flarefan-81906 Reviews

Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman: Seconds (1996) Season 3, Episode 17

If you root for Lex Luthor, this is your dream episode

[4/10 · 5 August 2023]

If Lois & Clark has an overall message, it is that true love overcomes all trials and if you do the moral and just thing, it will all work out in the end. That's a well-worn message and could even be called wishful thinking, but at least it's positive and reinforces ethical behavior. In a family-oriented show, that's important. And certainly it's a better message than the one this particular episode seems to push, which is that if you're vindictive enough and unscrupulous enough, you'll fall backwards into everything you want.

If it isn't dissatisfying enough that this episode - Lex Luthor's final appearance in the series - ends with Luthor having defeated Superman, demonstrated that he is the one Lois was really in love with all along, killed the clone who had the integrity to help Clark, and escaped justice for his crimes, Luthor isn't even at all clever about how he accomplishes these things. Half of his victories come to him through contrivance, and the other half he wins with either "I have a bomb" or "I have a really big gun." By all rights, Clark should have had Luthor put away by the time the opening credits roll.

All of that might be forgivable if there were some theme or insight at work, but there isn't. The episode comes off as a Lex Luthor wish fulfillment fantasy; the first time I watched it I thought it would end with Luthor waking up to find himself still in prison.

Yet, as with "Double Jeopardy", there is a saving grace here. The Lois clone successfully transitions from villain to ally, becoming a character who is both compelling and sympathetic in the discovery of her own ephemeral lifespan and in her developing friendship with Clark. That also makes it the more frustrating that the episode goes with the old "heroic death" cop-out to dispose of her, but it also means that the clone's parting kiss as she goes to find Luthor's hideout is a sublime moment not repeated in any other episode.

Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman: Double Jeopardy (1996) Season 3, Episode 16

An appallingly empty episode with a nonsensical ending

[3/10 · 5 August 2023]

This is the middle part of a three-part story arc. I remember when this episode first broadcast, my brother commented, "Huh? Things are exactly the same as they were at the end of the last episode." While this statement is grossly inaccurate, it also has some underlying truth, because this episode does an awful lot of marking time, and ultimately seems to exist for no more reason than to allow Teri Hatcher to strut her acting chops in a triple role (as Lois Lane, Lois's clone, and "Wanda Detroit").

I'm keeping this review spoiler-free, but the lack of plot momentum is most apparent in the episode's ending, in which both Clark and Lois act in a way that makes no sense. The reason given for Lois's actions is so convoluted that you get the sense the writers were hoping to discourage viewers from thinking about it and thus realizing that it doesn't work even by its own terms.

There is one really good aspect of this episode: The Lois clone's decision not to have sex with Clark. While during the original broadcast I think all of us L&C fans were simply breathing a sigh of relief at that small mercy, re-watching the episode, the humor which ensues as Clark struggles to understand Lois's lack of libido and as he resorts to euphemisms in order to discuss the issue with his parents is absolutely uproarious.

And in a way, it's frustrating, because I'd love to simply say that you can just skip this episode and jump right to the concluding chapter, "Seconds", without worrying that you're missing anything. But as bad as this episode is, you will be missing a few good scenes if you don't watch it.

Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman: I Now Pronounce You... (1996) Season 3, Episode 15

Landmark episode which stands out more for its cutting edge drama than its occasional stumbles

[8/10 · 5 August 2023]

Lois and Clark's wedding is imminent, and everything is going wrong, so to get their minds off the stress they take on an assignment concerning stolen frogs which can be used for cloning. This is of course a major episode, and was positively huge when it came out due to its shock ending. I still remember the cold chill I got when I saw that ending upon the episode's original broadcast; it was pretty harsh stuff for a pre-adolescent, and I dare say it still holds up today for well-planted shock.

The rest of the episode works rather well too. This is probably the best Ellen Lane episode of the series, both for her earnest heart-to-heart with Lois and for her delight with the clone's tranquilizer gun. Beverly Garland and Teri Hatcher are both terrific here, and you wish this series had done more with the down-to-earth dynamic between their characters. Seeing Lois trying her best to build a rapport with her complaining, nagging, utterly human mother is a better testament to the transformative power of Lois and Clark's love than anything said in the wedding ceremony. And for once, Lois's wild theorizing brings her to the wrong answer, which is a fun change-up in the formula, though I think it would have worked better if the viewer didn't learn that her theory was wrong until Lois herself did.

