstermen."
55. Caligula (1979)
Unrated | 156 min | Drama, History
A dramatization of the ascent to Caesar and subsequent reign of Caligula, one of the most notorious leaders of ancient Rome. We see his ambition, his scheming, his perversion and decadence, his brutality and his lunacy.
Director: Tinto Brass | Stars: Malcolm McDowell, Peter O'Toole, Helen Mirren, Teresa Ann Savoy
Votes: 38,382 | Gross: $23.44M
""Caligula" is sickening, utterly worthless, shameful trash. If it is not the worst film I have ever seen, that makes it all the more shameful: People with talent allowed themselves to participate in this travesty. Disgusted and unspeakably depressed, I walked out of the film after two hours of its 170-minute length."
56. Last Rites (1988)
R | 103 min | Action, Crime, Drama
Angela, the beautiful Mexican mistress of a NY mobster, asks virginal Father Michael for protection after Zena, the mobster's wife, kills her cheating husband. Michael becomes torn between his vows, Angela and his sister - Zena.
Director: Donald P. Bellisario | Stars: Tom Berenger, Daphne Zuniga, Chick Vennera, Anne Twomey
Votes: 1,366 | Gross: $0.43M
"Many films are bad. Only a few declare themselves the work of people deficient in taste, judgment, reason, tact, morality and common sense. Was there no one connected with this project who read the screenplay, considered the story, evaluated the proposed film and vomited?"
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