There is one bad scene in here, in which the episode's villain, Dr. Mamba, dances with a frog for no apparent reason other than to reference his last name. Mamba's subsequent over-the-top sexual advances on Lois are meant to be funny but are instead cringe-inducing enough to cost this episode a couple stars.

Overall, though, if you're going to watch this series at all then you absolutely can't miss this one. The human drama and shocking turns are both at their peak.

Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman: Through a Glass, Darkly (1996) Season 3, Episode 21

The trials of Superman

[10/10 · 4 August 2023]

This episode begins a four-part epic which deals with Superman's roots. It's to its credit that it stands out from your typical Lois & Clark episode right from the beginning: While we still get plenty of scenes from the villains' perspective, they provide only cryptic teasers as to who they are and what their plans are. Even at the end, though much is revealed, there are questions which are left for the viewer to ponder until the next episode.

More crucially, the episode pushes the conceit that Superman is being tested as he has never been tested before - mentally, physically, and morally - and does a pretty good job of living up to that bold conceit. With each trial, Clark perceptibly takes one more step towards proving that he truly is Superman.

The villains also deserve credit for being utterly intriguing on the first viewing, and after watching the entire four-parter it's enjoyable to re-watch this episode with knowledge of who they are and exactly what their relationship is. Both were clearly written as fully realized characters from the start, not empty enigmas.

There's also a very good B plot here as Lois and Clark start talking about buying a home, and Lois finds herself not so keen on the idea. It exhibits one of the strong points of seasons 3 and 4: They moved beyond Lois and Clark cutely sniping at each other to confronting the often difficult realities of a relationship, forcing them to deal with the fundamental differences between them and make them work together.

If you're looking for an episode that explores the essence of Superman, there are few which nail it as well as this.

Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman: It's a Small World After All (1996) Season 3, Episode 20

A small scale episode that still packs a solid punch

[8/10 · 2 August 2023]

This has never been an episode that I particularly enjoy, but looking it over it's hard to come up with a good reason why. After the previous five episodes recycled ideas from seasons 1 and 2 (clones, amnesia, brainwashing, Lois singing at clubs) and didn't always do those ideas justice, this episode takes a fresh idea and executes it with confidence. Lois goes to her high school reunion and gradually discovers that one of her former classmates is taking revenge on everyone who belittled her by shrinking their spouses.

Actually, I can come up with one reason for not liking this episode: The villain's comedic henchman, Hans, is painful to watch, with a very overwrought German accent. But that's a small complaint against everything that works here: The plot flows logically with some unexpected turns, Dr. Klein is around to provide first-rate comic relief, Superman performs a very cool feat in the finale, and most importantly, Lois and Clark convincingly behave as though there's no guarantee that Clark's pint-size status will ever be reversed. Even if an experienced viewer can guess he'll be cured by the end of the episode, the drama feels real.

At the same time, despite the relationship tension between Lois and Clark and the harrowing life-or-death conflicts, this episode is a nice breather in between the amnesia subplot and the epic Kryptonian saga which begins in the following episode. For a brief moment, Lois and Clark get to again be what passes for "normal" in their little world. That's refreshing, and ultimately makes their past and future ordeals seem more harrowing.

Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman: Forget Me Not (1996) Season 3, Episode 18

Emotionally compelling but implausible episode

[4/10 · 31 July 2023]

Now amnesiac, Lois is put in the care of Dr. Maxwell Deter, who develops a crush on her. Moreover, another doctor at his clinic brainwashes patients and hires them out as assassins.

Not a bad premise, but there are a few huge problems. First, even before Deter decides to abuse his position to win Lois's love, his treatment is both draconian and utterly absurd: Lois is confined to the clinic grounds 24/7 and can have no visitors apart from Clark, who is forbidden from telling her about her work, their relationship, or anything else about her life. We're honestly expected to believe that the best way to treat amnesia is to isolate the victim from anything they might remember? Oh, and Clark is also forbidden from telling her that her visitors and topics of conversation are restricted. Why?

Second, though Clark is Lois's only visitor (bizarrely, even Lois's parents and sister never make an effort to see her, although Clark's parents come all the way from Kansas just to be turned away), she never once suspects that the two of them might be married or even romantically involved. Hearing a character who had always been portrayed as an intelligent reporter say without a hint of sarcasm that Clark must visit her so often because he has no girlfriend is appalling.

Further problems include a subplot with Perry White which is never followed up on, and Deter submitting Lois as a test subject for an experimental procedure without getting permission from her next of kin. This episode does have strong moments, like Clark's reaction to Lois saying he always walks on eggshells, and the emotional turmoil throughout is beautifully played by Cain and Hatcher. But since the reason for that turmoil is so contrived and lacking in credibility, the episode doesn't go down well.

Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman: Oedipus Wrecks (1996) Season 3, Episode 19

Good acting and humor, but the plot gives the characters too little credit

[3/10 · 31 July 2023]

This episode continues the amnesia subplot, and makes Lois look like a weak-willed dolt. Dr. Deter, who abused his position as her doctor to make her fall in love with him, warns Lois not to tell anyone about their relationship, and she docilely says "Okay" like she's a high school kid who had sex with her teacher. He tries to take her off an investigative story, and she scarcely even complains. And when he objects to Clark's declaration that he is getting a second opinion on Lois's treatment, does the award-winning investigative reporter respond, "Hey. Why would you object to me seeing another doctor unless you were afraid they would find evidence of malpractice?" Nope, she sees nothing suspect.

This also makes it hard to buy Deter's plot. In the first place you have to wonder how he thought he could just take a patient away from her family and fiance, and Deter is so unsubtly controlling of Lois that it seems ridiculous that no one suspects he's doing her any harm. Mind you, the actors are not to blame. As Deter, Larry Poindexter does an admirable job of presenting a charming and harmless exterior over an unscrupulous interior. But the script simply does not allow the character to have that subtlety.

I think what the amnesia subplot needed to work was for Deter to be a good, honest doctor who Lois falls in love with because of patient transference. The dilemma would be the same, but no idiocy is required upon the parts of the characters to maintain it, and it wouldn't be resolved just by Lois getting her memory back.

The A plot also struggles. The scenes between the Johnsons are brilliant, making Herkimer seem more like a victim than a villain, but that also makes it harder to accept when the episode disposes of Herkimer in such a cavalier fashion. I do like many of the episode's moments; there's great repartee between Clark and Deter, and the montage where Lois is hit by flashbacks while a scat-singing funk song plays is inexplicably memorable and awesome. But as with "Forget Me Not", the gullibility of the characters makes the episode as a whole hard to watch.

Lab Rats: The Bionic 500 (2013) Season 2, Episode 13

Maybe they thought that blur was just the wind?

[5/10 · 21 March 2021]

Very straightforward plot this time, even by Lab Rats standards: An ultra-rich family is annoying the Davenports, so they challenge them to a car race. The loser leaves town.

The drama is a mixed bag. The stakes are high, and there are plenty of decent if not startling turns, but the means which the bionic siblings use to help Donald win the race are singularly unimaginative, and how is it that no one notices Bree using her super speed right out in the open at a public race?

The comedy's mostly good, though, with highlights including Leo's final talking wallet taunts. And while Joey Logano is a terrible actor, his telling off of the ultra-rich dad is priceless. Not a stellar piece of television by any means, but it maintains the Lab Rats standard of simple entertainment.

Lab Rats: Trucked Out (2013) Season 2, Episode 12

I guess that's the sort of ride you would associate with Adam

[7/10 · 21 March 2021]

Adam gets his driver's license and ends up with a monster truck for a car. Tasha runs for PTA president and Leo, not wanting his mom up in his school business, sets up Principal Perry to run against her. It's one hilarity after another in this episode.

Plenty of good repartee here, with some of the best bits coming from Donald and Adam driving the monster truck together, Leo's over-the-top reactions to learning his mom is running for PTA president, and most especially Principal Perry's response to Tasha threatening to reveal some accounting violations of hers. It's a terrific unexpected twist to send Leo's plan into the dumpster.

One big complaint is that there's no explanation for why Donald driving the monster truck into the school would cause Tasha to lose the election. Beyond the nonsensicality of it, it ruins what would have been a good change to the Lab Rats status quo. Still, another solid laugh-inducing episode.

Lab Rats: Hole in One (2013) Season 2, Episode 11

If only telekinetic golf were a real sport

[7/10 · 21 March 2021]

This one is hilarious, from Adam's remark that he needs to start saving up for his ghost costume (trust me, in context it's one of Adam's funniest bits) to Bree's simple lament "I need a sister" (again, hysterical in context).

The plot is straightforward and fun, without any supporting B plot. However, there is a doozy of a contrivance when the FBI shows up to arrest Donald for art forgery. To arrest someone for forgery, don't you need at least some evidence that the suspect knew the item was a fake? (That's a rhetorical question. Yes, you need evidence.) And how is Donald having the original painting supposed to prove his innocence?

Nonsensical plot aside, this episode has plenty of good laughs, and the sequence in which Chase uses his telekinesis to guide a golf ball through a miniature golf course made of trash and school supplies is genuinely tense. Principal Perry is at her hilariously shameless best, and the whole thing just flows well. I'm usually not one to forgive logic flaws in the plotline, but this particular episode, while undeniably falling short of an "A", earns a more than passing grade in my opinion.

The Twilight Zone: Monsters!/A Small Talent for War/A Matter of Minutes (1986) Season 1, Episode 15

Decent episode which fails to stand out in the series

[6/10 · 21 March 2021]

The episode has its moments, but overall isn't one of the better episodes of the series I've seen. It's certainly worth watching if you like the series, but if you're unfamiliar with the 1980s Twilight Zone and are looking for an introduction, you can do better.

The first segment, "Monsters!", has some fine acting from Ralph Bellamy, but the script and direction are confusing and at times outright jarring, like how one scene ends with Bellamy's character telling the boy Toby to hurry home to his parents, and in the very next shot Toby is running up to Bellamy's house to ring the bell. The premise is interesting but so poorly explained that you can't quite swallow it, and if anyone can tell me what the ending is supposed to imply, I'd love to hear from you.

"A Small Talent for War" is a short but lowbrow "twist ending" tale. The people of Earth mistake the intentions of some aliens, but it makes no sense that they make the assumptions they do; indeed, if you judge the aliens on real world terms rather than with the knowledge that you're inside a sci fi story, their intentions are obvious from the beginning. Still, a cutting performance from John Glover as the alien ambassador makes this a reasonably amusing watch.

The episode goes out on a high note with "A Matter of Minutes", a delightful romp through the sort of zany tongue-in-cheek premise that is one of the hallmarks of the Twilight Zone franchise. Striking visuals and a dramatic plot in which the characters must play with the rules of the premise make this one pure fun. The fact that this doesn't rank as one of the best segments in the series is testament to the strength of the competition rather than any weakness here.

The Wrong Crush (2017 TV Movie)

One of those films where I feel bad for the actors for having to deliver their lines

[3/10 · 13 May 2019]

This film's title is rather misleading, as the plot centers around a teenage girl named Amelia being framed for drug dealing. Amelia is particularly vulnerable to this frameup since she's a former addict.

It's a good plot concept for this sort of movie, allowing for dramatic exploration of the struggles faced by drug users even after they go clean, along with the usual heavy doses of mystery and romance. Unfortunately, the potential is dashed to the rocks by a flat, lifeless script which at times seems to be trying its hardest to make the viewer feel ambivalent about the characters.

The best example of this is the scene where Amelia's mother refuses to believe her. We should be able to sympathize with both characters here, especially after it comes up that Amelia has lied to her mother about being off drugs before. Indeed, given how Amelia's mother is used in the film's resolution, we're obviously meant to sympathize with both characters here. But the mom's dialogue is so viscous, senseless, and completely lacking in emotional warmth that only a sadist could sympathize with her. She all but cracks a satisfied smirk when her daughter breaks down into tears.

There's still enough B-movie drama in the actual plot to make this tolerable viewing. But it's not recommended viewing by any stretch of the imagination.

The Incredible Hulk: The First: Part II (1981) Season 4, Episode 13

Bitter End

[10/10 · 30 November 2017]

I'm not one to cry at TV shows and movies. Though I haven't kept a tally, I doubt there are even 10 productions which made me cry. Heck, I watched Bambi as a kid without shedding a tear.

I give you this personal information because I think without it, it wouldn't be clear how significant it is that I cried during this episode when David's latest shot at curing himself of the Hulk is destroyed. Just a tear or two, but yes, I really cried. It seems illogical at first; of *course* David is going to lose the cure. That's not even a spoiler. It's a fact of serialized TV, and we've already seen it happen a dozen times in this series.

But this time is different, and not just because Bixby gives an exceptional performance even by his high standards. First, all of the previous potential cures were long shots. This time David genuinely comes close to a cure. In previous episodes, even if you forgot you were watching serialized TV, you'd never think David had a chance of being free of the Hulk. Second, the manner of the cure's loss is particularly tragic. It's not destroyed by contrivance, or failure, but by a wanton act of destruction by a creature who shouldn't even exist.

That creature is Dell Frye's Hulk. Frye is a perfect opposite number for the Hulk: Whereas Banner endlessly battles the destructive monster within himself and yearns to be rid of it, Frye embraces it and seeks to be infected with it again. In many ways, this episode parallels "Dark Side", but where evil Banner was a goofy cackling lunatic, Frye is genuinely menacing, purposeful, believable, and even sympathetic. I could do a five-page write-up on this episode, but rather than bore you with more of my comments I invite you to watch it yourself. It scores top marks in both superhero drama and human interest.

Lab Rats: Parallel Universe (2013) Season 2, Episode 8

Another trip into "Opposite Day" universe

[3/10 · 30 November 2017]

What would a sci fi television series be without an episode set in a parallel universe? Such episodes can be great ("Mirror, Mirror" from Star Trek is justifiably regarded as a classic) or poor. Usually the great ones have the differences in each character's double stem from a single cause or theme, while the poor ones tend to milk the "Everyone and everything is the opposite of what it was! How shocking!" theme. This ep definitely leans toward the latter category, though thankfully it's not too direct about it; for example, instead of just being straight-up brainy, Adam is an amateur philosopher.

On the bright side, parallel Principal Perry (say that three times fast) being a cuddly, lovable biddy is genuinely funny and cute, and parallel Davenport learning to believe in himself is a heartwarming character arc.

Overall, though, this seems like little more than an excuse for the main cast to stretch out into different roles for an episode, though to their credit they all pull it off smoothly and convincingly. The plot is thin at best, and even Leo's getting bionic powers feels completely unexciting due to weak scripting and an even weaker performance from Tyrel Jackson Williams.

Lab Rats: The Rats Strike Back (2013) Season 2, Episode 7

Imagine if real lab rats could go on strike

[5/10 · 30 November 2017]

Again we have Davenport showing his unblemished jerk side, and this time the plot is more involved than "Robot Fight Club". This is a good funny ep (with one notable exception: Who thought "NASA called, they want their nerd back" remotely approaches humor?), but the human side should have been developed more. Leo's feelings of inadequacy are a running theme of the series, so the fact that we get no emotional reaction from Leo when he finds out that Donald was just pretending to employ him as a test pilot to bluff the bionic siblings is a huge oversight. Again this series cuts out heart to make room for pie-in-the-face humor (in this case, a lame sequence in which an anti-grav belt flings Leo around the house).

So yeah, I've actually pointed out more unfunny bits than funny ones, but really, there's some good dialogue here, and I like that the ep throws in genuinely funny background touches without pointing them out, like Adam's "I'm so angry I made this sign" sign. Leo's friendship with the rats is dug into, albeit not as much as it could have been, and overall, as usual, this episode of Lab Rats entertains.

Lab Rats: Leo vs. Evil (2013) Season 2, Episode 10

Tasha, do you know what a bus is? That's B-U-S, bus...

[4/10 · 30 November 2017]

Finally we get some more of Marcus. This episode actually doesn't advance his plot line at all, but with the help of some very subtle sidestepping it feels a lot more significant than it actually is. And a trick like that is worthy of applause in my opinion.

Beyond that, it's exciting to see Leo genuinely all by himself in a dangerous situation, and more exciting to see him pull out of it. But... I dunno. The jokes in the Marcus vs. Leo bits are really flat (except for "That's a stapler." and the ensuing twist), and it's cringe-inducing when the rest of the family chalks up the whole adventure to Leo's imagination. Especially since there's an obvious logical explanation: Leo is lying to get Marcus in trouble.

The B plot, which involves a teleporter mishap that sends Tasha to Fresno, has weaker laughs and a big plot problem. Adam and Donald make some jokes which Bree and Chase deride as lame, a running gag which might have been funny if it weren't for the fact that every crack Bree and Chase make is just as dumb. The climactic twist is that Adam solves the problem by calling Tasha and telling her to take a bus home. Huh? So Tasha doesn't even know to use public transportation unless someone calls and tells her to? Suddenly some of the insults Eddy throws her way don't seem so misplaced.

Speaking of whom, Eddy's celebratory fanfare when Tasha is seemingly killed did actually earn an amused smile from me, but for the most part the B plot is insultingly dumb.

Lab Rats: Spike's Got Talent (2013) Season 2, Episode 9

This episode teaches kids that humiliating people is fun

[4/10 · 30 November 2017]

This episode sees the return of the long-absent Spike, but it's not a satisfying return. When Chase takes Leo's spot in a talent show, Leo uses a device to humiliate him, thus triggering the Commando App. Cue lots of remarkably dumb sequences where, after all the drama built around keeping the kids' bionics secret, no one bats an eye when Chase does stuff like smashing the drinking fountain and eating it. The writer tries to salvage some laughs by repeating the Spike vs. Principal Perry riff from Spike's first appearance, but the law of diminishing returns applies.

Worst of all, Leo's persistent cruelty to Chase in this episode is never addressed. I'm okay with an episode not having a moral message, but this effectively sends the anti-moral message that humiliating your peers can be done without consequence.

This ep also sees the return of Bree's boyfriend Owen, and this return is more effective. Owen's passionate artist personality makes a great basis for this ep's B plot, and his relationship with Bree is given more development. Even his unexpected bonding with Adam doesn't feel forced, and Bree's resulting jealousy is understandable even if it isn't commendable. Adam gets some good laughs here, too, mostly from the butter sculpture, though I'm personally fond of his vow to put Owen's "sketch of disappointment" on the fridge.

Lab Rats: Robot Fight Club (2013) Season 2, Episode 5

Never challenge your children to a toy-building competition

[6/10 · 30 November 2017]

This episode gives us two totally unconnected plots. The good news is, both of them work. Plot A has Chase and Leo going up against Donald in a build-your-own-robot competition. Surprisingly enough, the robot designs and bouts look reasonably authentic, but what really makes plot A succeed is how Donald is portrayed. In most episodes, we're given to understand that the guy is egotistical and often childish, but his actions reflect his noble fatherly instincts. Here, for a change, we get to see Donald being a total jerk. It's funny, shows a new side to the character, and makes his defeat extremely satisfying.

In Plot B, Bree carelessly uses her powers in front of her friend Caitlin, and she enlists Adam to cozy up to her and persuade her to keep quiet. I like how Bree exposes her powers out of sheer carelessness, rather than as a response to some contrived situation; it feels more natural and realistic. Without spoiling anything, the resolution to this problem is well-conceived and has a nice twist or two.

Not as funny as the last three episodes, but enjoyable.

Lab Rats: Bro Down (2013) Season 2, Episode 6

How to get a bully to stop

[5/10 · 30 November 2017]

In this ep, Plot A sees Adam losing all confidence after he gets hurt by a prank Chase pulls on him, while in Plot B Bree discovers her hidden ability is imitating other people's voices and uses it to get on Principal Perry's bad side. Both could have been done better but ultimately win my approval.

Plot A opens up the potential to explore the complex relationships between siblings: Chase cares about his brother and wants him back on the team, but realizes that restoring his confidence will allow Adam to go back to bullying him. That potential is more touched on than explored, and I really don't like how they try to make Adam's physical abuse of Chase into a joke. That said, there is at least a smidge of real heart in this plot thread, and Adam's climactic resolution to stop thinking got a sincere laugh out of me, a laugh that drew equally from humor and the lovableness of Adam's character.

The requisite lip-syncing of Plot B is often inadequate. More crucially, I can't buy that Bree's uninspired pranks would fool anyone as well as they do. However, this is redeemed by the hilarious final act, in which Bree combines her speed and voice mimicry to hold up two sides of a phone call. Davenport's unexplained appearance at the school is a huge plot hole, but not enough to sink this portion of the ep.

Lab Rats: Speed Trapped (2013) Season 2, Episode 1

A good case against self-locking doors on cars

[4/10 · 30 November 2017]

This episode is really uneven. The core plot is nothing but high points: Davenport building a self-driving sports car fits well with his comically vain personality, the way Marcus sets Leo up for his demise is inspired, the multiple methods which the bionic siblings devise to save Leo are inventive and exciting, and Marcus's big reveal towards the end is well-played. Plus, I really love that kid's eyebrows.

Around the edges, though, there's a lot of stupidity. For starters, I don't get how cutting off the bionic siblings from all social activities is supposed to avert further incursions into Davenport's lab. If anything, that's bound to make the three of them look **more** suspicious, and it's just absurd that they accept Leo as their chaperone with no real objections. Nor does it make sense that Marcus drops by for no more reason than to check on Leo, much less that he would let slip that he tried to kill him while doing so.

Then there's the side plot: Donald and Tasha are having their first anniversary, and Eddy is jealous. The whole thing is just an excuse for Eddy to throw lots of insults at Tasha, few of which are even close to being genuinely funny. For that matter, the episode as a whole frequently falls flat on the laughs. The plot is more serious than a typical Lab Rats episode, but that's no excuse for the numerous times that the laugh track goes off without there being any joke.

Still, the ep has its value. You'll cringe at the laugh track, but stay for the drama.

The Incredible Hulk: Triangle (1981) Season 5, Episode 5

Find a cure for the Hulk? Sorry, my goal now is "get the girl".

[2/10 · 30 November 2017]

What we have here is a story which would have not only fit in pretty much any TV drama, it would have fit in almost any of them better than in the Hulk: Our hero falls in love with a small town girl named Gale, Gale is also lusted over by a man who "owns the town", he takes Gale prisoner and tries to get rid of our hero.

There are two big problems with this plot (and that's in addition to its lack of credibility and having been done to death). First, David courting a woman, as I've said before, makes him look callous and selfish. Unlike "Married", the scenes of David's romance with Gale provide no excuse for him getting involved with her, nor any sense of a strong personal connection between them. He apparently just wanted to get laid and didn't care who got hurt. Second, there's no drama. We know the villain wouldn't actually hurt Gale, he has no chance of hurting the Hulk, and no one else bothers to get involved. There's absolutely nothing at stake for the entire episode, and therefore nothing to get excited about.

McGee's first and only appearance of season 5 is a total waste. There's a lot of build-up with him investigating the Hulk's appearance, trying to interview the villain, and following a car which has David in it, but it's all abruptly dropped before it amounts to anything. One second McGee is in hot pursuit - the next, that's the last we've heard of him. Seriously.

Writer Andrew Schneider (in his final Hulk script) threw in a climactic plot twist which is both genuinely shocking and makes the basic plot more credible than in other productions. The trouble is, it's left to the end. The episode therefore fails to deal with the fallout of this twist, and even makes the laughable implication that it somehow resolves the entire problem. Equally laughable is the part when the villain's hoods inexplicably attack David when his ride drops him off. This episode is a horrendous, ill-conceived mess, like an unfinished first draft which got shuffled in with the shooting scripts by mistake.

The Incredible Hulk: A Minor Problem (1982) Season 5, Episode 7

Post-apocalyptic Hulk

[9/10 · 30 November 2017]

I love post-apocalyptic science fiction. Among other things, there's something compelling about the idea of wandering through empty towns, going wherever you like and touching whatever you like, with the mingled blessing and curse of being forever alone. Though most often the protagonist isn't totally alone, and once he finds that out there's the poignant drama that results from the fact that every human being is that much more important for being one of the few around.

Post-apocalyptic science fiction wouldn't work on The Incredible Hulk, of course. It would be too drastic a revision of the status quo, even as the final episode. But this ep manages to incorporate most of the essential elements of post-apocalyptic science fiction without an actual near-extinction of humankind.

The opening act is quietly atmospheric, full of understated mystery and desolation, and given that this ended up being the final episode of the series, the fact that there is no dialogue for the first 7 minutes is a nice echo of the first pilot. It's altogether eerie and marvelous. And once the rest of the cast starts popping up, the plot moves along at a good pace, and a deadly disease keeps the stakes high and the clock ticking. It's good sci fi drama, something we rarely saw in this series despite its premise.

The one major problem with this ep is that the climactic action sequence is painfully drawn out, to the point where you can feel the director trying desperately to fill in the hour. A menacing final rampage for the Hulk only somewhat makes up for this. Even so, this tale of a handful of desperate people fighting each other in an uninhabited town makes for an undeniably strong closing episode for the series.

The Incredible Hulk: Slaves (1982) Season 5, Episode 6

An embarrassing mis-stab at racial issues

[3/10 · 30 November 2017]

Here's a bizarre one, and not in a good or humorous way, but in a cringe-inducing way. While trekking in the middle of nowhere, David and a pretty young lady are abducted and put to work as "slaves" in a mine for a black escaped convict named Isaac and an ex-prison guard. Seems Isaac has some grudge against white people, though we're never told what it is, despite getting quite a bit of his backstory.

Well, that's fair enough. We all know that black people can be treated unfairly, and that some of them respond with reverse racism, even when the mistreatment isn't racist in nature. But taking out one's frustrations on innocent people is one thing; trying to recreate a system that hasn't been legal for over a hundred years is just coo-coo (not to mention hugely disrespectful to the people who suffered under slavery). The fact that the script casts Isaac as perfectly sane is poor characterization, and an awkward misunderstanding of racial issues.

Also, a very abrupt time-jump in the middle of the episode implies that David and his lady friend are "enslaved" for months. It's hard to swallow that David lets this go on without even once trying to provoke a transformation into the Hulk. This wouldn't be the first time he ignored the potential benefits of a Hulk-out, but it surely is the most ridiculous one. Done under the right circumstances, the Hulk could have been a guaranteed ticket to freedom at any time.

We get some painfully over-the-top acting, with only Bixby, Ferrigno, and Grant coming away with their dignity intact. Scenes which are supposed to be frightening induce only uncomfortable laughter. A few points save this episode from being a complete disaster: the Hulk-outs are just fine, and David allowing his friends to think him dead at the end is a brutally honest take on David's tragic situation. But these points don't make this worth watching.

The Incredible Hulk: Sanctuary (1981) Season 5, Episode 4

The New Preacher

[9/10 · 30 November 2017]

It's nice to see that even in season 5, the writers still hadn't run out of fresh ideas for the series. This time David is working as a handyman at a mission, where a wounded young illegal immigrant shows up, on the run from the local crime boss, Patrero. The head of the mission, the strong-willed Sister Anita, persuades David to impersonate a visiting priest so that Patrero will be afraid to make a move on the mission.

Religious themes have had a role in this series before, most prominently in the atrocious "Babalao", and it's a pleasure to see how well-handled they are in this episode. Certainly, it could be argued that the townspeople's seeing the Hulk as a miracle is condescending to religious people, but I don't think it is, not when you've taken into account the fact that no one in the series can produce a scientific explanation for the Hulk, or even believe he exists until they've seen him. The actors treat the roles of clerical and lay believers with respect, and more importantly, the episode really digs into the religious subject matter. You come away with a thing or two to mull over.

The acting is above par. Diana Muldaur is absolutely superb as Sister Anita, though I question the casting choice; I can guess why TV series often reuse guest stars, but having the actress of such a key role as the protagonist's sister show up in a different role is risky. Henry Darrow also does a fine job as Patrero, who is given a refreshing level of depth and personality. The subtle political sparring between Patrero, Anita, and David is quite involving, and the strong ideological conflict behind it takes things to the next level.

Beyond that, David masquerading as a priest feels appropriate given his history of doing good, and during his climactic sermon it is strongly hinted that he would be effective in taking on the vocation for real. I do wish this aspect had been explored more, but that it is explored at all is worthy of applause. "Sanctuary" definitely rates as one of the series's most memorable and effective episodes.

The Incredible Hulk: The Phenom (1981) Season 5, Episode 1

Ballgame Fun

[7/10 · 30 November 2017]

Seasons 2 and 4 kicked off with a movie-length episode with a relatively hefty budget and a big concept to hook viewers in. Season 5 settles for a regular-length, regular-budget opening with the more subtle distinction of being more fun than the average episode. Though I'm sure most would disagree, I'll gladly take that over a flashy but contrived and sluggish episode like "Prometheus".

This time David hooks up with an aspiring ball player named Joe. A crooked agent sets his sights on Joe. And we're off! Admittedly, there's a huge amount of silliness here. David hangs on simply because Joe wants moral support. Joe says it was the Hulk smashing into the room and wrecking havoc that clued him in to the fact that his new girlfriend was conning him. The villain's thugs resort to violence so quickly that you'd think they were on a tight schedule. And so on. Also, great an actor as Dick O'Neill is, it's weird to see him reprise the "drunken reprobate who redeems himself" bit so soon after "Fast Lane".

And yet, I didn't mind any of the silliness that much. Maybe it's because unlike the vast majority of the series, "The Phenom" is emphatically a "fun" episode rather than a "serious" episode. If nothing else, the brilliantly goofy sequence in which the Hulk hits one out of the ballpark makes that abundantly clear.

What makes this episode special to me is David's new response to his lot in life. Always before, he seemed quite happy to help others out with their personal problems. Which is great, because we need role models like that, and they're all too rare in modern television. But in this episode, David actually tries to avoid getting involved with other people's hang-ups, and when he fails, he takes on the task of Good Samaritan with a weary resignation that this is his lot in life. While this could have been dry, Bixby's delivery makes it humorous, charming, and utterly human.